Its Gets Better

[msllover]

Some of you may not be out for what ever reason, maybe not even to yourself. You're not alone. This site is kinda evident of that.

Such a great clip. Very touching. (p.s. there are some nice look guys there too

YouTube - It Gets Better: Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles...

[hulkoutlvr]

Great clip, and it opens up the door for a discussion that has been avoided on this forum until now. The recent rash of suicides among young gays, due in large part to bullying and ridicule, has brought this problem to national attention. "It Gets Better" has become a convenient catch phrase lately. And in some ways, the hurt does get better, but reality must be dealt with.

The reality is, while the world is becoming more understanding and tolerant of gay people, there is still a long way to go. I grew up in a small town, and my sexuality was the worst kept secret in town. Although I denied it for years, it was clear what I was, and I had to put up with all the bullshit that comes to gay teenagers, even though I denied being gay. I couldn't wait to grow up because I thought once I graduated high school and went to college I could do my own thing and would never have to deal with that again. But it's been almost 20 years, and I'm still dealing with bullshit. What I'm dealing with now is people "assuming" certain things about me because I'm gay. Men assume I'm not a "real" man. Women assume that I want to be their best girlfriend. My horrified parents assume that I sleep with every man that crosses my path (if only I were that lucky). Gays assume that I only want to hang out with gays, and get pissed when I don't agree with some of their insane, overly flashy and undignified practices (like parading around in assless leather chaps and things like that). The truth is, none of these are true of me. I'm quiet, I'm dignified, and nine times out of ten I just want to live my quiet life and be left alone. I don't go marching in parades, because I don't believe sexuality is something to flaunt. That's my personal choice. The only real thing that makes me gay is that I am attracted to men, particularly bodybuilders. But even that makes me seem like an outsider in the mainstream "gay" community, whom I have to say, with their overwhelming shallowness and emphasis on physical beauty, has been emotionally meaner to me than the straight community has been.

I had to deal with a lot of bullying, because I suffered from health problems which limited my ability to fight for myself or defend myself. I'm sure that gay bodybuilders don't get made fun of, because they can take care of and defend their own honor. Gays like me, who can't fight, just have to put up with it. Perhaps years of that gives us our own kind of strength. Truthfully, I would much rather have taken a beating than be laughed at or ridiculed. Taunting, rejection, and laughter, especially by people who claim to love you, hurt worse than any fist, because the scars are unseen, untreatable, and they are carried for a lifetime. Yes, in some ways, the hurt does "get better", but in others, there's a long way to go.

Just some food for thought. There's teasing even among the gay community, with the masculine types making fun of the feminine types or the nerdy types, etc. For those of us caught halfway between bad bodies and good bodies, ugly and gorgeous, and weak and strong, the rejection is the hardest. Don't leave those types out.

Sorry to vent. I've kept relatively quiet on this subject for weeks. I just wanted to speak my piece.

[grubby41]

It has been two thousand years since it was said, but when will people ever understand and take seriously "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you", "Love your neighbour as yourself", and "Judge ye not lest ye yourselves be judged"? - simple rules to live by. What you wrote really moved me. Thank-you for writing it. I think that most of us who read this board are admirers of strength. What you have shown is great strength of character, and that is the greatest strength of all.

[hulkoutlvr]

Thanks grubby. I've just been experiencing a different kind of bullying the last few months. It's bullying that comes in the form of teasing and ridicule, which hurts worse than any beating. It occurred to me that if I were 6'0 and 300 pounds of muscle, they would probably think twice before making cracks like that, no matter what my sexual orientation is. I guess that's proof that it really is often about size and power. My gay friends who are bodybuilders/powerlifters don't get teased like that, because they are big enough to clock someone.

I just wanted people to remember that there is 'bullying' even within the gay community. I have been teased by other gays, called 'too fat' or 'too thin' or 'too fem'. I even have a gay friend who has on his facebook page 'looking for a roommate-- fatties and fems need not apply'. That's bullying too. I just wanted to vent-- I hope I didn't offend anyone.

[cutlerfan]

"I'm quiet, I'm dignified, and nine times out of ten I just want to live my quiet life and be left alone. I don't go marching in parades, because I don't believe sexuality is something to flaunt. That's my personal choice. The only real thing that makes me gay is that I am attracted to men, particularly bodybuilders."


Thanks for the post Hulkoutlvr! I feel like you do. I only truly understood and accepted being gay in the last year or so. I haven't experience homophobia yet but I am very familiar with bullying. I was teased and bullied for most of my school years and I am still not sure how I fit in to the world. I am a very atypical male according to a psyche test I once took. I am a weird blend of child-like innocence, hope, raging anger, and a rejection of "the norm". I just wanted to tell you that I can relate to you and that you're not alone either. Peace!

[Mdlftr]

Hulkoutlover,
Great post! FWIW, people get bullied for all kinds of reasons, not just because they're gay. Being "different" in any situation can lead to ostracization from the "group", whatever that group is.

Life is hard for everyone, in a sense. We all learn to cope and get by. The value of a venue like this is that you can share your experiences or feelings, and learn something from the experience of others. Don't think that a current bad situation will necessarily last forever. You can change, or the situation can change. What is impowering is learning that others have dealt with similar or the same issues and triumped. You will too!

Best,

Mdlftr

[hulkoutlvr]

Thanks. I had other things that made me different besides being gay. I was born with hydrocephalus, a disorder of the brain, and have had 13 brain surgeries. As a result, I was prohibited from playing football, baseball, or any other rough and tumble "boy" games that could have resulted in head injuries. Like you, I too gravitated toward music and theatrical arts. I learned how to write my own plays and perform them as well. I also had to spend my time doing "quiet" things, like reading books and playing the piano. These things, here in the conservative midwest. got me labeled a sissy pretty early in life.

I have always been comfortable around people with disabilities, perhaps because of my own (I had a stroke when I was young that affected my balance and my speech for a while). I have always kept and trained disabled pets. My current pet, a beautiful white cat named Felicity, was born deaf. I adopted her from a shelter where she had been passed over again and again because of her deafness. That broke my heart, so I took her in, and am teaching her rudimentary sign language so that I can communicate with her.

No, I am not Mr. Olympia, and never will be. I'm just an average guy who loves bodybuilders and what they do. Thanks for your kind words. I didnt' meant to spew out bitterness toward the gay community. I just wanted to speak out on something that's been bothering me. Thanks for letting me do that.

[msllover]

Pink's new song says: So raise your glass, if you are wrong, in all the right ways.

YouTube - Pink - Raise Your Glass (Lyrics On Screen)

Kesha's We R Who We R:

YouTube - Ke$ha - We R Who We R

Christina Aguilara's: Beautiful:

YouTube - Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

From Disney's Mulan:

YouTube - Mulan - When will my reflection show who I am inside?

Seriously: beware of those who wish to "protect you"

YouTube - Out there - Hunchback of Notre Dame

[msllover]

Yay!!

YouTube - Strangers like me - Tarzan

[dain45yl]

I'm not sure he needs any help in the supp department. I think he has been getting everything he needs/wants. I've never seen a kid grow so big so fast.