Help With An Obsession

PlugNPlay76 · #1 January 10th, 2005, 10:19 AM

Hi guys,

Well, I have a confession and a question for all of you. I have and am monogamously coupled to a wonderful guy. He's basically a teddy bear with a large and solid linebacker build and only about 5'9"-5'10". He is very cute and has a smile and eyes that gets me everytime. In a way, I met my match and the ultimate guy for me except for one little thing. I find that I'm still obssessed with huge muscle guys. I mean, my b/f has a good build, not a muscle guy really, but, big and thick all over... including those arms. I totally love him and I know he loves me, but, is it normal to still lust after these massive muscle guys? What should I do? Any suggestions? Please let me know.

Thanks,
Plug.

brent · #2 January 10th, 2005, 11:30 AM

PlugNPlay76,
Dude, you found a guy you love, and that loves you back, and now you want to complain? Come on. Life is not full of Atomic's morphs (although we all wish it was). Love you man, stay true to him, but you are still allowed to look aren't you? So come here to look, see if you can talk to him about other guys that look hot, and try going to the gym with him. My husband might not be the buffest guy in the gym, but I really enjoy working out with him, and I love him to death. I couldn't imagine all the muscle in the world replacing him.

polomuscle · #3 January 10th, 2005, 04:08 PM

i can understand where it's coming from. i dated a slim/femmy/androgenous guy last year, for about 8 months, and he was great in many ways, but i kept thinking about muscle guys, jerking off to muscle guys...and wasn't into my bf. eventually i was honest with him about some of my turn ons and it just ended up making him feel self conscious and bad about his body. which is perhaps his problem, because he is beautiful! but he wanted me to want him the way i want the fantasy.

all i can say is--therapy???? balance????

the fact of the matter is that my bf and i weren't a good match, and fantasy comes in handy when the REALITY isn't working so great.
i loved him, but we weren't really a good match, and weren't really in love. it wasn't hot for either of us.

Check yourself--check your relationship--and get out of it if it's not working. as for the muscle stuff--if you're really serious about it--get involved in the community, go to a hardcore gym, and get into that lifestyle. all it takes is time and food, dude. and sweat.

$0.02

myophile · #4 January 10th, 2005, 04:30 PM

I really know how you feel, because I'm in much the same situation. I love my partner, and we're great together, but I'm still into muscle.

I think it's ok, though. We go to the gym together and kind of work it into our sex life, which is a happy medium. I think you have to be honest about some of your feelings, without necessarily being so direct as to be hurtful.

Good luck and hope it works out for you.

myophile++

arpeejay · #5 January 10th, 2005, 05:42 PM

I've always been into muscle and my partners routinely have not been into bodybuilding (fitness, exercise, working out, yes, but not MUSCLE.) For whatever reason I've never clicked with muscleguys. I've never figured out whether I'm too big, not big enough, too well-padded, too furry, too nelly, or whatever. The guy who are (have been; I'm rather over the hill now...) really into me have tended to be wee things or big ol' bears who wish they had my shoulder to waist ratio. The few times (maybe 2-3?) I've made out with really big well-built guys it's been a bust. They were totally self-absorbed, totally non-interactive, and, sorry, just being a prop doesn't cut it for me.

When I first came out -- after 11 years of marriage and 2 children -- this used to really bug me. I mean, wtf did I leave my wife if the guys I was really hot for had no interest in me whatsoever? Eventually, of course, I realized that there's no accounting for chemistry, that who you're hot for isn't necessarily likely to be hot back for you, any more than you're always going to be hot for the guys who think you're the bomb. What counts is the quality of the relationship and the abilty to have fun (in bed or out) with one another. And that when all is said and done I'd rather be in bed with a man than a woman.

That's probably not much help, other than to say that you're not alone.

Best regards...

Richard Jasper
Ann Arbor, MI

glammaman2000 · #6 January 10th, 2005, 06:19 PM

we're both pretty built,i guess;but we discuss other guys that turn us on all the time!&it doesn't interfere with our feelings for each other,or make anybody feel inadequate.it's kinda hot.

wrestlejock646 · #7 January 10th, 2005, 08:27 PM

Hey man,

I can identify with you too---I love my bf. He's good looking, masculine, kind to a fault, works out to keep fit, puts up with all my crap and still loves me after 5 years. But, I've also had an obsession with the gym since I first stepped foot in one and I also fantasize about other muscular guys.

Everyone has their quirks and some aren't easy to deal with. The guys you fantasize about might be great all around guys, but they also might not be able to get through a dinner without constantly asking if their traps are showing in the shirt they're wearing or walk down a sidewalk without asking if they look as good as the guy across the street half a block in front of you. They might not be able to pass a glassy surface without asking you to appraise them and confirm that they are looking better or more defined or bigger than they did an hour ago. I dated a guy like that before.

We all fantasize. No matter who you're with, at some point, you're probably going to fantasize about someone else. Its natural, I think. Your bf probably has a few fantasies of his own--its a good thing so long as you both recognize the difference between the fantasy and reality. Fantasy by definition isn't real--you don't go to bed with it, look into its eyes or hold it in your hands. Even if you met and dated your "fantasy man," and that became a reality, I'd bet you'd still find yourself fantasizing about someone else at some point. I think its human nature.

ethernet_jock · #8 January 10th, 2005, 09:03 PM

try to imagine being a straight woman from a fairly conservative family who's husband has a *thing* for big muscle guys!! I don't know how she does it or how she manages to love me so much, but she does!

There's something to be amazed about.

wbhunk · #9 January 10th, 2005, 09:42 PM

Plug, we're men. It's our nature to look. The problem is when "look" translates into "touch" and quickly snowballs into "cheating on".

I share everyone's opinion. As much as I love muscle on a guy, only the one I'm dating now could qualify as "muscular" out of all the guys I've dated, and he's still smaller than I am (Not in certain areas, though! :P). Love is where you find it -- don't spend too much effort looking for what you think you want, lest you miss out on what you have.

brent · #10 January 10th, 2005, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wrestlejock646

...
Everyone has their quirks and some aren't easy to deal with. The guys you fantasize about might be great all around guys, but they also might not be able to get through a dinner without constantly asking if their traps are showing in the shirt they're wearing or walk down a sidewalk without asking if they look as good as the guy across the street half a block in front of you. They might not be able to pass a glassy surface without asking you to appraise them and confirm that they are looking better or more defined or bigger than they did an hour ago. I dated a guy like that before.
...

So you must have dated me back when I was single.
Just kidding! Maybe.
I agree that we all have our quirks, and you should enjoy seeing huge muscle guys, then go back & enjoy reality. Fantasy is great, but it's just that. I also enjoy Grand Theft Auto, but I'm not going to kill hundreds of innocent people in real-life, just to relieve some stress...

myophile · #11 January 11th, 2005, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brent

I also enjoy Grand Theft Auto, but I'm not going to kill hundreds of innocent people in real-life, just to relieve some stress...

Well way to rain on my parade!

Corwin · #12 January 12th, 2005, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wrestlejock646

We all fantasize. No matter who you're with, at some point, you're probably going to fantasize about someone else. Its natural, I think. Your bf probably has a few fantasies of his own--its a good thing so long as you both recognize the difference between the fantasy and reality. Fantasy by definition isn't real--you don't go to bed with it, look into its eyes or hold it in your hands. Even if you met and dated your "fantasy man," and that became a reality, I'd bet you'd still find yourself fantasizing about someone else at some point. I think its human nature.

The problem is when a fantasy becomes a fetish. Sex counsellors define a fetish as an obsession so strong that it interferes with your sex life (e.g. you can't perform unless you're with a 250lb muscle hulk who is ripped, cut and flexing). This is way different than what wrestlejock is talking about. If your obsession becomes that extreme, you probably need to think about seeking out a good sex therapist.