Lurker turned author; New Story

[tlee4000]

Been lurking for about 6 months, so I thought I'd try my hand at writing. Especially since I've got an antique computer that can't handle the type of morphing software needed to even create a crappy morph and my drawing skills don't even exist to try to improve. Anywho, I read through many of the stories posted here, several that I enjoyed and some that I didn't but after trying this I've only praise for those who took the time to create the stories and post them.
First, just a little warning. This story, if it continues beyond the introduction, will contain scenes of male-to-male sex. There will only muscle growth in the males in the story. The growth will not be instantanous but occur gradually over a course of 2 weeks, storytime. And for those Sci-Fi fans, yes I stole the format from "The Twilight Zone" and adapted it. I think that was because I thought up the story while watching one of their marathon showings.

Will appreciate any and all comments, suggestions and/or critiques.

NOW ON TO THE STORY!


SOMETHING IN THE WATER, INTRODUCTION part one
TLee

[Opening shot: map of the U.S.]

[Zoom in on the southwest corner of South Dakota. Highlighting a small dot representing a town. Off-scene the narrator speaks.]

Deep voiced narrator. "The town of Hemas, South Dakota."

[Scene change. A single two lane highway and a road sign "Hemas Population 375". Follow road into town showing houses, mom & pop stores, city buildings, and etc.]

Narrator. "Hemas is a typical small town of nearly 400 people. To the West are the Great Plains and large spreads of cattle ranches. To the North are the Black Hills and Badlands of the Dakotas and Montana. To the South and East are the farms of corn, wheat and soybean of the American grain belt."

[Scene change. displaying average people walking the streets of small agricultural town.]

Narrator. "The people of Hemas are your average small town people, typical of the region. Life here has been the same for decades. Everyone knows everyone and are generally friendly. They earn their living either from the cattle ranches and the meat processing plant, or from the farms and the grainery, or from the city/state government, or from providing a service business."

[Scene change. back to road and city limit sign.]

Narrator. "A small town and it's people just like any number of other towns that you may have driven past or through on your way to somewhere. The kind of town most people have seen but never really remembers because it is so ordinary."

[Narrator walks in scene. The narrator is a heavily muscled man dressed in a tight cotton shirt stretched across his chest and a pair of cargo pants with the legs near to bursting. He has dark hair and eyes. He sports a deep golden brown tan. He casually curls a 75 lb dumbbell as he speaks.]

Narrator. "But all this is about to change. Call it a twist of Fate or an act of nature or God, whatever you wish. For tonight, after midnight, the town of Hemas slips into..."

[musical accent]

Narrator. "The Muscle Zone"

[Fade out]

[tlee4000]

[Fade in}

[Narrator stands in front of city limit sign casually curling a 75 lb dumbbell, his biceps threaten to burst through his tight shirt.]

Narrator. "It's a quiet Thursday night in the town of Hemas, nearly midnight. Most of the town's residents are asleep. Those who work the overnight hours are quietly going about their business."

[Scene change. shows the town at night.]

Narrator. "As the midnight hour end, the tiny town is jolted awake by a 3.2 earthquake. It causes no major damage to the town but it is certain to be the talk of the town for the next few days."

[Scene change. shows the town being shaken by the earthquake.]

Narrator. "But beneath their feet, deep in the earth, something has been released. Something that will forever alter their formerly average lives."

[Scene change. showing the rock stratum under the town and the veins of water percolating to the surface. From here, the water flows to a spring that fills the town's reservior. ZOOM IN. displaying a section of rock where the water flows around it.]

[Narrator voice-over]

Narrator. "It is this area of impermeable rock that begins Hemas' trip into The Muscle Zone. For within this section of rock is something from the primordial past. A milky, greenish-white ooze containing the ancient building blocks of life."

[the scene shakes, indicating the earthquake. A crack appears in that section of rock. The ooze within begins to seep out and mixes with the water then flows towards the surface.]

[Scene change. showing the town's reservior. It's surface still rippling from the earthquake. At the center, whitish cloud appears in the water.]

Narrator. "Had there been anyone to see, a warning might have been made. But as you see, this is only momentary and no one is aware that is something in the water."

[the cloud thins out and disappears.]

{Scene change. back to narrator in front of city limit sign.]

Narrator. "During the next 2 weeks, the town of Hemas and it's residents will change. The change is gradual, almost unnoticed at first, until it is too late to reverse or alter. As if they still desired to do so at that point. The following entries will document the course of life of one of the residents during the 2 weeks. So sit back and observe these trips into The Muscle Zone."

[Fade out]

[mlbjock]

Nice premise for a story. Can't wait to see how the changes take place.

[rextorres]

What an awessome opening for a fascinating story!!!!!

So, every adult man, and young male child will be affected? Every bubbling baby boy, every teenage boy, every 9 year-old tyke, who has ever dreamed of growing bigger and stronger, will drink from this water and realize the effects?

Don't leave us hanging, tlee4000. I love the way the story is written as a script. The descriptions are awesome!

I can just imagine it now... A man filling his thermos with cold water, while working out in a gym. A 12 year old boy gulping some of this water, after practice with the gymnastics team. A 15 year-old soccer player, taking a long drink from the water fountain, after a long match in the hot sun. An 18 year-old, enjoying a bowl of soup, prepared with boiled water.

The possibilities are endless!

Gosh, I'm almost tempted to write a story like this myself! But, I'm honest, and I don't want to be accused of stealing other people's ideas.

I have written a story about a boy named Tristan, who grew taller and more muscular, after having enjoyed a protein shake. Exposure to an alien ray had altered his body's composition, making it extremely easy for him to grow bigger and more muscular!

Great job! I can't wait to read the next part!

Rex
Author of TRISTAN: My Big Little Brother
A muscle boy novel

You can read Tristan at http://www.superfantasystories.com/

[Leminnes]

Very nice... I like where it's going... I just thought you'd like to know (this is small but still) that a 3.2 earthquake is much of nothing. You might want to edit it to make it a bit bigger of an earthquake, like a 5.9 or a 7.6 that might accually ripple the ground. But other then that this is a great beginning and I love the was you have written it!