Life's Not Fair! pt2-the shot

[TheMM]

Now where was I? Oh yes, the doctor told us that the shot couldn't be given to him until he was 6 because they weren't sure if he really had muscular dystrophy.

But why? That's because he just had smaller muscles and was just born smaller then most babies are.

6 years later...

"Well Doctor Bigo Peco, we're here for the shot you told us about about 6 years ago." said my mom.

"Yes you are, but... I'm afraid of the side effects it's never been tested on a human." replied the slightly nervous doctor.

"SO HELP ME I DON'T CARE I WANT MY SON TO HAVE THAT SHOT!!!!!" came the incredibly mad reply.

The doctor quite literally shaking in his boots was barely able to give my brother the shot from fright.

"Th-there, the muscular dystrophy should be gone w-within a couple days." the doctor stuttered.

"Thank you Doctor Bigo Peco, nice to know my son can live like a normal person now" mom said.

If only they knew the "side effects" as the doctor mentioned.

(I like to give my stories in short bite sized pieces, so enjoy. )

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by TheMM

"SO HELP ME I DON'T CARE I WANT MY SON TO HAVE THAT SHOT!!!!!"

Gadzooks! Given the current state of medical neglience claims in the US, I don't think it's many doctors who have heard that statement.

[TheMM]

Picture it like this Celtic: It's a mother starting menopause. That would give good enough reason.

[bribear1042]

MM:

These short installments are killing me. Just when it gets good, it stops. I'd prefer not to have anything for a week and get one long story with some character development and the beginnings of the problem than to have short little snipits of the story. Although, I am not telling you how to write the story but you may be able to get more constructive criticsm and accolades if you post more at a time.

Bribear

[Adam]

I must agree with Bribear. I too would much prefer to wait a week or two or even a month and get a chapter of reasonable length rather than have such a brief snippet every day. Telling the story in such tiny bits dilutes the impact, makes it impossible for the reader to get lost in the tale, and gives the reader virtually nothing to comment on to the author.

[TheMM]

Thanks for the tips Bri, and Adam. I'll try that when I get the next part up.

On a side note, I'm glad someone likes my story.
Another side note, I like making you all wait (maybe suffer a bit ) for my next part.

[Ender]

If you're headed in the direction I think you going you may have an interesting idea... but right now you're just teasing... which is okay while you are setting your world, introducting characters and like. But you are yet to give me a reason to care about these characters... An overbaring father; a frail little brother, the bane of the older brother (destined to be the Hulk we assume); and the disgruntled older brother, narrator, that is unhappy with his situation (I can identify with him)... But so far all we know about him is whines a lot...

My guess is you have these characters and events pretty well drawn in your mind... let some of that out on the page so we can get into the character and their world... The "shouting" was good but you didn't really set it up (sort of like telling some one the punchline but not the joke)

Right now we have two frames out of a movie without a context... think about fleshing things out a bit more...

Please continue I'm sort of curious where you will take this...

Ender

[TheMM]

*sigh heavily* I placed part 3 people... Maybe make comments on that now...