Growing Lonely, Conclusion

[ldaniel13]

Growing Lonely, Conclusion

Here it is. The end (I swear that it's not dark in the least).

Thank you all for reading and commenting. Ricky, in his desperation and pain, badly misjudged the traumatic events following the race. If events surpass our ability to cope, people often either freak out or cease to function (Ricky did both). He was sedated (the sharp poke to his shoulder at the end of GL 6), and...

Part One (Ricky)

I woke up. That was the last thing that I wanted. Looking around, it became apparent that I was in a hospital and alive. Both my arms were in casts, and I felt bandages draped over my face where I had scratched myself. The skin underneath was tight and itchy. There were flowers and cards on the table next to me. IV lines stretched between me and bags hanging overhead.

The room was fairly dark, so it must be late. I wonder how long I had been out.

I tried to move, but I seemed to be strapped down to the bed. Having been under suicide watch in England, I knew the routine. I remembered the events from the day before. I had promised Eric that I wouldn?t leave him alone. I struggled some more with the restraints before realizing that it was futile. Having both my arms in casts made it difficult and painful to struggle too hard.

I saw my mom resting in a chair in the corner between the bed and the window. I?m so sorry mom, this can?t be easy on you. I don?t know why I?m like this.

?Mom??

She stirred under her blanket, got up hurriedly, and leaned forward over the bed, looking into my eyes in an attempt to assess my state of mind. ?Ricky, are you alright?? Her voice was weak, and it sounded like she had been crying.

I felt like an ass for causing her so much trouble. ?I?m so sorry for being...?

?I know hon.? She reached to the side an picked up a cloth. She started patting at my sweaty forehead. I was sweating from the throbbing pain in my arms, face, and... soul. ?But you don?t need to be. Your father is a bastard. I should have never let you go stay with him. Things haven?t been the same since then. This is partly my fault.? She paused.

?I know that you must think that I have been pretty inattentive, but... I know that you you are gay, and I am okay with that. I was just waiting for you to just tell me in your own time. I thought that things were starting to get better for you again. I shouldn?t have waited to tell you that. You are exactly how god made you. I?m telling you now that I love you however you are. I?m proud of you. You will accomplish so much in life. Someday, you will even find someone that deserves your love.? She lightly squeezed my shoulder.

?Thanks... but it?s too late for that now. Eric...? Tears were falling down my face. I couldn?t imagine existing without him. It is what I had been trying and failing to do for the last six months. Life was just too bleak.

She frowned. ?I can?t believe that you would just give up on yourself like that.?

I couldn?t stop crying. ?I know that I?ve been trying to take the easy way out, but I don?t even like myself, so how can anyone else like me. Eric is dead and...?

My mom made hushing noises. ?Hon, Eric isn?t dead. The EMTs managed to restart his heart after you were sedated. Apparently, he had an aneurysm that burst in his sinuses, and he had inhaled a lot of the blood. Some people just have weak spots in their blood vessels. It?s looks like it was something that he was born with. The doctors say that it is rare for them to burst in someone so young, but it happens sometimes. He is just so big, so his body is under a lot of stress. It is amazing that something so small could take down someone so large.?

I was dazed, just staring at her with my mouth slightly open. My whole worldview was doing some serious adjusting in my head. ?Eric isn?t dead??

?He was in surgery to stop the bleeding the last time that I checked in with his parents. They are a wreck. Eric?s dad has really been beating himself up over this; he keeps saying that it is all his fault. If you hadn?t been there to give Eric CPR, he never would have had the small chance that he does. The doctors say that you probably fractured your wrists while you were trying to revive him and then completely shattered your right arm when you fell. They don?t know where you managed to find the strength, but his parents sure are glad that you did. There is still a chance...?

I was already struggling at the restraints. Once again, there was light in my world of self-imposed darkness. I wouldn?t waste it this time. ?ERIC! I have to see him.?

?I?ll check with the doctor, Ricky. Please calm down.? She started to leave the room but looked back at me with concern. ?You won?t try to do anything while I?m gone will you??

?No, mom. I promise. I promised Eric...? Before, I had promised Eric that my heart would beat only as long as his did. Thinking that I was merely throwing more dirt on my grave, I find out now that the promise may actually save my very soul.

***

Eric survived the surgery. Since it had been such a longstanding problem and it had for some reason been getting worse over the summer, it was a close call. They managed to cauterize the bleed so that his blood flow was pretty much returned to normal.

Several days passed, however, and he didn?t wake up. Eventually, the doctors, with my urging, decided that it might be good for me to be moved into Eric?s room to help his recovery. I told the doctors that I had read that hearing a familiar voice can be helpful when someone is in a coma. Plus, I wouldn?t stop bugging the hospital staff until they accepted, and if anything, I am tenacious. I was happy that I would be able to see him even if he couldn?t see me. It was almost like a reversal of the previous six months. I had practically spent them in a coma myself, and he had been trying to talk me out of it.

As I was wheeled into the room in a wheelchair by my mom, I was pleasantly shocked. While I had quite a few presents and cards from my friends, it seemed like every table in Eric?s room was filled with flowers, cards, gifts, and letters. I seemed like everyone at school and the gym (I didn?t think that his classmates would leave protein powder or sports drinks) cared about Eric, whether he knew it or not. They all wanted him to get better. I think that if Eric had been less upset about me while at school, he would have realized that he had more friends than he thought. I bet there was even a card from James in there somewhere...

Eric was on a truly massive bed. It was the largest hospital bed that I?ve ever seen. He would certainly not fit in one of the beds that I had been in. He was attached to IVs and wires, but he was breathing on his own, which was good. The doctors said that he had spontaneous brain activity and that his pupils were reactive, so that increased his chances of waking up. I just needed to be there for him.

They set up my bed a short distance from his. By this point, I didn?t need IVs anymore, and they had removed the bandages from my face. I wasn?t scratched too deeply, but there were definitely going to be four parallel scars on my temple and cheek. I could tell people that I was mauled by a bear. It would be easier and more believable than the truth. Yeah, I tried to gouge my face off, no biggy.

Thanks to my newfound hope from Eric being alive, I was recovering pretty quickly. I was actually eating like a normal human again and not running 15+ miles per day. I don?t think that I had as much to run from anymore. I guess that I will miss the cross country nationals, but things like that can wait. Now, the only goal in my immediate future was Eric being okay.

My mom was so happy that I was actually smiling on occasion. The psychiatrist had even authorized the removal of my restraints, thank god. Things were looking up for me.

They said that Eric was actually recovering at an astonishing rate, and from the CT scans, it looked like there wasn?t any permanent damage. There wasn?t even any swelling, which was almost unheard of. They were actually slightly baffled and wanted to run more tests, but Eric?s dad refused.

I just needed Eric to come back.

***

After everyone left that night, I couldn?t sleep.

I waited until there were very few people around in the hallway. I slowly eased my legs over the side of the bed in the dark room, trying not to make any noise. Since I couldn?t use my arms, it was quite difficult. My bony legs were sticking out from under my gown. I grimaced. I still needed to eat more. Oh well, it?s not like I would have ever won any beauty contests anyways. I slid off the bed onto the cold floor and quietly padded across the space to Eric?s bed. His massive arm was motionless at his side. It was probably bigger than my two legs put together... I checked. Yep, definitely bigger. I felt his warm hand with the fingers sticking out of the end of my cast. It was so comforting to feel the heat radiating from his body.

I looked toward the door. There was nobody in the hall. If I laid down with him for awhile, nobody would care anyway. I eased myself onto his bed next to him and laid in the crook of his arm, holding my casts awkwardly against my chest. My head was resting against his gigantic pecs. Even though there was no fat on him to cushion me, the fact that he was so solid was comforting. I felt every breath rising and falling in his chest. His lats expanded with each breath, making me feel like he was squeezing my small frame again and again.

I finally felt like I could sleep. I had to be next to Eric to assure myself that he was still alive. I needed to know that this godlike creature hadn?t returned to the heavens without me. I yawned and buried my head in his armpit. He smelled like Eric. I associated the smell with roughhousing with my friend in elementary school, sleeping over at his house and having fun, and generally being completely happy and content. Eric was the most stable part of my childhood. I always knew that he loved me unconditionally. When my parents were going through their nasty divorce, Eric was there to assure me that it wasn?t my fault. He just hadn?t loved me romantically...

If I never left this spot, I think that would be okay.

I remembered hugging Eric in the hallway before summer vacation and how embarrassed he was. Then, I remembered how he had tried to hug me before the race and how I had refused. Eric, you had grown in that period of time, and I had not. I?m so sorry, Eric. I smiled and kissed the blanket over his shoulder. I am happy being with you in whatever way you?ll have me.

?Please wake up soon, Eric. You finally saved me.? I fell asleep.

***

Marco had told the nurse on duty that he was family. She looked him up and down critically. He was big enough that the nurse almost immediately believed him. She just waved him through and continued scribbling things into a chart. He walked up to Eric?s room. He wasn?t sure what he would do. He didn?t know how he would handle seeing Eric comatose. He had held off on visiting for that very reason. That and the fact that he was too old to be hanging out around a 15-year old without a damn good reason; he didn?t want to accidentally run into Eric?s parents. That would be awkward.

He got to the door and looked in the room. It was mostly dark, but there was Eric... and an extremely fragile looking kid was nestled up next to him, taking up about a quarter as much space as Eric. Marco realized that the kid bore a shocking resemblance to him minus nearly 200 pounds. They both had the same short, spiky black hair and tan skin. It must be Ricky. Marco had heard about his heroics in the park. He had performed CPR for about 15 minutes before the EMTs finally came. It had been in the local paper. He saw the casts on both of Ricky?s arms. It?s amazing what love can do.

Marco tried to be mad or jealous. He tried to find it within himself, but he knew that it wasn?t there anymore. Eric had fixed him. He had soothed over all of the old hurts that fed that nearly constant rage. Marco realized from the start that Eric would never get over Ricky even when Eric thought he eventually had. Marco had come to terms with that and the possibility that he would... Besides, they are the same age (even though they don?t look like it). They can be happy together and open about it.

Marco pulled a get well card out of his coat and wrote, ?I love you, Eric, and I always will, but you deserve to be with the person that will make you the most happy. He is your first, true love. I am glad that I was there for you while you were growing and finding yourself.? He paused and thought about a future without Eric. ?I will find someone that will love me as much as you love him. You made me capable of that. You loved me more than enough to make me realize that I am worthy of love. Besides, I am quite a hunk, in case you didn?t notice...?

Writing this, Marco thought that he felt Eric?s loving presence. He couldn?t quite tell, but it looked like Eric was smiling in the darkened room. He got the chills.

Marco sealed the card in its envelope, wrote Eric?s name on it, and set it inside the door. He never looked back.


Part Two (Eric)

Eric felt nebulous thoughts of love from...

He slowly opened his eyes. It seemed like they were crusted over with sleep. Weird. Ricky was curled up in his arm, asleep. He actually looked happy. Ricky?s thoughts drifted in and out of pleasant dreams, dreams of their youth together.

He could read Ricky. Why? And... there was not even the slightest twinge of pain. There was not even a bloody nose coming...

The early morning sun was streaming in the window through the blinds... Why does that look so amazing? It is like I almost lost something beautiful. I can?t quite remember what happened last. I?m in the hospital, though. It must have been something bad.

I looked down at Ricky again. He looked so tiny and fragile. His arms were in thick casts. The names of our classmates were scribbled all over them in permanent marker. Eric reached over and gently brushed his hand over Ricky?s brow. There were scratches there. They were mostly healed. When did that happen?

He was still beautiful. My beautiful friend...

Ricky opened his gray eyes, looking at my chest. I reached over and put my hand under his chin, gently lifting his chin so that he could look into my eyes. He stared at my hand in disbelief. When my sleepy blue eyes met his gray, there were suddenly tears in his eyes, and he smiled as big as I have ever seen. From his mind, I read the events from the race and beyond. Well, it truly is a beautiful dawn.

?I had to convince myself that this wasn?t a dream. You were gone for a long time. I was wondering if you would ever find your way back.? ?To me,? he thought.

?The same goes for you.? I returned.

He looked incredibly guilty, and the words rushed out. ?I?m sorry for everything that I put you through, Eric. I am willing to just be friends. It took you almost dying for me to realize that life is too precious to waste.? His thoughts emphatically followed. ?I will always love you, and as long as you are alive, this world is too beautiful a place to ever leave voluntarily.?

I smiled. Ricky was ?My Ricky? again. He was whole. We had each found our place and come to terms with whatever challenges life had thrown at us.

I looked out the window and thought about Marco, finding him as a peaceful island in a sea of noisy, unhappy people. He was nearby but saying goodbye to me. He was intent on being happy, too. I smiled a bittersweet smile. I understood his reasons.

I looked at Ricky, his eyes questioning. I leaned down and kissed him.

Everything is finally as it should be.

If only everyone could see,

The world is beautiful.





Yep, I'm done. If it seems rushed...

Sorry to those of you who found that the story took an excessively dark twist in the middle, deviated from the original feel, or lost some of the muscle/sex-focus. I'm generally not a dark person. During the course of writing the story (starting shortly after chapter 1), I have been dealing with a steadily worsening personal illness (not life-threatening at this point), which may have given my writing a dark flavor. Consequently, I probably won't be present on the forum for awhile, but I felt that I should finish what I started. Anyway, endings are always happier when people are sent through the wringer first. I have really enjoyed expressing myself to people with similar interests.

Here's hoping for happy endings,

Luke

[redroger11]

I'm not terribly religious, but I said a prayer for you, man. Aw hell. It may have been a bit self motivated. When really good writers come along, you just want more and more of their good work. For all the extremes this story went through, it was remarkably real and very close to what the human heart goes through. It sounds like you have to spend the time to get yourself into a healthier state. Listen to the passionate doctors and health care providers. And listen to your own heart when it comes to what will help you get better. It is incredible what a little human contact (A Hug, a back rub) will do to improve your health. So just in case people around you are too busy to remember some of the basics of human health, I'm sending you one of those hugs you have to use your imagination to really feel. But you have a great imagination, and I hope when you feel better you take us along on another great story.

Hugs;
redroger11

[nj.]

Great conclusion, thank you! I greatly enjoyed the story as a whole.

I wish I could give you something in return that would help you get back to good health, but all I can do is tell you to be strong, and I wish you all the best recovering!

[sexiscriptor]

that was most excellent man here's hoping you share more great stories & writing with us ^.^
~Palmer

[Jaypat]

Sometimes stories evolve as we tell them. This one certainly did. It was very different at the ending from what it was at the begining, a very entertaining read.

Oh, and get well. That's an order.

[Speaker]

You're definatly in all our thoughts dude. I hope its nothing too serious. And i hope you get better soon.

And a nice happy ending. Im such a sucker for stuff like this =)

[tagsnola]

... we had a saying, "Bravo Zulu!" It means "well done!" Bravo zulu, indeed! All the best in your recuperation. Wishing you a speedy recovery. I join redroger lifting you up in prayer for healing.

Thanks for sharing your considerable talent with us. This story is one of the classics of this board.

Best regards,
- TagsNOLA

[chocomus]

OMG, It was so deep I nearly cryied

Thanks for this awesome story (and for the happy end)

And it's true. The world is indeed beautiful.

[Ender]

It was a great story... Dark stories are okay, life is pretty dark a lot of the time, so when art imitates life you get dark stories. But both Ricky and Eric seemed to be good guy that deserved a break... I'm glad they got it...

Take care of your self, get yourself healthy again and come back soon... Good luck and best wishs...

Ender

[dimarvalc]

redroger11 said it best, so I will not repeat it again... But, I have to say...

Thank you for taking a little of your time to finish this story. We always feel very lucky when we get to read a story that turns out to become a "MUST READ" in the forum.

Even when you don't feel like yourself, your abilities as a writer shine through your work. Very well done, Luke.

I wish for some of the goodwill and feelings of gratefulness we feel right now to reach you and help you get better.

dimarvalc

[Ryne]

Thank you very much for this.

I hope that whatever your condition is, that you recover from it. Please, if anything, let us know if we can help. I'm not sure what we can do for you, but whatever support we can give, you've got it, no strings attached.

I'm not all to religious, but I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope for the best for you. Get Well soon...