Caught in the Mouse Trap

[pudzian]

[COLOR=white][COLOR=white]My stay in Brazil, when I was fourteen years old, was the pivot upon which my life so clearly rotated in a number of new directions. That is where I begin the story of how I came to be everything that I am today.[/COLOR][/COLOR][COLOR=white]

[COLOR=white]One evening, my Mom and Dad sat me down after dinner and surprised me with the news that Mom and I were heading to Brazil to seek out a new treatment for my condition.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I should point out that at an age when my friends were growing into young men, I was becoming weaker and more sickly. I had been diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, my body was wasting away and my prospects were not good. They told me some people with the condition live into their thirties; but I also knew that some did not make it out of their teens. We never got any really good news from the tests, the doctors, and all the radical treatments. My mother was a pit bull, relentlessly working every angle on my behalf, but I was coming to know that I would be one of the unlucky ones. Mine was to be the life of a shooting star snuffed out in mid-arc.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Brazil. I thought, with some interest. Better than Gary, Indiana, Rochester, Minnesota and some of the other places I have gone for treatment. Clearly my folks were getting desperate and I wanted to tell them that I was coming to terms with my condition and maybe all this running around in search of a solution that was to never come was unnecessary. But that would break their hearts so I started packing. ?How long are we going for?? I called from my room as I got out my well-used suitcase.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?As long as it takes,? was my mother?s response. I look back on that moment now and smile. That was Mom, in a nutshell.[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=white]I read the article in Flex magazine on the flight. There was this American guy, now running a bodybuilding gym in Brazil, who claimed he had discovered a protein that overcame the body?s natural defenses against excessive muscle growth. He said the substance allowed one to grow unimaginably large muscles, and my Mom thought it might help keep my muscles from wasting away due to the disease. The American dude in Brazil was HUGE. Holy shit he was huge. 510 pounds huge. I had never imagined anyone could have such outrageous muscles. I looked over the photos and could not tear my eyes away. He was a giant jumble of muscles.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Are we going down there to meet this guy?? I asked my mom, and waited in incredible suspense for the answer. Please say ?Yes?.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Of course we?re going to meet Mr. Aganis. And he?s going to help us.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I nearly fainted with excitement. Maybe he could help me, maybe he couldn?t; but the thought that I would get to meet this muscle freak in the flesh? I was blown away with anticipation.[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=white]When we got to the hotel in Brazil I was exhausted from the long travel. Fourteen years old, but I felt like an old man. Mom drew me a bath, then got me into bed. While I lay there, resting, she started getting herself refreshed and ready to head out.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Where?re you going, Ma??[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?I?m off to see Mr. Aganis at his gym. I?ll only be gone an hour or two.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Without me? I have to go too,? I pleaded.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?You get your rest.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]There was no arguing with Mom.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]When she returned Mom was glowing like I?d never seen her before. ?They?re going to help us, Tommy. They?re going to help us for free! Mark ? Mr. Aganis ? is a top-notch biologist. He?s convinced this will work. His wife is coming by tomorrow to administer the first treatment. Oh Tommy, I?m so happy for you.? And she engulfed me in a happy hug.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I was not only more skeptical than Mom, having been down this road before, but I had other things on my mind. Almost all I could think about was, Will I ever get the chance to meet Mr. Aganis? His wife is coming here tomorrow. How can I get down there to see him? Reluctantly, I set these thoughts aside for the moment. Mom?s good mood became infectious. We called Dad and let him in on the news. And I think I actually began to get excited for the first time myself. Mom had never been so sure of any treatment before. I dared to think the death sentence might be lifted.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]The next day Mrs. Aganis arrived promptly at noon. She was young, tall, slender, dark and beautiful. And one of the most sincere and kindest people I ever met. Mom was fussing a bit, about to get her ?bossy? on, when Mrs. Aganis politely removed her from my room. Once alone, Maura ? that?s Mrs. Aganis ? and I hit it off right away. She explained the treatment, the theory behind it, how safe it had proved to be. She treated me like an adult and I loved her for that alone.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]The therapy was a simple injection to be taken once a week. If it worked, I would receive a shot every week for the rest of my life. Mrs. Aganis administered the first shot, and such was her care and skill that I hardly felt a thing. I was sad when she left and headed back to the gym.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]During the next few days I stayed at the hotel regaining my strength from the trip and Maura popped in once a day to check in on me. Those visits were the highlights of each day. She was terrific. I thought I might be in love. I vowed to marry a woman just like Maura, my vision of everything tender, warm, loving and beautiful.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Still, my fascination with Mark Aganis did not dim. I dreamed of meeting him in person, and every chance I got, I poured over the pictures in Flex magazine. I asked Maura if he was really that big, and she got a dreamy look in her eyes, and smiled the biggest, sweetest smile I ever saw. ?Yup. He?s all that,? she answered. Clearly a woman deeply in love.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]On day before my second scheduled injection, I was feeling pretty strong and I screwed up my courage to ask Maura, ?Do you think I could come down to the gym tomorrow and receive the shot there? I?d like to meet Mark and thank him for everything.? Maura thought it was a great idea. My hopes soared as we plotted how we would handle any objections Mom might throw at us.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]We needn?t have worried. Mom approved of the idea. She was nothing if not a stickler for protocol and we did owe Mark a great debt of gratitude that needed to be delivered in person.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I barely slept that night. I am about to meet the most humungous muscle freak on the planet, the biggest muscle dude of all time. And if Maura loves him so much, he must be a great guy. Maybe we will even become friends. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]The next day would prove to be perhaps he most memorable day in my life; but not for the reason I had imagined.[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=white]I was so nervous and so excited when we got to the gym, I could barely contain myself. I had to play it cool, however, or Mom might think me overexcited and take me back to the hotel. Feigning nonchalance, I headed from the car to the front door of the gym and just as I got there the door opened and the largest man I had ever seen emerged. He had obviously just finished a heavy-duty workout; was wearing a wife-beater in the Brazilian heat; sweat rolling off his taut, blood-engorged muscles. Christ his arms are huge. His pecs stretched the fabric thin and his firm nipples were clearly visible. He had on tiny bodybuilder shorts and moved through the door like a lumbering ship under weigh. Still feigning nonchalance, I nodded in his direction, he mumbled something in Portuguese, and as he passed me I turned, ostensibly to wait for my Mom, but actually so that I could watch him waddle to his car, his big butt cheeks bouncing ? left, then right, then left ? his back impossibly wide and thick. I?ll never forget my first true muscle freak sighting.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Mark?s Gym by now is famous the world over. In those early days it was a large warehouse structure. From the parking lot you went up a short flight of stairs to the front door. When you entered you were on a little platform about fifteen feet above the floor of the warehouse where all the workout equipment was. To the left was a hallway with a few offices, to the right was a set of stairs leading down to the workout floor. The locker rooms were under the offices.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I stood on the platform above the workout floor, mesmerized. Nothing had prepared me for this sight ? not the article in Flex magazine, not the 400-pounder I had encountered in the parking lot. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]It was a writhing sea of hyper-masculinity. Young men everywhere, in full pump, muscles popping and exploding with power, straining against insanely heavy weights and reveling in their own massiveness. One guy was bigger than the next. And every one of them was bigger than any dude I had ever seen before. A guy finished cable crossovers and then hit a crab pose and his traps nearly engulfed his head. Another finished a set of flyes and then bounced his pecs, off his chin! There were giant engorged muscle beasts everywhere and everyone there was getting a rush from all the freaky muscle on display.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Mom briefly interrupted my reverie, ?You stay here. I?ll look for Mr. and Mrs. Aganis.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Sure Mom,? I squeaked, barely audibly, never taking my eyes off the gym floor.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]A guy sat down on the bench press station just below me. His back was to me and it was insanely broad, his arms pushed way out by his lats. As big as the dude in the parking lot was, this guy must have had a hundred pounds on him. His traps were giant slabs and the thickness of his back was incomprehensible. He leaned back to lie on the bench and nestle under the barbell to do bench presses, but once he lay in position it was clear that his back muscles were so thick and his pecs so voluminous that his arms would barely extend beyond his pecs. How could he do bench presses if lowering the barbell only a few inches would bring it into contact with his ponderous knockers?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]There must have been ten 45?s on either side of the bar. He lifted the bar off the rack and then I could see that it was special bar; the center of the bar, inside where his hands gripped the bar, was extended two feet out so the bar could be lowered until his hands were parallel with his chest and the extended center section would not collide with his pecs. I watched from above as this giant man performed rep after rep and his pecs bulged and ballooned and grew fuller and fuller with each set.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Just then a young guy came out of the hallway, looked me up and down as he passed me, and headed lightly down the stairs to my right. I swear he sniffed a superior indifference as he passed me by, and that got my attention. I watched him head down the stairs, he practically sashayed as he walked. A little Brazilian fag, I thought. Probably the towel boy. He was what we would call back home a ?swisher.? I became indignant. Why would they let a little fag like that in here to ogle over them? That?s disgusting.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Then, the thunderclap.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Aren?t you ogling over them, Tommy? A voice somewhere in my deep subconscious. You?re a fag, Tommy. You?re gay.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I began negotiating with myself. I can?t be gay. I don?t want to be gay. If live, I want to be normal. I want to get married, have kids. Make my parents proud. Being gay is not in my plans?. Could I really be gay? ?. I?m standing here with the biggest, hardest boner of my life watching giant muscle dudes working out. Of course I?m gay. You just spent the whole last week masturbating to a bodybuilding magazine. Of course, you?re gay, you idiot.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]One may wonder how I never realized this before, but all my life my friends and I had been flinging the word around thoughtlessly. Algebra homework is ?gay?. Coach Phelan is ?gay?. Joey Hampton is ?gay?. Anything disagreeable is ?gay?. Anything not normal is ?gay?. By logic, I couldn?t be gay; I was normal.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Ah? the ignorance of youth.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But youth, and ignorance, pass. Everyone has that moment when they realize they are not who they thought they were ? their own personal epiphany, when God?s little joke on them is made manifest. Mine came while standing on the balcony of Mike?s Gym at the age of fourteen, just as the possibility of a long, productive, healthy life came into view.[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=white]I caught sight of the ?swisher? as he headed into the locker room area. I do not want to be like him. I will not be like him?Am I a homophobic homo? I almost laughed to myself at that thought, but the seriousness of the situation returned. Oh Shit. I?m Gay.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Someone was calling my name. It was Maura at the end of the hall to my left, beckoning me to join her. Her hair was down; I had never seen her with her hair down. On her visits to the hotel she had it up, as nurses usually do. She looked more beautiful than ever that morning. Maybe I?m not gay?. But I never got a boner over Maura. Shit. I?m gay.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Hey, Tommy. Come on down and meet Mark. He can?t wait to see you.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I steeled myself, shut down the raging emotions scurrying around my subconscious and prepared to meet the largest muscle man of all time.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Mark?s office was at the end of the hall. The door to the office had been removed from its hinges and leaned against the wall beside the doorway. The doorway itself was clearly under construction, was in the process of being widened to double-width. Maura led me into the office, my Mom was seated at a chair in front of Mark?s desk; behind the desk Mark was standing to greet me.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]First of all, let me state that he was a handsome man, impossibly handsome. Clean cut but with a thick, dark stubble on his chiseled face. Deep brown eyes: caring, yet emanating strength and competence. He had the look of a content man, happy with his lot in life.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]As Mark stood I nearly swooned. He was a tall man. And thick? He was, literally, five times the size of my Mom. Both of these people could not be human. Mark?s pecs were the first thing to catch your eye. Giant orbs that protruded way out in front and danced with his every movement. They tried to swallow up his neck rising to his chin, but as the pecs danced you could see his immensely thick neck; it was, seemingly impossibly, much bigger around than his head. His head was just snuggled amid the giant bull-neck that made him look impossibly powerful. His shoulders were as large as basketballs.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?You look even bigger than in the magazine,? I stammered. I caught my Mom giving me a look. I had better get control of myself, I thought.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Well, yes, that?s right. That interview was some weeks ago. Earlier this I week passed the 600 pound mark. But what about you Tommy, how are you feeling?? [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?I feel fine, I mean, I haven?t had any bad reaction to the medicine.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?No. And I don?t expect you will. There must be fifty guys on the gym floor at this moment who?ve received the injections and not one of them has had even the slightest trouble. Tommy, I really believe this is gonna cure you.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Mark had wobbled around from behind the desk and put his arm around me as he said these last few words. I was nestled among his giant left arm, his lat and pec. I nuzzled my nose a little into the side of his bulbous pec and wished I could stay there forever.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Maura, why don?t you and Mrs. Carter get things set up for Tommy?s examination and therapy in the nurse?s station?? said Mark. And Maura took the cue and got my Mom out of there. When they had left the room Mark sat on the edge of his desk and asked if I had any questions, but I could not divert my eyes from staring at his thunderous thighs. Seated on the desk they spread out into wide expanses of solid muscle, each much wider than my own body. I was speechless.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Would you like to feel my bicep?? I nodded, dumbly, and Mark stuck his right arm out straight and then began to slowly curl the arm, making the bicep grow slowly bigger and bigger. I reached out and placed my hands on the swelling sinew. It was like trying to get my hands around a rock the size of a beach ball.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]In mid-grope there came a knock at the doorway. Mark spun me around to face the door and put his right arm around me. Again I nestled there. A bright beaming young muscle man entered the office. His smile lit up his entire face and he too was almost impossibly handsome; dark hair, eyes and complexion ? a Brazilian god.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Eduardo,? called out Mark as the massive mega-stud entered, ?Here is someone I would like you to meet. This is Tommy Carter from America. He is our first Muscular Dystrophy patient. Tommy, this is Eduardo Correa, the first prominent bodybuilder to come over to the dark side [chuckle] and now my principal assistant in running the gym here.? [/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Pleased to meet you, Tommy,? said Eduardo with a thick Brazilian accent.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Eduardo joined us three months ago at, what, about 220 pounds??[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?218 pounds,? corrected Eduardo.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?And now??[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]The big smile returned and Eduardo glowed with happiness, ?379 pounds this morning, boss.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?He?s growing faster than I am. Someday you may catch up to me, eh Eduardo??[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But Eduardo just stood there beaming.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Mark and Eduardo then discussed some business matter in a mixture of English and Portuguese after which Eduardo prepared to leave. As he went, he took my hand in his massive paw and shook it vigorously, ?Good luck, Tommy. I can show you around the gym if you want to work out. Just let me know.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?You know, Tommy,? said Mark after Eduardo had left, ?if all goes well with your therapy, you might build muscles like ours someday. If that?s something you want to do.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Really?? I was incredulous. This thought had never crossed my mind in my wildest dreams.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Well, of course,? replied Mark. ?You are taking the same substance that me and all those gym rats out there are on. There?s no reason you won?t get similar results.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]With those few words Mark had stirred my thirst for life like never before. I often wonder at Mark?s insightfulness. How could he have known this was just what I needed to hear? I wanted to live, like I had never wanted to live before. I wanted to be a complete and total muscle freak and, unbelievably, I was on my way ? I was already receiving injections of the mighty elixir and would continue to do so for the rest of my life! My very being was flooded with joy at the thought.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Maura popped her head into the office, ?How are you boys getting along?? she inquired playfully.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Just fine,? said Mark.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]?Fine,? I beamed.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]And then it was off for a full examination and the second of my weekly shots.[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=white]That evening I tried to make sense of my eventful day. I had absorbed Mark?s confidence that the drug would cure my condition, and after seeing what it had done for those mass monsters in the gym I no longer doubted I was on my way to a long healthy life. And what a life! I had been given the opportunity to be a true muscle freak myself, and I was determined to follow through. All this was tempered by my other discovery, however. I simply could not come to terms with my sexuality. I decided that nothing had to change for the moment. I would need more time to get a handle on things. No need to act rashly. And so I put off any decision to let the world see me as I am. And I put it off, and put it off, put it off?..[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=white]After that pivotal day, the rest, as they say, is history.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Mark and Maura returned to America soon after that fateful day when I first visited Mark?s Gym. They worked tirelessly to speed FDA approval of the drug for treatment of Muscular Dystrophy. Still it took almost a year to get the drug on the market, and during that time I had to stay in Brazil in order to get my weekly shots.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Within a month there were signs that my muscles had stopped wasting away. By the two-month mark it appeared I might even be gaining muscle. By that time I had hooked up with a guy in the gym who could get me some pharmaceutical quality HGH. I shot myself silly with the stuff and began a legendary growth spurt, from five-foot-eight to six-foot-five in eleven months. (After I returned to the States, I grew another three inches naturally).[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Eduardo took me under his wing as he continued operating the gym, which continued to attract men in pursuit of monstrous muscles. At the three-month mark I was clearly strong enough to begin a training regime and Eduardo set one up for me. Because of my youth and special status, Eduardo insisted on being my personal trainer.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I fell in love with weightlifting right away. I loved the pump, the feeling of power, and best of all, the growth. I loved growing. I had actually spent years shrinking and now I couldn?t get enough of growing. Growing taller, growing stronger, adding muscle to muscle. I also loved the attention Eduardo paid me as he led me through my workouts. Eduardo was my first real crush, and I watched in awe as he ballooned past 400 pounds, to 450, then 500 and then 580 by the time I left for America. Holy shit, he was a massive muscle stud. And a nice guy to boot.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My struggles with my homosexuality continued. I yearned for the love of a good woman like Maura; but it was massive musclemen like Mark that floated my boat. I couldn?t deny that I was gay; but I couldn?t admit it to the world either. I lived that clich?d life of quiet desperation, entering one failed relationship after another with a string of good and deserving women who I unfailingly ran out on in a sadly predictable and shameful act of cowardice. I could not perform in bed without getting off on my own substantial muscles. This satisfied neither me nor my women. I felt trapped. I buried all my shame, anguish and confusion in my workouts.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]And certainly those workouts produced results. When I first got to Brazil, I was a dying waif of a boy. By the time I left I had gained nine inches in height and fifty pounds of muscle. No one, I mean no one, recognized me when I returned to the U. S., and that felt great. I wanted to live a new life as a big, strong man, and so I did. Eduardo had taught me well. By the end of my sophomore year I was the strongest kid at my high school. By graduation I was six-foot-eight, and over three hundred pounds of solid muscle. Then I really went for it, vowing to hit 500 pounds while still a teenager, I went on a muscle building rampage, achieving my goal by packing on two hundred pounds of beef in just over twenty months. I?ve maintained my weight between 500 and 700 pounds, always ripped to shreds, for all of my adult life.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]But I could never announce to the world who I really was. I never escaped from the trap of being a gay man with hetero- sensibilities. Until I wrote it all down and sent it out to you.[/COLOR]
[/COLOR]

[muscl4life]

Indeed a very interesting plot. The muscle growth worked very well, but the sad tone and the struggling to admit his own self actually printed a very realistic approach. I liked very much this story for such different approach. thanks for posting.

Maybe then, as a huge muscle powerhouse, Tommy can finally have the happiness he deserves. I'm sure he will find lots of elegible candidates .

Cheers

[arpeejay]

Great story, although I think perhaps it needs to be continued. Now that Tommy's announced himself to the rest of the world, surely it's time he found a (giant muscle beast) love of his own?

xoxo

Richard

[chocomus]

great story and, dude, those feelings he had and the problem that he wanted a "normal" life and that he didn't want to dissapoint anyone.... is smething really common. I understand it very well.

[megamuscle69]

Originally Posted by chocomus

great story and, dude, those feelings he had and the problem that he wanted a "normal" life and that he didn't want to dissapoint anyone.... is smething really common. I understand it very well.

I loved it- very well written!