Alpha

TeknoDave · #1 May 20th, 2007, 04:29 PM

I thought I would try a slightly different writing method here to see how it pans out. Any comments and criticism is welcome.

--

Staring at you on your desk is the syringe and latex strap that you have yet to wrap around your arm. You have only gotten as far as filling the syringe with the bright orange liquid that seems to glow under the bask of the black light that sits atop the hutch of your desk.

A voice in the deep recesses of your mind taunt you. You ask yourself if doing this is the right thing. What if something goes wrong? Memories flood back, and you recall the hell you endured in grade school, the constant target of bullies, not only from your classmates, but the high school bullies had you piced as an easy target as well. Even though they fed on your fear, deep down, you lusted for them as well, with their thick, muscular, testosterone-pumped bodies.

Now you are a college freshman, and still have not achieved what you had wanted -- a body like theirs. You get up from your desk and walk to your mirror. "You're pathetic, you know that?" you snarl at your 5'6" 120 pound reflection.

You finally decide to go forward with it. You grab the latex strap and wrap it around your left upper arm and pull it tight using your teeth. You then start tapping the vein until it starts to bulge and wipe the area down with alcohol. Even though you are still nervous and your fear of needles try to overcome you, you are able to insert the needle up your vein and inject the bright liquid into your bloodstream. To your surprise, it did not hurt all that much. You put the needle down and put a cotton ball on the place of insertion to soak up the blood until the body closes the wound on its own.

The guy that gave him the formula said the body should react to it almost immediately, so you walk back to the mirror and see the same reflection as before. "Stupid fucker took me!" But as the anger started to rise, you felt hot, like your insides are on fire. You stumble forward to stare into your reflection, seeing your eyes change into a steel blue that could cut through a
soul. Your jaw and chin start to get thicker, look more powerful. Pock marks from your acne breakout when you were younger, disappear. Then, your neck snaps your leather chocker necklace you were wearing as it starts to expand and get enveloped by two rapidly-raising trapezius muscles.

Buttons from your shirt start to ricochet off the mirror as two enormous pillows of power have replaced a once flat chest. The room is filled with the sound of fabric ripping, as your back is also pushing outward, screaming for air.

Completely overtaken by the transformation, you start to grunt and growl like a wild beast. Without thinking, you grab the front of your shirt and tear it off into shreds. You see your skin start to darken into a deep, rich tan as veins are ready to rip out from underneath, as blood feeds your hulking out body. Your chest is enormous, hanging over deeply cut abdominals that look like cobblestone streets...eight-pack...ten-pack. You try to reach down and rub your growing hands over them, but it proves somewhat difficult as your lats flare out, pushing your arms outward.

The shorts you are wearing are rising up your legs and are beginning to shred, unable to contain the growth of your quads and hamstrings. You are not only growing outward, but upward to just over six feet tall. You stare at your reflection intently, hitting a massive double bicep pose, then bend forward and hit a most muscular, as your shorts rip off your body. You growl again in pure, erotic delight. You barely grab your boxers and they just fall off your legs in shreds.

Before long, the growth begins to dissipate, but the fun is not over. Watching yourself worship yourself has pushed you past any point that you have ever had before and without even touching your now ten inch fat cock, it erupts into a cataclysmic orgasm, spewing all over the mirror, splashing back onto yourself. The overwhelming feeling makes your knees buckle and fall to the floor with a shaking thud.

Looking back up at your reflection in the cum-soaked mirror, you smile at yourself and your new body, content in knowing things will be different from now on.

scott2462 · #2 May 20th, 2007, 08:31 PM

Hey, this writing method works for me, that's for damn sure! Love this type of scenario. Thanks!

.

Blake · #3 May 21st, 2007, 02:22 AM

Faints ..... wow no no no WOW!
Wonderful...

What happend next, I wonder?

Absman420 · #4 May 21st, 2007, 02:38 AM

Second-person is a very difficult narrating style. Nicely done!

TeknoDave · #5 May 21st, 2007, 03:18 PM

Thx guys!

theseventhwave · #6 May 21st, 2007, 04:57 PM

Hello TeknoDave,

I love the story - it is a good idea, it has the muscle and cock growth that I love, and it is edited. Thanks for writing.

You requested feedback - and so here are my two cents...

In my opinion (important to recognize that others will not share my opinion), I would have liked to see the growth drawn out. Perhaps each shot only grows our protagonist a little bit. This would give him, and us, some time to enjoy the growth as it is happening over time. This would also allow our protagonist to interact with others (i.e. those who's bodies he has desired), and experience/enjoy his ever (yet slowly) increasing muscle/cock size.

For added excitement - perhaps his roommate also hungers for growth. The roommate notices the slow growth of our protagonist and figures out the catalyst - and steals some/all of the serum.

Just my two cents. You are the writer, thus, you are in control. I, as the reader, am thankful for your efforts.

TeknoDave · #7 May 21st, 2007, 05:30 PM

Well, you got my juices (creative that is) flowing, and I am already thinking up of a continuation, same scenario, but different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by theseventhwave

Hello TeknoDave,

I love the story - it is a good idea, it has the muscle and cock growth that I love, and it is edited. Thanks for writing.

You requested feedback - and so here are my two cents...

In my opinion (important to recognize that others will not share my opinion), I would have liked to see the growth drawn out. Perhaps each shot only grows our protagonist a little bit. This would give him, and us, some time to enjoy the growth as it is happening over time. This would also allow our protagonist to interact with others (i.e. those who's bodies he has desired), and experience/enjoy his ever (yet slowly) increasing muscle/cock size.

For added excitement - perhaps his roommate also hungers for growth. The roommate notices the slow growth of our protagonist and figures out the catalyst - and steals some/all of the serum.

Just my two cents. You are the writer, thus, you are in control. I, as the reader, am thankful for your efforts.

musqlure · #8 May 22nd, 2007, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theseventhwave

Hello TeknoDave,

I love the story - it is a good idea, it has the muscle and cock growth that I love, and it is edited. Thanks for writing.

You requested feedback - and so here are my two cents...

In my opinion (important to recognize that others will not share my opinion), I would have liked to see the growth drawn out. Perhaps each shot only grows our protagonist a little bit. This would give him, and us, some time to enjoy the growth as it is happening over time. This would also allow our protagonist to interact with others (i.e. those who's bodies he has desired), and experience/enjoy his ever (yet slowly) increasing muscle/cock size.

For added excitement - perhaps his roommate also hungers for growth. The roommate notices the slow growth of our protagonist and figures out the catalyst - and steals some/all of the serum.

Just my two cents. You are the writer, thus, you are in control. I, as the reader, am thankful for your efforts.

I think what would be exciting would be a twist on the usual story line. How about some of the bullies get wind of it and steal the serum for themselves to make them even bigger? A different take on this "reversal of fortune" theme.

benroc · #9 December 3rd, 2008, 08:21 PM

What ever happen to stories like this. This is awesome writing!

redroger11 · #10 December 4th, 2008, 11:45 PM

Hey guys there's a few other ways to go here. What if the guy that gave this kid the orange stuff wanted to be an alpha with a few betas ready to fit into his pack. That could mean that the kid is an alpha to all others but the guy with the orange formula. But benroc is right. Awesome writing.

redroger11