A Deal’s a Deal – Part 21

[Ender]

It has been a while since we heard from Tony Canton and company... I think Donnie is big enough for a while so it's time to get Tony a new project. There's a lot of history this time but many relationships are in flux. There are some major changes coming...

A Deal’s a Deal – Part 21

As he walked into the locker room Tony was again greeted by a view of the back of his current project standing on the scale. The back was broad tapering into narrow hips. Broad thick lats forced the bulk of the sinewy arms out from the torso. Arms that were capped with massive defined delts that merged into traps that ended behind the ears. “Hey there Donnie… How ya doing…” Donnie looked down at Tony and grinned. The grin was about all that was left of the old Donnie, that and the twinkle in his eyes… “Oh… Hi Tony…” rumbled from the 6ft 5in of dense ripped muscle that Tony gazed up at. It was still Donnie’s voice but shifted down nearly two octaves “For the first time since before Christmas I’m not any bigger this week. I sort of hope this growth spurt is over… Every morning there was some body new in the mirror…” said Donnie as he stepped off the scale. Tony thought to himself, “A few weeks back Donnie was looking up at me the way I have to look up at him now…” “Yep, you really shot up there Donnie,” said Tony as he walked with Donnie to his locker. Tony continued to his locker and watched as Donnie pulled on his gym clothes and smiled approvingly. At better than 240lb of solid muscle Donnie’s weight had much more then doubled. Donnie’s size medium shorts were loose at the waist but his quads had ripped the seams of the legs nearly to the hip. And the x-large t-shirt that pulled tight through the shoulders, back, and chest to barely contain Donnie’s impressive upper body was ready to burst.

As Tony stared, a pair of large powerful hands grabbed his shoulders almost painfully from behind. Tony felt hot breath by his ear and a familiar voice whispered, “I’m jealous.” Tony gasped, and grinning Brian Hossler spun Tony around. Still recovering Tony stammered, “What do you mean Brian?” Brian chuckles and shakes his head, “You know you can’t fool me Tony.” Tony looks sheepish. “Don’t worry man. It was easy for me to guess but most people don’t know what you can do, so they figure Donnie’s just having one really freaky growth spurt.” Tony sighed in relief. “Yeah, Donnie’s really a good guy and now that he has got some size, people are starting to realize it. Your gift was well placed,” Brian continued. Tony asks, “Are you really jealous??? Anytime you want, just…” Brian cuts Tony off saying, “No man, I’m just as happy as a clam the way I am… I was just pulling your chain…” As they changed and join the rest of the class in the gym, Tony continued, “He always was one of the best basketball players but as small as…” “Yeah you don’t need to convince me man, you did good,” chuckled Brian.

Coz brought out several basketballs and out of habit picked the usual team captains that proceeded to pick the pretty much usual teams. With his new size Donnie had moved from being a late pick to an early first round choice. Today instead of making Tony his first round pick Brian picked Donnie and then Tony on the second round. Tony was pleased with the idea of playing with both Brian and Donnie and was delighted the they would be playing “skins” until he realized that meant he would be shirtless too. It wasn’t that Tony was ashamed of his body; he was on the swim team and in a Speedo you can’t hide much. As a swimmer the layer of baby fat that still cover most of his body wasn’t a problem for him and that the fat jiggled a bit when he moved was hidden in the water. He was one of the better swimmers on the team and his teammates respected him enough to not tease him. But he did sometimes get catcalls from the swimmers on the other teams and the spectators. Scott and Teddy the other guys Brian had picked weren’t teen muscle gods like Brian and Donnie, if anything they were thin but what muscle they had was nicely defined. A bit reluctantly Tony pealed off his t-shirt and sighed to himself; “I’m a swimmer, so it’s ok to be built like a ‘seal’…” but not completely believing it himself.

Andy caught up to Tony after school just before Tony walked out the door to head home. “Hey Tony,” said Andy as he trotted up to Tony, “you up for a match, man? It’s been ages since we had a good battle.” Distracted Tony answered, “Huhh??? Oh, Hi Andy, did you say something, what’s up?” “Well it isn’t you I guess,” said Andy, “I asked if you were up for a game, Tony.” Still mostly self-absorbed Tony replied, “Game?” “Yes, Ground Control to Tony do you read me Tony??? ‘Duel Monsters’ battles… where you always trounce me… You want to play Yu-Gi-Oh?” Finally coming out of his stupor Tony answers, “Oh, sure Andy anytime.” Andy looks at Tony a bit confused and says, “Is there something wrong Tony, you seem to be a million miles away this afternoon.” Tony mocks a diabolic laugh, “Ah, so that’s why you want to battle now, you figure if I’m distracted I’ll be easy prey.” “Yeah, right,” Andy chuckles, “I would need to be Yugi himself to have a real chance of beating you.” Andy and Tony start walking home together, eventually Andy asks, “So do you want a match or not." "Okay Andy, but just a quick one I've got a ton of homework to night. You can stop at my place for a quick battle before dinner and since your folks eat late you’ll still be on time for dinner with them. Okay?” “Okay but only if you sleep over Friday and Saturday nights and we have a real tournament, I’ll get some other players to come and you can invite whoever you want too,” said Andy. “Assuming it’s cool with my mom it’s a date… but I really can’t think of anyone to invite,” said Tony. “Well, what about Brian Hossler, the two of you seem to have some sort of relationship or the new giant of your PE class the now “hulking” Mr. Duckworth… you had something to do with that didn’t you Tony?” Tony stops dead in his tracks… “And what if I did… Yes I give him a push, I felt bad that the most skilled basketball player in the school wasn’t on the school team and got pounded in PE class because he was smaller than ‘Tiny Tim,’ so what!” “Chill Tony,” said Andy. “I think it’s great what you did for him, I take it that unlike Brian, myself and I would guess Shane, Donnie doesn’t know you gave him a boost… letting him grow slowly was a good idea nothing to explain away.” Tony started to stalk toward home past Andy saying, “I’m so glad you approve…” A bit shocked Andy trotted to catch up with Tony saying, “Relax Tony… calm down… I didn’t mean to upset you… just slow down and talk to me.” Tony stopped and sighed, “You’re right you didn’t do anything for me to be upset with you about and neither did Brian…” “Tony will you please tell me what you’re upset about?” asked Andy as he put his hand on Tony’s shoulder and gently turned him around. Tony smiled shaking his head as he recalled the similar encounter with Brian in the locker room earlier. “I don’t know if you would understand but when I use my power it can sometime cause… Let’s call them unexpected side effects. Like when I made Donnie grow, I didn’t know his dad had been out of work and they were barely keeping food on the table. So what do I do??? I turn Donnie into an insatiable eating machine that out grows his clothes a couple times a week. I fixed it that his dad won a bit of money on the lottery so they’re getting by better then they were before I turned Donnie into the “Hulk.” I don’t know if I hurt anyone with that little trick and I don’t want to know. And when I tried to make things better for Mike Matthews…” “You mean Mick Matthews our all state wrestler. What did you do for him? He’s a bit short but he’s got quiet a build,” Said Andy. “I mean Mike... Mick is an alternate reality version of Mike and there are actually two Micks. The one you know is 3 inches shorter and 30lb lighter than the original Mick. I shrank him a little because big Mick’s appearing trashed Travis’s life. And both of the Mick's are about 200lb lighter than Mike. Just thinking about that mess gives me a headache. I made you and Brian stud-muffins... no big deal... I try to stop Mark Tinsley’s goons tormenting a nice, though obese, guy and Mike gets a new life as Mick and Travis ends up a fat junkie. I didn't intend for that to happen it just did… I remember them all because I altered the timeline. I really don’t want to think about it,” Tony said as he pulled away from Andy and started walking again.

Andy caught up to Tony again in a couple of second and started to walk with him again and said, “I knew we were in the ‘Twilight Zone’ after what you did for Brian and me, but if you’re suggesting what I think you are, we’re also in the ‘Outer Limits,’ at the intersection of the Bermuda Triangle and ‘Eerie, Indiana’.” “I think you have the general idea,” said Tony, “Let’s get home so I can whoop your behind with the cards!” And Tony’s gate changed to a brisk jog and he thought to himself, “Maybe a little running will help clear my head and if I make it a habit it should help me burn off some of this blubber.”

The next morning Tony elected to jog to school for the exercise and look up Shane for a talk. “He’s really not a bad guy, a bit thoughtless and uncaring but since our last talk he’s turned over a new leaf,” Tony thought. It wasn’t hard to find Shane as usual he was hanging with Brian and the other football jocks that didn’t turn on Brian when he let it be known that he wanted Tony as part of his circle of friends. The trick would be to find Shane alone. After failing to get the opportunity during school Tony decided that his best bet was the same secluded part of Shane’s route home where he had first confronted Shane.

Tony lounged against a tree waiting for Shane. As he did he reached into his pocket for a cigarette but as he was about to light it Tony thought to himself, “No, you were right about that Shane, smoking is bad for my health.” And Tony crushed the cigarette and dropped it to the ground. Tony then pulled out the rest of the pack, crushed and dropped them and ground the remains into the dirt. “D’you decide to quit?” said Shane, a bit of concern in his voice, as he walked up to Tony, recalling their last encounter here. Tony was a bit startled at Shane’s sudden appearance, “Hi Shane, I didn’t hear you coming… Yeah I decided you were right they aren’t healthy.” Tony smiled and walked over to Shane, who backed up a step, and was relieved to find he was still able to move his feet. Tony picked up on the concern that showed on Shane’s face. “Don’t worry Shane I’m not going to do anything to you. You really are an okay guy just a bit dense at times. I was hoping you could do me a favor,” Tony said. Still concerned Shane answered. “Sure Tony, but what could I possibly do for you that you couldn’t do on your own.” Tony replied, “I want you to help me get into shape… Burn off my flab and build some decent muscle.” Shane started to laugh but checked himself quickly, “But why??? Couldn’t you just zap yourself into any sort of body you wanted?” Tony looked down and replied, “I guess I could, but that’s not the point… I want to have to work for it… To prove to myself that I can do it the way you and Brian did before I gave you a boost.” Starting to relax a bit but still confused Shane replies, “But why are you asking me, why not Hossler, the two of you are tight.” Tony looks back up and says, “I don’t want Brian to know anything about this,” and to empress on Shane that he was serious about Brian not learning of his plans Tony added, “if he does, you’ll wake up with that teeny weenie again.” Terror flashed across Shane’s face but Tony smiled warmly and gently put his hand on Shane arm and said, “I’m just kidding, but Brian is not to know anything about this. What I want you to do is act as a coach, personal trainer, workout partner, ass kicker whatever it takes to get me in shape; and what gains I make you’ll get too, so the bigger you make me grow the bigger you get. Is it a deal Shane?” Tony extended his hand to shake on the agreement. Shane hesitated at first but then took Tony’s hand saying, “No Teeny Weenie?” Tony grinned, and the already sizable bulge in Shane’s jeans swelled a bit. Shane grinned broadly and replied, “Okay, Deal!” Shane puts his beefy arm across Tony’s shoulders and the pair started to walk towards Shane’s place. “So Tony,” Shane asked, “what exactly are you looking to accomplish?”
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[COLOR=Red]
Lucifer Saint looked up from the ‘Looking Glass’ and said, “Young Mr. Canton is a most interesting candidate isn’t he Deez… Always full of surprises… Perhaps we should give him a surprise in return what do you think?” Deez smiled his broad perfect smile and nodded… “Yes I thought you would feel that way… You may have some fun with the boy, but don’t get too carried away… At least not yet…”[/COLOR]

[peterliamparker]

More MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD PLS MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sanitarium87Q]

yeah we definitely need more of this story ASAP

[Ender]

I though it was ok but I'm a bit shocked by the responce... I want to have part 23 pretty much done before I do the last edit on part 22...

Please... Please... Please... tell me what you like and don't like

Ender...

[Pagemaster_B]

Ender,

Before you post the next part, I highly recommend you read some short stories or several chapters from a novel so you can see how dialog is formatted. When a person speaks, it gets is own paragraph. Not only that, it will allow you to drop a lot of unnecessary tags like "he said" "she said". Cramming a section of dialog into a single paragraph creates a lot of confusion as to who says what. This is extremely distracting!!!

Otherwise, you're doing a great job in picking up someone else's story. Keep it up and don't leave us hanging!

[peterliamparker]

[color=#c6cdf3]I am just so interested in where this story is going, I love all the open ended possibilities, and sub plots, it add a great deal of mystery and suspense. So Keep UP the GREAT work!!!! [/color]

[color=#c6cdf3]PS I found that a story/ chapter is more compelling and griping if you don't really end off but rather lead in to the next one, it create a great anticipation, and we all know that anticipation is the best part of anything !! [/color]

[Ender]

I hate the "he said, she said" thing too... and have considered switching to a more script like format... but I wasn't sure how that would play... I'm an Engineer by trade and as a rule we don't write much dialogue, we just discrible and report... script form I think would allow me a sort of multi-track recording mechinism.

Dropping to a single line of narative is tough sometimes, the script form would let me skip most the transitions between speakers and their internal as well as external thoughts. A lot of time I really want to have the character talk over each other, but that's a mess to write... I'll work on that thanks

"Open ended possibilities, and sub plots..." that why I need to stay one or two chapters ahead... Frankly, I don't really know what's coming either. There are a couple of things I want to happen but the characters don't always play quite the way I thought they will. I want the character to grow and when they do they do the unexpected... I set something up and then the character won't go for it... You don't see most of that... but if I don't stay ahead I sometimes write things in to corners

I don't really like cliff hanger endings... they are generally let downs... I grew up with things like the old "Republic"? seriels like "King of the Rocket Men" or "Zombies of the Stratosphere" (where Leonard Nemoy first played an alien); "Lost in Space" and "Doctor Who"... the way they "saved the day" was a bit lame most of the time. Loose-ends are okay if they get tried off sometime, I don't like "red herrings" so most things are (or were) headed somewhere. Like I said the characters somtimes don't do what I intend when I start writing. I like things to think about... the "what if's" and "what would I do's".

Thanks for the input... Comments are always welcome... and will be considered... but I reserve the right to ignore them...

Ender

[peterliamparker]

I respect everything that you are doing with the story, so take what you like from my coments and !*#% the rest!!!!!

LOVE
PETER

[Ender]

I reformated some of the part 22 in a screenplay like format... Opinions???
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A Deal's a Deal TEST Part 22

Fade in- Friday lunchtime in the school cafeteria

Andy: (stands over Tony who was sitting alone at a table as he breaks open his lunch.) “Are you mad at me Tony… We haven’t talked since I let you (big grin) beat me at Yu-Gi-Oh Tuesday.”

Tony: (looks up at Andy and smiles.) “Mad at you Andy? Never…”

Andy: (sits down across from Tony and continues) “Cool, the all night tournament is sort of a wash for tonight but I’ve got a pretty good crew on for tomorrow and my folk are okay with it running as late as we can take it,” (Andy beams) “A couple may even be a challenge for you. I’d still like you to stay over tonight. We can watch a couple of movies, play some video games and maybe some other sort of games.”

Tony had forgotten about Andy’s Yu-Gi-Oh party and was going to meet Shane to workout after school and again Saturday morning. Tony had been working out with Shane after school since he made his pact with Shane on Wednesday and he had started to spend an hour running every morning before getting ready for school.

Tony: “Sure Andy, it sounds great. But something has come up that I need to take care of Saturday morning… It will take me a couple of hours but after that I’m all yours,”

Andy: (grinning) “Say, how about I help you with whatever it is,”

Tony: (wants to keep is workout program as secret from Andy as well as Brian) “No Andy it’s something I need to do by myself,”
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Better??? Worse??? It captures how I visualize things better and is a bit easier for me to write... Trying to be "literary" doesn't get in the way of the story...

Pasting it into a post loses some of the formating (I had indended 'hunging indents' on the dialogue... )

Ender

[jacestar]

It's very different, I dunno,I mean most of the time when people write it's usually as a narative, and since you did pick this story up from another user it would seem a bit odd to chance the format from that which the original writer would have wanted it to be, ya know? I dunno, I mean it's not a good thing or a bad thing, simple a different method to achive the end result, I mean I really like this story and think that the changes since you took over have been very interesting thus far, it's just that well, I dunno, change it if you want, but although you're solving some problems dealing with dialog if you change over to a script format you're also losing a lot of stuff that you can do with a narrative format. Just a slight comment, perhaps constructive criticism

[Ender]

It was just an idea I thought I'd ran past the group... I still have the other version on file...

Ender...

[Sanitarium87Q]

bah... i believe that as long as we all can understand it, and as long as it isnt ridiculously grammatically incorrect, then it's fine.

Yes, "he said", "she said" gets pretty boring, thats why writers find other ways to make it obvious who's speaking. Good transitions are what make the story flow.

I admit if you're trying to narrate a talking heads political commentary TV show with the most obnoxious speaker trying to yell over the other 3 panelists who are also chattering out of control then narration is going to fail. However, narration could describe the situation quite well without having to tell you every unimportant word being said. Besides, people won't hear or understand much more than the one speaker with whom they agree. The other speakers are totally ignored as irrelevant.

On the other hand, I find scripts nearly imposible to read with any understanding. Dry, dull, absolutely no flow. A, B, A, B, C, A, B, A, blah, blah, blah.

If you're going to do a script, make a play or a movie. That's what they're for. Scripts aren't to be read, they're to be executed.

I did a lot of tech writing for 25 years. I produced some really really correct and detailed stuff that put you to sleep in a moment. It's much more fun to learn to find innovative ways to say things. To not repeat the same phrase on the same page. To break up the "he said", "she said" paradigm. To not use the same adjective twice in the same paragraph. To move verbs around in the sentence structure. To intermix dialogue and narration. To inteject descriptive clauses. I find English to be wonderful for this type of tinkering.

Sorry, but you did ask.