Monster Blood pt 2

[TheMM]

Andy thankfully had brought the new Monster Blood with her. She took out the can and looked at it. She saw the label clearly marked "Monster Blood" and the yellow goo inside of it. She wondered if she really should, she didn't know what would happen. Andy decided it might be for the best and opened the can. She pulled a little of the Monster Blood out and watched it jiggle. But the weird thing about this Monster blood, it was tough to pull out, much stronger then normal.

She wondered if that had anything to do with what it did. After all, the green Monster Blood had grown on its own, the blue had made copies of itself. Maybe this Monster Blood made you stronger? Andy took the little bit of Monster Blood she took out and waited until Evan's mouth was open enough for her to put it in.

She stuck the Monster Blood in Evan's mouth and helped him swallow it so he didn't choke on it. Andy waited a moment and nothing happened. Andy sighed, she might as well wake Evan back up.

"Evan!! WAKE UP!"Andy screamed.

Evan once more being instantly awake almost screamed himself at the sudden scare. After he calmed down Evan felt very full of energy and felt like running a few laps around his house. After he was done Andy wanted to continue studying.

"Nah Andy, right now I feel so full of life, like I just awoke with a new body, a new life force... Too bad I don't have any weights, I feel like I could lift the world!"Evan said very confidently.

"Evan, I know why you're so full of energy."Andy said quietly.

"Oh, what's that Andy?"Even asked.

"I gave you a new type of Monster Blood..."Andy replied.

"M-M-Monster Blood!!!!!"Evan began to panic "Howmuch?Why?Whichkind?"

Evan began to break into sobs since once more, he had tasted Monster Blood. He didn't know why Andy would do such a thing to him despite his fear.

"E-Evan..."Andy gulped,"When did you get so big?"

"What are you talking about ANDREA?"Evan nearly yelled at her.

"L-look at yourself."Andy pointed to Evan, and then his full body mirror.

Evan turned and looked at himself, all of himself. He saw what he had changed into. He must have been 200 pound of solid muscle, his poor shirt and jeans was barely containing his great girth. Although still only about 4'10" his muscles were so large he was almost as wide as he was tall.

"Andy...."Evan whispered,"Is...there...more?"

"Yes....Why?"Andy whimpered.

"I think I know someone who would love to see my new body."said Evan as he got an evil look in his eyes.

[Ender]

Well the story is intreaging but I wish you would give us a little more in each post... It's sort of feels like trying to watch a good movie on the late, late, late, really late show where they run ten minutes of commercals between each 5 minute chunk of movie... I grew up when you only got 5-10 ten minutes of commercals in a hour of program... Getting a story in these tiny snippits is like trying to track the plot line of an episoide of Seesame Street... there really is one in each show but it gets lost in the confusion...

By the way what became of the brothers in "Life's not Fair"?

Ender

[TheMM]

...I don't write long chapters, they always turn into shit\I run out of ideas. Also, Life's Not Fair is still going, just barely anyone posts on them.

[Ender]

Originally Posted by TheMM

...I don't write long chapters, they always turn into shit\I run out of ideas. Also, Life's Not Fair is still going, just barely anyone posts on them.

"IF YOU WRITE IT... IT WILL BE READ..." Most of the people here never post a word... If you want feed back watch the counter for times viewed... As it is the chapters are so stort it's hard to say much more than "OK what happens next?" How many people need to say "Ok, what next" if any one read it, it's sort of implied... Threating to not continue a story if people don't give you stroke you only pisses reader off... if you want feedback you need to give people more to say than "Ok, now what happens."

You want feedback... If you want it as a writer this is it... If just want people to comment on how clever you you're in the wrong place...

Suggestion: save up four or five of your chapters and post them all at once qs a single chapter....don't try to write online... use your wordprocessor and write a little bit any time you can... If I write a couple of good paraghaghs a day I'm doing good... by working offline and using cut and paste to post you can keep the good stuff a delete the trash... That's how you write longer chapters...

I am sorry if I am coming across as a prick, but I'm only trying the tell you the truth... and sometimes it isn't nice to listen to...

Write for yourself not the group...

Ender

[chocomus]

I like the story but the growth has happened too fast,Hasn't it? I hope he grows more(i don't care if he's already as wide as he is tall )

[darkluster4]

I agree with Ender on this. You need to have more before you jump straight to the climax. More of a teaser on what MIGHT happen next, and you can use longer descriptions too. Let your words paint a picture in our minds eye by being as descriptive as possible. Like the musclegrowth scene, one secound Even is small; Andy blinks and he's huge. Where's the fun in that?

On another note, I like'em tall. (Just saying. ) Otherwise. good story.

[TheMM]

I forgive you Ender, I been feeling like shit last few days anyways. But I'll try and see what I can do. Don't got a word processor on my laptop, but I'll see what I can do with Wordpad.

[Ender]

I understand how you feel... It finally occured to that you might actually be compsing your stories in these stupid text entry windows online. They're okay to chit-chat but forget it for serious writing... I don't even write email online if I have a choice...

Wordpad will work fine as will Notepad... There are some "Freeware" WP's around (check out OpenOffice it's big in the LINUX world but there is a port of it to MS Windows...)

I also grow up before on-line services afford "unlimated access..." and the first time I talked to computer it was on punch cards... (that was 1970 with a system that would make a Commodor64 look like a CrayMP and more than fill your average bedroom. When you pay by the minute for access to the world you find ways to do as much as possible off-line...

You have some interesting ideas, I was just trying to help you get them out in all their glory...

Ender

[TheMM]

I'll see what I can do, I might just restart the story, have everything from the first chapter, and then some, but not the 2nd chapter. Don't expect anything for a couple weeks though.