Lying during social gatherings

[traveller]

Last Sunday I had lunch with some friends. One friend kept on remarking about how much I bulked up and my "V" taper. I tried to switch her train of thought by pointing out that my belly grew. But, it took her a while to drop the subject even though I wasn't too keen on talking about it, especially after her husband asked if I was juicing. I didn't feel like continuing that conversation, so I lied with a curt, "No."

When I'm in mixed company in a non-bodybuilding crowd, gaining size and the related subject of steroids aren't things I want to discuss. If I'm with a group of guys, I'm somewhat willing to talk about them. On a one-on-one basis, I'm fairly open about bodybuilding and steroids depending on the person I'm talking to.

One male friend of mine talked with me about steroids and about whether I juiced. I explained to him my experiences up to that time. Afterward, he kept worrying if I would have 'roid rages' when I was on a cycle. He also withdrew a verbal job offer at a startup where he worked. He worried about me having roid rages in that stressful environment. At first I was perturbed about his behavior, but over time I didn't care. It turned out that his startup wasn't a pleasant place to work (everyone hated everyone else), and the employees were going to get a pittance for their slave labor.

Thanks for 'listening.'

Traveller

[Mdlftr]

Just goes to show that people suck sometimes!

Traveller, it's always best to maintain perspective in situations like this, either at the party or with the jerk with the 'job offer that snaps back.'

First, do you really care what those people at the party think/know about you? If you figure that, at best, their questions are idle social chitchat, and at worst, are the basis for malicious gossip, it makes them easier to blow off.

It's hard, when it's something you really care about (improving yourself, getting bigger and stronger, feeling the rush and surge of excitment) and all you run into are jealous, lazy, petty, bad mouthing jerks.

You have to "consider the source" and chalk it up to experience. Just remember, while you're in the gym lifting and getting bigger and stronger, they're probably sitting on their increasingly fatter butts chowing down on fatty snax! So who cares WHAT they think? If their idea of a guy looking good and getting big with muscle means that he must be a 'steroid freak' , while a guy blimping out with too many chips and sweets is "o.k.", what does that say about their perceptions?

Take the long view, my friend ( and check out those tris in the mirror! Whew! Looking large! )

Mdlftr

[RadRx]

After reading this article (Couch Potato Contentment) you may be the only one caring about your size.

Of course I'm at a size where no one would ever consider asking me if I used steroids, but folks can be quick to judge these days. All the same, traveller, a good hug now and again can take the edge off.

[Corwin]

I'm sure Miss Manners would not approve an acquaintance asking someone if they took steroids or engaged in any other activity of potentially questionable legality. I seems synonymous with asking a gun owner, "oh, have you ever killed another person?" or a pharmacist, "oh, and what is your favorite recreational drug?"

More seriously, I was involved in escorting at abortion clinics during Operation Rescue attacks in the early 1990s. Abortion is one of those uncomfortable social topics. You just never know what the other person thinks -- like your friend's misconception of roid rage during that topic. The social trick that we were taught was to use flippant one-liners to cut the conversation off. For example, if someone said, "I just object when a woman uses abortion as birth control." Citing facts and statistics or pointing out how stupid a comment that is would simply prolong the conversation. Instead, we were taught to say something like, "Well, if she's that irresponsible, would you really want her caring for a baby?" They never have an answer for that.

So, my free advice (and you get what you pay for) is, when someone asks "do you take steroids" and you really don't feel like answering, say something like, "No I prefer gamma rays, but finding clothes that don't clash with the green skin is hard." or "actually, I left my can of spinach in my coat pocket." or some other pop-cultural reference that changes the subject and lets them know that you really don't want to answer.

Scott

[RadRx]

Corwin, I'm shocked. As a pharmacist we would never ask for information that is stored in databases.

Of course, traveller could flip nearly any answer with a hint of truth as well by saying "yeah -- I got tired of waiting for lab accidents and those homeland security guys are so picky about where you keep gamma radiation sources these days."

[brent]

I like Corwin's advice. Making it into a joke is the easiest way out of that. It's just crap that people feel they have to judge others, in order to feel good about themselves. I don't use steroids, and I really resent that question too. I mean, shouldn't I have that choice if I choose to use them? I also hate what that question implies: that I didn't use hard work to get what I have. Wether you use steroids or not, it's hard to build a good body. It takes time, work, and money, so I feel anyone with a good physique deserves credit. My feeling is that these people have no self-esteem, and so they want to put you down. The best way to counter-act that, is by giving them a compliment, I think.

PS: Don't worry about lying to idiots like that: they aren't worth it.

[ethernet_jock]

wow...

I was going to add something but.... Brent said it all!

I can't say I've ever been asked or accused of taking steroids. A few friends of mine will occasionally jokingly refer to "Otter and his anabolic habit" but that's a rare occurance and they know that I don't do that. I think I would be offended if I was accused and recused (IE the job offer) in that way too - Brent's right - those kinds of people aren't worth it. It's your decision to go on cycles and if it works for you and makes you happy then so be it. That doesn't make you into an insane roid raging lunatic.

Sounds like your "friend" is the *real* lunatic. Sorry.

[buffdoc]

If you have juiced and have friends that also have done so as well, it is easy to fall into the general perspection that steriod use is socially acceptable. However, the general public perspection is that anyone who has used anabolics is about to go on a roid rage and kill his girlfriend. Secretly steriod use is acclaimed--the products are on display for all to see in superstar bulked up football/baseball players and a male body ideal that for over 98% of the general public can only be acheived with anabolics. Therefore, keep your juicing secret. Trust me--you won't be fooling anyone who has used but most lay people cannot discriminate between a user and non-user. If asked, deny and talk about your diet and training routine. Making a joke about using is also another approach that works.

[Notbigenuff]

And, as the "media" continues investigating the "recent" discovery, for like the thousandth time in the past 50 years, that pro-athletes are actually using *gasp* steroids, public perception will only get worse.

Steroids will continue to be ostracized as long as people feel that they give some people a competitive edge over others. Never mind that the most common drug in this country (alcohol) actually kills or contributes to the death of more people each year than steroids ever will, or that the consumption of known carcinogens is perfectly legal (cigarettes), or that the entire world is pretty much hooked on a mood altering substance (caffeine), or...you get the picture. It's not about health its about perception.

I'll be quiet now.

[The Magus]

If asked, deny and talk about your diet and training routine.

I don't use roids (...yet?), and wouldn't be accused of it anyway (...yet?), but I do know that whenever I start talking about my training or diet the eyes of whoever I'm talking to suddenly glaze over and the subject instantly changes.

I think the roid question comes up not out of a real suspicion of drug use but more because people in general have a poor idea of what it takes to get in shape, and most don't even seem to want to know. It's easier for them to believe that someone's on a magic drug (whether they are or not) than to listen to someone talk about the discipline and commitment that being in supurb shape requires.

[jcwise]

Magus is right. No one really wants to work for the trimmer stomach, the 18 inch guns (Not there yet) or the large chest. They want to take a pill and wake up looking like "Arnold". Until the general popluation realizes that it takes hard work they will always believe that you get help. Look at the Diet pill industry alone.

Just my opinion

[wbhunk]

Agreed. The fact that so many Americans are overweight and out-of-shape should be proof enough that most of them have never SEEN a gym, much less know what's going on inside it.

What makes matters worse is that they never show athletes practicing -- just popping pills or taking "supplements". It's like....hey, steroids are a bit to the left of worthless if you're not simultaneously working out, and all they really do is make your workouts more productive.

[brent]

Originally Posted by Notbigenuff

...
Never mind that the most common drug in this country (alcohol) actually kills or contributes to the death of more people each year than steroids ever will, or that the consumption of known carcinogens is perfectly legal (cigarettes), or that the entire world is pretty much hooked on a mood altering substance (caffeine), or...you get the picture. It's not about health its about perception.
...

I think I'm OK with steroid use, because I'm OK with my own drug use. I know coffee is bad for me, but I love it. I also enjoy other things from time to time... so I feel it's each person's choice. It might be people that are in about their own drug use/alcoholism, and have to pick on others. Picking on the most attractive people is easy, how many people think that pretty people are stupid?

I read that as "It might be people that are in [denial] about their own drug use/alcoholism" Was that it? If so, I absolutely agree. How much does alcholism cost this country each year in reduced productivity, in accidents, medical problems, in spousal abuse, in violent confrontations (talk about "roid rage"). Too many laws. Too little common sense.

[polomuscle]

I think it's best to just say 'no' to their question 'do you use steroids.' because it's illegal, and you don't want to get caught. it's none of their business anyway. you could take it as a compliment that they see you as being so buff the only way you could do it is to be on drugs. that might be a great reply, whether you are on drugs or not. just say, 'wow, what a compliment. i would never use drugs, but i have been working out really hard." if you feel bad/guilty when asked, chances are you aren't quite comfortable with what you're doing? i mean, it is illegal, and you do have to lie in order to do the drugs. so who wouldn't feel bad about having to lie all the time? you have to lie to others, and you have to lie to yourself about your health risk and your insecurity about your body size. still, if someone offered me roids, i would do them in a second. i wanna get huge!

[traveller]

Originally Posted by polomuscle

I think it's best to just say 'no' to their question 'do you use steroids.' because it's illegal, and you don't want to get caught.

I don't worry about legality because I get mine prescribed as part of my hormone replacement therapy. That's one advantage to becoming middle aged. ;^) I made sure that I follow the letter of the law when I take steroids. In fact I don't worry about carrying them with me when I'm travelling through airports since they are prescribed.

Originally Posted by polomuscle

if you feel bad/guilty when asked, chances are you aren't quite comfortable with what you're doing? i mean, it is illegal, and you do have to lie in order to do the drugs. so who wouldn't feel bad about having to lie all the time?

I actually not comfortable talking about it with certain people, so on this occasion I lied. I think I did it more out of not feeling that it's not worth the effort to discuss what I'm doing to some people. The husband, who asked me the "Are you taking steroids?" question, takes testosterone for hormone replacement therapy. But, he doesn't take enough to gain noticeable muscle, just enough to keep his wife happy. I know that for a fact because his wife and I talked about that during our 'coffee talks' alone together. However, if I discussed that with him, he would turn red in the face because it's not something he talks about in social gatherings. He also would get mad at his wife for discussing a 'personal' problem he has with his libido.

Originally Posted by polomuscle

.. you have to lie to others, and you have to lie to yourself about your health risk ...

I never had that problem. I've studied the risks, and perodically have my blood tested to monitor possible complications. My physician knows what I'm doing, and his monitoring of my health is fairly thorough.

Originally Posted by polomuscle

...and your insecurity about your body size. still, if someone offered me roids, i would do them in a second. i wanna get huge!

I think that my insecurities got me started in bodybuilding. But, my willingness to talk about bodybuilding and my body varies according to the setting. I hate talking about myself in big groups, more willing to do so in small groups, and fairly open in one-to-one discussions.

Traveller

[ozdick1]

When I put on my growth spurt, I remember visiting my parents who hadn't seen me in about 6 months.
I think I had put on about 10kg since I last saw them, and my mum asked "Are you taking steroids"
Before I knew what to say, my dad butted in with "Does it really matter if he is or not? It's not like he's going to be competing at the Olympics"

The oddest comment I still get is people coming up to me and asking if I work out.
If you check out my before and after pics at
http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/sh...ad.php3?t=2011
I always find that an amusing question and I always feel I should reply with something like "No, this is just natural - it got this big from sitting in front of the tv and drinking beer all day"

[glammaman2000]

...what you're doin'or how!...super-slurpy ,there,moose!g.

[UKBeefy]

That "do you work out ?" question gets me too. I'm not as big as defined as u Ozdick but I still think it shows that I workout. I do wonder if some people think it is an innocent conversation opener whereas we take it as an insult/belittling of what we've put alot of hard effort into achieving. Generally I only get that comment from people who never have stepped foot in a gym and I get a much more constructive response from other gym goers.

[traveller]

This morning over breakfast with my (different) friend's (French) family the topic of me taking steroids came up again. My friend brought it because I was so interested in visiting pharmacies here (in Shanghai). They didn't seem shocked but then again my French sucks so I only understood part of the table conversation. But, later my friend's dad (who speaks very little English) had a "talk" with me about steroids in French. Of course, I only understood the gist of it. He was concerned that they may contribute to possible birth defects if I have children in the future. I don't think my boyfriend (who wasn't able to take this trip with me) and I will have that problem. ;^)

Traveller

[brent]

Well, I'm glad that this friend was more supportive. It's amazing how much more open minded people are outside of the US...

[James35]

At one of the first bodybuilding shows I ever attended, I saw this huge guy walking around before the show. He was not a competitor, just someone attending the show, but he was massive. He had on a white t-shirt that even though it was an XXL, it was stretched to near bursting.
The front of the shirt said "No, I'm not on steroids" and the back said "But thanks for asking!"
That's the perfect reply!