Help?

[MonsterMash62]

So I've started writing a story.

Outline is:

Young/scrawny/pimply kid just out of college gets masterpc program and uses it to make the uber hot slightly older gay guy living in his condo building into his slave. The kid is hesitant to use MPC on himself, and only uses it on the other guy to make him his slave.

Now, what I kind of had in mind is that the young guy, who's a virgin, confesses some of his fantasies to the super hot guy, who's his slave, and one of them is to mess around with two guys at once. They then go out to bar/pub, but since the young guy doesn't bring MasterPC with him, and isn't very hot, the older super hot slave guy has to seduce the other guy into coming back with them.

Then, when they get back, they start messing around, but it becomes really obvious that the guy they bring back isn't interested in the kid. Being a virgin, and inexperienced, and super young, the kid even starts to think that the superhot slave he's got is more into the guy they picked up than him (even though he's a slave).

I was thinking that the action would all happen at the super hot slave guy's condo, because he's really well off and has a pent house, whereas the kid has a tiny studio suite in the bottom floors. So when the young guy gets jealous of the super hot guy, and insecure that the super hot guy is more into the trick they picked up, he storms down to his condo and uses MPC to give himself a huge, strong, muscular, oversized body, a dominant/alpha/cocky attitude, and a huge dick.

He also makes the trick into his loyal and devoted slave, and then heads back up to fuck the shit out of both of them, practically raping them, though they are both more than willing.

Questions running around in my noggin:

Does the outline/plot make sense? I mean, given that the kid has the MasterPC, why would he feel jealous at all? I mean, he can just make both of them his slaves and change how they feel.

Is it believable that he wouldn't change his own body? Or that he'd go out to the bar with his super hot slave and get the slave to pick up a hot trick for them?
I think I can make that work, because I can establish the kid as being really shy and cautious about stuff. If he's a major dork, then he'd probably take it slow with using the MasterPC, until he gets really mad and throws caution to the wind.

How should I end it? With the kid staying as a hulked out handsome dominant brute? Or should he change back at the end and be shy and cautious again? Should he feel remorse or upset about raping the other two guys?

I was toying with making it somewhat a romance, where the slave falls in love with kid. Since he's made into a slave, this wouldn't be too much of a stretch. But if the kid falls in love with him, and ultimately makes himself into the super stud's ideal partner, then that would be a change.

Any thoughts, suggestions or comments would be much appreciated.

[muscl4life]

First of all, congratulations for the plot. I think it's really well developed and planned out, which to me is already a great achievement (because I'm usually so disorganized). The most important "tip" I can give you is to just write things that turn you on. You have to please your own fetishes and tastes first and only then worry about audience.

As for your questions...here's my own thoughts:

1- The plot makes total sense. Maybe the guy who invented the program wasn't inclined to use on itself for his own need for affection: having a muscle slave for himself to make other (more handsome) jealous or perharps the is desperate to get any affection from the older dude who treated him like shit in the past. Although the main character is in possession of such powerful program, he made the slave fall for him as he is, without any enhancements, which means his insecurities are still there, and he might feel threatened by other and much hotter guy.

2 - Like I've said before, the end of your story must please YOU in the first place. Write the story as it best fits your own tastes and fantasies. Don't forget that you will never please everybody, so you have to please yourself first. I'm sure your choice will be the perfect choice for the story inside your mind. But I'll give you my suggestion just so you realize that different people have different tastes:

So, in my personal taste, the kid would eventually unleash the power and make himself into a monstrous master of muscle. The slave and the thrid guy would be released of their condition, but they'd still remain "sex slaves" by their own volition, since the new body of the former little guy and his enhanced personality captivates them.

3 - I strongly suggest you to write the sexual issues accodring to your tastes. Don't worry if certain aspects may read "gross" or "creepy" for some people, just follow your own tastes and do the story you feel is the best for your choices.

That being said, you have a great material on your plot. Just have fun with it, and people will love the story!


Good luck with everything and have fun!

Cheers

[AuraTwilight]

I think it's great. As for how I'd end it, I would prefer the guy remain a big buff brute, and kept the two under his control. Maybe he even gets bored with them and feels like recruiting more people, indicating the creation of a monster.

[AT2000]

Seems like you've done a lot planning already on what sounds like a cool story.

I have some plot detail suggestions that I hope will help:

Maybe the method he uses to transform the guy upstairs can be a little difficult to pull off, so that maybe he tries it on himself, but it affects the neighbor instead. He has trouble getting it to work again, so that's why he doesn't take it out clubbing.

He can figure it out again later in the story and THEN use it on himself.

As for the possibility that there might be a love interest in the guy upstairs, maybe have the trick that they pick up be an even bigger muscle-dude who starts to get pushy. Bullying the love interest and ignoring the nerdy guy until the nerdy guy runs downstairs and finally manages to use the transformation process on himself successfully in time to go back upstairs and take control of the situation, rescuing the love interest and putting the bully in his place.

Just some thoughts, hope they are helpful.

[MonsterMash62]

Thanks for the comments, guys.
If anyone else has more, I'm all ears.

I think I'm going with close to what I have. I have another twist or two in mind, but it'll go mostly like I said, and will end up with the scrawny guy in the beginning as a big muscle brute, worshipped by the hot guy that he enslaves.

Sounds like it's not too unbelievable (to everyone that's posted here), in that once the reader's suspended their disbelief, the rest of what I've described doesn't sound too fake or contrived.

Thanks again!

[roninjoey]

Did you ever finish this story? I want to read it. It could also be interesting if the slave, trying to please his master, steals the master pc and changes the boy.