Is it what guys do?

Corwin · #1 March 12th, 2005, 01:41 PM

I just posted something on my blog that maybe people here can help me process. To relate it to this site, what happened was a straight client came up behind me, wrapped his muscular arms around me, flexed his pecs into my back, then kissed me. He was drunk, but... I probably should also admit that I was checking out the guy's tight body during the more boring points of our meetings.

You can read what I'm thinking on the blog. (oh, and feel free to vote for it, cause I am a vote whore about my blog.)

I'd be curious about any thoughts you might have...

Marco_ukmus · #2 March 12th, 2005, 02:41 PM

Hey Corwin,

I can only imagine that since the guy in question knew or suspected you were gay through you checking him out that he decided to attempt to provoke a reaction, prehaps because he was curious. When ones drunk we tend to do silly and if not strange and daring activities in order to either a) create a kinda friendly bond or more of one as a result of the action(s) or prehaps b) to spark an interesting conversation or event. Regardless of whether your gay, bi, or straight I believe we all do this. Being straight myself, I often banter a lot more around my friends whether they are male or female, gay or straight. Every one does it. Its a kinda a bonding process that somehow makes the whole meeting and that of being sociable all that more entertaining. Also being that the whole gay to straight thing is as we have explored and concluded here on this site before - "elastic", and coupled with the fact that when males are drunk they infact release a lot more estragon thus becoming more feminine, this is often a time when males are seen to become more "friendly" towards each other. You only have to look around a crowded bar to notice this as men can be seen to pat each other on the back more, put their arms round each other and other forms of physical contact which in the main unless they really are gay or bi, have no sexual intent. Now kissing you might arguably be a bit too far if hes straight, but then again, being drunk is a great excuse to explore and make such gestures excusable.

Well its just my two pence about it or should i say two cents for you guys :0)

Marc

Corwin · #3 March 12th, 2005, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

Hey Corwin,

I can only imagine that since the guy in question knew or suspected you were gay ...

When one of his cow-orkers was in Pittsburgh, we took him out to dinner. Our wives and in my case my partner went out on the dinner. When the cow-orker went home, he promptly told everyone in his office that I was gay. They all knew. Only one of the people I'm working with down there seems to have a problem with it (e.g. bringing up AIDS at random times)

I'm not sure he noticed me checking him out...

arpeejay · #4 March 12th, 2005, 06:44 PM

If (I had been so fortunate and) he'd done it to me and then said:

It's what guys do...

I'd have replied

Well, yeah, when they're gay! I guess we'll have to make you an honorary member, huh?

But that's just me...

xoxo

richard

and don't forget the website, dammit!

brent · #5 March 12th, 2005, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

...
Well its just my two pence about it or should i say two cents for you guys :0)

Marc

I'd rather people kept to their local traditions. I'm surrounded by American colloquialisms, so it's fun to hear some from other areas. That's my 2?...

Now as for the topic, I don't think you should read too much into it. Even if he's a repressed 'mo, it could be years before he comes out. If it ever happens. I'd chock it up to a great experience to share & remember, and little more.

Corwin · #6 March 13th, 2005, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arpeejay

If (I had been so fortunate and) he'd done it to me and then said:

It's what guys do...

I'd have replied

I totally froze and kinda had an expression like a deer in headlights. I do agree with Brent on this one, and remember, it was a business situation.

wannagetbig83 · #7 May 17th, 2005, 04:14 PM

I'm wondering that if they did something like that, not kissing but touching you in an odd way, when not drunk, do guys usually tease each other like that? And if so, if you push them away because of some reason, if they come back. I'm talking about this just because a person I knew came up to me and started to rub one of my nipples and has done this a couple more times.

ethernet_jock · #8 May 18th, 2005, 07:31 AM

cor - I have little or no good advice for you... other than.... how uncomfortable would that be in a business situation!!! Wow, I guess that's why you're not supposed to drink "too much" at work parties. There'll be gossip, I'm sure.

wannagetbig - There's a guy I used to work with at my old job who is "mostly" a friend and whom I still talk to. I've helped him move a couple times, gone out drinking, etc... He's always talking about sex and in particular how much he likes to take women up the rear and how much everyone else should try it. He's also ALWAYS loudly proclaiming how disgusting he finds homosexuality to be. Then he turns around and makes a LOUD big deal out of my pecs or biceps whenever the subject of body shape comes up (or many times another more muscular co-worker that we used to hang out with). I've always wondered about him and just sort-of sliently giggled to myself about his obvious super-closet nature.... but I've also always thought that it's not anywhere close to being MY place to bring him out or confront him at all. Obviously he doesn't know about me. The bottom line is - if he's making you uncomfortable or embarrased no matter what his motivations are - tell him to stop! You have a right to your body, even if you are buff and hot!

Corwin · #9 May 18th, 2005, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

cor - I have little or no good advice for you... other than.... how uncomfortable would that be in a business situation!!! Wow, I guess that's why you're not supposed to drink "too much" at work parties. There'll be gossip, I'm sure.

I'm sure too. That's the difference with being open and comfortable with your sexuality and living a lie. My situation describes what happens when an out gay man encounters someone who is obviously uncomfortable with his situation -- married yet still attracted to men and unable to control those desires. No, that is not "what guys do." I know that, thus the joke. It is what guys do when they are intoxicated and who are uncomfortable with conforming to the social norms imposed upon them by society that expects a rigid dichotomy of sexuality. duh!

Live and learn...

glammaman2000 · #10 May 18th, 2005, 10:14 PM

...most folks,gay&straight,have been fed the same line..."Gay men CAN'T have sex with women."While you&I know this isn't always true,it does confuse all kinds of folks.The fact that you can't have sex with women does not explain why you DO have sex with men.&as far as I'm concerned;if you are a man who wants to have sex with men;you're gay,whether you act on it,or no.Many gay men genuinely love their wives&children.I'm just lucky that I never got anybody knocked-up during my experimental phase.So are you.duh!

brent · #11 May 19th, 2005, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corwin

...
It is what guys do when they are intoxicated and who are uncomfortable with conforming to the social norms imposed upon
...

That's why I call booze "Truth Potion".

wannagetbig83 · #12 May 19th, 2005, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ethernet_jock

wannagetbig - There's a guy I used to work with at my old job who is "mostly" a friend and whom I still talk to. I've helped him move a couple times, gone out drinking, etc... He's always talking about sex and in particular how much he likes to take women up the rear and how much everyone else should try it. He's also ALWAYS loudly proclaiming how disgusting he finds homosexuality to be. Then he turns around and makes a LOUD big deal out of my pecs or biceps whenever the subject of body shape comes up (or many times another more muscular co-worker that we used to hang out with). I've always wondered about him and just sort-of sliently giggled to myself about his obvious super-closet nature.... but I've also always thought that it's not anywhere close to being MY place to bring him out or confront him at all. Obviously he doesn't know about me. The bottom line is - if he's making you uncomfortable or embarrased no matter what his motivations are - tell him to stop! You have a right to your body, even if you are buff and hot!

Well, the thing was, it just felt weird and after a little while I started to like it and I was getting turned on, and people were around and I was just afraid of what might happen. And the last time he did it I did tell him to stop because he was rubbing my neck and it felt sooooo good and it was scaring me, but he wouldn't stop that time. After awhile he stopped and I called him something I probably shouldn't have and he seemed offended. A week or two later he sat down next to me and said he was sorry for all of it. I still feel bad about calling him what I did though.

Minotaur · #13 June 7th, 2005, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corwin

I just posted something on my blog that maybe people here can help me process. To relate it to this site, what happened was a straight client came up behind me, wrapped his muscular arms around me, flexed his pecs into my back, then kissed me. He was drunk, but... I probably should also admit that I was checking out the guy's tight body during the more boring points of our meetings.

You can read what I'm thinking on the blog. (oh, and feel free to vote for it, cause I am a vote whore about my blog.)

I'd be curious about any thoughts you might have...

Just some random thoughts here... throwing them against the wall to see what sticks...

Some guys are naturally affectionate but society says men should hold their affection for other men in check. Being drunk, he let his guard down. He may have felt a brotherly affection, hence the bear hug, the need to flex and show he was the big brother, and the kiss. I think if it was an erotic moment, he would have turned you around and gone for a kiss. At first blush it seems like an innocent act of affection that the alcohol enabled. Play it by ear.