Touching my workout buddy

Fatima · #1 January 8th, 2006, 03:31 PM

My workout partner is a great guy I've grown to desire. I'm 85% sure he would not feel the same way about me. Performing wide-grip pull-ups the other day he requested a very close spot demanding that I gripped him hard by the lats to help him up.

Naturally I felt a little uncomfortable about this, I want to touch him but not like that. Anything else would be to take advantage of the situation. I'm with him to train.

I held him, but no with much force. After the set he said "you're afraid to touch me.? It's okay, I?m not gay.?

What can I do ? he seems to want these close spots more and more.

nyc_muscle · #2 January 8th, 2006, 06:38 PM

Do it, and enjoy it, but leave it at that.

RadRx · #3 January 8th, 2006, 06:39 PM

Spotting is primarily about safety. It's not a situation in which intimacy or desire should be entering your mind. If this is happening then you may be distracted to the point where someone could get hurt.

If you think he is taking advantage of the situation or teasing discuss it outside the gym.

muslguy · #4 January 8th, 2006, 06:48 PM

Apparently, you have not told him you are gay. I don't think that him asking you to spot him is in any way saying that he wants anything sexual. You are assuming that's what he wants or you are just uncomfortable because you are attracted to him.

My suggestion is to tell him the truth about your sexuality and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable when he asks you to spot him. Otherwise, suck it up and do what he says.

glammaman2000 · #5 January 8th, 2006, 08:14 PM

He gets a spot;you get to cop a quick feel.What's the big whoop?

LittleArm · #6 January 8th, 2006, 10:49 PM

I'm dreading the day my buddy asks me to put suntan lotion on his back... I think my trembling hands would give away my attraction.

xythan_shadow · #7 January 9th, 2006, 05:48 AM

God do I know how that is. Except my situation goes a lot further.

It's hard. God is it hard to keep your mind on the task at hand and not try to think about how damn hot he looks when he's benching or how fucking wide his back is.

I can't explain how I focus, but it has something to do with me saying I'm there to work.

muscle_mastah · #8 January 9th, 2006, 08:07 PM

Keep in mind, spotting it touching firmly enough to lend support. Nothing wrong with that. If you start rubbing his lats or arms while you spot, then THAT will give you away.

I spot my larger str8 partner all the time, it's nothing but a support for his exercise.

Now, I do get too see lots as we go to the showers.

massingUP · #9 January 10th, 2006, 04:14 AM

I agree with Muslguy -- he's likely not asking for anything sexual, and not being open/honest about your sexuality has clearly put you in an awkward spot. Of course, he could also be just playing-it-straight and inviting you to carnal delights: but that is SIGNIFICANTLY less likely. (Unless you happen to notice that you're surrounded by hot guys, that there's a cheesy soundtrack playing and you've got a camera crew filming you... In which case, you're in a muscle-porn flick!)

You can just keep on doing what you're doing, and figure out how to give him the spot he needs without compromising yourself, or giving yourself away. Or you could take this as an opportunity to come out to him. But as Corwin has said in other posts, that decision should always be based on a careful read of the situation, your own readiness, the importance of your relationship with him, etc.

On a more gym-related note, I find that having a training partner actually touch the muscles I'm working really helps me focus my effort in the right place. I'm not talking about a grope-fest here -- just a light touch on my rear delts for a moment when I'm working them. It helps me concentrate my effort and makes a real difference.

-- J.

SlackersPrince · #10 January 10th, 2006, 01:10 PM

General agreement with massingUP & Muslguy: You feel awkward about your feelings for him, but as you say, you're there to train.

Question: We're making the assumption that you haven't said anything about your being gay. Why?

I'm also detecting a bit of fantasy here. You seem to be sensing/hoping that these requests for close spots are becoming more frequent. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. But you really need to separate the sexual fire from the heat of the workout for both your sake and his. If he's a good friend and he wants to experiment sexually with you, you'll be way better off if you get it out in the open. I can't comment how to do so in your case but you definitely should try. If he's not a good friend or truly just a training partner, well, sorry dude, you're going to have to snap out of it during training and figure out another outlet for your hot muscle love.

If you can broach the topic of being gay and it goes alright and he is a good friend, I would recommend some humor. It might be possible to have a scene where he's asking for a spot and you would say, "Um, I'm sorry but I can't. Your hot ass is distracting me." Laugh, then do the spot. I will note that none of this necessarily alleviates the problem of desire, but it helps to move beyond the tortuous and frustrating silence. Nothing kills concentration like unacknowledged lust.

Cheers,
SP

Minotaur · #11 January 10th, 2006, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glammaman2000

He gets a spot;you get to cop a quick feel.What's the big whoop?

And everyone is happy and safe!

Steven · #12 January 10th, 2006, 08:49 PM

You said he?s your workout partner?so you?re there to workout together and assist one another?right??? I don?t know where you guys (or he) resides in the seriousness or hardcore world of BB?but if he?s a real hardcore advanced BB, then getting a spot is par for the course. For one?s workout partner to oblige is a given. He?s trying to push himself beyond his normal capacity to make beyond normal gains?so he needs the spot! He?s probably asking more often cause he?s pushing himself further in his workouts (as he should). He certainly is not out-of-line in asking for a spot from his ?workout partner?. I think you need to ?get over it? and fulfill what?s expected of a true workout partner (not to mention a friend). And I think (at least for now) that you should take him at his word about not being gay. And if you can?t dredge up what?s necessary within yourself to do it?then you need to step aside, as his partner in the gym.

As for breaking the news to him about being gay yourself?who knows where that will lead. I think though, you owe it to him, and to yourself, to come out with it. If he?s (what I consider a very remote possibility) gay also, then perhaps you two will become more than just workout partners. If he?s straight, and ok with your sexual orientation, then fine. If he?s not ok with it?better to end all the grief in the meantime and find out sooner than later.

I guess it sounds like I?m a real hard-liner in my advice/approach to all this, but not really. I?ve just found that prolonging the agony is never the way to go. Look, I have a few friends that workout at the same gym, and when my best friend and training partner isn?t with me, one of them helps and spots me. This one friend of mine (for many years) had all kinds of trouble assisting me with those very same exercises. Whenever I asked him to help me with the chin-ups or the weighted dips, he?d act like he was plain scared or extremely nervous or whatever. I could tell he was having mental difficulty assisting me (touching me) and I thought maybe he was gay (yes, that thought crossed my mind too). Come to find out, he thought I might think he was gay if he touched me in a perceived wrong or compromising way, which could accidentally happen. Can you believe it?he was scared I?d think he was gay for touching me, when I was the one asking him for the damn spot!!! haa You never know what?s going on in someone else?s mind. So, all this to say, that if you just can?t bring yourself to tell your friend/workout partner that you are gay, you could always say you were nervous about him misinterpreting how you touched/held him during the spot.

Good Luck

Fatima · #13 January 11th, 2006, 03:17 PM

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm going to finish our (training) partnership, mainly because his attitude to spotting is the opposite of mine.

He is always going for weights with which he needs help after just two or three reps in set one. And that is when we are going for, say, 5x12s. I prefer to lift a weight without assistance for a bit longer into the set. Probably I need to be a bit more like him, but it's not my style. Which is why I perhaps did not hold him hard enough in the first instance in those pull-ups.

There does seem to be a trend among younger guys in the weight room to assist from rep one. Especially on bench press, I see guys loading up 100kg from the outset. They lift it off the rack. Thereafter the spotter holds the bar on both movements. I don't count assisted reps. For me to have benched 100kg, it has to be done without the slightest touch of a spotter. Though I would have him standing by.

glammaman2000 · #14 January 11th, 2006, 05:37 PM

If training partners are getting huge traps from bench-pressing;something's wrong.

muscle_mastah · #15 January 11th, 2006, 07:59 PM

I'm with you fatima. It's ok for a few assisted reps, or to go for negatives but to be assisting every rep just so you can think your pressing 100kg, then nevermind. I've had a few people spot me, there is nothing worse than them holding the bar for you on bench or moving my elbows in the wrong direction when spoting db pressing. I definitely want to do the work.

If you can't convince him otherwise, get another partner or make sure he spots you the way you want to be spotted.

hulkmuscle · #16 January 11th, 2006, 11:00 PM

If I get an unfamiliar spot, I tell them don't do anything unless you see the bar stop moving, and only then enough to get a little bit of movement. If I want some assisted reps at the very end of the set, I'll tell them when. Over-assisted spots are another reason why people pile on the weight and then end up with injuries.

xythan_shadow · #17 January 19th, 2006, 12:45 PM

The way my partners and I spot is when we see the movement slow down, we position our hands near the bar and follow the movement, but no assistance is given. It's only until we see failure that we'll start lending assistance.

It was the way I was brought up in my high school gym. My close buddy would constantly tell me he wasn't helping until he saw me turn red and I think that that's the way to do it. You never know what you can or can't do until you hit that point.

Ogun · #18 January 20th, 2006, 10:18 PM

Doesn't anyone here have a workout partner who is also a life partner?

brent · #19 January 21st, 2006, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ogun

Doesn't anyone here have a workout partner who is also a life partner?

My husband Rob is also my workout partner. However, it isn't a perfect solution either: arguments about other things get brought to the gym; we have different goals, body types, & schedules; and he gets sick a lot. Anyone else, I would have switched as a partner long ago, but I love him too much.

On the upside, we have no inhibitions about touching each other in the gym...

Fatima · #20 January 21st, 2006, 03:31 PM

I suppose why I started this thread wass to ask if it is okay to get a thrill out of fellow gym users without them knowing. I think yes, providing you don't go out of your way to do so.

I was spotting another guy on the incline bench press the other day, it was a case of him asking me as I was nearest at the time. He was brutally handsome, built like a rugby player and with a freshly-shaved head. And he was pushing himself very hard so that on the last rep his twisted his head from side to side while forcing up the weight. In the process, he brushed my inner thigh on both sides with his buzzcut. Of course, I was concentrating on watching the bar at the time, but you can't forget something like that and I did not.

On another time a very well-muscled and friendly guy ? with whom I had shared equipment in a hotel gym ? got me talking in the changing room later as he dried himself off after a shower. The conversation went on, his towel dropped and he slowly dressed while telling me about his plans for the weekend, with his girlfriend. I got to see as much of him as she would have done, an impressive sight of perfect proportions. Was it alright for me to sustain the conversation until his jeans went on ? I think so. But I would not have deliberately sought him out in the first place, these encounters are best when they happen naturally.

BigLittleTim · #21 March 27th, 2006, 03:05 PM

I've got the opposite problem: I'm a pretty big, serious lifter who's gay. When I'm in the gym I'm there to work-out as hard as I can so I can get out of there and start eating. My gym is mixed about 50/50 straight and gay. I ALWAYS seem to get my best spots from straight guys, especially in the squatting rack! If you're really serious about your routine, other guys can tell and are willing to help out a brother lifter.

I've had gay buddies come up to me after I've squatted 585 lbs for eight reps, being spotted by the super-hot, jacked college wrestler they all fantasize over, and they ask me: "OH, my God! Do you KNOW him? How did you get him to give you a spot?!" and I'm like: "I asked him, jeesh!"

One thing I think we sometimes forget: Sometimes the only ones who have a problem with us being gay are... us. Respect is usually repaid with respect.

BigLittleTim