Yes another coming out thread, I need advice

[kingleod]

Well ever since the 6th grade I have had gay desires, and I never really accepted it, I went through a stage of denial, I then went through a stage of depression and even tried confroming myself to what society wanted me to be, I was so depressed thinking that no one would love me, and that I would be rejected by friends and family, alot of my family are religous nuts. I even considered suicide for a while. I am now 18 years old, a senior in high school, going to college next year, I have accepted tha fact that I am a homosexual, and I know that this was not a choice, and I am happy with who I am, and am comfortable with my sexuality, and am proud to be gay, I just still am not comfrotable with society's outlook on it. When I see things such as "Turn or burn" and "God hates fags" it just really depresses me that people can have such blind hatred. I have grown up all my life hearing anti homosexual propaganda, and hateful remarks towards homosexuals all around me, especially in school. To make matters worse my dad is very homophobic, and I never really have gotten along with him, I can never do anything to please him, no matter what I do it is not good enough, he can always find something wrong or negative to say. When I was younger he would get drunk and would often pick on me and try to start verbal arguments. Currently I am in the closet, I am out to a select few, but my parents and family do not know, neither do friends from school, and I fear that if I come out that my dad will basically pull college funding, and threaten to disinherit me. I dont give a crap if he disinherits me, he can keep it if it emans me being unhappy, but the thing is I need coolege to have a future, so even though I am 18 its like he still has control over me, which I hate, but there is no other way I could go to the colege I am planning on going to. To make matters even worse I live in a small rural community, and go to a conservative private school, so it would be easy for word to pass around fast that I am gay if I told anyone. But one thing has kept me going, and given me courage, and inspiration, and that is my older sister who is 25. She is a lesbian and is currently living in austrailia with her girlfriend. She is one of the select few that knows I am gay and she has been a huge help throughout this journey of self discovery. My mom is pretty much the only one in the family that knows about it besides me, and she has been very accepting to my sister. My dad is oblivious to the whole matter. Right now I have a boyfriend I met over the internet, and he lives about an hour away from me, when I get out of highschool I plan to go meet him in person. It would be too difficult to see him now. I would just like to know if any of you have advice for someone who is in the closet but would like to come out for some fresh air, especially in realtion to my own personal story. Thank you for your time and sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent.

[small-fry]

Hey--

I came out in a town that constantly gets written up in Canada's gay press as being very homophobic. I came out at 16, and then went to an almost all straight university in the suburbs.

Somehow I had a very positive experince. In highschool I was teased for being gay before I came out, but once I was out the teasing stopped. When I went to university I ended up making friends with straight guys fro the first time since Grade 6 and thoughs guys are still my friends today.

Then I moved to Toronto, where there is a very active gay scene that seems very attractive. But a lot of that gay scene preys on guys like you and the insecurities that this phase in your life may leave on you. I had one friend leave an art opening because we were the only gay people there and he couldn't handle it -- his fear of straight people (from his small town experience) and the isolation gay communities can provide had crippled him. When was the last time you've even heard of a painter who gay-bashes?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, as you come out, its important to keep track of who your friends are and what your life goals are. Too many gay men who lived in isolation in small towns end up living in isolation in gay ghettos once they come out.

In the end you have to trust your gut.

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by kingleod

Well ever since the 6th grade I have had gay desires, and I never really accepted it, I went through a stage of denial, I then went through a stage of depression and even tried confroming myself to what society wanted me to be, I was so depressed thinking that no one would love me, and that I would be rejected by friends and family, alot of my family are religous nuts. I even considered suicide for a while. I am now 18 years old, a senior in high school, going to college next year, I have accepted tha fact that I am a homosexual, and I know that this was not a choice, and I am happy with who I am, and am comfortable with my sexuality, and am proud to be gay, I just still am not comfrotable with society's outlook on it. When I see things such as "Turn or burn" and "God hates fags" it just really depresses me that people can have such blind hatred. I have grown up all my life hearing anti homosexual propaganda, and hateful remarks towards homosexuals all around me, especially in school.

You are still much braver than I.

I always knew I was attracted to men (particularly muscular men), however I denied it. I dated women, or didn't date anyone at all. I've had sex with women, but always fantasized about men. It wasn't until I was 27 that I finally came out.

I pin-point my official coming out when I gave testimony in support of Pittsburgh's Gay Rights Law. During that testimony, I talked about how I was tormented in school -- being called fag, being forced to sleep on the floor of a hotel room because no one would share a bed with me because I was "gay" (I didn't have sex with a man until I was 27 and certainly didn't do anything in high school), being beat up, etc. I talked about teachers who did nothing to stop the abuse, or even condoned it.

After making this public speech, I decided that maybe I should tell my family. I mean, I was on TV and everything -- they should hear it from me. So, on April 1 (bad timing) I went home and told my mother. I told her that I thought I might be bisexual or something. Several days later, I came home and had this message on my answering machine:

Scott, I was watching tv the other night and Connie Chung was on. She had those girls from CMU that are distributing condoms in the dormitories, and it got me thinking. Are you gay? Not that it matters (biggest lie the woman ever told), but I just want to know. Call me.

I went out the next weekend, and a month of fights and screaming and crying began. "I see those men marching because their friends died of AIDS -- no one ever marched for my sister when she died." Lots of parents deal with a child's coming out as being akin to a death. I believe this is because they think all their expectations for you are dying when they learn you are gay -- no wife, no kids, HIV/AIDS, etc. It's all based on those negative stereotypes, and not necessarily true.

It took her over 6 months until she began to be OK with it, and only after another incident. I had written a letter to the editor of a local Jewish newspaper about ordaining gay rabbis. All her friends saw it and learned that her son was gay. She freaked. She was now the topic of gossip and she "wasn't ready for it." She sent me a letter that critisized the "ad" I took out in the paper. I could only imaging a full-page spread: "Pearl Safier would like to announce that her son Scott is a feggella and invites you to his coming out party." I did what I normally do in these cases -- I called my cousin. She is the intermediary when my mother and I fight. My cousin told me that my mother would never deal with it and was very upset. However, something else happened that neither my cousin nor I knew about. My mother got a phone call from one of my childhood friend's mother. "Don't worry about it. People gossip. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything. And, of course you know that my daughter is a lesbian." Suddenly, my mother wasn't alone. Other parents were going through the same thing. It took her two years before she went to PFLAG, but she eventually went.

Ten years later, though, she had the same reaction when my partner and I had a ceremony of Civil Union in Vermont. She couldn't deal with our announcement in the wedding section of the Pittsburgh newspaper. But this is another story.

Originally Posted by kingleod

To make matters worse my dad is very homophobic, and I never really have gotten along with him, I can never do anything to please him, no matter what I do it is not good enough, he can always find something wrong or negative to say. When I was younger he would get drunk and would often pick on me and try to start verbal arguments. Currently I am in the closet, I am out to a select few, but my parents and family do not know, neither do friends from school, and I fear that if I come out that my dad will basically pull college funding, and threaten to disinherit me. I dont give a crap if he disinherits me, he can keep it if it emans me being unhappy, but the thing is I need coolege to have a future, so even though I am 18 its like he still has control over me, which I hate, but there is no other way I could go to the colege I am planning on going to. To make matters even worse I live in a small rural community, and go to a conservative private school, so it would be easy for word to pass around fast that I am gay if I told anyone. But one thing has kept me going, and given me courage, and inspiration, and that is my older sister who is 25. She is a lesbian and is currently living in austrailia with her girlfriend. She is one of the select few that knows I am gay and she has been a huge help throughout this journey of self discovery. My mom is pretty much the only one in the family that knows about it besides me, and she has been very accepting to my sister. My dad is oblivious to the whole matter. Right now I have a boyfriend I met over the internet, and he lives about an hour away from me, when I get out of highschool I plan to go meet him in person. It would be too difficult to see him now. I would just like to know if any of you have advice for someone who is in the closet but would like to come out for some fresh air, especially in realtion to my own personal story. Thank you for your time and sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent.

Don't do anything that will jeapordize your future or your well being. You are young. College will come soon enough, and you can meet up with other GLBT students there. Most colleges now have some sorta LGBT club or support network. Once you are financially and physically secure, you can come out to your mom and maybe your dad. Just be cool for a while.

Same offer: if you want to talk, IM me. (I do prefer yahoo, but will do AIM too)

Scott

[arpeejay]

Ha! An instance in which I can one up Scott!

*I* didn't come out until I was 35, after I'd been married for 11 years and had two kids. And that's nothing. I know one fella who didn't come out until age 67, after his wife of 40 something years had died in a car crash.

We alll do it in our own time, in our own way. You don't have to deal with it the moment you figure it out.

I think Scott is right on when he suggests that you not do anything to jeopardize the financial support you receive from your family. Yes, you're a grown man (my son David just turned 18, too, and will be starting college this fall) but in our society it's virtually impossible NOT for someone your age to be dependent on his parents, especially if he wants an education.

So, patience is the order of the day. Go to school, earn your degree, find a job, become self-supporting. And when you are, come out to your folks and if they don't like it, tough noogies for them.

In the meantime, enjoy yourself and be clear with folks that right now your schooling comes first, relationships come later. Rely on your sister, discreet friends, and online groups like this one for nurturance and support.

Hope this helps. We're all rooting for you, y'know!

All the best...

Richard Jasper
Ann Arbor, MI

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by arpeejay

Ha! An instance in which I can one up Scott!

I'm still prettier than you are

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by Corwin

I'm still prettier than you are

mrffsst..spit...hisss.....!!!!

[muslguy]

I think the most important move you will is going to college. It seems that you are surrounded by negative views of gays. You need to separate yourself. Move to a place where it is more accepted. I grew up in a small town as well. It was very difficult for me to be open about my sexuality. But when I moved to a larger city..things were much nicer for me. I am not saying that I flaunt my sexuality everywhere....because I don't. But at least I don't see "God Hates Fags" signs everywhere.

Living in a larger city you will find lots of people that are just like you and find lots of support. That's what you need. It's going to be a while before society accepts the gay lifestyle. But we must persevere.

Hope things work out for you.

[arpeejay]

Originally Posted by Corwin

I'm still prettier than you are

And (a) younger, (b) stronger, (c) better built, (d) smarter...

Did I *really* need to say "the ONLY instance..."?

rpj

[brent]

I was waiting untill Scott spoke on this topic (he's very smart). All I can say is that as much as i tell people to be out, loud, and proud, I too think you should wait. College is very important, and trust me, it's VERY hard to piece together.
Take care, and vent here all you want. We can lend a supporting ear.

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by brent

I was waiting untill Scott spoke on this topic (he's very smart).

I'm old and I use to work in a University where I dealt with the youth LGBT group.

As for smart, I'm waiting for someone to try our product and comment on it here http://www.bodybugg.com

You can even see my name on the tech-spec concerning sleep detection.

[glammaman2000]

..be a bit cautious about a first meeting in person with someone from the internet.I'd suggest breakfast in a diner.(daytime-public place-eggs)Not very hot,but safe.

[muscle_mastah]

Originally Posted by arpeejay

*I* didn't come out until I was 35, after I'd been married for 11 years and had two kids. And that's nothing. I know one fella who didn't come out until age 67, after his wife of 40 something years had died in a car crash.

I seem to be on the same path, although with the support of a very special couple that I met via the internet, I have a much better chance of changing that path. Sometimes taking it slow is in your best interest.

Originally Posted by glammaman2000

..be a bit cautious about a first meeting in person with someone from the internet.I'd suggest breakfast in a diner.(daytime-public place-eggs)Not very hot,but safe.

So true. I have to admit I've met a number of people for workouts at gyms, usually after seeing their posts on forums and chatting with them for some period of time via IM. Not one has been exactly what I've expected but almost all have turned out much better. It's best to be careful though.

[greeneear88]

I've only came out to my dad, and, quite frankly, he didn't believe me. He just gave me a speech on how my emotional age hasn't caught up with my physical age...

I've been thinking about coming out to one of my bros, 'cause i feel that, because they are also guys like me, not g"a"ys...g"u"ys, they would understand better.

Then there's my sister, who's married and has a kid. She might understand, since she told me i was her favorite brother while growing up.

[brent]

Originally Posted by muscle_mastah

...
So true. I have to admit I've met a number of people for workouts at gyms,
...

My first date with my husband Rob was going to the gym, then lunch after. That was nearly 11 years ago...

[wbhunk]

First, kingleod, thank you for sharing with us. That's a huge step in and of itself, and I definitely want to commend all the other guys here for offering great advice.

Slow and steady is the best way to come out. Use your better judgement, don't jeopardize your own safety, and above all, don't let anyone else guilt you into coming out before you're ready. Your sexuality is your own business, and you should be the one who decides when, who, where, and how.

You might also want to contact <a href="http://www.thepointfoundation.org"> The Point Foundation</a>; it's an organization set up to provide mentoring for and financial assistance to glbt college students. For anyone else out there, it is a GREAT way to donate and make a difference for students like kingleod.

[kingleod]

Thanks for all the help and support guys, it means alot to me, and I really appreciate it.
But I have an update on my life to tell about, I recently came out to my mom, it just felt like the right timing, and she took it extremely well, she wasnt surprised at all, and she reassured me, giving me support, and telling me that she loved me.
But I'm still leaving my dad in the dark about the whole matter, I think it best for him not to know. But once again thank you for your great advice.

[biguglymofo]

I'm glad things went well for you. I recently came out and now live with another member in this forum (TMan). We came out to eachother and about 3 months later he came out to his family. I'm out to the new friends we've made and a few old friends, but not out to my family. At 33 it's a little hard to shake up their universe, especially when they're pretty old and ailing. Eitherway, you come out to who you feel is right and when you feel it's right. The responses will vary and it is a lot to deal with. For me what's gotten me through is the amazing partner and brother I've gained. It's a bit easier when you live with the man of your dreams.

[tman]

Bow chikka-chik bow-wow...

w00t!!!

[brent]

OK, so are you 33 like your post says, or born in 1975 like your profile says, or is my math not creative enough?

[tman]

busted, lol.

[biguglymofo]

Originally Posted by brent

OK, so are you 33 like your post says, or born in 1975 like your profile says, or is my math not creative enough?

LOL, I'm 33...for a few weeks now. The date in the profile is wrong. Sorry about the confusion. I'll fix the profile.

[brent]

Sorry, I don't mean to be a bitch. It's just that I was born in 1973, and I know I'm not 33 yet...

[biguglymofo]

No problem. It's all good. Thanks for keeping me honest.

[muscle_mastah]

Originally Posted by biguglymofo

For me what's gotten me through is the amazing partner and brother I've gained. It's a bit easier when you live with the man of your dreams.

And you best be treating him right too, or the next time I see you two there will be hell to pay! Or.... *snicker

[biguglymofo]

Originally Posted by muscle_mastah

And you best be treating him right too, or the next time I see you two there will be hell to pay! Or.... *snicker

LOL. I'm tryin' MM...sometimes I can be a real dick though.

[cutlerfan]

I'm sorry that the world seems so anti-gay. I have struggled with same sex attractions since college. I say same sex attractions because I have never had a boyfriend or slept with another man. I understand the feelings and I can only say God doesn't hate gays! People might hate gays but God doesn't! I'm sorry if this is a stupid question but "Do you have to come out of the closet right now?" I know coming out can be essential to accepting one's identity but I just can't see any benefit at this time. You father doesn't seem like someone whose opinion you value and some of your family knows so I would suggest not telling your father. You are still very young and just coming into your own as an adult and you still have a lot of growing up to do. Someone once told me when I was 20 years old that "You don't really get mature until you hit 30." I didn't beieve her until I hit 30 and I realized that I WAS more mature than when I was 20. I'm not saying you should hide your sexual orientation but just wait a few years. When you graduate from college in 4 years you will be more prepared for life on your own and you will have the secret pleasure of knowing your father paid for your education and you were gay all the time! Families are weird all over and mine is no different but consciously choosing conflict seems a little dicey! In my family, you had to watch what you said or you would risk setting my mom off on a yelling/threatening spree. I felt that avoiding pointless conflict was best but you have to make the decision. Keep in mind also that religious people are still human(even if they don't act like it) and they are just as likely as anyone to be stupid and judgemental. I hope this helps you but I don't want you to think that I am judging you. I really wish you well and I hope the future brightens for you. I changed a lot when I went to college; you probably will too!
Peace, cutlerfan

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by cutlerfan

I'm sorry that the world seems so anti-gay. I have struggled with same sex attractions since college. I say same sex attractions because I have never had a boyfriend or slept with another man. ... Someone once told me when I was 20 years old that "You don't really get mature until you hit 30." I didn't beieve her until I hit 30 and I realized that I WAS more mature than when I was 20. ... Families are weird all over and mine is no different but consciously choosing conflict seems a little dicey! In my family, you had to watch what you said or you would risk setting my mom off on a yelling/threatening spree. I felt that avoiding pointless conflict was best but you have to make the decision. Keep in mind also that religious people are still human(even if they don't act like it) and they are just as likely as anyone to be stupid and judgemental. I hope this helps you but I don't want you to think that I am judging you. I really wish you well and I hope the future brightens for you. I changed a lot when I went to college; you probably will too!

I agree with most of cutler fan's advice to kingleod, but I tend to disagree with a lot of other aspects of what he wrote. The reason people hate gays is that they don't know any. Being afraid to confront them by being open about your attractions/sexual orientation is the cause of the problem. Harvey Milk know this in 1978, when he made his "This's what America is" speech:

"...Gay brothers and sisters,...You must come out. Come out...to your parents...I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives. ..come out to your friends...if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors...to your fellow workers...to the people who work where you eat and shop...come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene."

- an excerpt from Harvey Milk's "That's What America Is" speech,
given on Gay Freedom Day, June 25, 1978 in San Francisco

Harvey Fierstein paraphrased this in his 1998 speech after the death of Matthew Shephard:

"Because we are represented by politicians who feel free to call our lives a disease, an illness, a maladjustment and even a crime - and they do so with impunity. Because these politicians are not ripped from their elected positions with righteous indignation, but instead their coffers fill with donations and they are re-elected to high office time and again. That ?s why Matthew Shepard was beaten bloody.

"Because we turn for moral leadership to priests and pastors and ministers and rabbis who daily refer to our lives as "abomination". Because these men and women of God are not punished for that assault on our dignity and humanity, but are treated with respect and deference and their defamation's are excused in the name of religious freedom. That's why Matthew Shepard was robbed and crucified on a fence.

"Because talk-show hosts get laughs making jokes at our expense. Because comedians build careers aping and demeaning us. Because heterosexual actors win awards portraying us as "almost real people". Because newspapers and magazines lose no readership addressing their audience as if every one of us is straight. That's why Matthew Shepard was set on fire and left to die.

"Because WE, in vast numbers, refuse to come out of the closet, thereby sending a clear message that even WE believe there is something to hide; that our lives are shameful; that being Gay or Lesbian is wrong. That is why Matthew Shepard is dead.

"So, how should we answer this unspeakable act of hatred?

...

"WE must stand up in those cathedrals, synagogues, mosques and churches of hate- Stand up and state that we will not accept the preaching of exclusion. Stand up and walk out leaving them as bankrupt of members as they are of truth. Anything less, any compromise is permission to continue the persecution. Hatred has no compromise. If you need a place to put your faith and charity then seek an institution preaching love and acceptance for YOU.

...


"Most importantly we must come out. There is no other way. WE must come out at our jobs. To our families. To our politicians. To our neighbors. If you allow no one to assume you are heterosexual they will never again freely make that assumption about anyone. That's how we change the world."

Both Harveys have good advice. If you want to change the world, you must begin to come out. But do it in a way that does not jeapordize your future. For people out of college leading secure lives, the closet is no answer.

[massingUP]

Corwin,

Thanks for excerpting both Harveys here. I couldn't agree more. Coming out is one of the more important tools we have. It's an incredibly powerful way to change the very world we live in.

And equally important, coming out must be an ongoing process -- every time I start a new job, or take on a new doctor, I think it's important to fight hetero-presumption -- to make it clear who I am. And being gay is an important part of who I am: particularly when certain governments deny us certain rights based on our sexual orientation. The idea that one's sexuality is a "private" thing that shouldn't be discussed in public ignores the fact that many public laws and policies discriminate based on sexuality. And so while that discrimination is in place, sexuality is very much a public thing. So you might as well come out!

But, just to reiterate something else you said -- coming out can also be fraught with real-world social consequence and so it must be done in ways that do not produce significant dangers. I very specifically chose to wait until I had finished my undergraduate education to come out to my parents -- because I worried about the possibility that they might cut off their financial support and make it much harder for me to get my degree. I also chose to wait until they were on my turf -- so that I could turn to my friends afterwards rather than be trapped in the small town where they lived and where I no longer knew very many people.

So, I strongly support the importance of coming out -- when it is safe to do so. And only you can make that decision. But be brave and be strong. Coming out can be an amazing experience -- and it can change the world.

-- J.

[cutlerfan]

I guess I am so non-confrontational that I always try to avoid conflict and not make waves. I agree with what Corwin said about coming out. Until I was in college, I hadn't met anyone who was gay. I also agree with MassingUp about picking the time carefully. This discuusion reminds me of a story about a guy who was introduced to someone new and the first thing out of the mouth of this new person was "I'm gay"." The response given was "You're gay? Is that the most important quality that makes you who you are? You don't hear obese people introduce themselves as "Hi I'm Bob I'm fat." What would each of us say if we were asked what makes us us! If I had to put who I was into a few words I suppose I would say "I am a child of God." I am flawed and wonderful. I am sinner and saint. I am... saying way too much right now. As I am already out on a limb here, I suppose that I should also say that I am a Christian and a Catholic. I try not to prejudge anyone but I'm not perfect. I'm not sure what else to write so I guess I will just post this and see what happens. cutlerfan

[Corwin]

Originally Posted by cutlerfan

I guess I am so non-confrontational that I always try to avoid conflict and not make waves. I agree with what Corwin said about coming out. Until I was in college, I hadn't met anyone who was gay. I also agree with MassingUp about picking the time carefully. This discuusion reminds me of a story about a guy who was introduced to someone new and the first thing out of the mouth of this new person was "I'm gay"." The response given was "You're gay? Is that the most important quality that makes you who you are? You don't hear obese people introduce themselves as "Hi I'm Bob I'm fat." What would each of us say if we were asked what makes us us! If I had to put who I was into a few words I suppose I would say "I am a child of God." I am flawed and wonderful. I am sinner and saint. I am... saying way too much right now. As I am already out on a limb here, I suppose that I should also say that I am a Christian and a Catholic. I try not to prejudge anyone but I'm not perfect. I'm not sure what else to write so I guess I will just post this and see what happens. cutlerfan

I rarely say, "I'm gay." I am out, though. One of my coworkers recently commented: "Scott, I didn't know you were gay when I first started working with you. But then, I noticed the picture of Champ (my partner) on your desk and your talking about him, and I figured it out." Living an honest life doesn't require having to say, "I'm gay." When asked by coworkers and friends about my weekend, I don't pretend do be with a woman or say I didn't do something. I tell them about what I did and talk about Champ. That's what it means to me to be out.

Recently, I had to entertain a client. Spouses came to dinner, and I brought Champ. When we went to their site for a visit, they took us out to dinner. During dinner, I did mention that I was gay. They already knew because Champ had come to that first dinner (and the client reported back to his office -- oh, to be a fly on the wall for that one). The CEO of our client's company even told stories about his gay friends -- code from him that it was cool that I was gay. (and all this on the scary I-4 corridor)

Lastly, this past weekend I was painting our bedroom. I went to the Home Depot, and was talking to one of the clerks while she was cutting new blinds for me. I mentioned that "my spouse picked out the colors." She then assumed I was married to a woman. I didn't correct her -- why bother? I doubt I'll ever see her again -- though I do think I recognized her as a lesbian from somewhere. It's what the Harveys said -- come out to people who are important to you. The person cutting the blinds just doesn't rank that high to me.

According to the book Now that you know, there is a phase of coming out where people do feel a need to say that they are gay. It is a way for them to integrate that aspect into their personality. There is nothing wrong with that, and most people eventually out grow that phase.

And as for Catholics, I grew up in a very Catholic neighborhood. I had friends who lived across the street who were Catholic. The family is still my mother's neighbors. My mother has never told them that I am gay, but I am very out in the local community and they know. Once, when my cousins were visiting, they were talking with the Catholic neighbors and it came up that I was gay. "Oh, we are so happy for Scott. You know, my husband's brother was gay and he died of AIDS in 1988. He had never found anyone to be with, and we are so happy for Scott that he found someone for his life."

Hope you enjoyed the stories, and I hope they demonstrate that sometimes the outcomes are a lot better than what you fear. Fear can be parallizing.

[wbhunk]

I agree with Corwin, cutlerfan, and MassingUp. Just be who you are and honest about it.