Can someone really help me?

[mslworshipper]

I have posted a thread a long time ago (Losing Motivation) but a lot of people did not respond to it. I really need help with motivation and staying on course to become defined.

My problem is that I start a diet, lose weight, then hit a plateau. It seems as though I can't go below 190 lbs. I try to change my diet and change my cardio routine, but it seems I still can't go below 190. Then my next problem is my job and the time to get to the gym. When I head to the gym, I don't get off the exit and instead head home.

I know that there are no shortcuts to bodybuilding but I would really like someone who can help me anyway they can. If there any shortcuts that you know of, I am open to any suggestions and criticism. If there is a price to pay, I would consider that risk.

I live in Charlotte, NC and workout near a Gold's Gym. Thanks.

[OUstud82]

This is only my personal opinion and it might come off as rude, but it's not meant to be. Think of it more as tough love. Okay, here goes:

Oh my god... it's nobody else's fault but your own if you miss the freaking exit. This means that YOU made a conscious decision to skip the gym; you can't do that. You're just going to have to stop psyching yourself out and GO. And don't whine to others when you don't, because it's nobody else's fault and nobody else can force you in to the gym. There aren't any shortcuts, so deal with it. Everyone else does.

If you can't be consistent, of course you're going to stay above 190 pounds. I know it's hard to find time and stay motivated, but there are millions of other people that do exactly that every day. There's no reason why you can't too.

Maybe you should consider hiring a trainer or finding someone to work out with. It's been proven that people are more likely to work out if they treat it like an appointment. If someone is waiting on you or you've paid for someone's time to help you, you're much less likely to skip.

That is all. Sorry if it sounded mean.

[glammaman2000]

...first;GO TO THE GYM!once you're there,you'll workout.i used to do personal training.a client once asked me,"do you work out even if you don't feel like it?"it startled me.i suddenly realised i NEVER THINK ABOUT WHETHER I FEEL LIKE IT!ijust go.guess it comes from having been a dancer.if you're working out,that's another hour;hour&a-half you're ot eating.should help.good luck!

[brent]

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

... When I head to the gym, I don't get off the exit and instead head home.

I know that there are no shortcuts to bodybuilding but I would really like someone who can help me anyway they can. If there any shortcuts that you know of, I am open to any suggestions and criticism. If there is a price to pay, I would consider that risk.
...

OK, the cool thing about a freeway is that you can get off at the next exit, turn around, and go back to that first exit. Problem solved.

As for the other issue, the only short-cut I know of is to go to the gym. Thus short-cutting years of self-hate.

[buffdoc]

I think getting a personal trainer may be good for you; some people really need another person to track and give their workouts structure especially when starting out. Also try to visualize your goals as that helps to further internalize motivation.

[wbhunk]

I definitely back up buffdoc and OU's suggestion of a personal trainer....sounds like it would be a great investment in your peace of mind, and it definitely gives you an excellent reason to go to the gym.

Once you've worked it into your routine, gym time becomes much easier to keep. I struggle with this myself sometimes, because my job has very irregular hours. However, what I also know is that I get mad at myself when I don't go, because everything feels "out of synch". Get used to mentally (or in Outlook, or whatever scheduling software you use) just blocking out the time. Three months and you should have it ingrained quite nicely.

Another suggestion....I wonder if your seeming inability to get below 190 is actually a GOOD thing. When you work out, especially when you do weights, you increase lean muscle mass. Since muscle is much more dense than fat (as in, one pound of muscle is much smaller in dimension than one pound of fat), you don't notice (visually) its accumulation nearly as quickly as you do fat's. In fact, you may actually be hitting an "inflection point" where your body is gaining muscle mass as fast as you are losing fat -- which creates a situation of no net WEIGHT loss, but a marked improvement in body composition (your body's ratio of fat to muscle).

My suggestion for that would be to have your body composition measured when you start, then check it again when your weight loss starts to slow. I think the results may surprise you. A good personal trainer should be able to help you with measuring your body comp.

Good luck!

[mslworshipper]

Remember when I said that I am willing to take a risk and pay any price... Getting a personal trainer is a good idea, but as a teacher I am on a budget and it is hard to get one at a reasonable price. I have been looking at different places (classifieds, at the gym, online) to find a personal trainer but none I have seen are below $100 a session. Any websites or places to find trainers that are $30-$50 a session? Thanks

[gyligeti62]

I took a moment just now to check your photos and stats from your previous threads, where you seem to have gotten some helpful advice.

At this point I think it's important for you to determine exactly why your progress has stalled. wbhunk's suggestion that you may be in that "magic zone" where your muscle gain and fat loss are in equilibrium would certainly be the best-case scenario, but given your admitted inconsistency about workouts that's probably wishful thinking.

Alarm bells went off when I saw the word "diet," for two reasons. The first is that if you are restricting your caloric intake too drastically, this will both accelerate the loss of lean muscle mass and slow your metabolism, leading to increased fat storage. Perhaps the best way around this is to eat six smaller meals every 2 to 3 hours. This will allow a steady intake of protein, keep you satiated, elevate your metabolism, and inhibit fat storage.

The second is that any "diet" that artificially shifts the balance of protein, carbs, and fat towards any one of these three is destined to lead to unintended consequences. Low-carb diets (one of your threads indicated you were, and perhaps still are, on one) may produce weight loss in the short term (initially mostly water weight, then eventually fat loss) but they make for a poor combination with weight-training. This is both because carbs are vital as an efficient energy source when working out, and because carbs are "protein-sparing," i.e. they help prevent your body from cannibalizing your own muscle tissue (a process which is to some extent inevitable when losing weight--but the point is to minimize this effect as much as possible).

Carbs are not the enemy, as long as we're talking slow-digesting complex carbs like brown rice, regular oatmeal, whole-wheat pasta, or fibrous carbs (most vegetables). And fat is definitely not the enemy, if you mean "healthy" fats like those found in many fish, avocados, nuts, flax and olive oils, etc. Indeed if you restrict fats too severely your body is MORE likely to store them (just as it slows your metabolism as a defense mechanism when it perceives that it is being "starved"). I know this is a very hard idea to embrace (it took me years to accept it), but, when done sensibly, eating fats does NOT make you fat.

Speaking VERY generally, a good starting point for macronutrient ratios when weight-training is somewhere around 30-35% protein, 40-45% "good" carbs, and 20-25% "good" fats. These can easily be shifted 5 percent in one direction or the other (some would argue for more or less protein, for example), but this is probably a good ballpark figure.

It's not clear that you're in a "plateau," by the way. As long as you're maintaining or improving your strength while losing weight, for example, that could still be considered progress. If your body-fat percentage is improving, that is also progress.

But even if you are in fact at a plateau (which you can't gauge accurately until you start exercising more consistently anyway), don't jump to the conclusion that this is necessarily something tragic or unnatural. In the modern theory of human evolution there's an idea known as "punctuated equilibrium," which shows that the history of human and animal evolution was not constant and linear, but rather characterized by periods of stasis alternating with comparatively rapid change. When trying to change your body by working out, things often progress the same way; sometimes your body naturally reaches a point where it needs to pause and "regroup" before further progress is possible. If this weren't true, and progress were always linear, everyone who worked out would be 8 ft. tall and have 37-inch arms.

Sometimes, of course, your progress stalls because you haven't been providing progressive overload, or you've been doing the same routine for too long--in any case you somehow haven't noticed that your body is no longer being challenged sufficiently by what you're doing for growth to occur. This doesn't mean you have to change your routine drastically (especially not if that means substituting inferior exercises for those which you know are effective). Often all that is needed is to change one exercise parameter (e.g. rep speed); in your case something worth trying might be to gradually reduce the amount of time you rest between sets. This will make your weight-training itself more "aerobic" and perhaps help accelerate fat-loss.

Sorry this post is so ridiculously long. Having gone through long periods of static weight, I understand how frustrating that situation can be. But I have to admit that I initially found your post almost as annoying as OUstud82 did. As an ectomorph who's been growing VERY slowly despite busting his ass in the gym and eating with extreme discipline, it's a little hard for me to sympathize when your main problem is not feeling "motivated." Almost as annoying as seeing genetically gifted guys get huge despite using terrible exercise form.

But like other people on this forum, I've tried to be as constructive as I can. (If you'd posted at bodybuilding.com, the flaming would likely have been merciless. It's gratifying to find a site as supprtive as this one.) I congratulate you on your progress so far, and hope that at least some of this barrage of info was somehow useful. Take care.

[brent]

One rule I truly believe is that if you go to the gym EVERY DAY for two weeks, it will become a habit. I suggest easing into it: just getting there is the hardest part. So go there, use the pool, or look at buffed guys, and try to get motivated at first. Then do aerobics, then start adding in weights. You are paying for a gym membership. Why not use it? Just get there, and start slowly so you will continue going. Eventually you will enjoy it, I promise. I know I love going to the gym, but it did take a few months.

As for training sessions, ask you gym if they have any discounted packages. I go to 24 Hour Fitness, and although I have never used any of their trainers, I do know that they have a myriad of deals. Most gyms will.

When you were asking about a, "Short-cut" I thought you meant steroids, or pro-hormones. That's why my last post was a little negative. I hope that as a teacher, you would want to provide a better/healthier example!

As for low-carb dieting, I wouldn't believe in that magic pill. You need carbs for energy to work out, and you brain uses them. I believe that diets like Atkins are similar to drowning: you are starving you brain of something it desperately needs. I've seen many friends that have done Atkins, The Zone, or similar diets, and the only thing common I noticed in all of them was a loss in short-term memory. All the people that I've seen restricting their carbs have told me that they wished they hadn't smoked so much pot in college. When they go back to a healthy diet, most of their short-term memory returns... slowly.

[mslworshipper]

When I meant "short-cut," I didn't mean about steroids or hormones (my apologies if people thought of that). I meant by workout routines or strategies in exercising that could produces effective results. But after hearing everyone replying to this thread, I have to do the following:

1) Get my butt into the gym one way or another (create a schedule to do so).
2) Find a good trainer at an appropriate rate and see what they give me for a workout routine.
3) Find a nutritionist who can help (at a reasonable rate).
4) Do it for my health and for me.

Looking at the buff men may be motivation for others may help, but I feel upset because of their dedication and the "short-cuts" they may take to get to where they are. I know patience is a virtue, but working with children all the time and being patient with them, it is hard to be patient with myself.

I am continuing to read all the replies here to absorb what I need to learn... However, I thank everyone for the slap in the faces that I deserve (along with the kicks in the butt), but that is what I enjoy about this site that everyone is helpful and honest. Thank you.

I guess if you feel you have to have a personal trainer, then that's the way you'll go but the vast majority of people who have gotten buff did it the old fashioned way. They studied and worked on their own. Given financial restrictions, you can get a few good books for the price of one session with a trainer. The only trick is reading and absorbing them. The other untapped resource is other people in the gym. Do your homework, but talk with other people in the gym and weigh their advice against what you're learning.

I can't knock personal training. I learned a hell of a lot in just a very few sessions with a Pro BB but it was the spark I needed and his insights helped greatly. I've mentioned them over and over again in this forum and in personal replies through e-mail. The thing is, relying on a personal trainer is a crutch. Ultimately it's up to you. It's a long journey and nobody's going to carry you but they can point you in the right direction.

[glammaman2000]

...are you prepared to be muslworshipped?(you can have it both ways,you know.the last time that happened to me was....oh,yeah...TODAY!)you DON'T need a personal trainer(although if you cough up the big bucks,it could make you...)you DON"T need a nutritionist(although...etc,etc)you just need to BEGIN!so,the next time you're working with the kids,slap the little bastards around a little(it'll make YOU feel better)then have a little patience with yourself!i do think biorhythms are a factor,so give yourself more than one try.but,as Nike says,"JUST DO IT!"or don't.

[brent]

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

When I meant "short-cut," I didn't mean about steroids or hormones (my apologies if people thought of that). I meant by workout routines or strategies in exercising that could produces effective results.

Good, I wasn't sure of just what you meant.

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

But after hearing everyone replying to this thread, I have to do the following:

1) Get my butt into the gym one way or another (create a schedule to do so).

Don't worry about your schedule at first, just go there. You don't even have to exercise at first. Just get in the practice of going there. I like to go to the gym early in the morning, before work so I feel awake & alive. My mom goes to the gym directly after work. As she says, "Once you get home at night, you won't be able to get yourself up & going enough to make it to the gym."

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

2) Find a good trainer at an appropriate rate and see what they give me for a workout routine.
3) Find a nutritionist who can help (at a reasonable rate).

At least make it to the gym a few times before you sink a lot of cash into it. It'd be a shame if you spent a ton of money you don't have, and then missed your appointments.

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

4) Do it for my health and for me.

Who else are you doing it for?

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

Looking at the buff men may be motivation for others may help, but I feel upset because of their dedication and the "short-cuts" they may take to get to where they are.

The most difficult thing I've learned in life (well it's a tie with patients) is to be happy for people that have achieved more than I have. Jealousy is stupid, and it's corrosive to your character. It also doesn't affect anyone but you. You need the practice of being happy that these guys have been able to build great physiques, because that means you can too! Plus they generally do look nice...

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

I know patience is a virtue, but working with children all the time and being patient with them, it is hard to be patient with myself.

Well you have to learn to be understanding with yourself as well. As my stepdad says, "Excuses are like assholes: we all have one, and they all stink!"

Originally Posted by mslworshipper

I am continuing to read all the replies here to absorb what I need to learn... However, I thank everyone for the slap in the faces that I deserve (along with the kicks in the butt), but that is what I enjoy about this site that everyone is helpful and honest. Thank you.

No problem. If I give you a figurative kick in the butt, it's because I want to see you do well. Post some pics here, then you'll feel like you'll want to improve them(it's a suggestion.)

[buffdoc]

Given your limited budget and the need to have a program specifically spelled out, you could try the Body For Life book that is especially popular with people trying to loose weight. It will give you a weight training plan, diet, and cardio program designed to help you shed pounds. I have no experience with it but my buddy used with good results.

[brent]

I was in a hurry when I posted this morning, and missed some points:
1. I'm glad you posted this thread. I'm sure it took some balls, and I'm sure that for every question you asked, there are probably 200 more people out there thinking the same thing/having the same issues.
2. I don't believe in dieting. If you carve something, I think it's your body's way of telling you it needs something. IMHO the best way to diet is to cut out the junk food.
3. Please don't just read the responses, or the thread will die. I want to know how you are doing. Did you make it in today? Are there any other questions?

[Mdlftr]

Good thread here, with universal interest.

I hired a personal trainer, and got a lot out of it. My big thing was not knowing the exercises or how to put them together. ONce I got that info from the trainer, and I kept going it made a big difference. I don't use a trainer now, and haven't for over a year, but I'm still working out. It helped me to learn enough to begin to trust myself with working out and "feeling" what my body wants/needs.

I also use a lot of constant mental urgings and self affirmations. I repeat these to myself almost ad naseum, to keep myself motivated or to remind myself of why I'm doing this.

"I like big muscles on guys"
"I want big arms and a big chest"
" I want big legs"
"I like working out. I feel good when I work out."
"I worked out today--good for me!"

"D*mn those guys on EForum look good!"
"D*mn those guys on BigMuscle look good"

I also use the height/weight feature on Big Muscle to see what someone at my height and current weight can look like--that's a heck of a motivator!

The biggest problem, for me, is that muscle growth takes so long, relatively. You read the stories here and think that it all happens so fast. Even when you notice built guys, you think--darn, he got built in a hurry! The reality is, he was not built for a long time, until you noticed him as being built. Who KNOWS how long he was working out before then?

The good news is that lifting weights DOES work. It just takes a long time. You have to stick with it. You didn't get to be "over 190#" or whatever overnight, so getting in shape will take some time.

Keep at it--no one else will do it but you! BUt, you CAN do it!

My two pep talk cents,

Mdlftr