Altered Reality part 1

[gideon]

My first attempt, comments welcomed. A two parter on a big brother/little brother theme. Hope my typing is up to the job! .....

I guess I was the world's worst big brother. Painfully shy, timid and cowardly, I was bullied mercilessly at school. Though I was now 16 I was still a skinny runt and barely into puberty. My little brother, Charlie, was five years my junior. He had discovered long ago that he could never rely upon his big brother to defend him. Though I knew he loved me, I could also tell he was sorely disappointed and maybe even just a little embarrassed.

The gypsy fortune teller at the travelling fair was easily the weirdest woman I had ever met. No problem too big said the notice outside her tent. I never had any real intention of consulting her. I only ducked into her tent to avoid a group of jocks from school who would have tormented me if they'd spotted me. That was how I came to pour out my troubles to her ... how miserable I was; how weak and ineffectual I felt; how cowardly I was; how I had endured years of bullying with no big brother to look out for me. As I unloaded my troubles in the fortune tent, the strange lady's attitude changed from astonishment to sympathy. Her heart seemed to melt to my predicament. She told me to go home and stop worrying. She would fix everything and soon I would be happy.

The next evening my parents were out visiting friends, leaving me to babysit my kid brother. Babysit! That's a good one! Charlie might only be eleven years old, but a stranger would never have guessed he was so young. Tall and athletic, bronzed and muscular, he was buff beyond his years and already barely a fraction short of my height. The light fuzz covering his strong footballer legs was a sure sign of the early onset of puberty. In truth, he looked like he could just as easily have babysat me.

As Charlie lay curled up on the carpet, fiddling patiently with a broken skateboard wheel, I looked at him appreciatively. I loved my little brother. So sensible and mature. So quiet and undemanding. So strong beyond his years. Yet as my eyes drank in his sturdy frame, unusually powerful for a kid not yet twelve, I felt a pang of anxiety for the day that was surely coming soon, when he would physically overtake me. I wondered how that would affect our relationship. As I stared at him, Charlie suddenly looked up at me and grinned.

"Caught ya lookin" he croaked. Even his deepening voice announced the approach of puberty. We both laughed. Then I got up from the armchair, ambled across and playfully ruffled his hair.

"I was just thinking what a great little broth...." The rest was cut short as I bent over in pain and crashed to the floor. Charlie sprang to his feet and crouched over me in alarm.

"Tim, are you okay? Tim, tell me what's wrong with y..." That was when searing pain hit him also, sending him tumbling beside me onto the carpet. I just had time to register the terror on his face before I blacked out.

(Part 2 follows shortly)

[arpeejay]

Great start, albeit short!

xoxo

Richard

PS: Thanks for taking the time to have your grammar, spelling, and punctuation in order. I know most people think it's fairly petty of me but pay attention to such stuff but it realy DOES enhance a story's readability. -- rpj

[gideon]

LOL I'm a bit of a stickler for decent grammar too. I think it's called "an age thing"!