Dreamwalker

[abbraxis]

Well, I've enjoyed the stories here for far too long without contributing one of my own, so here's my (admittidly poor) donation to the site.

It's my first MG story and I'm not entirely sure where I'm going or where it will end... but it's here for the general public to tear apart. Comments and corrections are more than welcome... they're encouraged .

Anyway, without further adu, may I present: Dreamwalker (a work in progress).




P.S. I'm sorry for the slow start, but I got too caught up in exposition to really go hard on the MG. I'm also sorry for the sudden end. I do want to finish it and intend to in due time... but it's late... and I need to sleep.

Think of this as an oppurtunity to tell me what I'm missing so as to make the BEST part (the MG) that much better.

[abbraxis]

[COLOR=white]Dreamwalker[/COLOR]


[COLOR=white]Discovery[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Well, it?s been a talent of mine for several years now. I?m not sure what gave me the idea to even try it? let alone the exercises I did to practice it? but it?s there. A talent most people could have, but lack the mental discipline to discover (or rather the patience to perfect it).[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I?m not arrogant. I?m proud.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My talent, you ask? Well, it?s nothing much, really. Again, like I said, I don?t know what even gave me the motivation to try, but try I did? and happy I am.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I can control my own dreams.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Silly, you think? Useless, too, you would imagine. But still, as young kid it was thrilling to walk on the cratered surface of the moon? or swim in the deepest oceans? or soar in the fluffy white clouds above - and all of this without worries for earthly restrictions like air or gravity.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My brain simply compensated for them.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]And the experience was as life-like as any reality could be.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Like the moon for instance; when I was young, all I wanted to do was go into space. It would be incredible to float in absolute zero gravity and gaze back at earth as it rolled through the cosmos like some giant blue marble.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]And on the moon: gray, empty, quiet ? all but the slightest bit of effort by me propelling my body across its dusty surface. I required no clumsy space suit because my dream either allowed me to survive in a vacuum or create a breathable atmosphere around me. See it however you want? but I was breathing.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]It was like my brain, after seeing the countless videos of astronauts in the same place, had unconsciously assimilated the information needed, recreating the environment exactly. I had no real understanding of the moon. I didn?t know necessary escape velocities or the Newtonian relationship between my mass and that of the moon or even the geographic locale of any particular region (like the ?Sea of Tranquility?).[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I was simply on the moon. Enjoying myself.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Anyway, I really haven?t been to the moon in years. Let?s just say that recently my desires have become a little more? how should we say? mature.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]The seas lost their secrecy? the clouds lost their commotion? and the moon lost its mirth.[/COLOR]


[COLOR=white]Enter: Reality[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]While I had the power to control my dreams, my reality, it seems, was beyond my reach.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Despite my prayers to the contrary I continue to live with parents who don?t understand me. It?s not that they don?t care? it?s just they don?t want to be bothered with the trivial thing that has become my life.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Can?t blame them. I?m nothing special.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I do ok in school, am well behaved and have a pocket of friends? so I?m really no different from anyone else. No identifying feature or outstanding quality? and maybe that?s why my parents seem content to ignore me. I?m utterly plain.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Well, in public anyway.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My sexuality, for instance, has been a point of contention. In public I?m as straight as an arrow? but in private my delights seem to be a little more? unconventional.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My favorite links whisk me away to pictures of muscular men posing and lifting weights. What little hard drive space I have left is crammed with videos, some copied to CDs because of the limited memory I have on this outdated ?Lite-Bright? that DELL has the audacity to call a ?laptop?. My favorite YouTube searches are ?bodybuilding?, ?muscle? and ?ripped?? or any combination of the three.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But not a penis in sight.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Maybe I?m gay? maybe I?m bisexual? or maybe I?m attracted to the male form despite every intention (and desire) I have to rail a woman with long legs and perky boobs.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Either way, in private, I?m content to label myself ?sexually confused? until I experience sex with anyone. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]So that?s me in a nutshell.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Again? nothing special.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But recently I?ve discovered a new genus of storytelling? one that continues to elate me.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Muscle growth.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]This once unknown genre is everything I ever really wanted and after discovering it only by accident by perusing my regular list of ?Favorite links?, I can?t wait to try out this new concept when I sleep tonight.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I had the dumb luck of stumbling upon an entire ARCHIVE of these stories, and after anxiously downloading its contents, began reading.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Fortunately the parents were away for the weekend (tending to something I couldn?t care less about) and the house was empty. From Friday afternoon to Saturday night I indulged my fantasies, reading every story that didn?t turn me off after the first few sentences.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Some of my favorites were ?Massium 2.0?, ?My Muscle God?, ?Hugenix?, ?Jack and the Beanstalk? and ?Strong to the Finish: A Spinach Fantasy?.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Taking into account the time I woke up Friday morning, I stayed up for a total of 42 hours?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]? and I was looking forward to a loooooooooooooooooooooong nap.[/COLOR]


[COLOR=white]That night[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I fell asleep, thinking hard of strength, power, muscle growth and complete domination over puny mortals.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]First I had to set the stage: I picked a weight room (clich?, yeah, but I had a plan). [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Next I added some supporting actors to this masterpiece-in-the-making: I populated the gym with a few autonomous bots (the same way you might throw in some bots when you play Halo 3) and set them to begin working out.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]With the stage and supporting cast in motion, I added myself: I didn?t see it as appropriate to alter myself in anyway, cause if I did, what?s the point of muscle growth? My unaltered self was never a big guy. I played ice hockey in high school so I wasn?t obese? but I didn?t play much? and played like a European (generally afraid to actually hit anyone)? so I was kinda skinny.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But I had every intention of changing that.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I was no gym rat, but I knew my way around and I wasn?t stupid? so I knew what 5 lbs felt like? and what 100 lbs felt like? and so on. Of course, I wanted to make sure that these weights became trivial? so I began?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I walked over to the weight rack, clad in blue gym shorts and simple gray tee shirt, and grabbed the 25 lb dumbbells.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?umpf! These are heavier then I expected,? I said out of the side of my mouth. I nonchalantly placed them back in the rack and sidestepped to the 15 lb dumbbells. I picked them up with greater ease.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I began curling them to my chest, slowly, at first; patiently completing full reps. I concentrated on myself in the mirror, afraid to look at my arms so as not to spoil the surprise when I flex them. After about 15 my arms began to feel warm and the weights moved a little bit faster? with a little bit less effort. After 25 I was swinging the weights even faster and my arms were getting a little bit warmer.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]After 50 I simply didn?t feel the weight anymore and my arms were burning.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I placed the weights down and casually flexed my arms in the wall sized mirror in front of me.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Outstanding!? I whispered to myself.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I?m not sure how big I was before, but even after that fairly light workout, I saw a difference; nothing huge? and nothing even all that impressive? but a change nonetheless. A light vein on top connected my shoulder to my elbow, sitting atop a bicep like a snake on some giant river rock. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I then picked the weights back up.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]You see, I?ve had a lust for ripped bodybuilders and would gladly sacrifice size for definition? and I heard that more reps, low weight helped etch out muscles while high weight, low reps increased size.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I came to this ?gym? with that idea and intended to implement it.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]So I began cranking out more reps, my arms beginning to burn from the exercise. The weight wasn?t becoming any harder to lift, but my arms were feeling the pump regardless, which lead me to believe my theory was right.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]And what of I wasn?t? It was MY dream![/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]After 50 more reps I felt like tiny suns had replaced my biceps, so I put the weight down and flexed again. Well? that was nearly enough to make me spill my load right there.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My arms were a symphony of tendons, muscle bands and veins. I clearly had more than a bicep on my arm. I had a frontal bicep squating infront of the other, taller, rear bicep, separated by a crevice that would make those with heart conditions faint. The biceps themselves seemed almost removed from my upper arm like they were trying to escape my skin. Fortunately the ridiculous web of veins now sprawled across the muscle kept this from happening.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Ripped? was too vague a term to describe my biceps.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Where as before my arms resembled river rocks, they now more accurately depicted the craggily peaks of some mountain.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But they were still "small"... but this was only the beginning of what I expect to be a LONG night's sleep... and a LONG workout? [/COLOR]

[arpeejay]

Great start, Ab! Excellent premise, good detail, and (be still my thrilling heart!) correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation! :-)

xoxo

Richard

[howardbeatman]

Your choice of a white-text-on-light-blue-backround makes your story literally unreadable. Please change to a white-on-black or black-on-white text.

[abbraxis]

Originally Posted by howardbeatman

Your choice of a white-text-on-light-blue-backround makes your story literally unreadable. Please change to a white-on-black or black-on-white text.

My background is dark gray, which makes the text readable. I believe this is the forum default (seeing as I have never changed it).

However, may I suggest you triple-click on any word in the story. The entire post should become highlighted, inversing the colors and making it easier to read. I'm afraid that if I change the color to black, people with gray backgrounds won't be able to read it.

Sorry for the extra step... but it's impossible to make everyone happy all the time.

Originally Posted by arpeejay

... and (be still my thrilling heart!) correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation! :-)

Well, Microsoft Word is telling me I have too many sentance fragments... but what do they know ?

And thanks.

[Braun1]

Fantastic start and a great concept.

Keep it going.

[nypup2train]

Originally Posted by abbraxis

My background is dark gray, which makes the text readable. I believe this is the forum default (seeing as I have never changed it).

However, may I suggest you triple-click on any word in the story. The entire post should become highlighted, inversing the colors and making it easier to read. I'm afraid that if I change the color to black, people with gray backgrounds won't be able to read it.

Sorry for the extra step... but it's impossible to make everyone happy all the time.

Actually, if you simply remove all of the [ COLOR ] tags from your post, the text will be rendered in the the skin's default colors -- in white(-ish?), for the new site default "Dark Fantasy" skin with dark background, and in black, for the standard "vBulletin 3" skin with light-blue background.

...And then everybody's happy!

-Pup

[abbraxis]

The [ color ] tags aren't there. My text is just white...

Maybe a mod or admin can edit for me?

[brawnboy]

Nice. I enjoyed reading that, and you know, it's good to see some guy who can actually write properly rather than missing out letters (or even words!) and not bothering with punctuation. That's just sloppy.
Seriously, good job. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this idea.

[TheMM]

Originally Posted by brawnboy

Nice. I enjoyed reading that, and you know, it's good to see some guy who can actually write properly rather than missing out letters (or even words!) and not bothering with punctuation. That's just sloppy.
Seriously, good job. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this idea.

Eh? Who might you be talking about? In pretty much ever story I've ever read on here, writers generally seem to keep their stuff easy to read. There are of course, those who aren't native English speakers, but we readers give them some leeway on that.