To Rebuild What Is Broken Part I

[mattbarradell]

My Second Story, hopefully you like. This is inspired by two things in the Story Ideas section, Chavs and Bullies.

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Nathan was a bully. He knew it and didn't really care. He knew he wasn't a bad person deep down, he just liked the way he felt when he had power over others.

But Nathan is also a victim. This he doesn't realise. He bullies others because of how he is bullied. The older boys, the teachers, his Dad. All of them treat him badly but he doesn't notice this too much, all he recognises is power.

The older boys have it and they use it... a lot. The teachers have it and they use it to show how stupid he is, and he knows he is, his average grade in any subject is an E. His Dad uses it, he blames him for his Mom leaving and he's right, if Nathan was a better son his mother would have stayed.

Nathan is 17 and confused. Nathan is also a Chav. He wears tracksuits, hoddies and trainers. It's his identity and he revels in the stigma attached to being one. He smiles when people cross the street, laughs when people try to reason with him and loves the feeling of power his status in his gang gives him.

Nathan is broken.

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Travis is a victim. This he has come to accept. He is the weakest in his class, he is also the smartest and this thought comforts him and makes his status as a Victim livable. Nathan is his bully, he knows this. Nathan takes extra pleasure in tormenting his fellow classmate.

Travis is gay, this doesn't help his situation. Luckliy no one knows this, some suspect and others call him names because of these suspicions but no one KNOWS.

Travis is 16. Travis is caring, to a fault. Always thinks of others before himself, even when he shouldn't or they don't deserve his concern. Travis is loved by those who know him but scorned by those who don't

Travis is not broken, Travis is unaware that he rebuilds that which is broken.

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All this is about to change.....

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'Hey dweeb!' Travis freezes in his tracks. Nathan walks up to him and punches him in the arm knocking his books to the floor.

Turning to his laughing friends he calls back to them as they run past. 'Told you he'd just stand there!'

Travis curses under his breath picking his chemistry books up. With indifference to what has just happened, a talent he's picked up after years of bullying to reduce the embarrassment it causes, he walks to his next class, his second favourite. Chemistry, second only to Biology.

Travis hopes one day to be a doctor. One day he might even save the life of someone who bullied him. He could turn to them and say 'See I was worthy of existing!'.

Sitting at the front as always he feels something hit the back of his head, turning he sees Nathan and his friends laughing at the back. Looking down he picks up the crumpled ball of paper and smoothing it out reads it:

'Fucking Queer!'

'Imaginitive.' Travis thinks to himself and turns to look at the teacher as she walks in.

'Right class we're setting you all on your year project today, when I call out your name come to the front. This year you're project will involve all three sciences. You are to combine Biology with Chemistry and Physics.' An audible groan comes from several students behind Travis but he ignores it looking at the teacher hopefully.

'Damian?'

'Here'

'And Sara'

'Here, Miss'

'You're on team 1. OK... Travis?'

'Queer!'

'Nathan! Be quiet or you'll be removed!'

'Here, Mrs Griffiths.' Travis said as he walked to stand next to her.

'And.... oh.... er Nathan?'

Travis could feel his heart pounding. Not Nathan of all the people to be paired with...

Nathan got up slowly and walked to the front standing next to Travis and looked down at him smiling. Least he wasn't going to fail science this year.

After the teacher had finished sorting out the teams she addressed the whole class.

'Seeing as this is the last period of the day you can all go home and decide what project you would like to do.... together!' There was a mass exodus as the class stormed out of the room. Only Travis remained behind.

Mrs Griffiths looked up from her desk and noticed him sat there quietly looking out the window.

Walking over to him, 'Travis?'

'Sorry miss, I'll go now.'

'No it's OK Travis, I understand what you're feeling.'

Travis thought this was impossible but looked at her questioningly.

'Well Travis you know my husband.' Mr Griffiths was the PE teacher of the school and was known throughout the school as a hard ass who treated the children as a McDonald worker treats the oil at the end of the day. Not worth his time. The only saving grace he could see in Mr Griffiths was when he was with Mrs Griffiths, he had never seen such affection, even his parents weren't as close as they seemed to be. 'He was the bully in my school... my bully for years.'

This truly shocked Travis. Why would she marry the man who bullied her?! ' I know what you're thinking Travis, why would I marry him if he bullied me. Well my science teacher put us together for a project and after a while we both realised how we truly felt. Everything after that was, how do you kids put it? Gravy?'

'Yeah, gravy.' Travis whispered still confused.

'Well I may be out of line Travis and if I am I'm sorry but I have noticed that you are well.... gay.' Travis looked even more shocked than before and also very flushed. He was blushing in shock. 'I'll take no answer as a yes then.' Mrs Griffiths chuckled to herself. 'And so is Nathan.'

'What?!' Travis exclaimed loudly. 'You mean he... he told you that?' He whispered conspiratorialy.

'Not in so many words no, but look at how he is. He has never showed interest in girls, spends all his time with male friends, has no female friends... and well let's say as you get older, especially in this job, you begin to notice the signs.'

It dawned on Travis what she was trying to say. 'You think that I and.... Me and.... no never he's such a.... I mean...'

'It's OK Travis, all I ask is that you try to be his friend. Include him in this project as much as you can. Keep his interest, you might become good friends, if nothing else. Besides this is a joint project, Your grade will be split between you.'

'You mean if I get an A and he gets and F then the best I can hope for is a C?! But I want to get into Medical School?!'

'Well then you'll have to work just as hard on him as you do on the project then.' She said to him as she collected her things and left to the teacher's lounge to meet her husband.

Travis sat there in shock for several minutes before standing slowly and walking to the bus stop outside the school.

[skumbum]

Cool start, and well written

[arpeejay]

A suggestion:

Pick a tense and stick with it.

All the best & xoxo...

Richard

[mattbarradell]

Hi Richard, which bits were you talking about?

I pretty much wrote it and posted it.

Cheers

Matt

PS Don't worry took it as constructive criticism

Originally Posted by arpeejay

A suggestion:

Pick a tense and stick with it.

All the best & xoxo...

Richard

[Koutetsu]

Intresting start!

[tagsnola]

The bully who bulleys others like himself, to hide who and what he really is. No doubt this will be an interesting story. Maybe Travis will find vindication and Nathion redemption. Whether or not this happens, the story should be interesting. Good start!
- TagsNOLA

[Jaypat]

Originally Posted by mattbarradell

Nathan was a bully. He knew it and didn't really care. He knew he wasn't a bad person deep down, he just liked the way he felt when he had power over others.

But Nathan is also a victim. This he doesn't realise. He bullies others because of how he is bullied. The older boys, the teachers, his Dad. All of them treat him badly but he doesn't notice this too much, all he recognises is power.

He may have been refering to the above paragraphs. The first is in present tense and the second is in past tense.

Otherwise, nice start. Looking forward to seeing what you do with it.

[arpeejay]

Originally Posted by Jaypat

He may have been refering to the above paragraphs. The first is in present tense and the second is in past tense.

Otherwise, nice start. Looking forward to seeing what you do with it.

That was the first example. The other:

'Imaginitive.' Travis thinks to himself and turns to look at the teacher as she walks in.

'Right class we're setting you all on your year project today, when I call out your name come to the front. This year you're project will involve all three sciences. You are to combine Biology with Chemistry and Physics.' An audible groan comes from several students behind Travis but he ignores it looking at the teacher hopefully.

[Which, same scene, turns into:]

'Here, Mrs Griffiths.' Travis said as he walked to stand next to her.

'And.... oh.... er Nathan?'

Travis could feel his heart pounding. Not Nathan of all the people to be paired with...

And, yes, I agree, a very good start. I guess my problem is that I'm unfortunately literally minded. When "is" turns to "was" I get confused.

Thanks for posting it!

xoxo

Richard

[sexiscriptor]

fucking brilliant.
~Chris

PS: i didn't even notice the tense "issue", frankly--and when i proof/edit, i'm you're worst goddamned nightmare. But really it comes down to this: First and foremost one should concern himself with having a good story; then one can worry about tenses all one wishes

[skumbum]

Originally Posted by sexiscriptor

i'm you're worst goddamned nightmare.

more evidence that your story is so enrapturing that readers can't even think straight

[sexiscriptor]

Originally Posted by skumbum

more evidence that your story is so enrapturing that readers can't even think straight

I love you too, Skummy :P
~Palmer

[mattbarradell]

Wow thanks for the praise! And the pointers lol I'll keep an eye out for tense issues.

I should be writting next part either later tonite if i can be arsed or tomorrow night - same with Nick and David

Matt