The Bod

[philat99]

THE BOD

Part 1: It?s new to me!

450 pounds! At age 56 I was 450 friggin? pounds and at least 55 percent blubber! I used to revel in being the super-chub, the sumo wrestling champion of my fantasies. But now, I hurt, and I hurt all over. When did the aches and pains begin? Maybe after I?d been working sedentary jobs in middle management for the past 25 years I wasn?t paying attention. But I am now! Why can?t there be some quick fix for the arthritic knees? How do I lose 260 pounds quickly and get back to the healthy and fit me of age 21? My doctor just laughed!

That realization plus the aches and pains plus Tom?s (my work buddy also in middle management with a bodybuilder figure!) recommendation brought me to this gym. I figured that a trainer teaching me the ropes, pushing a few weights and eating a bit better might just be my ticket to a new life.

Ted and Toby?s Iron Works - T&T?s! Was I in my right mind to even consider a place with a name like that. All I wanted was a few machines to play with and some guidance in the food choice department - like a spa.

Toby and Ted were pleasant enough guys on the surface. On my first visit, they were welcoming almost to the extreme. I?m not used to being fawned upon - just a bit too much being patronized in the past 10 years or so because of my size. The spiel was, typically, a bunch of promises that I could not have taken seriously. ?We?ll have that weight off in no time at all. Just toss around some iron and get into a regular eating routine and you?ll feel like a million!? I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. But before I was asked to sign any agreement I had to fill out my ?lifestyle? assessment: doctor?s contact info, medical history, eating and exercise habits, stc. What was this all about? After all the preliminary paperwork I was then asked to sign the agreement and pay a good chunk of my retirement for this ?life-time? membership.

?We?ll get back with you in a day or two to set up your first appointment - after we go through your life history and talk with your doctor.? Just to join a gym???

Sure enough, two days later, Thursday, I got the phone call. ?Please report to the gym tomorrow, Friday at 5:00 am? Also, we?ll need you the whole day for our first ?treatment,? and possibly the weekend, too. Your doctor called your company that you?d be taking Friday off for medical tests.? This sounded really, really weird!

Besides, 5 am is the middle of the night!!! I purposely found a place to live close to my job so I could sleep to at least 7 and walk into my office by 8! Isn?t that why they invented Toaster Strudel and Pop Tarts?

After a fitful night the beast finally rang at 4:15 am and was summarily thrown against the wall. It didn?t stop. I got out of bed, slipped into my slippers and I stepped on it. It stopped! Yes, I know. I should have stock in an alarm clock company!

Thank God I didn?t look for a gym across town. I can get to T&T?s in just 15 minutes.They said just come in sweats thick socks and gym shoes.

I?d never been in a gym. I avoided gym class in high school. I had a vague idea what sweats were, but didn?t have any - and no thick socks or gym shoes, either. So, I threw on my boxers and T, a pair of old slacks, a pair of wore-torn argyle socks and a beat-up pair of shoes and off I went to meet my new-found gym instructors. Oh, yes. I almost forgot to mention that I was not to eat anything, just take my medications (which I couldn?t do since they all have to be taken with food). One more thing to take with me - my pillbox. I should just make it by 5.

There?s practically no one on the street at this hour. No pedestrians, no traffic. I arrived at T&T?s at 4:50 to Toby?s smiling face.

?Welcome, Jim! It?s not often one of our clients nearly beats us here, but then we do live upstairs! Uh, Jim, what the hell are you wearing??

?I never took gym in high school - I?ve never been in a gym - I don?t own a pair of sweats and I really don?t know how to dress for gym - I need help here - You?re my gym instructors!? I blurted out as I turned beet red.

?Yup. I told Ted we were going to have to ?help? you along the first few days. I really didn?t imagine we?d have to start from scratch! Oh, well., come to the locker room and we?ll find some goodies to fit you.?

And so I ambled behind Toby while Ted ran ahead to see what treasures could be unearthed in my new-to-be-experienced locker room.

I guess I was surprised that I was the lone customer - ?life-time member? - at this unheard of hour of the morning. Probably reading my mind, or at least my expression, Ted popped up with, ?We do get busy around 7 am, but reserve 5 to 7 twice a week for our new ?life-time members, and you?re our newest ?lifer.??

As I watched Ted and Toby rummage through a closet stashed with clean (thank God!) clothing left, presumably, by guys who had shed a few pounds themselves, I suddenly heard Toby?s excited, ?Eureka!? And out he came with a pair of sizeable grey sweats(I hope they?re size 66), a pair of x-large heavy whitish socks with size 13 gym shoes, a strange looking black elastic thing-a-ma-jig they called a jock strap, and a good size grey short-sleeved sweat shirt (hopefully 6xl). Hey, they done did it. I?m ready for gym class.


Coming next: A Taste of Hell

[arpeejay]

Yay! Excellent start! I'm looking forward to seeing how this one progresses!

xoxo

Richard

[Mad Dog]

Me tooooooooo!

[imfit]

Definitely off to a good start. I'm looking forward to the next installment.