I am looking for help

Frankly · #1 March 22nd, 2007, 10:29 PM

I just admitted in public that i am gay. I am happy to be out of the closet, but my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and my parents are looking for grandchildren. My eldest sister can't have kids for 5 years, i wish i could help them, but i Can't. I am crying out for help, and i don't know where to turn. please help me.

Frankly · #2 March 22nd, 2007, 10:35 PM

I have had to be strong for my parent's sake but i just can't anymore. The pressure is too much and i can't stay strong anymore. My sister is dying and i am gay, my parents can't handle this much. its so hard to maintain composure when my sister has breast cancer and i can do nothign to help my family. SOMEONE PLEASE SAY SOMETHING TO HELP ME

Frankly · #3 March 22nd, 2007, 10:41 PM

I have reached my breaking point. My strength is gone, i have trained hard to resist this, growing stronger to withstand the pain, but i can't do it anymore, my strength is giving out, along with my joy. I don't know what to do, so i am reaching out in general, for any help that can be offered

anrikero · #4 March 22nd, 2007, 10:53 PM

Hello Frankly,

I don't know what I can do for you. May be I can start for saying that God (Whatever the idea you can have of him) won't let you alone.

There are some realities that you can't change. What you can change is how you deal with these realities.

You always have the freedom to choose. You can sink into depression or you can be strong for your family. That is your choice. Maybe you just need a shoulder to cry on, to get it out of your system. That is good. But you have to realize that you and only you decide what you are going to do with your life. You can't blame destiny or luck.

The best chef is not the one who has the best ingredients. It is the one who make the most delicious plates with the ingredients that he has.

That is so true also for practical life....

What you have to decide now is how you are going to handle this situation. You CAN do it. There are many people in the world that have passed for struggle as difficult as yours or worse and they haven't died because of it.

Frankly · #5 March 22nd, 2007, 11:00 PM

thank you for your support. I am not here to flake out, i am here to rant, to vent, to hear other's opinions. I am not the type of person to give up but there is so much pain that it is hard to keep it all bottled up inside. my family is my life. my sister has breast cancer, my brother just broke up with his girlfriend and lives half way around the world. The pressure and pain is just too much and i needed to hear from others as to how to cope.

stoker · #6 March 22nd, 2007, 11:02 PM

There is a path over every mountain, even if it is invisible from the valley !

dimarvalc · #7 March 22nd, 2007, 11:03 PM

Well Frankly, quite frankly, I can't say I can say something that will help you, but know that you're not alone out there. I'm a closeted-gay, living in a roman catholic, traditional household, and it gets very, VERY tiresome to live life wearing so many masks. Sometimes, I loose control over them and I just fall into a mild depression for a while. I resurface again and I find myself back on the same cycle again, even though I try not to get into it.

Give the others in the forum some time to discover your post and I'm sure someone will have something to say that will help you.

Life is a cycle. We have good times and we have bad times. It's in those bad times, that we discover ourselves; we are made stronger each time we are able to overcome adversity. Without them, we wouldn't know how sweet victory tastes like.

Never lose your confidence in yourself, and know that you're not alone. Ever.

P.S. Sorry about the frankly, frankly... I coudn't resisit... :-)

Frankly · #8 March 22nd, 2007, 11:12 PM

thanks for your support. A difficult time is a difficult time, no matter how strong one is. I am just lucky i can rely on the kindness of others who have gone through similar predicaments.

The pain i am venting has never been shared and i sincerely appreciate the ear that is listening.

I guess I must realize that life is what it is, and whether short or long, its joys will be everlasting

viamanmax · #9 March 22nd, 2007, 11:51 PM

Frankly,

I don't know much else to say, but I hope you will find the strength to get through this. I myself am not out, I don't know when if ever I will have the strength to come out as I have no real friends who are gay, but I just realize that there are always some good things in life. This is nothing compared to your struggles, but I try to understand as much as possible. Reading this forum is one of the things that always brightens my day. I hope that you knowing that people here care about how you feel will let you have one good moment. If so I hope you can hold on to it. I am sure your parents do want grandchildren, but I cannot imagine that they want you to suffer like this.

Viamanmax

Frankly · #10 March 23rd, 2007, 10:52 PM

Thanks for the support.

It was everything boiling over at the same point. I still have much to unload.

I realize that every person has his/ her breaking point and yesterday mine was the night. Pressure from coming out, from family problems, fears for my sister. Sometimes you just gotta say something, or it will stay trapped inside you and continue to burn. Thanks for being ears to listen. I am speaking with a good friend of mine tomorrow, she will hopefully help me out.

chocomus · #11 March 25th, 2007, 11:51 AM

It's very sad, man. I'm really sorry for you because I have a sister too and just thinking that something alike could happen to her...

But I see you had the courage to get out (Something i don't have) and because of that I know that you have the strenght to handle all this. Don't ask how i know it, I just do.
You have all the support here, Frankly.

polomuscle · #12 March 26th, 2007, 09:31 AM

nothing says you can't be gay and have kids too. just do what you need to do to be happy. your sis is lucky to have your love & support!

nnnrg · #13 March 26th, 2007, 11:51 AM

First, there's nothing stopping you from being a father, but it probably won't come about by your being married to a woman - and if it does, it should be someone who knows you and is willing to make a life with you despite both of you knowing that you are gay. And that won't be easy.
Do not assume the huge responsibility of Providing Grandchildren ... that is ALWAYS the wrong reason to have kids, and it would be if you were straight. If your parents are pressuring you about that, tell them that this is the wrong time, that your sister needs all their love and care and not to feel that all she was to them was a convenient brood mare for grandkids.

If your parents are so eager for grandkids, then let them adopt a foster kid.

jhanley1 · #14 March 31st, 2007, 01:26 AM

ummm, try adoption.

redwolf64 · #15 March 31st, 2007, 08:34 PM

Maybe this won't help much, but I'll offer up my experience.

I have one brother in my family; he's about 50 and I'm 40. My parents always wanted grandkids, but I'm gay and my brother just didn't want children. He was married and his wife died a few years ago. He recently remarried, but I don't see children in his future.

I got a lot of pressure from the family to get married and have kids, but they understand, even if they're a little disappointed.

So, I guess I'd ask why grandchildren are so important in your family. In the end, I think that being supportive of the time you have with your sister and the time they have with you would be the most important thing.

Parenting is a big responsibility. If you're dealing with being gay, that's a really big thing to go through and adopting a kid or making some kind of arrangement isn't going to be easy for you emotionally.

Give it some time and think about it - deal with your own life and your sister's health now. She really needs your support, I would imagine.