Well... decided to share mine I guess...

[aluminum]

[COLOR=white]Hello everybody![/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I am not pretty sure if I will post this, but if you are reading this I sure have done it.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I am from Bulgaria, just turned 28. Always have been chubby, though 5 years ago I lost 40kg (which is a bit over 80 pounds). I was about 250 pounds @ 1.78m height.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]My story is a bit chaotic because it is kinda difficult for me to share something I have never shared before. Sorry, for my English, but oh well, that’s what I can do for now.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I am not sure why I actually am writing this… guess I will find out sooner or later.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]I grew up in a family (very figurative) which consisted of a biological father. Mother died when I was 5. Back then he put me in an orphanage but in a year he took me back because of the state benefits. He always used to say that I am a disappointment and shit and beat me black and blue with or without a reason… I still cannot go over that complex though I am trying and normally people, who don’t know me don’t notice such a problem. I decided to study and work hard to support myself and not to depend on him at all but still find it difficult every now and then. I hated the belt marks and the physical pain. Well, they healed over the time.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]For a 28yo I had 3 relationships. Though they ended up quite fast each one of them because I never knew what I was looking for. All the time I was this chubby boy, studying a lot, working hard to support myself. First two of my relationships were with girls, last one was with a guy and it made me realize that I actually feel that I am happier, knowing I have a man beside me… Don’t get me wrong, I am not sissy or limp-wristed or something. I am just a normal man, who realized is gay… Then the need to be strong… I just feel I have to be. Last time when I lost 40kg weight I was just OK, but no definition. Yes, worked out hard but just to lose weight. And when I stopped, till now I gained about 75% of what I have lost as weight, i.e. I am about 220 pounds.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]What I am aiming now is not to lose weight but define and look masculine. I just have to do. My biggest problem is that I miss motivation. Hardest thing is to go from home to the gym. When I am there and after that I am kinda fine but so hard each time to go (every other day). I don’t even look for a relationship right now because I feel myself as unattractive, so that kinda motivates me a bit. Other thing is that from September this year I am relocating to England to study and change the course of my life. Maybe an escape too, but I am proud of myself that I managed to get accepted in a reputable university with a good major. Now I have 3 months till I go there and just look a bit better and there I will do the best that I can to buff and define myself. I don’t know for now what supplements may or should I take, even thinking of trying steroid cycles because I want to achieve my goal. Also to find a guy, my better half. I realize I am fucked up a lot, but… there is a hope… still. And no, I am not suicidal, LOL.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]What is your motivation? I think I really need some genuine help…[/COLOR]

[COLOR=white]Thanks in advance for all replies (if any).[/COLOR]

[CelticMuscle]

And Bulgaria is one such country (although coming from the UK, I suppose I do have a slight advantage being in the same continent).

First of all, thank you for the seven points that you gave the United Kingdom in the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest. I have a theory that most UK points awarded that year were not because of the song, but because Lord Lloyd Webber was on stage as well. Did you vote for the UK at that year's contest and what made you do so?

During the 1990's, people in the former Western Europe (particulary the richer countries at the time) were being told that all the orphans in the former Eastern European nations (Bulgaria, Romania and the like) were all there because their parents could not afford to look after them. Your experience suggests that was not the case, was yours an unsual or usual case?

Thirdly, in some parts of Europe (including the UK), whilst people are aware of gays, most surveys suggest that people would run a mile if they thought they were in close proximity to one. How does Bulgaria treat it's gay community compared to somewhere like the west coast of America?

And finally, I am sure you have heard it all before, but are the rumours about children aged 13 and upwards being given steroid injections under the former Communist regimes to ensure they won international events complete bunkum (i.e less true than some of the things Nigel Farage MEP says in the European Parliament)?

[aluminum]

Originally Posted by CelticMuscle

And Bulgaria is one such country (although coming from the UK, I suppose I do have a slight advantage being in the same continent).

First of all, thank you for the seven points that you gave the United Kingdom in the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest. I have a theory that most UK points awarded that year were not because of the song, but because Lord Lloyd Webber was on stage as well. Did you vote for the UK at that year's contest and what made you do so?

During the 1990's, people in the former Western Europe (particulary the richer countries at the time) were being told that all the orphans in the former Eastern European nations (Bulgaria, Romania and the like) were all there because their parents could not afford to look after them. Your experience suggests that was not the case, was yours an unsual or usual case?

Thirdly, in some parts of Europe (including the UK), whilst people are aware of gays, most surveys suggest that people would run a mile if they thought they were in close proximity to one. How does Bulgaria treat it's gay community compared to somewhere like the west coast of America?

And finally, I am sure you have heard it all before, but are the rumours about children aged 13 and upwards being given steroid injections under the former Communist regimes to ensure they won international events complete bunkum (i.e less true than some of the things Nigel Farage MEP says in the European Parliament)?

[COLOR=white]I did vote, yeah, and was for UK, liked the performance.[/COLOR]

Mine experience is before 1989 and the system supported us quite well. Then after 1990 i had to work after or before school just to earn something to eat because my father used almost all the benefits to go drink.

Gay scene is changing rapidly here. People are quite open minded here, though not as opened as Western Europe. I personally would not say openly that I am gay: a/ because I don't like to have a flag, it is something personal and intimate, and b/ it still would not be easy to 'fight my way'.

Never heard about such injections for that particular purpouse, but, BUT I do not deny the possibility, because it may have been done under the influence of the former USSR.

Thanks for your post.

[aluminum]

Just bringing it up.

[krims44]

[COLOR=#000000][COLOR=white]Normally I would post something like great story and keep on writing, but it is hard to say when you had a difficult past. Perhaps the move to UK would be a good thing for you. Don't consider it an escape, but as seeking out new opportunities. Although I have never been to the UK (closest I ever gotten is the British Islands) it would seem the move might be for the best. It sounds also that you might have some unfinished business with your dad and I would try to burry the hatchet if possible. You are now unfortunately a man an as such he can't really hurt you anymore or get back all those times that he should have been working on your relationship, so as it could be a good one. It sounds like you want to be stronger so as to deal with the situation, but I think it takes more than physical strength to solve a matter like the one you describe. I would suggest avail in your friends and future and if the past is unsolvable then leave it where it belongs in the past. In other words don't look back.[/COLOR] [/COLOR][COLOR=white]Keep on working out it looks like you really enjoy it, but I can't say I approve of the use of steroids or any anabolic aside from medical purposes. [/COLOR]

[aluminum]

I really appreciate your comment. Thank you!

I do think that what has happened in the past just should stay in the past.

[aluminum]

Well, I decided to post some of me as my start point and at the same time, this is toning up after 3 weeks since I started working out seriously.

[COLOR=#800080]http://picpaste.com/09062010_003_.jpg[/COLOR]
[COLOR=#800080]http://picpaste.com/09062010.jpg[/COLOR]
[COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][COLOR=#800080]http://picpaste.com/09062010_007_.jpg[/COLOR]

Sorry about the bad quality of the pics...