Is anyone else shy?

[wires!wires!]

I love working out and have been for a long time, but, I have trouble accepting my new growth. Everyone who I hang out with is very skinny or could care less about body appearances. My family always makes jokes about bodybuilders. I feel some sort of embarrassment with being muscular. Has this happened to anyone else? I know I will continue to get much bigger but i cringe at the thought of going home for thanksgiving in the future and other similar situations.

[Shahrazad2]

Originally Posted by wires!wires!

I love working out and have been for a long time, but, I have trouble accepting my new growth. Everyone who I hang out with is very skinny or could care less about body appearances. My family always makes jokes about bodybuilders. I feel some sort of embarrassment with being muscular. Has this happened to anyone else? I know I will continue to get much bigger but i cringe at the thought of going home for thanksgiving in the future and other similar situations.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing this. Sometimes family can be particularly cruel in the most careless-seeming ways. Have you talked with the people who have made those jokes and explained to them that you feel uncomfortable with that attitude? If they are good-natured, they should cut it out. If they don't shape up, then you're dealing with family drama (likely caused by their own insecurities, perhaps with a conscious or unconscious desire to improve their own feelings of worth by making you feel bad... I have several relatives who have treated my mother and sister that way, not because either of them are bodybuilders, but because of draconian family politics that we've ignored since my parents chose to raise us away from their small hometown... and because of my mom's and sister's educational achievements).

As for your friends, there's nothing wrong with having skinny friends, or friends who place greater value on other qualities than physical fitness. Are they similarly dismissive of your goals and achievements? If so, talking with them might help as well. Communication is important, and it's amazing how much can be uncovered by open conversation with someone about how you feel (no one can argue with how you feel, after all, though you might want to be careful with your words and tone so that you phrase it in an explanatory and affable manner of someone who cares for them, but is tired of having to deal with negative emotions as a result of lack of support from them).

From the sound of it, you are lucky to enjoy working out and improving yourself physically, and have for some time. Is it actually you who has trouble "accepting your new growth" (and what exactly do you mean by that? Do you just wear clothes that hide your musculature, or downplay it with bad posture and/or shying away from the spotlight, or do you long for someone(s) to admire and appreciate your increasingly impressive physique and understand your enjoyment of working out? Or something else entirely?) or are you actually having trouble feeling welcomed and appreciated for your growth by the people you interact with among your friends and family? You say you feel some sort of embarrassment for being muscular... but that's just the surface/symptom, and uncovering the root of your embarrassment... what exactly makes you embarrassed about it... might help you figure out how to handle the situation as well.

I am not a bodybuilder (and I'm only somewhat in decent shape thanks to good genes and a dislike for being still), so I haven't experienced anything like what you're going through, but I have gone through the whole coming out process and accepting my incredibly nerdy nature, and so I can say that if it makes you happy, you should try to communicate with others and see if you can clear up any misunderstandings and get them to respect your feelings if they are truly your friends and devoted family members, but that in the end, your happiness and enjoyment and hard work and identity matter more than their words. Either way, there is no reason why thanksgiving and other holidays should result in cringeing (ok, maybe some of the recipes might result in cringeing, but visiting family shouldn't).

Hit me up if you want to talk more... I'm always glad to lend an ear... or would that be an eye in this case, since we're reading responses here? I'm a little curious about some of your situation and might have more pointed suggestions if I had a better idea of exactly what your relatives are doing or how your friends react, and what your own thoughts are about it.

[arpeejay]

What Shah said but also...

I looked at your March pix -- great work! Keep it up and don't let them get you down. If you want to get huge, and you look perfectly capable of it, DO IT! Don't ever let anyone, no matter how much you love them, keep you from becoming the man you're meant to be!

xoxo

richard

[paarke]

It's your life, you may as well achieve something that you really want to. Obviously I don't know you or your family, but I would imagine they'd be happier that you're getting big for all the right reasons and not because you're eating burgers all day. A lot of animosity is borne out of ignorance, they may just be more accepting once they realise that you're still you!

[bigmag2]

Well it sounds like you're just insecure

[wires!wires!]

After reading your posts I have come to the conclusion that it's insecurity, but not from thinking i'm not good enough but that i'm afraid of the attention. I would love to enter a contest, for the contest, but the idea of showing off turns me off. I have a boyfriend of 3 years and he loves when I show off to him, and i love showing off to him, but to anyone else I would feel full of myself. It's definitely something i need to conquer. Thank you everyone for your advice.

[paarke]

Go for it! Its not being full of yourself if its something you're good at and other people appreciate what you do.

[aspiringBB]

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Bodybuilding is not a mainstream activity and most people will never understand the drive and determination it takes to get into that sort of shape - just as you could never understand how most people allow themselves to get fat and out of shape.

Everyone has different goals in life. If one of yours is to have a great physique, good for you. The vast majority of the population is in terrible shape so it makes them feel better to belittle those of us who are making the effort. Ignore them. You have chosen the road that is right for you.

[ghifty]

First of all, <object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NXQYyKzyDaE?version=3&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NXQYyKzyDaE?version=3&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>

Second of all, who cares? If it makes you happy/proud/confident, do it! Odds are, one of the family members who makes fun of bodybuilders might secretly envy them. Maybe you'll discover something new about them!

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by ghifty

Gwen Stefani - It's My Life

Second of all, who cares? If it makes you happy/proud/confident, do it! Odds are, one of the family members who makes fun of bodybuilders might secretly envy them. Maybe you'll discover something new about them!

Re-posted with video link modernized

[bigdave]

Hey Wires!
Don't be shy. Be proud,man. You "know you're gonna get bigger". Fantastic!! Go for it. The trouble is that Bodybuilding is a niche sport and lots of folk don't understand or appreciate it. They just don't know how to read or assess the sort of body we aspire to. That's their problem, not yours. In any case there are plenty of us out there who love to see a big guy bulging out of his clothes. It brightens our day. So! if you've got it flaunt it.
Also, not all bodybuilders want to compete - it's not compulsory. But as you get more confident among your family, friends and on the street you might decide to have a go.
You're gonna get compliments and a bit of envy from ordinary mortals. Lap it up friend.

[CelticMuscle]

What you could do is put it in the context of everyday living. (i.e demonstrate that being a bodybuilder has practical advantages where not being one would have drawbacks).

[hulkoutlvr]

I'm very shy too. I've lost 25 pounds now and people say I'm looking great and are encouraging me to post pictures on FB. But growing up, I was alway taught it isn't polite to brag and show off. Teachings of childhood are often hard to overcome. Plus, I'm extremely shy by nature, and having always been insecure about my body, I'm VERY not okay with taking my shirt off or anything like that. I have massive head/chest/stomach scarring from multiple brain and abdominal surgeries, and the scars were poked fun of when I was a kid and too naieve to keep my shirt on. I learned then that it was best that I don't do that. So believe me, I understand.

[suma]

Originally Posted by wires!wires!

I love working out and have been for a long time, but, I have trouble accepting my new growth. Everyone who I hang out with is very skinny or could care less about body appearances. My family always makes jokes about bodybuilders. I feel some sort of embarrassment with being muscular. Has this happened to anyone else? I know I will continue to get much bigger but i cringe at the thought of going home for thanksgiving in the future and other similar situations.

they are indifferent or laugh at musclemen up to a point.
EVERYONE loves & appreciates male power and virility, trust me. And nothing says that better than a muscular physique.
Lots of people are too lazy to stay in shape so they mask their laziness with indifference or mockery at fitness and those who strive for it.

But trust me deep down they too yearn and lust to look as you do.

Case in point, check this video. Making fun of dumb muscleheads is the premise, but see how the crowd go wild when he flexes real muscle, you hear the lust and desire in their screams.
http://youtu.be/1XCr3JdMF-o

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by suma

they are indifferent or laugh at musclemen up to a point.
EVERYONE loves & appreciates male power and virility, trust me. And nothing says that better than a muscular physique.
Lots of people are too lazy to stay in shape so they mask their laziness with indifference or mockery at fitness and those who strive for it.

But trust me deep down they too yearn and lust to look as you do.

Case in point, check this video. Making fun of dumb muscleheads is the premise, but see how the crowd go wild when he flexes real muscle, you hear the lust and desire in their screams.
http://youtu.be/1XCr3JdMF-o

Everything you've said is true: the ridicule, the true appreciation for strength and the virility it represents, and the defense mechanism of mocking people who are in better shape.

Human nature - contradictory much?

[stronguns]

I'm often one of the strongest guys in a room and have no problem when someone asks how much I lift, or to flex a bicep, arm wrestle, etc. I like the attention. I often say, go ahead squeeze my arm. You can't hurt it. They usually do and then make some comment about it. Some guys are totally intimidated, others could care less. Then there are the ones that think bodybuilders are weak. I love proving them wrong.

But when I am with my 3 closest friends it's different. They don't lift. I could take on the 3 of them in a fight and would easily win and they are well aware of that fact. But it's not that I am shy around them. It makes them uneasy so I find it best just to stay relaxed and not make them feel uncomfortable. After all it's only part of who I am.