Dragon growth Z Part4

[chocomus]

Hey folks, sorry for the delay in this chapter, but I’ve been so damn busy to concentrate in this.
This is the fourth part, the other 3 are here if you don't remember the story well:
Intro (http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/showthread.php?t=8573)
Chap1 (http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/showthread.php?t=8665)
Chap2 (http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/showthread.php?t=9220)
Chap3 (http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/sh...ad.php?t=10797)

Just before continuing I want to explain something. I know I named the new kids Suripu and Hourensou, but that was wrong. I’m gonna change that so the names have a bit more of a meaning in the DB universe, the Black haired one will still be named Hourensou (Hou), but the green haired one will be called Boseru (Bo). Let’s see if you guess why I call them that.
Also, in this reality, Goten is Gohan’s son, not brother. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also in this chapter there won't be any growth (although there is some muscle-staring and preparations for musclegrowth), so you'll have to forgive me.

So now, for the continuation…



DGZ Chap4


It’s been nearly 15 years since Cell was defeated anonymously by Trunks. Since then, Earth has been nearly entirely restored as it was before the androids’ attack, except for the low population; which was recovering more slowly than the landscape and buildings. Capsule Corporation has turned into the most important enterprise in the world and has expanded its sales types, from capsules to almost anything tech related.
Even if the World has been busy rebuilding itself, mankind has slowly returned to its old roles of being greedy, luscious, caring, funny, or just the way they were before. Human nature is not easy to change. Sadly that means that some subspecies of journalist still followed famous and important people as if the good of the world hanged in the balance. Unfortunately for them, none of them had enough common sense to keep their noses out of Bulma Briefs’, the most powerful woman in the world, business. There must be some explanation to this, from not knowing about her bad temper, to just being total idiots. Who knows?
Lots of rumors had been spreading about that family, not caring if it was the same family mostly responsible for Earth’s technology restoration. Trunks Briefs, now 33 and one of the most desired men in the world, was the Co-president of the company, ready to take the whole thing over when his mother grows bored with it. She had already left all the paperwork and contact stuff to him, which simply boiled down to everything he could possibly need to run the company.

Strangely, there was no talk of his 2 twin sons (Or about the unknown mother that nobody seemed to want to talk about, who had supposedly died in childbirth). Beyond the mystery of their births they were pretty much your average teenager. They didn’t excel at academics or sports and they looked like 2 healthy normal teenagers, with fit bodies and the good looks from their father's side of the family.
Even though they were twins and their faces looked exactly the same, that’s where the similarities ended. Boseru (Bo) had blue eyes and long green (grandmother’s heritage) hair tied in a small ponytail with long bangs. He was kind of shy and cute and, even though he didn’t excel at academics, he had an intelligent look in his eye. Hourensou (Hou) was more active than his brother, with a competitive (and sometimes pushy) character. He reminded his grandmother of her deceased lover Vegeta, from his spiky black hair and black eyes to his roguish grin. Luckily, he didn’t have the habit of glaring at anything that moved, but he was quite moody like both of his grandparents. Don’t let this deceive you though. Certainly, it was easy for Hou to get angered, grunt or even shout, while it was difficult for Bo even to frown. But… It was a fact that the few times Bo was really angered it was such a sight that it was still clear in everyone’s memories.
They weren’t big for their age, but even then, they weren’t bullied at their school. They have practiced martial arts since they were old enough to walk by their father. They really looked up to him. I guess it’s normal when your father looked like an overly muscular Greek statue. His pecs showing clearly, outlined even when wearing those baggy and expensive suits at work. Well, pecs, biceps, quads, package... it was not easy hiding that size. He hadn’t fought or trained much since he was a teen but his physique hadn’t deteriorated in the slightest. In fact, he may have even added some nice pounds here and there, looking like a bodybuilder. People sometimes commented on the reasons he hadn’t married again. No one knew about any relationship Trunks had with anyone. A lack of relationship that sometimes Bulma worried about and Trunks never wanted to talk about.

That day Trunks came back early from work; it was a special day after all. But having to finish the entire days work in just the morning… it was quite tiring and left him with a bit of a migraine. A Cindy-bot welcomed him, “Good afternoon, Mr. Briefs”
She earned a glare for her way of adressing him.
Trunks ignored the tray of cookies the robomaid had and headed directly to the big living room (the house was so large they were quite a few living rooms and this one was the biggest of them) and he was going to sit in his favorite sofa when he noticed there was someone else in the room nibbling a cookie. It was Son Goten, son of Son Gohan and quite the copy of his grandfather Son Gokuh, especially in his hairstyle. He was 17 years old and next year would be in the University to start his education in medicine, as his deceased father would have done. Trunks guessed he was there waiting for his best friend, Bo.
Goten was looking quite relaxed but when he noticed Trunks coming he immediately stood up and lowered his head to him in a very formal style.
“Good afternoon, Uncle Trunks”
Of course Trunks was not his uncle. They were related… but just by race. A long time ago, Chichi (Goten’s grandma), Bulma and Trunks had decided not to tell any of the three kids a single thing about their saiyan heritage, deciding that letting them live a normal life was best (something a bit against Bulma’s plan when cloning them, but if problems came… well, they would worry about it then). Chichi’s and Bulma’s family was so close that Goten started to call him “uncle” since he could talk.
“Hey, nice to see you little buddy.” Trunks said with a smile, taking off his jacket. Goten couldn’t help staring as his pecs, clearly outlined in the shirt. When he sat down, Trunks put his arms over the back of the sofa, getting comfortable (this was his house after all) and that movement strained the fabric in the front of his shirt too much. The result was that the top 3 buttons keeping the shirt closed over his pecs snapped off jumping towards Goten, hitting him in the head. Trunks looked down on his chest and groaned.
“Ah… man! I always forget to put stretchy clothes on when I come back.” He complained.
Then he shrugged with a sigh and, still looking down, he bounced his meaty pecs and chuckled. He loved doing that. That is, until he realized he was not alone ( and hadn’t been from the very beginning, doh!). Goten was still up with his mouth open and eyes as wide as plates.
“Erm… Sorry, Goten. I’ll get changed and I’ll be back” He said getting up and heading towards the door. Goten sat down with his face all red, adjusting his baggy pants. He noticed his erection and hid his face in his hands.
“Damn… my best friend’s dad!” he whined in a low voice.

Just in that moment, Hou rushed inside the room, throwing his bag into the couch and sitting with a jump in it.
“Hey, Goten. What’s up?”
“Hello, Hou.”
“Hi, Goten!” greeted Bo when he entered the room calmly walking.
“Hi, Bo!”
“Hey guess what!” said Hou.
“There is a Tournament.” added Bo letting his schoolbag in the floor and sitting next to his twin.
“A Martial Arts Tournament!” exclaimed Hou excited.
“Is that so?” asked Bulma while entering the room with a pencil behind her left ear and goggles around her neck. “That brings back memories…”
“Have you entered those kinds of competitions before, Ms Briefs?” Asked Goten a little amazed. He couldn’t imagine her as a fighter.
“Hell, no!” She exclaimed smiling at the thought and waving her hand as to move a fly in front of her. “I was part of the audience of course. My friends were the people competing in them. Ah…. Those were good times.”
“Are you talking about the tournament in Papaya Island?” Trunks asked entering the room again, changed in a more stretchable outfit that did absolutely nothing to hide his body. Goten turned red and looked down.
“Yep!” Bulma answered her son as he sat down on a vacant chair.
“Sounds interesting, I wouldn’t mind competing.” said Trunks smiling
“That wouldn’t be fair Trunks.” said Bulma frowning “For the rest of participants I mean.”
“But I haven’t had a good spar in ages!” complained Trunks, crossing his beefy arms before his meaty pecs. Goten felt his knees shaking and sat down and Hou and Bo looked at their muscle dad in a worshipping way, with sparkles in their eyes.
“You just want an excuse for a vacation from the company, don’t you?” she accused him, poking him in the chest with her index finger, not intimidated by his size at all.
“Well, besides that, it sounds like fun and a good excuse for all of us to be together again” he replied innocently.
“I couldn’t have said it better.” said an unknown voice.
Well maybe not that unknown. It was quite familiar to Bulma and Trunks. Although he wouldn’t have believed it was possible.
“Go-Gohan?” Said Bulma looking around.
“Yes, It’s been a while, Bulma. Please, don’t try looking for me. I’m directly talking to your mind with the help of Kaioh sama.”
The rest of people in the room put their hands on their ears so they could hear the voice better.
“What’s up, Trunks?” greeted the dead one.
“Gohan… it’s really your voice…” said Trunks with wide-open eyes.
“Sorry to surprise you like this, my former disciple. But everyone here already knows about the tournament and I couldn’t wait to talk to you about it.”
“I bet Gokuh wants to take part in it.” Said Bulma smiling.
“Well, about that… From our heroic acts in the past, the higher ups in here are going to let us come back to earth for 24 hours; but just one of us. My father and Vegeta said something about their time passing and new generations taking the lead or something like that, so I’ll be the one coming.”
“Really? Are you really coming back? For a whole day?”asked Trunks very eagerly, with a hint of his younger self coming back.
“Yeah! It’s gonna be so fun! And I’m sure Mom will be happy… if she doesn’t kill me for not dragging Dad along with me.” Gohan laughed at that thought.
“How’s she gonna kill you if you’re already-” but Trunks cut Bulma off, “So, when is this tournament?”
“In a month” answered Hou “But who…”
“…is he?” Bo finished his brother’s question.
“Is he my…?” Goten started to ask his eyes opening wide.
“Sorry guys, it seems contact-with-the-dead’s time is off” said Gohan half joking “We’ll met again in the tournament! Save all the introductions until then! Bye!”
“Ok, what was all that about?” asked Hou, very surprised as the voice faded from their minds. “I was listening to a voice in my head…”
“It was in my head too!” affirmed Bo. Goten nodded as well.
Bulma and Trunks looked at each other. He shrugged and sat again rubbing his forehead with his open hands. “You get that”
She glared at him but after sitting on the couch and looking at the floor for a whole minute trying to order her thoughts, she nodded and pointed at the big sofa indicating they should sit down to listen to her story.
Let’s see…how much should I…? Ok… She faltered for awhile until she was ready to begin.
“Well, guys, remember Muten Roshi?”
They nodded, Hou even chuckled and said in a whisper to his twin “She means the perverted old turtle man.”
Bo giggled. “Yeah.
“Well he has a sister and believe it or not, she has… contacts in the… well, other world.”
“You mean other world like in my online games?” Asked Goten with a puzzled face.
“No... I mean the “Other World”” she tried to explain her fingers casting quote marks. “You know, when you die and you’re judged and the big fat man with horns in the hat and black beard sends you to…”
“Erm… mom? I think you should just explain what's absolutely necessary.” Trunks told her. He was worried about the teens’ alarmed facial expressions.
“Oh, right son. Well, we have some friends and family that were killed by the androids and it seems that because of all the good things we did for this planet/universe/dimension/whatever, we can have one of them back for the tournament.”
“No way!” Said Hou totally not believing it.
“What kind of “good things” did you guys do for the universe?” asked Bo a bit suspicious.
“That guy we heard… his name was… just like my…” commented Goten in a low voice and looking at the floor.
Trunks got up and sat next to him, putting his beefy arm around his shoulders. Looking at him with his face less than 2 inches close to his he said. “That’s because it’s him; your father.”
In a normal occasion, having him so close would have made Goten’s pants tear at the crotch from the erection. But he was too shocked by the news.
“Is it true?” Asked Bo all smiles. Bulma nodded and then he punched Goten’s shoulder softly “Hey! You’re gonna meet your dad for the first time!”
Goten didn’t smile, he was too shocked. Hou arced his left brow. “I’m not sure… I think I’ll believe it when I see it. Anyway, it’s gonna be a great day!”
“And talking about a great day, today it’s also a great day!” Bulma reminded them with a smile.
“Yeah!” added Trunks “Happy birthday, kids!”
“Thanks!” they replied all smiles.
“And here is your present!” said Bulma handling them 2 packages the size of a baseball each.
Hou rolled eyes. “Let me guess… a new watch right?”
Bo chuckled.
Trunks put on a surprised face. “How did you know?”
“Dad, we’ve been having the same damn present each year since… well, ever.” Said Hou with a dark look.
“Watch your language, young man! Besides, these are new ones that have more applications, like a GPS.”
“You use worse words than us, grandma…” whined Bo.
“Besides, what’s the point in having a GPS if we’re not old enough to drive?” said Hou glaring at them. Bulma glared at the 2 of them, dwarfing their glare (much like she had always been able to dwarf her deceased husband’s glare)
“Excuse me?” asked Goten, gaining the glare of all of them combined. “I have something for you too” he said shyly offering them a rectangular present.
Bo took it with a smile that nearly melted Goten and opened it. It was a photo in a wooden frame, quite ornamented. Hou looked at it from over his brother’s shoulder.
“Hey, I remember that place! Wasn’t it the zoo? I remember a monkey nearly biting you, bro. He, he, he!”
“Har har. Yeah we were… how old? 8? I didn’t know we had a photo from that day.”
“It’s the only photo I have with the three of us together.” Goten said.
“Is the frame hand-made? Looks cool!” admired Bo.
“Thanks!” blushed Goten.
“And oh, what a surprise. Lookie, here. We already had one of those watches.” said Hou dryly pointing to the picture.
“It’s a special watch just for you 2!” lectured Bulma.
“Suuuure…” said Hou pointing to Goten’s wrist.
Trunks decided now was a good time to soften the mood. “And to celebrate this day, we’re going to the new water park together!” he announced.
The 3 teens received the news with sparkles in their eyes.
“It’s already opened?!”
“Since yesterday, and it had already a lot of people in it. It must be very good.”
“Are we going right now? Are you coming too dad?”
“Yeah! I’ve taken the afternoon off just for this.”
“COOL!” the twins echoed.
“I didn’t bring my swimsuit…” said Goten a bit sad.
“I’ll lend you one of mine!” offered Bo.
“Ehm… well…” he thought about the Speedos the twins only wore at swim practice.
“Come on!” Hou took him by the arm and the 3 went to the twin’s giant bedroom, leaving the 2 adults on the sofa.
Bulma looked at his son. “Well, it didn’t go that bad”
“You know, sooner or later they’ll have the right to know.”
“Those DNA inhibitors are only to allow them to live a normal childhood” replied Bulma. “I don’t intend to keep it a secret forever.”
“I bet that when they know it was the reason they’re not growing bigger like this, they’ll get angry at us” He said flexing a huge arm.
“Normally, saiyans don’t grow that big, unless they do what you did.” Bulma reminded him.
“Even then, I was bigger than them at their age. Anyway, Chichi won’t tell Goten until next year and I bet he’ll tell them then. So we better tell them first.”
“You just want to tell them already so they grow as big as you soon, you muscle worshipper.”
“Hey, sometimes I feel a bit outcast being this big just me in here.”
“So, get smaller.”
“No way!”
“Ok, whatever. I’m going to go pack my bag. And don’t you dare wear those tiny suits of yours unless you want poor Goten to have a heart attack.”
Trunks gave her a surprised look.
He isn’t impressed by my body… that much. Besides, he looks more to Bo than me, hum… I wonder if he… He thought while going to his room.


Half an hour later they had arrived and were looking for a nice place on the grass to put their towels. When they found one good place close to the great whirlpool, the boys (Trunks included) went to the locker room to change. Goten was terrified by the fact he was going to change in front of Trunks, Bo and Hou.
"Damn….. Why the hell didn’t I change in Capsule Corp?"

He sat with the twins in one bench and Trunks sat in the bench in front of theirs. The big guy took off his tight clothes with a bit of difficulty and Goten couldn’t help glancing at him from time to time. Just like his 2 friends.
When he was naked Trunks looked at himself in the nearby mirror and, forgetting that he wasn’t alone (for the second time today), made a double biceps pose and chuckled at the sight, making his big soft dick bounce a bit, slapping his massive quads. He then took some purple swim-trunks (no surprise there), that looked painted on his big bulge, a short sleeved shirt unbuttoned and a pair of sandals. Taking his bag he went ahead to the door. He then realized the others weren’t following him.
“You guys coming?”
“Sure, go ahead” replied Hou with his bag on his lap, aparently looking for something in it.
“We’ll catch up to you in a minute” added Bo, doing the same thing as his brother.
Goten didn’t say anything, but his red face seemed about to explode. His bag was on his lap as well.
The three of them watched Trunks leave, his big glutes bouncing with each step and his legs rubbing against each other.
“Jeez… dad should already know that we’re not made of stone.” Complained Hou when they were finally alone.
“He can’t help it. Would you act any differently if you were built like him?” asked Bo smiling
“Probably not” he said thoughtful “Not that we’re gonna get big like that.”
“I’d like to get bigger too. But my body isn’t the muscle type.” Said Goten sadly.
“We haven’t really trained seriously. Maybe we should try more” Said Bo. He didn’t want the others to think weirdly of him. That’s why he never talked about this before.
“Hell yeah!” agreed Hou. By his reaction, he felt the same way and by Goten’s face he was not thinking very differently.
Their stuff down there had softened enough for them to try changing without being too obvious. Hou and Bo horsed around a bit while changing while Goten did it in silence and tied not to stare more than one or two seconds at the twins. It was a bit difficult to stuff his meat in the tiny Speedos Bo had lent him before. It was tight enough on the 2 of them, but it seemed that Goten had more meat down there. And the bulge was so big in it that looked almost obscene. Of course Hou didn’t lose the chance to point out the obvious.
“Hey Goten, you really are packing down there!”
Goten became even more red and Bo elbowed his brother in the side. Even doing that he wasn’t angry, but… kinda interested in this new fact discovered about his best friend. He tried not to blush as well.
Goten glanced at himself in the mirror a little and discovered the effect those Speedos had. He sat again, covering his crotch.
“I can’t go out like this!”
“Hey! What’s the problem? I’d be proud of having that!” complained Hou
“Not everyone likes to expose themselves, bro” Bo explained.
“Whatever, just wear a T-shirt on so it covers it.” suggested Hou, a bit impatient to enjoy the day. He didn’t wait for them to reply and got out of the locker room.
Bo looked at his best friend and got up. When he reached the door he turned back and looked at him and, half hiding a smile, he told him, “I think it looks great on you.” And then he left too.
Goten’s blush was so obvious some would think smoke would start coming from his ears. Still, he breathed slowly and took Hou’s advice. The T-shirt covered him a little, but not all. He joined the rest. Bulma and Trunks were lying on reclined chairs, catching some sun, while Hou and Bo were nowhere to be seen. Then a loud “Splash!” followed by a big wave of water wetted him from head to toe. Some laughs from the closest side of the pool made him know where the twins were. Sighing, he took off the wet T-shirt and jumped in joining the fun totally forgetting the big bulge he was showing.
The teens enjoyed the water while the adults enjoyed the sun. After 3 hours they felt a bit tired so they approached the shore where Trunks was already waiting for them. Looking at him clothed was a nice view. Looking at him undress and in a swimsuit was hot. But nothing compared to the view they got from under him. He looked from that side like a giant. A muscle hung giant. The teens couldn’t help getting a boner. In Hou’s and Bo’s case it was uncomfortable, because of their tight Speedos. But in Goten’s case… his boner wasn’t concealable and went out at least an inch above the waistline.
“Hey guys, want a snack?” he pointed to the basket full of sandwiches next to Bulma.
Neither of the three had any intention of showing more than their heads at this point. And all of them had quite a red face.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Trunks asked, a bit confused.
“Yeah, um…” said Bo.
“Go ahead, we’ll follow you in a sec.” added Hou.
Trunks shrugged and went back to their place.
“Damn it… is Dad doing this on purpose or what?” whined Hou
“Living with him must be… something else.” whispered Goten
“To say the least.” said Bo chuckling.
After a few minutes to calm and readjust themselves (Goten needed more than 5 minutes), they joined the others and ate everything in sight.
After eating, the teens decided to catch some sun while the food digested. Goten seemed to have forgotten about his big bulge cause he had laid down on his back and was nearly asleep. Hou had his eyes closed but Bo was lying on his elbows looking at his best friend. Some girls passed by and glanced towards the group. They giggled when they saw Goten’s bulge and continued on their way. That’s when Bo wondered why his friend had never had a girlfriend.
It’s weird, he’s always been this cute and now that I see him in Speedos, damn! He’s hot! I mean… good looking. Yeah.
He blushed a little at these thoughts and decided to stop checking him out. He just looked to the other side, where his twin was and realized he was staring at him with a roguish smile.
“What?”
“Nothing” he said and closed his eyes again, but he was still smiling.
Bo stuck his tongue at him and laid down again on his towel.
After that, they had more fun at the water with Trunks among them (which made them have more “fun” than what they expected and some embarrassing moments although Trunks was oblivious to them. Or pretended he was at least.)

When the day was over they went back to the locker room to shower and change.
“Ha ha, you should’ve seen your face then! You were looking at him like a moron!” remarked Hou reaching his bench.
“Ha! You just say that cause you were the last one!” replied Bo looking in his bag.
“That’s not true! We arrived at the same time!”
“No way!”
“We did to!”
“Maybe I should…” mumbled Goten, but Trunks winked at him.
“Don’t worry. I know how to handle this.”
Then he said in a louder voice “Come on, guys. Knock it off. Who care who lost the race?” reasoned Trunks while changing into his clothes.
That was enough to keep the guys entertained and no more arguing, both of them staring at him (Goten too) till he finished dressing into his tight clothes. When he was going out from the room, Trunks approached Goten and said to him in a very quiet voice.
“See? Talking works!”
And he went out. Goten smiled and continued changing. When he was looking at the time, he realized his watch wasn’t working.
“Oh, no!”
“Lucky guy.” Said Hou.
Bo patted his shoulder. “Seems water ruined it.”
“Like I said, lucky guy” complained Hou, glaring at his own watch.
“But I really liked it.” Whined Goten. Then, Hou had an idea.
“Hey, then why not-“ But Bo was faster than him “Why don’t you keep mine?”
“Really?”
“Hey! I thought about that before you did!”
But Bo ignored his brother and so did Goten. He only had eyes for Bo in that very moment. Hou glared at both of them.
“Hum! Whatever! Ok, you’ve got your moment here. I get it. But if you’re not gonna wear this thing, neither will I.” He then took off his watch and threw it in the garbage can. He took his bag, looked at them again, rolled his eyes and went out.
“Thanks Bo. But won’t your grandma be mad if you don’t wear the watch she gave you?”
“Is ok.” He said, with his arm in the trash can. “Here” he had in his hand his brother’s watch. “I’ll use his.”
“I can use that one, you don’t need to give me yours” said Goten a bit worried.
“Don’t worry about that, besides, blue isn’t my color.”
They went out together from the locker room and joined Hou who approached them.
“So, you’re going to be in the tournament, right?”
“I’m not that sure…” Said Goten
“Come on! You can train with us, it’ll be fun!” said Bo enthusiastically.
“I’m not sure my grandma would approve of me skipping classes to train”
“Then why did she teach you martial arts?” said Hou with a smirk. “Whatever, just leave it to us.”
“There is no way you’re going to convince her.” said Goten


“There is no way you’re not going to enter!” exclaimed Chichi
“Huh?” Goten said, his mouth wide open, Hou smirked at him.
“Told you!”
Bo shrugged with a smile.
“Ten millon Zeni! This is a God’s gift! And just as my father’s fortune was running out….” She exclaimed with the Zeni symbol in her eyes. She was nearly dancing.
“Who says I’m going to win the prize?” asked Goten in a low voice, but Chichi wasn’t listening to him. She turned to glare at him.
“BUT! Just this one time! And if you get hurt even slightly, I'll make you study so hard your brain will ooze out your ears!"

Goten grinned, he couldn't wait to start training!

-------------

Critics aren't very encouraged although they are allowed (don't be too mean to me, please!!!!!)
I promise there would be growth in the next chapter (although i can't promise to be posted soon, I'll try). And it will be more fighting and DBZ related (this chapter was more like an intro for the new saga)

I hope you like it. I did my best, really.

[Giga_Huge5000]

I really, really like where this is going! The characters from the show are all in character, the new characters are interesting, and the premise is great! I like how Trunks is apparently clueless about what effect he has on the boys.

The only thing that I would critique is your English. It's sometimes difficult to understand what's going on in places. If you want you can send me the chapter when you're done with them and I could proofread them for you. Not change the story or anything, just clean up the language a bit.

But other than that, I'm really excited for the next part!

[chocomus]

Originally Posted by Giga_Huge5000

I really, really like where this is going! The characters from the show are all in character, the new characters are interesting, and the premise is great! I like how Trunks is apparently clueless about what effect he has on the boys.

The only thing that I would critique is your English. It's sometimes difficult to understand what's going on in places. If you want you can send me the chapter when you're done with them and I could proofread them for you. Not change the story or anything, just clean up the language a bit.

But other than that, I'm really excited for the next part!

Thanks, dude, i edited it. Seems that grammar is not all. English expressions are my weak point.
I'm lucky to have 2 friends here who can help me with that

And you think Trunks is clueless.... maybe... he's not the same careless person of GT (yeah, DBGT exists! accept it, guys) also not the same prankster of the boo normal saga. He's not very different from them and yet, he is. lol you'll see if he's innocent or not. (it will depend on my mood when i write the next part)

[fluid]

I think this chapter could have done with a little more substance. Im a reader not a writer, however I feel something was missing. Perhaps more could have been done with trunks being eyed up by the two characters. Chapter 3 was great, but there seems to be to much of a wait between the two. I understand we have lives but I begin to forget what happens in the story. I feel chapter 5 should concentrate on Trunks growth more. Possibly having is sexual drive go into over lord. Ive always found it really hot for two sayains going for it together. Maybe introduce a new villain. It a shame that wasn't introduced in this one. But all in all, great writing. I just hope you can inject some muscle growth into the next one.

[johnplayer10]

Chocomus, great chapter! I just wish there was growth, but since this is just an introdution to a new saga I think you did great. I really enjoyed reading your story and I can't wait to read the continuation!

[johnplayer10]

Hey chocomus are you planning on continuing your story? I really enjoy your writting and I'm a big DBZ fan so I guess you can understand that I really don't want this story to die ;-) I'm looking forward to read more from you!

[chocomus]

Originally Posted by johnplayer10

Hey chocomus are you planning on continuing your story? I really enjoy your writting and I'm a big DBZ fan so I guess you can understand that I really don't want this story to die ;-) I'm looking forward to read more from you!

Thank you a lot, dude. I swear I'm already writing the next chapter but sadly i'm also writing and drawing like.... 50 more things at the same time. (and all that in the little free time I've got) I don't know how much it will take me. I'll try to be fast and finish it as soon as i can. And don't worry, I don't like unfinished things so this story won't die vefore it sees the last chapter.

[johnplayer10]

Originally Posted by chocomus

Thank you a lot, dude. I swear I'm already writing the next chapter but sadly i'm also writing and drawing like.... 50 more things at the same time. (and all that in the little free time I've got) I don't know how much it will take me. I'll try to be fast and finish it as soon as i can. And don't worry, I don't like unfinished things so this story won't die vefore it sees the last chapter.

I understand dude. I didn't mean to rush you into writting or anything, I just really liked your story and wanted to read a new chapter I'l be waiting