Compliments at work.

[brent]

It seems that I and EJ have been getting complimented at work lately, with no good place to post the comments. So I wonder who else here has had coworkers or customers make a nice comment about all your effort? So I figured I'd start this thread.

[ethernet_jock]

w00t.... great idea.

I have no further compliments to post... yet.

But it's coming and I SOOO love sharing.

P.S. how's the new avatar?

[brent]

Well, I'm off work today, and tomorrow is freight day so I won't be around the public for a while.

However, the new avatar is great! It's like Adonis & Jr. raising from the water...

[ethernet_jock]

Originally Posted by brent

However, the new avatar is great! It's like Adonis & Jr. raising from the water...

What EVER!!! I was fishing for compliments, yes... but not utter silliness.

[glammaman2000]

lookin'pretty darn beefalicious there,buddy!(just a suggestion,though:you've got to start dating guys closer to your own age!)

[brent]

OK, I was a little over the top (when am I not?) but you do look thick in that shot.

[ethernet_jock]

thanks! I'm trying.

That's probably the first shot I've ever put out semi-publically where my shirt is removed and you can see a bit of my chest. I've always thought my shoulders were one of my best parts - now I know it!!

Thanks.

[brent]

So my friend Anthony & I went down to Henderson (about 15.5 miles South and East of where I live) to check out the Agassi Sport 24 Hour club. I didn't see the difference between a regular 24 Hour Sport club, and this Andrea Agassi (sp?) Sport club other than celebrity endorsement, but it was a very nice club. All the equipment & amenities I could want, but the music was awful. The drive was very long, but I did learn how to get to a new suburb of LV. Also, the boyfriend of one of my bosses works there! It was nice to see a friendly face at his work instead of mine. (Also, did I mention he is H.O.T. hot?) Great club, but I'm not sure it's worth the drive. My friend Anthony, who loves the brown/black boys was in eye-candy heaven too.

[artwork314]

EJ--

must say that the new avatar is fucking killer. i knew you were big, but that shot is chock full of manflesh. if you're in the habit of being photographed topless in pools you should really post some of those in the pics section.

i mean damn.

[ethernet_jock]

I'm definitely NOT in the habit of that...

I have a significant amount of scarring on my chest and back and I generally don't take my shirt off for anyone and particularly not in public. Not only that - but my pecs still suck (working on it, it's my weakest part I think).

But thank you. It means a lot to hear it from another guy who is really INTO muscle and looks at it often enough to know what is good and what isn't (Brent too!!)

It's funny but - I take it much more seriously to hear comments and constructive criticism from gay guys and/or guys who hang out on this forum because I KNOW that it's coming from a studied eye.

I'll post a larger version of that pic in the picture section - just for you.

[wbhunk]

"Studied eye".....I like that. It has a much nicer ring to it than "slut", which is what one of my co-workers humorously called me at lunch today. (grin) That waiter got one heck of a tip!

I just had a "sort of at work" experience......I'm one of the executive board members of my local professional organization; last night, at our holiday party, our executive director and I were talking, and she just out of the blue said, "Man, what have you been doing this year -- you've gotten HUGE!"

That was great to hear....call me strange, but I still feel like a damn skinny kid sometimes, and I needed it.

And before you ask, the evening ended with our group crashing a Japanese wedding party down the hall.......

[ethernet_jock]

hahahaa.... particularly from a woman, that's a VERY impressive remark. It seems that women tend to be MOST shy about saying things like that (at least self-respecting professional women) because they're so afraid that any kind of compliment could be mis-construed in one way or another.

It's been my experience MUCH more often that they'll instead go back and tell all their girlfriends about you - but never say something to your face.

Right on!! You must have impressed the hell out of her.

[Notbigenuff]

Hmmm, even in my best shape I don't recall ever getting a compliment at work per se. I've had a comment or two at a conference, certainly socially, but not a work. So, I'm a little jealous that you guys are getting all the attention--but good for you. Keep up the workouts and I am sure the comments will become even more frequent.

[brent]

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

...
It seems that women tend to be MOST shy about saying things like that (at least self-respecting professional women) because they're so afraid that any kind of compliment could be mis-construed in one way or another.
...

Thank God there is nothing professional about the women in my workplace! We often have contests in the back-room to see who has the biggest arms! It might be a little WT, but that's a big part of what I love about living in Las Vegas!

[wbhunk]

LOL....you'd have to know our executive director, EJ. She and I have a strict "complete honesty" policy.

Besides, this is a holiday party for HR people. We spend all day being politically correct.....there's none left for each other. (grin)

[CanadianGordon]

Okay this I have to post...

At work we've got this loud and obnoxious very flamboyantly italian gay man who doesn't think anything less of being loud when stating his opinion.
Did I mention he sings show tunes?
Everything about him screams STEREOTYPE!
(Yes a lot of my coworkers who are gay, myself included, want to beat him senseless or at least rip out his vocal cords for giving gays a bad name...)

Anyways, he "came up" with a nickname for me that I felt was spiteful and hurtful. Management and the union ordered him to cease and deceist...

So he did.

Saturday night he had a new nickname for me that he came up with after seeing me change in the locker room at work...

"Muscles."

I asked him why he changed the "insult" to the "compliment".

He responded, it was looking more and more like I'd be able to kick his ass one of these days without him least expecting it... So he figured he'd be nicer to me from now on...

Muscles.

I like that nickname.
Heheheh.
Gordon.

[wbhunk]

And they say deterrence isn't an effective strategy for preventing conflict.....LOL.

Congrats on the compliment, Gordon -- you already looked great, I am sure that means you've progressed well into "phenomenal".

And as for gay guys at work, as luck would have it, I just was promoted and transferred.....to three cubes down from a guy who I have been lusting for ever since I moved to Dallas, much less since I have been working for this company. Since we don't share the same manager or vice-president/director, it fits in the ethical guidelines....but still....UGH.

[ethernet_jock]

hahahah... damn... I love these stories. In this world of PC and tight-asses it's AWESOME to see some people acting like "normal humans" in spite.

We have 4 hours of MANDATORY sexual harrasment training this Thursday for the Management/Director's group (of which I belong).... *sigh*... the rest of the staff got 2 hours of it last Friday and I hear it was loads of fun. Now I know why it's a very rare occurance around here that anyone would say anything complimentary for fear it would be taken as harrasment. I wish I could wear a pin that says "NOT over-sensitive, please talk to me like a human, I can take it".

Now I know why the french and european's mock us for our continuous struggle to deny that humans have emotions in the workplace. What's up with that?

Anyhow - keep it up!! And..... Way to go Gord!!

Speaking of - Gord - ever notice how the loudest and most obnoxious people usually seem to be trying to compensate for something? It's kind of like the huge luxury car and truck with super big tires concept.... isn't it? NOTE: I have a Toyota Corolla and a small Ford Ranger. *snicker*

[ottomun6]

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

Speaking of - Gord - ever notice how the loudest and most obnoxious people usually seem to be trying to compensate for something? It's kind of like the huge luxury car and truck with super big tires concept.... isn't it? NOTE: I have a Toyota Corolla and a small Ford Ranger. *snicker*

I'm not even going to go there big man

Yeah, I think it looks silly when a guy 5'6" hops out of one of those huge raised 4x4s with huge tires, their head barely clears the hood!

[Eager Muscle]

..........

[wbhunk]

Originally Posted by Eager Muscle

I DO remember hitting the sauna at the Y once and one of the other lap swimmers said with shock and awe "you're ripped like a bodybuilder!" because I was worried about sporting a woodie through my speedos then and there.

This is why I avoid gyms with saunas.....I WOULD have popped a woodie right then and there, if I didn't have one already from the speedos!

And as for comments about my F-150....don't go there. (grin) It will probably be traded in soon anyway.....Jeep Wrangler, Pontiac Vibe GT, Infiniti G-series, something smaller....but it has to have a stick shift.

EJ, I apologize in advance for my profession forcing you into four hours of torture....but it's been our experience that you are a rare breed as a manager -- well spoken, intelligent, and capable of telling right from wrong without the benefit of a crib sheet.

[CanadianGordon]

Well I myself picked a gym that has no sauna for that reason.

I go to the gym to cruise at the eye candy and workout.
If I pick up somebody, thats a bonus, but I'm not holding my breath.
But it'll happen soon.
G.

[ethernet_jock]

EJ, I apologize in advance for my profession forcing you into four hours of torture

hahaha... nooooo, you've got me all wrong. I APOLOGIZE for insulting your profession by generalizing about it. I should have been more specific about the personality of the guy doing the presentation. This guy rode in on his high horse on Friday and flat demanded that our "computer person" come setup his LCD Projector for him in our board room. Simple questions like "where's your power point presentation" he couldn't answer because "those are the kinds of things that you're supposed to know". So.... yeah.... he started out on the wrong foot with me. I'm fully expecting to get picked upon on Thursday when it's management's turn too. Yay... I should have smacked him in the ass and called him sexy just to make a point........ maybe I will.



As for being complimented "wow, you're ripped like a bodybuilder"..... I think I'd have sported a major hard-on myself. Amazing that you managed to keep that python under control.

[brent]

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

...
Simple questions like "where's your power point presentation" he couldn't answer because "those are the kinds of things that you're supposed to know".
...
I should have smacked him in the ass and called him sexy just to make a point........ maybe I will.


...

No, that sounds more like something that would get you in trouble, and new employees don't need that. I'd try to find something he says that's offensive. Like his generalizing that all computer guys are psychic, and know where he saved his presentation. Get all the tech guys working on it now, and I'm sure someone will find something.

[optimusx]

yeah.. what Brent say.. plus .. didn't you have sexual harrasment class to attend? It would be kinda funny to have smacked him on the rear and called him sexy on the same day as the training. That way your excuse could have been "We haven't covered that portion of the sexual harrasment course yet)...

Hmm.. workplace comments. Well since I work at home I guess I'm not going to get any

[ethernet_jock]

the guy in question was THE SEXUAL HARRASMENT TRAINER!! That's why I felt as though that would be perfectly ironic. Don't worry, I wont' do it. I'll be nice to him on Thursday.

Trust me Optimus - if you worked in any "normal" office setting they'd be finding you a new chair to support your HUGE BODY!!!

[wbhunk]

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

hahaha... nooooo, you've got me all wrong. I APOLOGIZE for insulting your profession by generalizing about it.

Pish tosh, EJ, no problem. Next time, call me....I can do sexual harassment training in my sleep (and sometimes have).

You would not believe some of what I've heard....as a facilitator, I have a strict rule that the only dumb questions are those not asked, but sometimes my mouth is going, "You know, that's a great point to bring up," and my mind is going, "Are you worth the oxygen you're consuming on earth, much less your SALARY???"

The worst, though, was the one time I had a hot, muscular guy in my class.....who was setting off alarm bells on my 'dar.....BUT.....we are absolutely not allowed to ask our participants for dates! At the end of class, I shook his hand.....he smiled....and left....and I quietly shut the door...and screamed for about a minute.

[brent]

Originally Posted by wbhunk

...
and my mind is going, "Are you worth the oxygen you're consuming on earth, much less your SALARY???"
...

LMAO, there's a thought that goes through my head on a regular basis. Also, why do we even need this training, I mean I'm sure that we've all sat through it a hundred times, and all I've ever heard are total common sense things. If people can't handle basic human interaction, they probably can't work well either. I'd be more than happy to take their obviously over-paid jobs!

[ethernet_jock]

at my previous job - where the President/CEO smoked dope and snorted coke on a regular basis and we never had things like sexual harrasment training.... there were quite a few people at that company that I thought could probably use it. Not that they would listen - but they obviously didn't "get it".

[brent]

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

at my previous job - where the President/CEO smoked dope and snorted coke on a regular basis
...

Yes, but that was at your OLD job. He must not have been able to work on pot (this is a skill I know about well since many of the people I knew in Portland did it). That's probably why you never had that, or other training, and it's probably a reason in why it's your old job. Also, who knows how much of the company's money went up his nose? I'd rather be annoyed by the petty things of a boss that is on top of her game, than one that ignores hers.

[Corwin]

sexual harrasment training?!? They are training you to sexually harass people

I'm sure you know that management is getting double the training because sexual harassment is about power just as much as it is about sex. In the mid 1980s, I left my first job because my boss was having an affair with a cow-orker. She was getting promotions and their relationship was interfering in the work environment. When I turned them in (because it was impacting my job), I was forced to leave the group and eventually left the company. When I mentioned that this was a form of sexual harrassment, the company didn't care.

Several years ago, a young cow-orker at my current company came to me with a problem. His girlfriend was working at her university (she was a student intern), and someone sent her one of those e-videos of a person having sex with a horse. When she complained to her boss, her boss told her to talk to the person who sent the e-mail (mistake 1). When she did, he told her to grow up and began to horse-like noises whenever she was around. Her boss did nothing. (mistakes two and three). They wanted advice on what to do. I told her the right university office to complain to. Her boss was reprimanded, the girlfriend was given paid leave and told that she had successfully completed the intership. What probably hurt the boss most is that she had to pay for the remainder of the internship from her budget, but got no work from it.

I have some cow-orkers who are good-old-boys. When in the company of other men, they talk about breasts ("look at those hooters!"), regularly go to strip clubs and do other guy things. When they do this to me, I tend to point out attractive guys or make a crack about some guy's ass. Unlike the me of 20 years ago, I think turn-about is fair play here.

Last week, I was at a business meeting with customers. Because of the nature of the system, the customers began to make jokes about tits ("I'd give her a breast exam!", "We forgot to ask about cup size!"). Unlike with cow-orkers, I don't assume that customers know that I am gay, nor do I think outting myself in a business meeting is appropriate. After the meeting, I mentioned my apprehensions to my cow-orkers who were also in the meeting. "Oh, that's just guy talk!" and "Oh Scott, they know you're gay" I was also told that they don't behave that way when a woman is in the room. (Now, I was checking out the customer's ass (he was a football player in college and has a hot body), but I don't think I'll begin to turn the tables on him -- still seems wrong.)

As I was complaining, walking through the airport, my cow-orker interrupted, "That guy just checked you out!" I was totally oblivious.

I don't think compliments are sexual harassment. I don't think that friendly touching is sexual harassment. I'm not so sure about "guy talk", but I do think that there is proper etiquette in a business environment. I do think that pervasive and persistent inappropriate behavior and quid pro quos that involve sex are sexual harassment, and I do think management has a special obligation in the area.

Just my $2 (inflation -- $0.02 just isn't worth that much anymore )
Scott

[brent]

Scott,
I think you made a good point of making my point that allowing sexual harassment to happen impacts the bottom line. There is a definite difference between good natured joking around, and actual harassment. Also, even if you think something is funny, if your coworker tells you they don't enjoy it (like the horse video) then it automatically crosses the line IMHO and should be dropped immediately. However, when you are meeting with customers, the dynamic is a little different, since you want their business. If you have coworkers with you on sales calls, then maybe you can have them step in, in a humorous way. Humor can mask a lot, and 95% of people out there today really don't care if you out yourself. I wonder how it would have gone if your coworker said something like, "...yeah, Scott would probably rather give you a breast exam with it", and then you could step in with some humorous anecdote about how the product was even strong enough to stand up to him? My points are that most people know you are gay before you out yourself, if you give it away in little ways (like limp wrists from time to time, wearing a pink oxford style shirt, whatever) it helps avoid the whole issue altogether, and most guy just want to have fun laughing with each other, and we gays are naturally great at this, because we don't have to try to get the woman in bed later...

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by brent

95% of people out there today really don't care if you out yourself.

There were pictures of Shrub (in a flight suit) in the lobby and on their desks. Red states scare me.

My points are that most people know you are gay before you out yourself, if you give it away in little ways (like limp wrists from time to time, wearing a pink oxford style shirt, whatever)

I look fabulous in pink shirts and I am very stylish... Now, if I could just get our customer support boy with his 17 inch bis to quit razzing me about my skinny arms

[ethernet_jock]

Well Scott and Brent basically just summarized the essence of our 4-hour meeting. I would also say that it was actually VERY interesting. Management at all levels plays an important role in keeping people happy and helping the company avoid liability and that includes IT management (me) in a VERY special way too. I'd always kept a total "hands off" approach when I see something inappropriate during the course of my job (emails on someone's computer, porno web sites in history, etc...) but it seems as though that's not the right approach anymore and it can actually get me in trouble simply for ignoring it!!

Wow.... I did learn a lot today. Very kewl.

P.S. It's QUITE obvious to me who at my workplace is and is not gay. Nobody has ever specifically identified that to me, but there are A LOT of signs. The least of which is not the rainbow stickers and flags in a person's office/cube

hehehe...

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

P.S. It's QUITE obvious to me who at my workplace is and is not gay. Nobody has ever specifically identified that to me, but there are A LOT of signs. The least of which is not the rainbow stickers and flags in a person's office/cube

be careful about the rainbow. During the recent election, rainbow buttons and bumperstickers were picked up by many people (particularly little old ladies) who ooo'ed and awed over all the pretty colors. When informed that they were for the LGBT outreach (and after explaining what LGBT was) they simply said, we don't care, we think they are pretty.

So, would musclegrowth.org count as a "porno" website???


Scott

[ethernet_jock]

So, would musclegrowth.org count as a "porno" website???

Not under my watch!!!! I'd have to be a hypocrit then, and nobody wants that.

Honestly - I pretty much intend to keep the hands-off policy unless I think there is something REALLY REALLY offensive that is OBVIOUSLY getting seen by other people. If someone is doing something discreetly enough to not bother anyone else, why should I care as long as they're doing their job?

Furthermore - if I saw someone looking at musclegrowth.org.... wouldn't that be cool?!? I'd suddenly have a new best friend in the office FOR SURE.

[wbhunk]

I think y'all have the hang of this.

Basically, the buzzwords are "reasonable person" and "hostile workplace environment" -- that is, if a reasonable person would be made uncomfortable by what you're doing or what's being done, that's usually a hostile workplace environment.

Brent nailed the key here, which is that, even if you enjoy something, your coworkers may not -- and that's their prerogative. Same goes for you -- if something bothers you, you speak up, and it's not dealt with, you have the right to insist that it be dealt with.

What I always try to stress is that, like Corwin alluded to, sexual harassment is not an action -- it's an attitude. I tell my managers that I'm not about to play "thought police" on them, but our company values statement is very clear that our diversity is one of our core points -- and that I always expect them to behave like it.

I always have liked a quote from Mary Kay Ash (the founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, and a REALLY neat lady) about a meeting in which she was involved with a bunch of "good ol' boys":

Businessman: "Since you're here, Mary Kay, I suppose we'll have to clean up our language."

Mary Kay: "Gentlemen, I'm happy to be here with you. I will ask or give no quarter; however, if you're looking for an excuse to clean up your language, be my guest!"

As for the gay issue, yes, same-sex sexual harassment counts....but the only people who have ever made those kind of jokes in my presence are clients, and the pursuit team I was on, bless their hearts, looked around uncomfortably....and said, "Well, anyway".....the poor client could just hear the joke die.

And I happen to look VERY good in pink and peach....it's the copper-blond thing.

[brent]

Originally Posted by Corwin

There were pictures of Shrub (in a flight suit) in the lobby and on their desks. Red states scare me.
...

OK, I didn't know people had pics of Shrub on their desks, so I have no way of thinking of this situation. As for red states, I just moved to one, but a very liberal part of it. With everyone I know, and everyone I deal with, he is universally despised.

As for the boy with the 17" bis, just enjoy the view. If he pipes up, tell him to go to the gym with you, watch your routine, and see if he can get them over the 17" mark. I'm sure you work very hard, and we don't control the genetics card. Make him put his knowledge where his mouth is, or shut up!

Brent.

[RyBearATL]

I've had a few experiences in this area this year too, for whatever reason.

A new coworker, male, for some reason told this stupid superman joke not knowing I was gay. He apparently didn't know that another guy in our group is too (but the other fellow wasn't present). Nobody laughed, and he told it again, and I at least laughed so the other members would know I wasn't completely insulted. I knew he was just confirming that he had no idea about me. I didn't take it too amiss. Someone took him aside later on and clued him in. He has a gift for putting his foot in his mouth.

The other incident was a group of guys (geek/techie/mgt folks) I often have lunch with. One day it was a particularly younger subset of the group, and all they could talk about this nice summer's day was the hot thangs walking around the office campus. This was at about a force 8 where I'm used to a force 3 setting of this rather crude behavior from them. Don't get me wrong - I've seen gay men in bars, and I'm one of them, but at least that's an environment where describing what you're going to do to someone when you get them home has a certain amount of sanction. This is still the workplace, even if we're outside the building.

I'm definitely out to all these guys (I talk about my boyfriend, etc, though not about the previous night's shtupping, his picture is on my desk). I'd just had enough this time. I don't use sexuality as a weapon, but I was very tempted to tell guy #1 of this group that he's considered a total cutie by a big strapping bear friend on another floor, who'd make a real man out of him if he had the time, and guy #2 that another one would enjoy drilling him for a few hours, much as he expressed willingness to do to the blonde female hot thang who walked by.

I held my tounge, and I still associate with these guys, but I don't go to lunch with them any more. I guess if my opinion were asked about them for a management slot I'd also have trouble recommending them to be supervisors.

-R

[wbhunk]

Actually, that's a great point, RyBear -- I never once in my life thought of that Superman joke as an insult to gays, and I AM one. However, as an HR jock, my rule is whether YOU'RE offended, and it qualifies. Kudos to your team members for a) doing something about it and b) not humiliating the guy publicly in the process.

And for your last example.....awesome job on your part. It was especially good that you avoided "giving them a taste of their own medicine".....since as we all know, the reason people have to tell you how good they are at something is because they're not too sure of it themselves. (grin) You took yourself out of a bad situation, which is a good way of getting their attention and expressing your displeasure, and if you are asked, you're going to say honestly that you have trouble recommending them because they have behaved in your presence in a manner that isn't consistent with corporate policies or values.

Too bad I don't work in field HR anymore.....I'd hire you in a heartbeat. Maybe I'll just have to engineer us buying you....LOL.