where have I been?

[ethernet_jock]

Wow,

You guys are unbelivable. This forum is like the gay family mafia... once you're in, you can't leave, until someone kills you.



Well - here's the list of excuses - are you ready?

1.) I'm still looking for another job. more desperately now than ever. I have an interview today with the Denver Metro Convention and Visitor's Bureau for a Director of IT job. It's the best opportunity I've had in a few weeks so I'm really hoping that it works out. It doesn't pay as much as I made before but it pays enough to make the bills - I hope. So anyway - yeah - I've been insanely busy with applications and interviews and tests and pre-screenings and psychological exams, etc...

2.) I've been picking up a short ton of side work to help pay the bills. Little side jobs are great but incredibly time-consuming. All my friends right now are trying to throw me a little bone in one way or another and I greatly appreciate all of it because i need it all - but damn - it sure doesn't pay as well as full-time regular work. :P

3.) Family issues - a little issue of discovery on the part of my wife and some poor attempts to secure things that shouldn't be seen on my part. She wasn't looking for them - I practically lead her straight to them. ..... maybe I wanted her to know.... Anyhow - it actually worked out really well. I apologize for being so vague on this but it's something I don't want to get deeply into in a public way - just an explanation of time consumed and distance from this "world" for a while.

4.) Depression and withdrawl..... ok.... so here's the *real* truth. I could have made time to visit you guys, but I didn't. I've been incredibly depressed lately about everything that's going on - not working out - losing my gym membership - having to cancel jujitsu classes - fighting with a broken raid0 stripe - NOT finding a job - feeling worthless - kid not sleeping again (he's teething molars, long story) - etc...etc.... and I've been bad about it. I've withdrawn a lot from the people who care about me the most - my wife, my best friend of 12 years, and you guys. It's always been one of my horrible way of dealing with things is to not talk about them and stay away from people who would have me talk about them.

---

and really - honestly - I had no idea that people on this message board cared about ME that much. I mean - I'm not really even much of a "muscle" guy compared to you guys. I'm working hard on it, but damn, way behind. Despite this feeling on my part - I've received numerous messages from guys like Brent and Glamman over the last few weeks expressing concern about my absence and then just recently optimus (Scott) stopped by my blog and scared the crap out of me by HANDILY defeating my computer geek trivia challenge. Proof - once again - that (as well all already know) Scott is an incredibly smart guy along with being an incredibly buff guy. *drool*

So yeah - I'm back - and I'm going to quit being a bastard. Did anything improve to make this decision? Not really. I decided about a week ago that I was sick of feeling this way and that there was no job or opportunity that was going to come along to 'MAKE' me feel better, that I had to do it myself. I knew this all along, really, as that's always been the way for me... but I had to wait until I was ready. So here I am, ready or not!

meh.

[optimusx]

Well, I'm glad it sunk in that the people on the board care for you and your wellbeing. MMG Mafia... I like the sound of that.. kinda makes since considering the group represents a wise array of talents and muscle. Death is not an option though, the group isn't marriage.. there is no "till death to we part" - jk.

Man, I didn't realize that so much was going on in your life. I know that they say when it rains, it pours, by gosh... you seem to have a Biblical Job complex.

You're doing fine though. You've got a wife that loves you, a group of guys that care for your wellbeing and plenty of reason to push through the hardships (namely your handsome -and might I add big- son of yours). Some issues your wife and you handle best, others you really just need to vent to guys (or weblogs as the case may be).

You're not worthless. You're priceless. The fact that you still have desires and goals and remain intent on lifting even when every method is stripped from you is a testament to your character and strength. Never surrender, never retreat.

Thanks for giving us a heads up on what's going on. You'll do fine. Everything comes in the fullness of time (jobs, money, peace).

Scott
(I know where you blog... so don't even try to hide.. the MMG Mafia will find you)

[glammaman2000]

this is TOTALLY none of my business,but it's easy enough to ignore;so here goes.... just in case wifey is reading over your shoulder:"us poor fags have had to listen to ethernet's out-of-control flaunting of his sickening lifestyle for a while now.how much he appreciates his wife;how much he loves his son,blah,blah,blah.don't worry about a thing.he's totally devoted to you.if he has more of an"open mind"than you anticipated,just think of it as an extension of his"big heart". &as for you,ether.... if you had read Bruno Bettleheim's"The Uses of Enchantment"LIKE I TOLD YOU TO;you'd realise that your reaction to your situation is perfectly normal.sometimes you have to shut-down for a while,so that you can wake up as a better,more adult person.&because while you are in a funk,you don't know when it's going to end,it can feel like 100 years!but it does end!you're the Sleeping Beauty!SURPRISE!(good to have you back,g)

Perhaps I'm the last person to be giving advice about depression and the bad job market and the whole basket of woes, because I've wallowed in it for three years. In the end, it doesn't work.

In my particular situation, I lost lover, house, motorcycle, furniture, linens, silverware, insurance, etc. Everything except my 11 year old car, my camera gear, and my old computers. I've lived on the handouts and tiny jobs thrown at me by friends and relatives for three years and now I'm sure I could never go back to working for a corporation again. I'm trying to make a go of being independent, being creative and relying on quality work that I enjoy doing to promote itself and myself. I've continued to learn new technologies on my own (as I always did).

Living this way isn't easy, I've gotten used to not having things when I want them. I've learned to appreciate the things I have, I carefully consider the things that I need, rejoice when I finally get them, and laugh about the things I used to waste money on.

Someone wise once said "I've been rich, and I've been poor. I prefer rich." I agree, but being poor and struggling has helped me re-evaluate my priorities. I'll be rich again someday.

[glammaman2000]

your amazing ability to chew up hurricanes&spit them out.keep on truckin'LG!

[claygrant]

welcome back EJ!!! It's late and I must sleep so forgive the short message.... but I'll just say this: keep your chin up, for you are a big guy with a big heart. The world needs more guys like you. Your support on this forum has consequences, believe it or not - sometimes I remember your posts and I've made it to the gym when I was feeling tired and lazy, or getting those last couple reps out when I could have quit the set!

[ethernet_jock]

Clay - no f*n way.... There's no way I would believe that I could actually be somebody's inspiration. You guys are just WAY TOO NICE. THank you.

Scott - you still haven't picked your prize for guessing the geek trivia correctly....

Glam - you have any extraordinary way of expressing things that make the most sense in the simplest of ways. Somtimes life is meant to be simple. You are also the most incredibly buff guy I've ever met who's also incredibly wise in teh ways of life and nice to everyone. You could be such an asshole - having so many years behind you of incredible success with your physique - and yet you're so cool. You are the inspiration! I bought that book on ebay yesterday for a $1... just for you ... I'll read it. :P

Gryph - indeed. I've been very poor, I've been rich. I'll be poor again and I know how to do it. It just sucks that I have to take my family down there with me this time. Things are looking up tho, I may not be TOO poor if I get this job I interviewed for yesterday.

---

I just don't understand how people see all these great things in me that I can't seem to find. You guys are too cool.

[Lucas88]

EJ,

I don't get in here as much as some of these other guys because of work and business travel but your absence was definitely noticed. Depression is one of the hardest weights to lift for the strongest of us (been there, done that, and gone back to visit more times than I like). Sometimes when it hits, you just need to shut down for a while and clear the noise from your head and let your heart find its way. When you surface again, the ones that cared will have missed you and will let you know...the ones that didn't...well, who gives a F&!#K about them , life is TOO SHORT to worry about them. Just check out how many on line here missed you!

I hate to use a cliche but sometimes they just fit dammit!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and your still kicking, big guy, whether you head will let you admit it or not!

Now go get that JOB!!!

Later!

[glammaman2000]

but.everybody has this idea that optimism is the secret to a happy life.i think that if you expect nothing;you are often pleasantly surprised!

[Voyager]

Hi guys. Have been waiting for juuuust the right post to come out of lurkdom. Think I found it here. Ethernet_Jock, I too am unemployed. Luckily, I have, for now, a consuting job that isn't great, but does keep the roof over the head (for which I am lucky, for the only other residents of the house are two greyhounds and they enjoy being retired ). The job market out there is awful, and those jobs that are there are paying fire sale salaries. I know how tough it is to keep a positive attitude day after day, but keep trying! It is a vital part of the job hunting process...I know from experience.

Happily, keeping that attitude is a bit easier because of this forum. I have found very few places on the web that offer all the support, good words and kindness you guys do. It is what keeps me coming back (well that and the 45" bicep stories ).

Good luck on that job interview! We're pulling for you!

Excuse me...gotta get back to the career websites!

Peace!

[Mdlftr]

EJ,
Been there, done that. The last time I was unemployed, my wife and I had just had our second child. I was at home, providing child care to a new born, and job hunting. I started a totally new direction in my career, and now, 5 years later, have never been happier with my choices! The downside? My current position "expires" in less than a year, and I have to find something again soon!

I'm trepidatious, but I also know that I've been down before and gotten up again! You will too, and you are! Everyone has hard times in life--it isn't all 18" guns and 300# benches! Life is a journey, and sometimes it's more "eventful" than you expected. With the support of family and friends (include us in that) and your own drive and determination, you'll come out fine!

All the best,

Mdlftr

[Corwin]

EJ,

e-HUGS and I hope things get better for you...

Scott

[wbhunk]

and always remember we tend to be our own worst critics, myself included.

You wonder how we can see so many good things in you......well, with the notes you write, I wonder how anyone couldn't. You obviously have a core of steel to match your arms and pecs......and a heart of gold.

Bad things do happen to good people....but so do great things. Hang in there, buddy.....and please keep us all informed.

[ohiobuck47]

EJ--
So glad to see you're back on again. As you can see, you have many friends on this site who are concerned for your welfare and respect you for the type of person you are, me included.

I went through a similar time a few years back, except that I had a job I absolutely loathed, but because I had a wife and family to support I had to stay with it until I found something else. My next position did finally come along, and I can honestly say I enjoy going to work every day where I am appreciated. However, like you, I was one that kept my concerns bottled up and did not seek help until I had become severely depressed. However, through counseling and finally landing a more desirable position, the depression went away and I enjoy living again.

I wish I had a support group at the time like the guys here provide. Confide in them. They want the best for you. You will find a position to your liking, and I pray soon, because I know what you are feeling.

Keep up the weightlifting exercises, which will help you cope with the stress. Let us know how you are doing as we all care.

ohiobuck47

[ethernet_jock]

Wow guys.... I don't know what to say. I'm absolutely floored by the response to this thread and all the incredibly cool things everyone has to say. I really don't know how to handle compliments, I've never really been good at that.

All I can say is - thank you! I'll give you an update on the situation when a significant event occurs - which seems that it may be forthcoming today or tomorrow. I have also finally gotten back on track with working out at least 3x/week albeit with a bowflex instead of full-on gym... it still makes me feel good and the more I do it the better I get at making it into a good "pump". It just takes a little extra effort and concentration - it seems - particularly on form... to make the movements REALLY count.

Thanks again everyone! You guys are way too cool... I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

*Big Bear E-Hugs*



-Chris

[brent]

EJ, sorry I'm so late, but I finally moved to Las Vegas, and got the Internet service back on... Personally, it's great that you are depressed: I've learned more about myself though depression than any other way. It's also crappy that you are going through depression: I know first hand what a trying experience it is. My piece of advice is that although depression makes you want to put stuff off, and not do anything, you must do the opposite; you must get out there and do something... anything. IMHO, action is the anti-depression. The more you work/work out/do something, the quicker you will get through it. Talking things out really helps too. The problem is that when you are depressed, you don't want to do anything, or talk to anyone. You need to overcome that to overcome the depression.

Good luck, I'll be thinking good thoughts/praying for you.

[ethernet_jock]

Well Brent - thank you for the kind thoughts but it's all sort of moot this morning - for all the right reasons.

I posted this in my blog last Friday night - I'll just re-post it here to save myself the effort of re-typing it and your effort in clicking over to it.

BLOG REPOST BELOW:

-----
Friday, October 22, 2004

heh... I can't sleep tonight because I am so PSYCHED!!!

Today was a totally calendar day.... 10th degree w00tage factor...

I went to work (the old job) and had an early lunch with everyone who is left there at a local mexican place and a bunch of the guys that we used to work with came down too - so it was like a great huge family reunion. That was a great time. After lunch I went back to the shitty office and changed into my slacks and dress shirt/tie for my "job meeting and tour" and then drove downtown. They showed me around the entire office including their fairly sad server and network rooms and then we sat down in the CFO's office to discuss the fundage issue. He came right to the point and offered me the maximum value of the adveritsed scale for the job *laugh*. He made no reservations about explaining how badly they wanted me and how I was BY FAR the preferred selection and also about what great rave reviews I got from the people I put down as professional references. (man, I really did get to work with some of the best people at RAS... I really did... I still miss those people). So I didn't outright accept his offer (I'm an asshole like that) and I'm glad now that I didn't. I told him I'd call him by first thing Monday so that he could know if he needed to announce my hiring in the Monday morning staff meeting. hehe...

So I'm driving home from this great meeting - right - feeling on top of the world. I've just finished calling Shadowyn and my wife to tell them the good news when my cell phone rings. Guess what? It's RK Mechanical. LMFAO... after a month of deliberation they've decided that they really do need a special projects - project manager and that I'm the guy for the job. The offer they give me on the phone - shit - it's like the EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY!!!! AARRRRRRGGGGHHHH Now I've gotta make a tough decision - dammit. To make this even more interesting - when I got home I'd had two voice mails of people who wanted an interview.... LOL

So I go home and talk to Heather about it. She suggested we lay out the various pluses and minuses on a table and compare the benefits packages side-by-side. Well - let me tell you - RKMI didn't stand a chance. There was about 101 good reasons for picking the job with the DMCVB and so I did. I called John (My new boss, the CFO) before he went home and told him I would take the job..... but wait.... that's not all folks!!!

So I'm talking to John and I give him the whole speel about how it was a really tough decision and how the other guys had offered me more but that I would take the job because I liked it better and joked that I only wanted 3 free passes to the Denver Zoo (he works for the Zoo on the weekend..... when he had our meeting he just had to show me his picutres of him with the new baby lions... anyway... I'm jumping topic). He comes back with a " well, do you need more money then?" So I'm like "well - yeah... I mean... more is always good." So he offers me $2k more a year right on the spot!!! That's $2k more than they wanted to spend to begin with at the very top of their scale. Totally unbelieveable. I mean - the net is still quite a bit less than I was making at RAS (about 15k less) but it's enough to make the bills (we think) and damn... I mean... the benefits are just out of this world insanely good. I'll be having a lot more time to spend with my family now, for sure, plus a cool job downtown where I get to meet interesting and influential people. The moral of this part of the story - folks - is.... never be ashamed to ask - you might be surprised what the answer is.

This really can't have turned out much better - not at all. Thanks to everyone for all your incredible love and support. I'm finally facing the light at the end of a dark dark tunnel and it's burning out my eye sockets (read: my future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!). I love you guys... you are great!!!
------


w00t again

[ohiobuck47]

Congratulations EJ!

You've finally landed a position that you can be happy with and beneficial for you as well. You have proved that "nothing ventured, nothing gained." Good luck on the new job!

ohiobuck47

[brent]

Yes, congratulation! Ironically, I need to start my own job hunt today.

[BigSteve6ft3]

Congratulaitons on the new job, EJ! I've been rooting for you.

[Mdlftr]

EJ,
See, Good Things DO happen to Good People! Sometimes things just "work out!"

[AND now, YOU can too! Dump the Cybowflex! <grin> Or you can always use another clothes rack, right?! ]

Good luck and congratulations on the new job!

Mdlftr

[glammaman2000]

this will at least give you a chance to breathe.i hope you enjoy this job.do the best work you can;but always keep in the back of your mind:in terms of skills acquired,contacts,references&beefing up your resume,this job is PREPARATION FOR YOUR NEXT JOB!i have always tried to do good work.sometimes,it doesn't pay.but i've always gotten the most glowing references.clearly,you are well-liked&have valuable skills.REMEMBER THAT if you find yourself in a dilemma like this again!g.

[ethernet_jock]

Thanks again everyone.

Glam - yeah.. yesterday my new boss wrote this memo to the entire company and copied my email address telling everyone to welcome me and about how perfect I was for the position. My old boss told me I should save that letter "just in case". I'm starting to learn that "just in case" happens more often than we'd like.

Thanks again for all the good advice. Today is my last day at the old job... I start the new one on Thursday. w00t!!!

[brent]

So I've decided to hijack this thread for my own purposes. Today I decided to look for a job, so I wrote a quick resum? this morning, and applied for a job. They called me an hour later, and offered me $1.50/hour more than I asked for! Of course this was retail and not a, "real" job like EJ has, but I was pretty stoked all the same!

[ethernet_jock]

B,

SWEET!!!!! I think you're finally seeing just how incredibly limiting the job market was up in OR. I know you already knew that - but seriously - a guy as smart as you ought to be making MORE money than me in a situation where the *real* opportunities exist.

Congratulations!

It sure does feel good to be wanted, doesn't it?

This is my 2nd day here at the new job and things are going great. I have a dauting task in front of me but everyone is excited to "have an IT guy with personality"... like that's something unusual or whatever. My predecessor was a FREAK by my understanding and so I've had a REALLy easy job impressing people. LOL

Thanks again!

-Chris

[jcnutt]

Well,
Between that sharp wit, great smile, and that ever growing muscular body who wouldnt be inpressed....

I wish we had some more people with "personality" here in my IT department..

Brent - once you get all situated there, I am sure you will find that perfect job to allow you the gym time you must have.... best of luck!

[brent]

School taught me that I don't want to do IT/IS as a job. What I really enjoy is working with people, not compiler issues! So i went back to the world I love: retail. The money isn't great, but it's enough, and I'm sure that I will move up if I stay with the company for a while. I'm working hard, and loving it more than dealing with any unchecked buffer. I also think that while I won't use my degree for work, I have learned a lot about communication, logic, and writing that benefit me immensely in my future career.

EJ, I'm glad your new job is going well, you'll have to give us periodic status reports, and you are right about the NW's job market being in the toilet.

[Lucas88]

Hey, EJ & Brent!


Congrats on the new jobs!!! That's gotta be a relief for both of you.

Lucas