Personal Update

arpeejay · #1 August 8th, 2004, 07:47 PM

Well, no, it's actually not about "muscle growth experiences." Just the reverse, in fact. Since being widowed three years ago (July 2001) I've basically had NO ability (interest? commitment?) to get to the gym. In all that time I've been to the gym maybe six or seven times, usually once or twice every six to nine months -- then it stops again.

I can only think it is the result of some underlying depression. I was never the most consistent gym goer (especially before I came out, at age 35) but I never *just* *completely* *stopped* before. It probably has to do with the fact that Jeremy (my late partner) was the only person I could ever find who would go to the gym with me consistently. (That was a bit of a hoot, too, given our disparate sizes.)

This weekend, I've made a bit of a breakthrough on another front (namely, my personal webpages) and I'm hoping it is a good omen. It's been more than 2 years since I updated my webpages (again, sporadic efforts that usually came to naught), and I'm inclined to think that -- like going to the gym -- this is somehow related to the post-Jeremy trauma I suffered in 2002 (namely, a psycho con artist roommate who took me for about $20,000 and inflicted serious emotional and psychological damage along the way.)

But life is good again. (It's always good, it's just sometimes hard to see.) My new partner is a great guy and he makes me laugh every day. I think I've been laughing long enough now that I'm actually living again -- and ready to do more than go through the motions.

At any rate, take a look at the updated webpages when you have a chance. There are pix of me and Naoyuki plus news of other stuff that's been going on. The URL is:

http://www.domani.net/richard

Thanks for listening...

Richard / RPJ / Arpeejay

wbhunk · #2 August 8th, 2004, 09:11 PM

Richard, always good to see you back up and running again.....now if we could just lure you and Naoyuki back south.....<g>

brent · #3 August 8th, 2004, 09:44 PM

RPJ,
It's good that you are living. I hope that you can let a lot of the s**t from the past (cons, etc.) go, so that you can move on. Don't hold yourself responsible if you can't. When you and your new partner, Naoyuki are ready for you to start lifting again, we will be right here to support & encourage you. Feel free to contact me on IM if you ever need/want to chat.

Take Care of yourself,
Brent

massingUP · #4 August 9th, 2004, 07:53 AM

Richard,

Just want to echo with the rest of the guys that I'm really glad to hear that you're starting to turn the corner. I had a similar experience recently with mild depression and as you resport, I had little to no interest in lifting -- I kept going to the gym, but lost most of my drive and intensity, so I was just going through the motions.

But I have recently shaken it off and gotten back some of my former drive. The major causes of my depression haven't necessarily changed that much, but I have managed to gain some new perspective on it, and I'm feeling a bit better about the world. Which also means that I have a good chunk of my drive back in the gym. I'm training hard again and enjoying it. And I might even be GROWING.

All of which is to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel -- and if there's anything I can do to help you reach it, just let me know.

-- J.

arpeejay · #5 August 9th, 2004, 08:21 AM

Many thanks for the kind words, sexy men. I'm afraid I've perhaps overstated the case (although perhaps not.) In most ways I've been fine and dandy since moving to Michigan 18 months ago. I laugh, I enjoy myself, I do fun things with Naoyuki and friends and the kids. It's just that with certain things -- the webpage, going to the gym, a few other activities of that ilk -- I've just be completely and totally stuck. I haven't been beating myself up about it, people find all kinds of ways to cope with stuff and some of these choices aren't consciously arrived at.

Still, I think the logjam for lifting / writing / etc. is finally coming unglued and if that's the case it will be a really good thing.

Much love to all...

Richard

brent · #6 August 9th, 2004, 11:06 AM

Richard,
although your log-jam is clearing, you make it sound like you still aren't totally back yet. You should chat about your feeling, or fears with your friends here. We are a community, and that's what keeps me going. Nobody knows when tragedy will strike our own families, and I hope that you and others will be there if/when I need it. I can't wait until we get you flexing, and smiling on this site! However there may be more work to be done before that happens. Take care, and stay in touch with us all.

arpeejay · #7 August 9th, 2004, 11:35 AM

:-)

Getting me to TALK is never the problem! And if you're in any doubt, just check out:

http://www.domani.net/richard/rpjournal.html

Thanks for the kind words, Brent!

xoxo

Richard

omelissokomos · #8 August 9th, 2004, 07:39 PM

Gawd... you two look so cute together... if having two big, hunky men standing side-by-side qualifies as cute.

claygrant · #9 August 9th, 2004, 11:45 PM

Richard, thanks for being so unapologetically honest with everyone here on a public forum. Especially by giving us links to your personal journal and insight into the life of the man behind the myth.

Here's to rpj!

ottomun6 · #10 August 16th, 2004, 06:28 PM

RPJ, I'm so sorry to hear you had a con artist in your life.
But thanks for showing us your story, at least we'll know to be wary of situations like this. It seems there are too many predators like this in the world.
I have had a close call myself a few years back, but a couple of friends mentioned that something was not adding up (broken promises, and a couple outright lies).
Lucky for me, the guy left without incident.

It startled me to hear that you were having problems. But I'm glad to hear that your life seems to be getting back to normal.
Take care,
and fer Pete's sake holler if you get into trouble

-otto