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Old March 20th, 2013, 10:19 PM
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Footnotes From The Unauthorized Version - Part 8

Content warnings and description for this story accompany part 1.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

-----

I may end up having to cheat. Strictly speaking, I ought to be able to post every night, after all. (Tonight was the big crunch, and here's tonight's post.) But the next part of this story is where we catch up with what I have done -- I haven't been using my time very well. (Or rather, I've been using the spare time from posting stuff which was already done on things other than writing. Some of that time was very well spent, in my opinion.) So I may end up having to delay the next part of this, after all. Sorry.

Actually, even that isn't completely true -- I made a start on Caveman, the story coming after these. I think I'm going to post it one part every 3 days or so, once we're done with this one. (This has a fair amount more to go. I haven't even dragged in any other characters yet!)

Once again, I'm going to duplicate the last few lines of the previous part to keep the flow of the narrative going. I promise that, starting with the next part, the breaks between parts will feel more natural, because I'll be writing it with serialization in mind. (So far, everything you've read has been stuff I wrote thinking it would be posted all in one lump.)

-----

Footnotes From The Unauthorized Version
Part 8


{ Miguel balanced the fully loaded bar between the thumb and forefinger of his right hand. Then he grinned, gripped the bar with his left hand, and started throwing it in the air and catching it in his palm. }

"Miguel, look down. Your feet are starting to break into the floor."

"Oh, damnation. I'll stop."

"That's one wall and one floor you've ruined. And this is a newly-constructed house, too!"

"Sorry, I didn't think about the consequences of tossing that weight around. Still, think how awesome that is -- we're so strong we can break through concrete!"

"Yeah, but we're so strong we probably can't measure how strong we are without going public, and I won't do that."

"So what? We can just enjoy being strong. Nobody else has to know."

{ After another round of sex on the gym floor, the brothers went to work for the morning. Adrian found himself pondering the inefficiency of the keyboard, and before he knew what he was doing, he had written a module which allowed him to input text by pressing more than one key at once. Since the keyboard hardware could sense up to 5 keys at a time, and the combinations possible -- though meaningless in comparison to the output -- were vast, his data entry speed suddenly increased by a factor of a few hundred. After a minute of practice, it took him twenty minutes to complete the rest of the code. He set it to compile for the CPU which would go into the robot and headed off to find Miguel, who he eventually discovered flexing in front of a mirror in the bedroom. }

"Miguel, why are you here? I thought you were working on the parts for the robot."

"Finished."

"What? Then why aren't you putting them together?"

"Also finished."

"What? How?"

"I started realizing ways to do things faster. And then I discovered that I was making fully accurate movements when I tried to move as fast as possible. So it only took me an hour and a half to do everything. And so I thought I would go look at this body. Pretty good, isn't it?"

"Mmmm, yes. But I finished the code, so your break is over."

"Time to find all the mistakes, yes? Well, no time like the present."

{ To their surprise, the robot booted and immediately rolled into the kitchen, where it began doing dishes. As Adrian stared, two arms grabbed dishes, three scrubbed, and three dried, while a pair of extra-long arms on the back took the dry dishes and put them back in cabinets. }

"I thought my typing speed was a little scary, but this is just spooky. First releases of software NEVER work right."

"Face it, Adrian, we're geniuses as well as superhuman studs."

"I refuse to believe that this is working. It's going to screw up at some point."

"Well, why sit and watch it? Why not go and have some fun while we wait for the explosions?"

{ To emphasize this sentence, Miguel put his bulging arms around Ardian's shoulders and ground his crotch into Adrian's ass. }

"I admit there's no crying need to watch over it; everything is being logged to the debug server and recorded by the house security system. We can check on it at lunch. I just can't believe it's working properly so quickly."

"So, how about we start with a striptease?"

"Miguel, have you forgotten that we no longer fit into our clothing, except our workout shorts? There's nothing left to strip!"

"Oh. Damn. We'll just have to stick with more traditional methods, then. Hey, why don't I do what you did the other day?"

"Sure, why not? But spare the shorts. We don't have that many pairs left."

"Next project: a tailor robot. Now take off the blasted shorts so I can get into you."

{ To celebrate the completion of their project, Miguel and Adrian tried to think of new sex positions which were only made possible via superhuman strength. They were not entirely successful. }

"Ouch! Miguel, that's my ear. What do you think you're doing?"

"Sorry, so sorry. I don't think this is working so well."

"You already came three times -- once all over the back of my head, I should add --"

"Hey! You're the one who came all over the bedspread, hypocrite!"

"-- so why don't we give up and go get lunch."

"I suppose that makes sense. If all the plates are broken we can eat off the table."

"What if the table is broken?"

"Don't joke."

"Well, at least let's measure ourselves first."

{ Miguel was disappointed -- though not surprised -- to find that neither of the two of them had barely grown at all since the last measurements. An extra half or quarter of an inch to some, but not all, measurements. They then headed for the kitchen. To Adrian's surprise, rather than a scene of carnage, the kitchen was sparkling -- the robot had finished the dishes, dusted, vacuumed, mopped, and scrubbed where appropriate, and then rolled into a corner, plugged itself in to recharge, and shut itself off. }

"All right, then, our next project is a tailor robot."

"Why settle for that?"

"We need clothes, you hyena."

"No, why not do what you said earlier, design a general-purpose robot which can be printed, print a bunch of them, and then write an artificial intelligence to control the robots? I think it might be less work overall than making a separate robot for each purpose. Look at how easily this project went."

{ This proved to be an unfortunate choice. Designing a printable robot was easy enough for the brothers, even with the requirement that each robot should have at least one pair of hands shaped like human ones, in order to use non-specialized tools. The difficulty was designing a truly universal artificial intelligence. }

{ Had Adrian been better versed in computer science, rather than self-taught, he would have understood something of the magnitude of the problem. Although humans expected artificial intelligence to be an easy task almost from the moment computers existed, creating intelligence is not simple. The only known example of a rational mind is the human brain, and although it would be technically possible to create an AI by simulating a human brain, this would be both incredibly inaccurate -- the human brain is subject to all sorts of biological cycles and chemical influences which a raw simulation would not be able to include -- and terribly slow -- even by means of the most efficient code and massively parallelized hardware, any reasonably accurate simulation would move far too slowly to be of use. A true AI would need to operate by other means -- at the very least by using simplified analogies of biological mechanisms. }

{ Fortunately, Adrian and Miguel did not know this, and began work. Unlike the kitchen robot -- which continued to work flawlessly over the next several weeks -- their designs hit snag after snag. Adrian debugged the code far into the night, while Miguel tinkered with improvements to their robot design, built a custom car, produced the next release of MoreOS, and ordered clothing for their no-longer-growing bodies. Miguel, it must be said, cared little for the AI project. He would just as soon have built a large number of custom robots and moved along; Adrian, however, had the spirit of a true computer geek -- a certainty that no problem is insoluble, combined with a willingness to waste any amount of productive time on a problem whose solution may turn out to be totally useless. }

{ After a week, Adrian decided he needed more information on biology in order to better realize how intelligence works in practice. The two spent a busy day ordering texts and laboratory materials online. The two spent the next seventeen days reading biology texts nonstop at speeds no ordinary human would be able to match while retaining any of the subject matter. And then, one evening, Miguel interrupted Adrian: }

"Say, Adrian, aren't you done with all this yet? This was supposed to be a simple project, and you've been obsessing over it for the last three and a half weeks."

"I know, I know. There's just so much to take in; I feel like there's an obvious solution if only I could grasp it."

"How about taking a break and grasping something else, if you get my drift? Here, catch!"

"Syrup? What-- oh. Oh! Now that you mention it, it's been a while. I could use a little break of that kind."

"Take off your shirt; I want to lick some from between your pecs."

"Let's go to the bedroom first. The last thing this project needs is for one of us to cum on the hardware."

{ The distraction worked quite well as a distraction from Adrian's problems. The evening passed in an orgy of thick flexing arms, bulging pecs, tight asses, and rock-hard cocks. The pent-up frustration gave Adrian's lovemaking an edge it had not had for the past two weeks, and Miguel was happy to keep up. Between the sense of release and their recent late hours, the Morenos managed to keep going for nearly two and a half hours, using up the remainder of the bottle of syrup in the process. As Miguel fell asleep in Adrian's arms, he thought "next we need a laundry robot". }

{ In the morning, Adrian woke first, by nearly two seconds. His scream of pain upon reaching consciousness awoke Miguel, who almost immediately joined in. They sat up, panting, staring at each other with wide eyes, and simultaneously made a dash for the kitchen. The two began eating everything they could lay hands on, as quickly as they could. Only after they had cleaned out two shelves from the refrigerator and an entire tub of protein powder mix did the hunger pangs subside enough to allow them to speak. }

"Adrian, I think we're growing again."

"I know. Don't care. Open that next tub of protein powder."

"Okay. Let's do it simply -- the tub is mostly air, so let me add some water and just shake it together in the container."

"Hurry."

{ Protein powder, as thousands of aspiring athletes have discovered, does not mix as readily as Koor-Aid or Cocoa mix. However, a six-foot-one, 260-pound man with superhuman strength and speed has no problem vibrating a container fast enough to convince protein powder to dissolve. Or, come to that, sand. Miguel finished with the process and poured half the mix into the previous, empty container. Each of them then chugged their share immediately. }

"Oh, thank you, Miguel. I think I'm finally merely hungry!"

"I know. Let me fry some eggs and boil some water for tea, and you can make a loaf of toast."

"All right. Well, I think we've made a discovery."

"Yes. Protein powder tastes just as nasty if you're starving to death as it does if you're just taking it as a supplement."

"Be serious. I don't think there's any other explanation for all this than--"

"--the maple syrup."

"Right."

"Every time we have had sex using maple syrup, we have increased in size and strength. And, looking back on it, intelligence."

"No other conclusion is possible."

"Right."

"Right."

"Right."

"So, when are you ordering more maple syrup?"

"As soon as we finish breakfast."

"And measure ourselves."

"Since when have YOU considered those measurements to be a priority?"

"Since you had a foot-long cock, Miguel."

Part 9

Last edited by tekuno; March 22nd, 2013 at 08:46 PM.
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Old March 22nd, 2013, 03:42 AM
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I laughed really hard at the part of the syrup revelation. I know there must be some kind of explanation for their realization - which would be interesting to know - but this was actually one of the funniest things I've read so far.

Kudos again
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