Writing sample for your perusal

[wolfotehmoon]

I have a story in the works, but I dunno if I'll ever ACTUALLY finish it... It's got about one chapter done, but no muscle growth in it, and there won't be any beefcake to lust over until atleast the third... But I'm just ITCHING to get something up, so here's a segment from an old version of the story that I cut out because I decided I didn't want any insta-growth in it. Hope you all like it ^^;

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As for how it felt... I wouldn't say it felt heavy. I mean, whatever weight I was, I was still me; the extra that was added on was a part of my body now, so it wasn't as if you'd dropped a few sandbags on my back or something. And plus, it wasn't really extra. The vast majority was muscle, and this belly, and "padding" everywhere else, was by far outweighed by all that new, bone-bending sinew(which, I'm not gonna lie, the thought of which made me smile very, very widely).


And on that note, just like with my newfound mass, all that muscle didn't make me feel like what I'd thought it would. I didn't feel powerful, or stronger... 'I mean,' thinking as I reached towards the counter and gingerly picked up a previously-weighty bottle of mouthwash, 'things do feel lighter...' But I think what it was, what was different, was an overall feeling of taking up more space. I just felt bigger. And moving... Like, I said, I wouldn't describe it as powerful. More like... Ponderous. As if every movement should be thought over carefully beforehand, then savored as the action was taken, and finally reflected on afterwards, because there was now so much of me that everything I did had so much more of an effect on the world around me than before.


So, you know, it wasn't what I'd expected. But, it wasn't a bad thing either; I'd always hoped to feel different, to have a body that made me want to stand up straighter and puff my chest out more and even hug a bit harder. And... This did it. Several times over. It was like I'd been hoping for a lightning strike, a huge burst of energy and power that'd be with me constantly, but what I got was something... deeper, if more subtle. Like a tsunami, rolling across an endless ocean, that only showed it's true strength when confonted.


Even so... This was mine now, as far as I could tell. All of it. And I wanted to test it out. Grinning, just a little mischeviously, I raised my right arm and gave a tentative half flex. Even under the layers of fur and fat that, though as much a part of my arm as anything else, attempted to hide it, the muscles of my upper arm and shoulder could clearly be seen bunching and contracting. No veins, of course, but let me reiterate the sheer size of it: even that casual tensing took my biceps from their already formidable size to... basically, someone had obviously switched my muscles with a basketball.


'Yeaaaah,' I thought. 'Oh, man, it's so big!' I reached over and rubbed and squeezed it with my left hand; even with it being the biggest hand I'd ever seen on someone my age (not counting Adolph, of course), I'd still need about 2 or 3 to get around it. Shuddering, I thought, 'Okay, I gotta see this thing full size.' Deep breath, and then a flex, hard. It blew up, instantaneously and epically; that's all I'm gonna say, because I'm sure your imaginations can draw you a picture of just how awesome it looked a thousand times better than my words can. Let me put it this way; you're NOT gonna overestimate.


But that wasn't all. My forearms, though they didn't pop quite like bi's, solidified visibly; grip strength would NOT be a problem. And, as I'd raised my arm, I'd noticed my right lat start to move, building toward... something very big.


And, just as with my arms, as I flexed, my lat exploded out, bulging huge and heavy. I gasped audibly. It had been nonexistent before, but it now stretched out close to a foot from my trunk! And, now, turning, I could see that it was easily as thick as my whole body had been before. But this was my lat; I was flexing my biceps. And that estimate didn't include my absolutely gargantuan chest and belly; adding those brought my body's thickness, front to back, to 3 times what I'd been! This was... unreal.


I brought up my left arm to check see the whole picture at once. Both arms... I couldn't get over their magnitude. But it was real. I could feel how everything bunched and pushed up against eachother, fighting for space on an already oversize frame. And this was only a portion of what my body'd exploded into! I practically giggled at the thought, forcing a passionate "Yeah, boy!" through my teeth the way you do when you want to roar as loud as you can but realize everyone is still asleep. (Okay, I know I said it wasn't a lightning strike... The emotions I was getting from this, though, the confidence, jubilation, maybe even a bit of cockiness, and then the whole feeling of it all... I'm just trying to sort them out into something understandable in the written word. So, yeah just bear with me.)

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Wooooh, monologue. Ideas from this may still work it's way into the final story, and this is pretty much my writing style, so critiques WILL be helpful. I didn't want to put this in the Stories section, though, since it's just a blurb... So, yeah :3 (And don't worry about the ellipses, I'm working on not having so goddamn many x3)

[Jaypat]

I think your writing style is great. This is a first rate look-in-the-mirror-at my-new-body scene. You go into how it feels, which is what a lot of guys around here like and what too few authors do.

The scene works great for what it is. But what will really make it for me is what comes before this scene and what comes after it. I like to know who they were before they grew and how they feel as they're growing. And I like it when they do something with their new strength beside having as much sex as possible and/or running down to the beach/gym to show off. I'm not saying the story isn't good if they do these things, I'm just saying I like it when there's more to the story, when they do other things on top of the above examples.

But that's just me. And I know I am in the minority. And I certainly don't want to disuade you from writing. So, please just write what you feel. These are just my thoughts and opinions and should not be interpreted and any kind of mandate.

[garrix]

well written! i'd love to see more!

[hollow]

Well If you're taste is considered a minority, Jaypat, then mine is definitely too.

Wolfotehmoon, This is very good writing. It doesn't just show the character and the emotions involved in the scene, but you've also weaved in the character's personality so finely it doesn't break the flow and allows for the reader to really to connect to the character.

Once again, fine work. I'm sure your story would be much appreciated if you posted it.