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Old May 19th, 2008, 07:44 PM
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Alex in Muscleland Chapter Three

For all those who've been reading it, here's Alex in Muscleland chapter three! I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Three: Hans and Franz

As Alex walked through the forest that had appeared leading off the Dodo’s island, he admired his new bigger muscles. He’d always hoped for a bigger body but his body never seemed to agree. He had always thought of going to see a trainer at the gym, but he had always been too intimidated since he was so skinny. He didn’t want to get laughed at. But now, he didn’t have to worry about that. Sure he wasn’t enormous or anything but he was at least respectable enough to not feel stupid about asking for training advice. This strange little trip had been unexpected, and in some places downright impossible, but this was a happy side effect. In fact, he didn’t even care that he had fallen down that hole and ended up here. It was worth it to get a killer body like this. He pushed aside a branch and saw that he had come to a clearing. He continued walking, the sun shining down helping him finish getting dry. An unpleasant thought suddenly cut through the good ones. What if he couldn’t find his way back? What if he was trapped here in this strange world forever? He pulled out his cell phone and flicked it open, scrolling through the names until his brother’s was highlighted. He pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear. It rang three times before a cool female voice said, “I’m sorry. The number you are trying to dial is currently in another world. Please hang up and never call again.”
Before Alex could snap the phone closed it pulled itself out of his hand and flew away, stubby white wings having grown on both sides. Alex didn’t quite know what to make of that but it made as much sense as anything else in this place. He shrugged and turned to continue walking down the trail only to come face to chest with two rather large gentlemen. Alex jumped backward slightly and said, “Whoah! You scared me!”
Neither one said anything. Alex walked forward to look over these strange men. They were even bigger than White Rabit in muscle, though shorter than him. They were both dressed in a green singlet, their chests straining the material. As Alex’s muscles ran up to their faces he saw they were identical from their bald heads to their bushy brown mustaches. Their features were so hard and their bodies so still, Alex started wondering if they were really people. He reached a hand out and was about to touch the one on the left when he saw his name was embroidered on the left strap of his singlet. By turning his head to the side Alex was able to read out the name: “Hans.”
Turning to the other one Alex read off the second name: “Franz, hmmm?”
Alex stared for a little longer than reached out and poked Hans. Instantly the man barked in a deep voice, “I say little girly man! If you think we’re statues you ought to pay to see us! Hoowah!”
Alex jumped back again as the man suddenly flexed his muscles, veins snaking down his arms as one pulsed in his forehead. Before Alex knew what was happening, Franz moved forward getting extremely close to Alex’s face and said, “Likewise, if you think we’re alive you should speak to us! HAAA!”
Alex suddenly found himself lifted off the ground and curled in both of the large man’s hands. Alex yelled out and tried to talk as best he could, “I—ah--am—whoah—sorry--augh!”
As soon as Alex said sorry, Franz dropped him to the ground. Both men smiled and held out a hand. “We forgive you!”
Alex grabbed Hans’ hand and was quickly pulled to his feet. Alex dusted his clothes off and said, “Could either of you please tell me which way it is to get out of the forest? I’m following a man you see and…”
Before he could finish Franz held out his palm inches from Alex’s face and shouted, “No way!”
Alex just blinked and said, “But…why not?”
The two twins looked at each other, shook their heads, and sighed. Alex looked between the two men and said, “What?”
Hans rested his hand on Alex’s right shoulder and said calmly, “I don’t expect a puny man like you will be able to understand common courtesy. You see, the first thing you do when meeting a person is to say, “How do you do?” and shake hands!”
Alex looked confused and said, “B-but…you just shouted and curled me when we first…”
Franz steamrolled over Alex’s words and shouted, “Yes! He’s right!”
Franz put his hand on Alex’s left shoulder and both men stared at him expectantly. Alex didn’t want them to start throwing him around playing catch or something like that, so he held out his hand. Hans seized it and started pumping it up and down while Franz grabbed the other one and pumped it in a similar manner. Alex felt his arms start losing all feeling as the two musclemen started moving in a circle, tugging the boy back and forth. Just when he thought his arms were going to be pulled from their sockets they released their grip and just stood there, smiling at him. Alex didn’t know if they expected him to say “How do you do?” and start shaking their hands or not, but they seemed to be a bit beyond that point in their relationship. Instead, Alex massaged his arms and said, “Alright, now that that’s done with could you tell me how to get out of the forest?”
They both looked disappointed in him. Hans said, “Normally we take girly men like you and…”
Both Hans and Franz suddenly stood next to each other and said, “Pump…you up!”
In between Pump and You they both clapped their hands with a fierce look on their faces. Alex didn’t quite know what to say to that so just stayed silent. This didn’t seem to bother either twin since Hans continued, “Since you seem so eager to get away, we’re going to have to…”
Both twins got together again and shouted, “Pump….you up!”
Hans continued like nothing happened, “In a different way.”
Alex wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. “In…what way exactly?”
Franz took over this time, saying, “We are going to…”
Alex sighed as they got together again. This was starting to get old. “Pump…up your mind!”
Well that didn’t sound too terrible. And if it got him directions out of the forest then Alex was willing to do anything. “What is it?
Hans twirled his mustache and said, “Do you like…poetry by any chance?”
Alex just looked at him. That wasn’t exactly what he was thinking.. He did feel like he was wasting an awful lot of time. Hoping to hurry the process along, he said, “I do like some poetry.”
Franz grinned and said, “Oh then we must tell you one!”
Alex didn’t like where this was going. Throwing caution to the winds he said, “Did I say I liked poetry? I meant that I hated it!”
Hans gasped and said, “Now we have to tell you a poem! You’ll learn to appreciate our poetry!”
Both men leaned in and said in a dangerous voice, “Or else!”
They pushed Alex down onto a log and Alex just sat there, too nervous to try and escape. Franz coughed and said, “Which one should we tell?”
Hans thought about it and said, “Well “The Bodybuilder and the Gymnast” is the longest.”
Instantly Franz took a deep breath and said, “The sun was shining on the sea…”
Alex threw caution to the winds and quickly interjected, “If this poem is REALLY long then maybe you could tell me the way out of the forest first and then…maybe…”
Alex fell silent as the two men glared at him. Franz coughed again and continued with the poem.

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright --
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done --
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying over head --
There were no birds to fly.

The Bodybuilder and the Gymnast
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said “we could finally work out and wouldn’t that be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose," the Bodybuilder said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Gymnast,
And shed a bitter tear.

"Hey protein rich Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Bodybuilder did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him.
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head --
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat --
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more --
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Bodybuilder and the Gymnast
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Bodybuilder said,
"To talk of many things:
Of bicep curls -- and squats -- and bench presses --
Of flexing -- and measuring strings --
And why the sea is boiling hot --
And whether lats are wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Gymnast.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Bodybuilder said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed --
Now if you're ready Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Bodybuilder said
"Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Gymnast said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf --
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Bodybuilder said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Gymnast said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Bodybuilder said (with a generous roll of the eyes).
"I deeply sympathize."
With coughs and hands so quick he sorted out
Those of the largest size.
Holding his pocket handkerchief
Before his laughing eyes.

“O Oysters,” said the Gymnast.
“You’ve had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none --
And that was scarcely odd, because
They’d eaten every one.’

The twins, who had taken it in turns to tell the poem, smiled at Alex expectantly. Alex, whose mind had drifted away after the second stanza, quickly sat up and said, “Uh…I liked the Bodybuilder the best?”
Hans nodded and said, “I can see why’d you think that, but he did eat the most of the protein rich oysters.”
Alex, having missed that whole sequence, quickly changed tack and said, “Well then I liked the Gymnast the best.”
Franz nodded and said, “I can see why’d you think that, but he would’ve eaten more if he the Bodybuilder hadn’t been so greedy.”
Alex sighed and said, “Well then they both pretty much sucked.”
Alex’s eyes widened as he realized he had insulted their poem. He turned looked up at them and saw that they were gaping open mouthed at him. Alex, his mind racing, quickly said, “That is, what I meant to say was…”
He never got to finish. Within seconds Alex was hoisted in Hans’ hands and tossed to Franz who grabbed his hands and spun around in a circle with him, letting go only after they had reached a breakneck speed. Alex found himself sailing through the air, the laughter of the twins fading behind him. Alex spun over a few times, watching the forest get replaced with a sky and the sky getting replaced with a forest until the sky was replaced with a small house. Alex had lost velocity at this time and ended up crashing into the trashcans outside the house, next to the mailbox. Alex held his head, his body aching from the crash. Yet strangely, he wasn’t badly hurt. He slowly stood to his feet and said, “Now if that had happened when I was back home I could’ve been dead.”
He dusted himself off again and looked at the house before him. It was a neat little cottage, two stories high with a neat yard. He saw the edge of what appeared to be a greenhouse before the door to the house opened. Alex looked up and saw White staring at him in surprise. Alex looked around and said, “Uh…hey! I’ve been following you and was just wondering…”
Once again he was interrupted by someone from this world as White shouted, “There you are Marty! What the hell are you doing out here?”
Alex laughed a little and said, “Oh no, my name isn’t Marty. I just followed you out of the gym earlier and was wondering if you…”
White didn’t let him finish…again. He grabbed Alex by the hand and pulled him into the house, slamming the door behind him.

Last edited by Giga_Huge5000; May 21st, 2008 at 04:12 AM.
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Old May 21st, 2008, 12:19 AM
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I have been wating for this story can't wait for more. will Alex be growing some more, and will it be permamnent? that would be hot!! thanx!
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Old May 21st, 2008, 12:33 AM
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did i ever tell you I love you? a thousand times--I love you!
brilliant as hell, man, bloody fucking brilliant
just my thoughts as a writer

Things happen.
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Old May 22nd, 2008, 06:55 AM
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OH my gosh a parody of the Walrus and the Carpenter on this site!! I never would have expected it and Hans and Franz just like the characters from SNL standing in for Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Funny funny and almost as allusional as Carroll himself.


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Old May 22nd, 2008, 06:16 PM
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Originally Posted by rickwmuscle View Post
OH my gosh a parody of the Walrus and the Carpenter on this site!! I never would have expected it and Hans and Franz just like the characters from SNL standing in for Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Funny funny and almost as allusional as Carroll himself.


Ya, little girly man, I was planning on having Hanz and Franz just so I could do " up!" jokes, right Giga?

Giga Huge: Ya MM!

Although I did forget about the Bodybuilder and the Gymnist, little man! I'm glad that he put them in there, right Giga?

Giga H.: Ya MM!

Now little man, we are going to...pump, *clap* you up!
In the MGS FC's I am Psycho Mantis!

"Put your controller on the floor...Put it down as flat as you can...That's good. Now I will move your controller by the power of my will alone!"
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