Chrysalis - Chapter 2

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[COLOR=#000000]Thanks guys for the positive comments. I just hope I can write something as enjoyable as the stories I've read here.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=#000000]Chapter 2 ? Triggers[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Fifteen Years Later[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]It was a quintessentially warm, late September day on campus. The day was so beautiful no one wanted to be there. Swarms of students moved from one classroom building to the next, praying to find their class cancelled. Professors slowly walked from their offices to teach subjects they?d rather not bother with. The lucky people were outside under the sun sitting on any grassy spot they could find ? studying for an upcoming exam, talking with friends, or just trying to soak up the last rays before winter set in. On every door and telephone poll, flyers and homemade bulletins were pinned one on top of another, advertising clubs with DJ?s, bands, and parties to be held after the Saturday football game. Wannabe frat boys in khaki slacks and navy coats wandered here and there, tending to nonsensical pledge assignments. In other words, the University of Tennessee was that typically strange mix of academics and social life that makes your time in college special. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]By those measures of collegiate normalcy, Kyle McGuire was a very different kind of man. It wasn?t just that fact that Kyle was brilliant ? far more intelligent than the norm. It wasn?t that he was a social outcast. In fact, on the outside, everything said that Kyle should be having the time of his life in college. He was a good looking guy. He had that innocent boyish look so many people are attracted to. He had light brown hair, dark brown eyes, a perfect smile. His soft-featured face would often fool people into believing he was more of an early teen than almost 20 years old. He looked quite thin in clothes, but there were occasional glimpses of the naturally-defined, skateboarder?s build he possessed. There were more than a few girls who drooled over him secretly, even a few who hit on him publicly, as he made his way around campus. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]But, Kyle was a loner. Unlike most of his peers, Kyle valued ? no, treasured ? quiet anonymity, and it was something he fiercely cultivated. Almost no one knew him here, being one man among 30,000, 800 miles away from his childhood home in New York. But that was exactly what he wanted. Kyle was never comfortable conversing around strangers and made friends only with great difficulty. His parents chalked it up to the social awkwardness that seems to grip so many unusually bright kids. But, Kyle made a great impression on both adults and kids his own age in those times he was forced into social situations. It wasn?t just simple shyness. There was a feeling ? maybe distrust -- inside that made Kyle dislike being around people he didn?t know.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Kyle was also different from most guys in that he was gay. He was in the closet, and, like many gay guys his age, he was just coming to terms with his sexuality. A part of him wanted to come out and to have a relationship with another guy. He longed for someone he could truly open up to, someone who he could really get to know and love. In fact, some nights would find him in his dorm room tortured by loneliness. But, despite all the yearnings, despite the call to companionship, doubts in himself and a fear of loss and abandonment flipped on around people whom he might consider friends. He wouldn?t ? couldn?t ? allow himself to be vulnerable. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]In his whole freshman year, there was only one person, Aaron, who he had learned to trust. They met in a class last year, and through the luck of the draw, became study partners. After weeks and weeks of attempts from Aaron to break the ice, Kyle finally allowed their relationship to progress to friendship, and sometimes, perhaps, the promise of more. Although the subject of sexual orientation had never been broached, Kyle knew there was a spark of attraction between them. Now, more than a year after meeting, Aaron was Kyle?s escape valve; the one person he could be honest with ? to a point -- about his feelings. Aaron was calming, soothing, bringing feelings to Kyle that he rarely experienced. Occasionally, around a DVD or just talking in their dorm rooms, Kyle could feel that Aaron wanted to take the next step, but Kyle was scared by it. If it were true, would Aaron abandon him? Leave him for more interesting, better guys? Even so, if he were to have a relationship with anyone here, it would be Aaron.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]The beautiful day that changed Kyle forever found him sitting next to Aaron in Ayres Hall in their Calculus class. The twenty or so students here spent most of their time staring out the windows to the sunlight and blue skies outside. The only reason most had come at all was to receive their first exam grades. Now with grades in hand, there was no interest in the rest of the class at all; still, the professor diligently continued reviewing the answers to the exam.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]?Alright. For the last problem on the exam, most of you correctly answered the question. A few didn?t apply the product rule correctly across the partial differential, but it mostly appeared to be careless errors. As I said, most of you did well on this exam, but things get a little harder from here on out.? The prof turned up from the dry erase board to find his usually attentive class daydreaming. Knowing that his task for the day was complete, the professor decided to end class mercifully. ?Next period, we will begin the chapter on multivariate integrals. Please read section one for next time and have any questions about the examples ready to discuss. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]?That?s all. See you next time.? With official sanction given, most people jumped up running for the door. Kyle was a bit slower as he reached around, grabbed his backpack, and pushed his book and papers inside. As he stood, several students were already making their way to the professor, no doubt to discuss some error they believed he made in their grades. Kyle had no such worries. He rarely scored below an A in anything, and this class was no exception.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Aaron came up beside him and they walked out into the hall. ?So, I guess that?s another A for you, huh?? Aaron asked.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]?Yeah. Wasn?t that hard of a test. How about you?? Kyle asked.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]?It was only easy for geniuses like you. I got a B.? Aaron snickered. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Kyle smiled, ?Guess I?ll just have to spoon feed you the next chapter.?[/COLOR]
[COLOR=#000000]Aaron looked at him with fake hurt, ?Shut up.? Kyle looked over to his friend to see that eye sparkling look of hope ? the one Kyle swore was attraction and anticipation. There was a change in tone, and a bit of nervousness crept into Aaron?s voice, ?Listen, you still up to get together tonight? I know that I need a break from tests and ahhh . . . maybe we could grab a burger and hit the movies or video store or something??[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Kyle really did want a break. ?Yeah, I?ll be there. Meet you at your room at 6??[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Aaron?s face lit up. ?Sure.? [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]The two young men exited the building and Kyle turned. ?OK. See ya then.?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Aaron replied in his usual smiling goodbye of ?Later? and walked off toward Dougherty, where his next class was. Kyle sighed and began to descend the Hill toward the humanities building to his next class. Kyle saw a few acquaintances in the crowds around the University Center. He said hello, but he didn?t engage in a real conversation with any of them. He was thinking about Aaron, feeling the conflicted pull of attraction to him and the same overpowering need to guard himself. Aaron was a little taller and had more thickness to his body than Kyle had, but he was still relatively thin. He had just the right body type to attract Kyle. Aaron wasn?t cute in the way he was, but he had striking grey eyes that seemed to bring a mysterious twinkle to his whole being. Their personalities seemed to complement so well, filling voids in each other. Kyle felt a stirring in his groin, as he often did when he was thinking about Aaron. No, he thought, I can?t do this now; so, he forced himself to focus on the crowd, the building, anything so that he could calm his cock.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]By the time he felt he was in control again, Kyle had filed his way through the throngs at the McClung tower entrance to the HSS building. The reality of what was ahead of him for the next hour sank in, and Kyle?s arousal was replaced by dread. World Lit was so damned boring. But, as he made his way down the main hallway, he again started thinking about Aaron. He glanced covertly around at other guys and found them lacking. It was ashame, Kyle thought, that most had either dumb jock or muscle bound moron written all over them. He could never figure out why so many gay men went for the muscular type. He found them . . . well . . . he couldn?t put words to it exactly. There was just something about them that triggered an almost primal revulsion in him. Aaron was so different from them, so normal, and yet so special. Again, he felt the stir, but as he was seated in the lecture hall of his next class, Kyle let himself go, and a half-hard cock rose, hidden under his pants.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]World Lit was exactly what Kyle expected. The sheer volume of monotonous droning from the TA who was forced to teach this class was maddening. Kyle focused on doodling in his notebook, surreptitiously working on other more important assignments, basically anything to stay awake. He was reading over a computer program he?d written for his programming class when the words ?assignment? and ?next week? brought him back to the current here and now. As he focused in, Kyle heard, ?. . . Now this writing assignment will be a little different from the others you?ve received from me. I?m not going to give you the topic.? The TA then instructed everyone to tear out a piece of paper and write down the most interesting period of their lives. He then collected all the scraps and placed them in a plastic grocery bag. ?Now, as I come around, you?ll draw out a topic. This will be your assignment. I?ll expect a 5-7 page rough draft about the topic for next Monday?s? class. Once you have your topic, you are free to leave.? There was a slight groan throughout the hall at the thought of homework like this on a home game weekend. Then the noise level generalized as the teacher began the assignment process and groups began to have impromptu conversations. Kyle?s seat was about 1/3 of the way through the class. At least this will end early enough for me to get to the grill for a sandwich and to drop off my books before organic chemistry, Kyle thought.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]It took a few, but paralyzingly long, minutes for the TA to arrive at Kyle?s desk. ?Reach in and grab one,? the overly-happy TA said presenting the bag to him. Kyle thrust his hand into the bag and found a slip. He absently pulled it out, expecting to see something about the high school prom or the game where I scored the winning touchdown as his topic. But when he opened the paper and read the one line prompt, his heart froze. ?Oh,? the TA said, ?Your earliest memories. That should make a very interesting paper.? Kyle was unresponsive as the TA made a note of his topic on the class roster and moved on. Zombie like, Kyle got up, piece of torn paper gripped tightly in his hand, and staggered out the door to get to his dorm.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]There were few people on the sidewalk as he walked the block to Hess Hall, but Kyle never noticed them. He was totally absorbed, his stomach knotted in a nervousness that made him almost nauseous. How can I write about that, he wondered to himself. Of all the things in his life that made him feel different -- his dislike of strangers, his homosexuality ? Kyle?s memories of childhood were worst of all. They mustered in him raw terror, confusion, an almost palpable isolation he thought no one could truly relate to. His mom and dad could never explain them to him; they said they didn?t know where they came from. So, they told him it was best to focus on the present and the future rather than to dwell on the past. Kyle took their words to heart and tried to never think about them. To him, it was as if his life started when he began school fourteen years ago. Kyle had walled off those early images and sounds behind a mental barrier he rarely penetrated. But now, he was being forced to go over that wall. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Kyle wandered into Hess and turned left to go up to the J-side elevator to take him to the 5th floor. As he pressed the button to take him up, Kyle began to relieve those memories. They seemed to real on the one hand. Yet, they had to be fake, just dreams or something like that. None of them had anything to do with what he knew as his life.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]By the time Kyle reached his room, he was almost in a panic. Should he lie in his paper, just make up something more acceptable to himself and his TA? What would facing these memories do to him? Was there more to them that trying to write about them would uncover? He opened his door and went inside. Kyle dropped everything in his hands and grabbed his asthma inhaler from his desk. He took two puffs before collapsing on his bed. Why did this scare him this way? Why did he feel such a need to escape, like he was some kind of lab rat under pursuit? At least, there one good thing about living in an underclassman dorm -- he had squatter?s rights. He had no roommate, so long as he bought out the other half of the room, which Kyle did as a no brainer. No one would know about this.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Kyle laid thinking and reliving. The person he knew as Daddy who wasn?t the father he remembered all his life ? doing push ups, pull ups, exercising with him and having fun -- army uniforms ? soldiers ? being carried like a baby by someone John and asking him, ?What?s it like to be strong? Like you and Daddy?? But most haunting of all was hearing ?Daddy? tell him ?Be a man for me today, Davey. Be strong.? Who were these people? Who is Davey and why did he have memories of him? Kyle felt so unattached, like Davey was another person, and yet he remembered these images and sounds so clearly. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]Kyle was so absorbed he did something had never done in his life. He skipped class for the rest of the day. He lay in his room scared of this assignment, scared of Davey. He longed for someone, someway to stop these feelings, but he couldn?t think of any. Until . . . [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000]He looked up at his clock. 5:30 pm. He was supposed to meet Aaron. Kyle got up to call Aaron and to tell him he couldn?t make it. But as he reached for the phone, he paused. He had to tell someone, maybe he should tell Aaron. Maybe Aaron could help him, suggest a course of action. Maybe Aaron wouldn?t think he was crazy. Now, more than at anytime since his arrival in Knoxville, Kyle longed for, craved, the calming influence of Aaron. Those maybe?s were enough to get Kyle out of his room and set him walking to Presidential Court, to Aaron?s room.[/COLOR]

[skumbum]

Nice chapter, looking forward to seeing where this story goes!