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  #1   Add to umlerian49's Reputation   Report Post  
Old June 27th, 2011, 07:21 PM
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Big New World Chapter 21

Story withdrawn.

Last edited by umlerian49; June 9th, 2012 at 09:03 PM.
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Old June 28th, 2011, 04:28 AM
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Hmmm... I have to be critical with this chapter. Lets break it down into pluses and minuses. On the plus side the chapter was SUPERBLY detailed, and you really captured the bustle and ambience of a busy airport. Also on the plus side, your discriptions of Alex trying his best to go through the motions of boarding a plane, getting comfortable, and trying to fit into a world that no longer fits him, were exquisitely crafted. The dialogue was as believable as ever.

On the minus side, the chapter seemed too long (the first time I've ever complained about length, as I usually want your chapters to go on forever), and I felt my eyelids growing heavy as I (occasionally) struggled to get to the next parapgraph. The minutae was over-played, here, and you lost me to it on three occasions, resulting in the chapter having pacing issues. But I'm not getting at you, whatsoever. I've done this myself, plenty of times, especially with all that mind-wrecking technobabble from the last few chapters of The Superman App, that, to be quite honest, left me mentally burned out, and as a result, taking a few weeks out to grow a new brain before I weave the last three chapters.

I guess what also grates on the reader's patience, with regard to this chapter, is the vast anticipation all of your fans are undoubtedly feeling in the build-up to seeing Alex finally strutting his stuff on the beach in those gloriously pink speedos. I think this chapter, in its innocence, prolonged this agony felt by all of us, almost to the point of it being unintentionally cruel on your part. (Pleeeese show Ryan smearing sun-tan oil all over Alex's muscles and the poor lad struggling to keep Mister Happy and the Twins secured under pink-wrap).

But now that this is out of the way, I look forward to the next chapter more than I've ever craved your work in the past. I think I can speak on behalf of the majority of your readership, that we've been saving up our orgasms for the next chapter.
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Old June 28th, 2011, 10:46 AM
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Well I use to travel a lot on business (at one point I had over 800,000 frequent filer miles) and no passenger airliner I have been on could handle Alex with so few problems. A 747 front cabin maybe but the cockpit is on the second deck and there are two aisles. And nobody flies them Denver to Miami And snacks and meals were never that good on an in CONUS flight then and from what I've heard it's worse now.

Since you let Alex off easy with the plane, I guess you're going to let him slide with the hotel room too. The drop ceiling in the bathrooms of most hotels may be a problem for Alex. And maybe pushing two double beds together will be long enough, I don't think a hotel King will fit Alex.

But if you keep Alex and Ryan on the beach most of the time size won't be an issue... but be sure they lay in a few gallons of sunscreen... Alex with a speedo sunburn wouldn't be pretty...
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Old June 28th, 2011, 11:44 AM
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I dunno. I think he got through the TSA OK because he's known locally.
I think they might have more trouble in Miami going back.

However, I cannot see how he could possibly be able to fit in that seat. I'm pretty sure he's a three-seats-wide person, and he'd have to buy all three to keep the airline from trying to shove someone else in the open slot.

But the real problem is that even in first class the distance between the two seats is not really all that supportive of a tall person. At only six feet, I am routinely uncomfortable in coach, and in first class, it's only slightly better. But someone taller than seven feet? Trouble.

Nevertheless, if they are WARNED ahead of time, most airlines would be able to handle him.
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Old June 28th, 2011, 05:21 PM
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Well, I guess they can't all be gems...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JP71 View Post

On the minus side, the chapter seemed too long (the first time I've ever complained about length, as I usually want your chapters to go on forever), and I felt my eyelids growing heavy as I (occasionally) struggled to get to the next parapgraph. The minutae was over-played, here, and you lost me to it on three occasions, resulting in the chapter having pacing issues. But I'm not getting at you, whatsoever. I've done this myself, plenty of times, especially with all that mind-wrecking technobabble from the last few chapters of The Superman App, that, to be quite honest, left me mentally burned out, and as a result, taking a few weeks out to grow a new brain before I weave the last three chapters.

I guess what also grates on the reader's patience, with regard to this chapter, is the vast anticipation all of your fans are undoubtedly feeling in the build-up to seeing Alex finally strutting his stuff on the beach in those gloriously pink speedos. I think this chapter, in its innocence, prolonged this agony felt by all of us, almost to the point of it being unintentionally cruel on your part. (Pleeeese show Ryan smearing sun-tan oil all over Alex's muscles and the poor lad struggling to keep Mister Happy and the Twins secured under pink-wrap).
Definitely valid criticism. To be honest, the wellspring of inspiration is running just a little dry at the moment, and I think this is the result. I console myself that if you were reading this as a novel instead of a serial as it is now, it might not be as big a concern. I knew everybody was thinking "well, now, he can't possibly fit in a commercial airliner," and I wanted to show "ha, ha! Yes he can!" I may have overdone it a bit.

I don't usually tip my hand about upcoming chapters, and I'm sure I risk your ire, good sir, when I tell you that there is one more chapter before any serious sunbathing takes place, but I promise, PROMISE, there will then be lotion galore.

It was only yesterday that I finally settled on what sort of adventures Alex and Ryan were going to have on their vacation. Even so, I make a blatant and self-serving suggestion that if anyone has any ideas for mischief in Florida, please PM me.

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Since you let Alex off easy with the plane, I guess you're going to let him slide with the hotel room too. The drop ceiling in the bathrooms of most hotels may be a problem for Alex. And maybe pushing two double beds together will be long enough, I don't think a hotel King will fit Alex.
I'm pleased to say that I think I've cracked that nut.

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However, I cannot see how he could possibly be able to fit in that seat. I'm pretty sure he's a three-seats-wide person, and he'd have to buy all three to keep the airline from trying to shove someone else in the open slot.

But the real problem is that even in first class the distance between the two seats is not really all that supportive of a tall person. At only six feet, I am routinely uncomfortable in coach, and in first class, it's only slightly better. But someone taller than seven feet? Trouble.

Nevertheless, if they are WARNED ahead of time, most airlines would be able to handle him.
Coincidentally, I had to fly somewhere last week. While I didn't actually resort to using a tape measure, I'm still fairly comfortable with the depiction. What the hell; it's a fantasy. My fictional airline has really good legroom in first class. Ryan knew that when he booked the flight. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old June 28th, 2011, 11:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by umlerian49 View Post
Coincidentally, I had to fly somewhere last week. While I didn't actually resort to using a tape measure, I'm still fairly comfortable with the depiction. What the hell; it's a fantasy. My fictional airline has really good legroom in first class. Ryan knew that when he booked the flight. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Oh, I've seen basketball players riding in coach (college) and in first-class (pro) and how they fit/didn't. I know it can be done. And I think you did a great job with the "squishing Ryan" part, which WOULD happen

Denver also has some rather large planes coming in and out, and a 747 would definitely be more likely to have room than one of the 727s.

And I hope Mr. Bald Guy wasn't on your flight.
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Old June 29th, 2011, 04:22 PM
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Details! Smails! It's fiction!!! Anything goes! If I had an aisle in my room, I'd have been rolling in it! You have quite a comedic sense. Thanks for another great chapter. I, for one, am not at all irritated with what others see as too slow a pace. I like your pacing. But then, de gustibus non est disputandum!
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Old June 29th, 2011, 06:38 PM
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de gustibus non est disputandum!
Huh? .
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Old June 30th, 2011, 12:01 AM
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de gustibus non est disputandum = you musn't argue over personal taste, or something like that.
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Old July 1st, 2011, 12:22 PM
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Which is philat99 trying to tell us to shut up and not offer any kind of comment about the realism of a muscle-growth fantasy. I refrain from replying further about that, except to say "Keep writing, I loved it, and the examination of the problems of being that large in a regular situation was not too slow and not tedious. If anything, you've skipped over that in a lot of places in the regular story."
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Old July 5th, 2011, 08:50 AM
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For what it is worth, I really enjoy slice of life stories for people "after-growth" like this one. Sometimes it is just fun to have someone deal with life for a little bit instead of having a plot move forward or some smut.

... maybe smut next time ...
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