Nick: The Final Chapters

[luvyalots]

Well, after more than six years of writing these characters, I am finally posting the final two chapters of this saga. I've decided to post both at the same time because I want you guys to read the entire thing at once instead of waiting a week for the second part.

I hope you enjoy it...

CHAPTER 59: Genesis

Matt followed Ryan and his parents as they rushed into the hospital, Nick, Erin and Ashley right on his heels. The whole ride over there, he had sat in the back seat of Ryan?s car, staring out the window and wondering when he was going to wake up from this nightmare. He couldn?t hear the conversation the two newlyweds were having up front; he couldn?t hear anything. The only thing he could hear was the deep, silky voice of his boyfriend in his head, soothing him like he had all those nights they slept together. This can?t be happening, he told himself, not now, not after all that?s happened.

When they finally got to the hospital, Matt didn?t know where he was, how he got here. Everything was a blur. Mr. Maloney desperately approached the front desk and rapped on the deck to get the receptionist?s attention.

?Can you tell me were JP Maloney is?? he asked hurriedly. ?He was in a car accident. I was told he was taken here. He?s my son.? The girl behind the counter looked slightly stunned at the group of people that had just barged in.

?John Paul Maloney,? Mrs. Maloney stated his full name through sobs. Matt looked up at his boyfriend?s mother and saw that her eyes were already puffy from tears. I haven?t even started crying yet, he thought, wondering what they meant, if anything.

?Ma?am, sir,? the girl said calmly. ?Just sit down in the waiting area and I?ll check on your son in a moment.?

?Why can?t you check now?? Mr. Maloney replied impatiently. His wife held onto his arm in a feeble attempt to settle him down, though it didn?t seem to be working.

?Cynthia,? Ashley spoke up, squeezing herself around the silent muscle-bound behemoth that was Nick.

?Oh, Ashley,? the girl exclaimed in recognition. This was apparently the same hospital where Ashley worked and she knew the girl behind the desk. ?I didn?t see you.?

?His name?s John Paul Maloney,? Ashley repeated. ?Cynthia, he?s?he?s my brother-in-law.? Cynthia looked up at her sympathetically, and then to each of the other members of the family. She sighed.

?I?m sorry,? she said, ?just sit over in the waiting area and I?ll see what I can find out.? With that, she disappeared from behind the desk and through a set of double doors.

?Thank you,? Mr. Maloney said quietly to Ashley as they all went over to the chairs that were set up in an area near the entrance, newspapers and magazines piled neatly on the tables. Matt noted how inviting and calming it all was ? the soft lighting, the soothing abstract paintings on the walls, the fake plants in the corners ? but it certainly wasn?t working on him?or anyone else for that matter.

Cynthia was probably only gone for no more than ten minutes but it seemed like hours before she came back with a doctor. JP?s parents immediately got up and went over to him as he came through the doors. The scene reminded Matt of the time JP had put Ryan in the hospital, when he had freaked out after Ryan walked in on him and Matt having sex. At least then, he had JP sitting next to him, comforting him?

?Mr. and Mrs. Maloney,? the doctor began. They looked at him hopefully, Mr. Maloney?s arm wrapped around his wife?s shoulders. ?From what I could gather from the EMTs, your son was involved in a car accident on Chain Bridge Road??

?How bad is it?? Mr. Maloney bellowed, trying to get right to the point.

?He?s suffered some significant internal injuries,? he continued. ?But I can assure you that we?re doing everything we possibly can.?

?Can we see him?? Mrs. Maloney asked. The doctor shook his head forlornly.

?He?s in surgery right now,? he answered her. ?We had to put him into a coma.? Mrs. Maloney gasped. Matt knew exactly what she was feeling. JP in a coma?

?Ma?am,? the doctor went on soothingly, ?I?ve seen these kind of things many times. It?s usually temporary.? Matt looked at the man?s face and knew what he really meant. He had no idea what was going to happen?but he didn?t want to express his uncertainty to his patient?s parents. Matt plopped back down into one of the chairs and leaned his head onto his hand, his mind wandering. Meanwhile, the doctor added:
?That?s all I know right now??



CRASH!

Matt looked up from his homework at the sound that came from the kitchen. Mrs. Howard, his seventh-grade math teacher, had given them homework that was kicking his butt, so he was more than happy to have an excuse to leave it for a bit. He put down his pencil, left his bedroom and went downstairs.

?Mom?? he asked as he entered the kitchen. ?You alright??

?Yeah,? she answered flatly, ?I just dropped a plate.? She picked up a few broken shards and threw them into the sink. Matt gave a small sigh of relief, though the look on his mother?s face was troubled. Somehow, it didn?t seem like the shattered plate was the reason.

?Mom??

?Everything?s fine,? she cut him off. ?Just go back upstairs, honey.? Matt was about to turn back when he noticed the empty peg on the coat rack by the door.

?Is dad coming home for dinner?? he wondered out loud. His mom looked up at him alarmingly. She paused, blinking, before answered him.

?Uh, no,? she shook her head.

?Why not??

?He has a business trip,? she snapped curtly. Matt was a little taken aback by her abruptness. Maybe she had a bad day at work, he said to himself. He thought for a moment?His father never told him about a business trip.

?Chicago or Montreal?? he asked, part of him trying to guess what he might be bringing back for him. But his mom shut her eyes and gripped the edge of the sink tightly, a stray shard cutting into the palm of her hand. ?Shit,? she hissed, wincing at the blood that started to flow. Matt froze; never had his mother cursed in front of him.

?Mom,? he murmured, coming forward, ?you want me to get a band-aid??

?No,? she instantly replied, obviously trying to keep her voice down. ?I?m fine. Just go back upstairs and finish your homework.? She said like it was an order, which meant Matt had no choice but to obey it. Still, he couldn?t help but wonder what he had done to make her act this way toward him.

?What?s wrong?? he asked.

?Just go!? she yelped, making him jump. He immediately turned on his heels on raced back to his bedroom. But he definitely couldn?t concentrate on homework now. Listening carefully, he heard his mother talking to someone on the phone in a hushed voice. Curious, he crept down the hall and to the top of the steps.

?No, Mary, I don?t know what I?m going to do,? she said. Matt smiled inwardly; she was talking to Aunt Mary. But then the conversation continued. ?No, he just left, no note or anything.? He sounded like she was about to cry, like she was struggling to hold it together. ?Maybe it was because I accused him of cheating on me?or?I don?t know.? Matt could hardly believe what he was hearing. Dad left? For where? And why? His mom paused as Aunt Mary said something. She sniffed. ?As far as I know, he went back to New Jersey??

?? that?s all I know right now??



Nick sat down right next to Matt in the hospital waiting area, his huge shoulder brushing up against his. Matt looked over at him. He looked strong, his eyes sure.

?Don?t worry,? Nick said softly, his deep voice seeping into him. ?Ashley says the doctors in this ER are good.?

?I hope so,? Matt replied distantly. Nick gave a brief smile.

?Remember when Ryan was the one in the hospital,? he recalled, ?and you came over to me, asking if I was ok.? Matt nodded.

?You had known he was bulimic and was upset that you hadn?t told anyone,? he reminisced. Sighing, he leaned his head back against the wall. This is a lot different than that, he thought. Slowly, he got up, Nick getting up with him. Matt gently placed his hand on the boy?s heavily muscled forearm. ?I just need some time alone, ok?? He looked straight into Nick?s eyes before turning away and heading into a vending machine alcove.

He wanted to cry, but he couldn?t?and he didn?t know why. He now knew what his mom had felt the day his dad had left them?total abandonment. Ever since he had met JP, he always knew his boyfriend would be right there next to him?but now, JP wasn?t there. It just wasn?t fair! Matt weakly punched the soda machine and leaned against the wall, his jaw clenched tightly. His mind raced with a million thoughts, fogging up his senses. He couldn?t hear anything, see anything?not without JP by his side. He didn?t hear the doors slide open as Brandon and Greg tore into the hospital.



?Where is he?? Brandon called, immediately going up to Nick and Erin ? how could he miss them? Greg was right beside him, making sure he didn?t collapse. He still walked with a slight limp, but none of that mattered now. JP was in the hospital?

?I think he?s still in surgery,? Nick answered blankly, his eyes dazed. Brandon reached over to give Erin a hug; she clung tightly to his lats for a moment.

?How?s he doing?? he asked more calmly, trying not to excite the girl any more than she already probably was. She looked up into him with heavy eyes.

?It?s been touch-and-go all morning,? she explained. ?We don?t know much more than that.? Greg hugged her as well, his muscular biceps pressing against her shoulder, his back muscles stretching the fabric of the tight T-shirt he was wearing. Brandon looked away; now was not the time to admire his boyfriend.

?How are you holding up?? Greg said worriedly. The girl nodded slightly, unable to speak for fear of losing it. He tucked his long hair behind his ear in the way he always used to before he started working out ? he still sometimes did it when he was nervous.

?It was nice of you guys to come, B, Greg?? Nick gave a slight smile. Brandon gazed at him, their eyes meeting. His heart instantly began beating faster.

?As soon as we heard what happened,? he told him, ?we got over here as soon as we could.? Brandon took a step toward Nick and ? after a moment?s hesitation ? the two embraced. Brandon felt Nick?s jaw flex against his cheek in an attempt to hold it together. He knew how much JP meant to him, how much of a mentor he had been all these years.

?Come over here,? he whispered, leading him to another part of the waiting area, out of earshot of Erin. He looked into Brandon?s eyes again and sighed. ?He?s in a coma,? he stated.

?Fuck,? Brandon exclaimed, not sure of how else to respond. It was worse than he thought. ?What?s gonna happen?? Nick shrugged uncertainly.

?I?m here, Nick,? he told him?



?I?m here, dad,? Brandon said to his father as he sat next to him in the hospital waiting room, his legs swinging back and forth underneath the chair. They had been to the hospital so many times, visited his mom whenever she got sick?but his dad looked different this time.

Well, this time seemed different. Never before had his father pulled him out of football practice to visit her. He barely even gave him time to change ? just take his pads off. He was still wearing the raggedy sleeveless shirt he always wore for practice, his little, muscular, nine-year-old arms on display for anyone to see. Restless, his shoved his hands underneath his thighs and flexed his triceps, watching the three heads of muscle bulge out of his skin.

?She?ll be ok,? Brandon continued consoling his dad, though it made him feel better just saying it. ?She always ends up alright?? His father looked down at him with a warm smile.

?I?m sure she will,? he replied quietly. Whenever they went to the hospital, it was like a game. Neither wanted to show the other how worried they were. They would take turns telling the other everything was going to turn out all right. ?She?ll be fine,? his dad added, though he still hadn?t convinced Brandon. Nonetheless, Brandon smiled back.

?Mr. Jones,? a doctor appeared from around the corner. Brandon?s father looked up suddenly. ?You may see your wife now.? After one more brief glance at his son, he stood up and followed the doctor down the hall, Brandon right behind him. Nervous, Brandon fidgeted his fingers against his abs, feeling the hard muscles through his shirt. If only my insides were as strong as my outsides right now, he thought. He looked up at his father as they stopped at the doorway to one of the rooms. His dad motioned him inside an, with a deep breath, Brandon obeyed.

But once he saw his mother, he froze.

She was lying in the hospital bed like she had so many times before, but this time, she looked pale. Even her lips had all but the slightest color left in them. There were tubes connected to her and machines with unreadable numbers and symbols surrounded her, beeping quietly. She looked like a ghost. For a second, Brandon thought she might even be dead.

?Mom?? he said hoarsely. After a moment, she opened her eyes and focused them on her son.

?Brandon?? she whispered barely loudly enough for him to hear. Immediately, he went over to her and stood over her body.

?Hey?? he greeted her, not sure what to say. She gave a weak smile and opened her mouth as if forcing her voice to come out.

?How?was football practice?? she asked. Brandon grinned.

?Good,? he answered.

?Show me?those muscles of yours,? she said, moving her eyes slowly down to his arms. Hesitantly, Brandon raised his arm and flexed his biceps for his mother. She smiled again, reaching her hand up to touch. He was proud of them; they were beginning to look big, like someone had stuck a golf ball in his arm. And it was hard. He could tell his mom was impressed.

?Dad said he might get that weight set for me for my birthday,? Brandon informed her.

?Good,? she replied, her dropping limply to her side. ?Just keep getting bigger?? Brandon looked down at his mom; there was something in the way she said that that worried him. She closed her eyes and squeezed them as if she were in pain.

?Mom?? he asked her. She opened them again and turned her hand palm up, gesturing for Brandon to take it. He did. She gave his hand a little squeeze, stared directly into his eyes and said:

?Stay strong??

There was a long pause between the two. Even the beeping machines seemed to quiet down. Brandon?s mom closed her eyes and took in a long, slow breath. Her hand let go.

?Mom,? he whimpered, leaning closer to her. He felt his eyes begin to well up with tears as her eyes opened back up, their pale blue clear as a cloudless sky. Suddenly, Brandon felt his father?s hands on his shoulder and he almost jumped.

?Why don?t you go back outside and let me talk to her now, ok?? he said quietly. Brandon nodded and headed toward the door. Just before he left the room, he turned back to his mom. His dad was kneeling beside her, hovering over her. And he could?ve sworn there was a tear rolling down his cheek.

His father never cried.



?Brandon.? Brandon jumped at the sound of his boyfriend?s voice. He raised his head to see Greg standing next to him. ?You want me to get you something to eat or drink?? he asked.

?No,? Brandon shook his head. ?I?m fine.? He tried to hide his tears?but he couldn?t hide anything from Greg.

?What?s wrong??

?Nothing,? he replied, wiping his face. Greg took his shoulders in his arms. Brandon immediately felt his body begin to warm up. His boyfriend peered into his eyes, their faces only inches apart now. How can I not tell him, he said to himself. ?I just hate hospital waiting rooms,? he said with a slight smirk.

?Is it because of??? Brandon nodded quickly.

?My dad and I would sit in a room like this everything time my mom got sick,? he explained, ?especially toward the end.?

?Brandon, Brandon,? Greg hurriedly told him, keeping his voice low so as not to be overheard by anyone else, ?JP is not going to die.? Brandon looked back into his boyfriend?s eyes for strength. ?He can?t. He?s strong.?

?Yeah, well so was my mom.?

?Brandon,? Greg hissed, ?you can?t say that. You don?t know.? He moved even closer to him, their nose practically touching one another. ?Brandon?? Greg?s lips grazed against Brandon?s cheek and he closed his eyes. The simple touch of his boyfriend made him feel a little better. He was just angry; he didn?t want to have it happen all over again. He could only imagine what must have been going through Matt?s head. He couldn?t imagine what he?d do if it were Greg who was in the hospital.

?I love you,? he said almost inaudibly, but Greg heard it. He could tell.



Ryan paced the entrance hall of the hospital for what probably was the millionth time. He couldn?t stand all this waiting, wondering when he brother was going to come out of it.

?Ryan,? Ashley came up to him. He stopped in mid-pace and looked at her emptily. He was tired, though it was only just after noon. ?I was on my way down to the cafeteria,? she went on. ?I was wondering if you wanted me to get you a sandwich or something.?

?No,? Ryan shook his head. ?I can?t eat right now.? He was so nauseous, anything he ate probably wouldn?t stay down for very long anyway. Ashley moved closer to him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

?I?m so sorry you have to go through this,? she whispered.

?Why are you apologizing?? he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. She gazed up at him and their eyes met. He could tell that she was trying to relax him, make him feel better?or as much as she could. She felt like she owed it to him. After all the drama that had gone on with her own sister, this was her opportunity to repay him for all the support he had given her.

Ryan leaned down and kissed her on the lips.



?You kissed her?? Luke said on the other line. Ryan smirked as he paused mid-curl, peering proudly down at his enormously bulging biceps. God, they were getting huge! He was going to be massive by senior year next year.

?Kissed her?? he repeated. ?Fuck, I practically had her all over me.? Luke laughed. ?She was fuckin? worshipping me, bro!?

?Dude, you are a god!? Ryan grinned. Yeah, he was? Suddenly, there was a knock on his bedroom door.

?What the hell do you want?? he yelled.

?Ry, it?s me,? JP squeaked from behind it, his voice full of excitement. Ryan rolled his eyes. What did his little brother want now? Let me guess, he thought, he got a high score in some stupid video game.

?Come in,? he bellowed, deepening into his big brother voice. No sooner had he said that, JP came bursting into his room, his tanktop hanging loosely across his bony shoulders. ?Luke,? he said into the phone as JP began jumping on his bed, ?my little brother?s here. I gotta go.?

??Aight,? Luke answered. ?I?ll see you tomorrow.? Ryan hung up the phone and glared over at JP. In a way, he envied his little brother a bit. When Ryan was his age, he was a fat, lazy slob. He had worked his ass off the last four years to get the Adonis body that he had now. JP had always been extremely active and therefore, skinny. ?Why are you in here?? he asked.

?I wanna show you somethun?,? he gushed, performing a pretty impressive move, plopping straight down onto the bed with his butt from a standing position. ?Look!? And with that, he raised his left arm and flexed his little biceps. Ryan tried hard to hide his surprise.

Ever since JP could crawl around on his own, he followed Ryan wherever he went, watching his every move. And when Ryan started working out and got more and more muscular as the years went by, his little brother looked up to him even more, coming to almost every football game and wrestling match, surveying his basement workouts with vigilant interest. By the time Ryan started high school, JP began begging his brother to start him on some kind of weightlifting routine. After two years, he finally had to give in.

The truth of the matter was, JP was scrawny. Whenever Ryan had been made fun of he could push his weight around to get back at people. But JP didn?t even weigh 100 pounds as a freshman?and he was a band dork at that. Ryan didn?t want to see his little brother get beat up; a few pounds of bulk wouldn?t hurt him. So, Ryan started training JP the August before school began. At first, he was surprised by how quickly his little brother took to the techniques ? all those years of watching Ryan work out, mentally mimicking each exercise, paid off ? and pretty soon, JP would go downstairs by himself.

?Do you see it?? JP beamed, still flexing his beginner biceps in Ryan?s face. Ryan let out a half-grin. Two months of lifting and he was showing results ? bulging ever so slightly out of his arm was a small bump of muscle. ?Touch it!? JP urged. Shaking his head, Ryan reached up to touch his brother?s biceps.

?Nice,? he said, trying to keep his big brother visage. It truly was rock hard.

?I?m gonna get muscles like you,? JP said. Ryan gave him a mock scowl and wrestled him onto his bed, JP laughing his high-pitched giggle.

?We?ll see about that,? Ryan growled.



Ryan collapsed onto a bench in the hallway of the hospital, suddenly overcome with anger. His face turned red and his hands began shaking.

?Babe,? Ashley gasped, sitting down next to him. ?Are you ok??

?This isn?t right,? he hissed. His wife looked at him, confused.

?What do you mean??

?When he was little, I always tried to protect him,? Ryan?s voice trembled.

?You mean, JP?? Ashley asked, gently massaging his wide back. She bent over to get his eyes to meet hers.

?That?s why I started him working out in the first place,? he continued. ?I wanted to protect him from bullies?from being the smallest kid in his class.? Ashley gave a little smile.

?Well, he?s not anymore,? she replied. Ryan could tell she was trying to cheer him up?but it wasn?t really working.

?Yeah, there was a time when I hated him for that,? he said simply. ?It turns out he?s stronger than I am. He was always there for me?but I?ve failed to be there for him.? Ashley shot a puzzled look at him. He went on. ?I shouldn?t have told him to get those clothes at the hotel. I wish I had stopped him.? He winced, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to hold back tears. ?I wish I hadn?t left those clothes there in the first place?it should be me in there.?

?Ryan,? Ashley leaned closer, her nose touching his cheek, ?don?t start blaming yourself for any of this. How were you supposed to know?? Her arm reached across his shoulders; his head fell against hers. ?I know what they say at the support group,? she said, ?but you don?t have control over everything.? Ryan leaned back against the wall, his eyes gazing at her heavily. She was right. He didn?t have control over what happened to JP?but it still wasn?t fair. JP had always been there for him?

?Don?t go thinking you?ve failed him,? she told him strongly. ?You?ve been a good brother to him. Nothing can change that.?

?Ashley,? Cynthia suddenly appeared from around the corner, her voice making Ryan jump a bit. Ashley looked up at her. ?JP?s out of surgery. The doctors say once they have him settled, they?ll let you go see him.?

?Thank you, Cynthia,? Ashley said softly.



?Matt,? Erin poked her head into the vending machine alcove, ?they?re letting us go into JP?s room.? Matt turned around, aware that his eyes were puffy, his face fallen. He had stayed in the same place all day, not wanting to move from his isolated spot. He tried crying ? he wanted so badly to shed tears ? but his body wouldn?t let him. He was angry; he refused to believe that this was all really happening. He glanced out the window, at the sun as it sank closer to the horizon?

?I?ll be there,? he croaked, his voice hoarse from not having been used for hours. Silently, and with no emotion left in him, he followed the girl down the hall, avoiding the looks from the rest of the family. No doubt they pitied him, wanted to make him feel better. But no one could?

When Matt entered the hospital room, he just stood there for a moment looking at his boyfriend. There he was, the love of his life, his strength?lying unmoving on the bed. He was surrounded by machines; a tube was shoved into his mouth in a way that made Matt wince. He slowly moved forward, stepping more fully into the muted light of the room. He looked over his boyfriend?s body, his muscles still huge and powerful?but helpless in his state. He could see the crease of his pecs through the hospital gown, the top of his abs. His massive arms filled the flimsy sleeves; if he was able to flex his biceps, he could have easily ripped through the material. His face ? aside from about half a dozen butterfly bandages concealing nasty cuts ? was still flawless, his eyes shut, his lips pursed.

Matt collapsed to his knees as he felt the emotion well up inside of him again.

Gently, he raised his hand to JP?s forearm, his muscles still hard to the touch?but cold and clammy. His fingers glided down to his hand ? gliding like they did whenever he caressed his body in bed ? carefully taking hold of his limp fingers. Then, he leaned toward JP, moving his lips close to his ear.

?JP,? he whispered, ?I?m here.? He knew JP could hear him, somehow. He had to. ?I?ll always be here.? As he hovered over him ? hovered over the angel ? he looked directly at his face. JP was calm, relaxed?yet somehow strong, defiant. Matt lightly brushed the bangs of his shaggy dusty brown hair.

?I love you.?

He bent down and touched his lips to JP?s forehead. As he did, a single tear fell onto JP?s cheekbone and slowly rolled down his cheek, leaving behind a subtle streak. It almost looked as if JP himself had shed that tear. But Matt knew that he really was shedding tears inside. He could sense what his boyfriend was feeling?and it somehow calmed him.

He got to his feet and slowly backed toward the door. I?ll let you rest, he mentally told him, knowing that JP could hear that too.

Erin was standing outside the door when he left the room. Without a word, the two embraced, tears finally streaming down Matt?s face and onto her shoulder.



?Hi,? he greeted cheerfully, offering his hand. ?My name?s JP Maloney.?

?Um, hi,? I shook his hand, a little startled by his forwardness. I was taken aback a little by the strength of his grip for a kid his size. He was probably just really excited, I told myself. But I recovered quickly, wanting to make sure he knew that I had the upper hand. ?I?m Matt Andersson and I?m a sophomore.?

?Good,? he returned without missing a beat, ?I wanted to make friends with an upperclassman right away.?

I looked down at him. (After all, he was more than half a foot shorter than I was). He wore a bright green Green Bay Packer T-shirt that was obviously a size too big for him, hanging loosely from his narrow shoulders. In his hand, he carried a shiny trumpet that looked like it had recently been polished. I hadn?t noticed the instrument back in the band room, but somehow it didn?t surprise me that he was going to be in my section. The kid had ?trumpet player? written all over him. He had a definite air of confidence and you could tell that he was ready for anything and everything we dealt him.

?So what does the JP stand for?? I asked, attempting not to allow an awkward pause enter our conversation.

?My parents named me after John Paul Jones,? he answered proudly.

?You mean, John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin?? I laughed.

?No, John Paul Jones the naval hero,? JP rolled his eyes as if this were the millionth time he had heard the misreference. ?My dad went to the Naval Academy.?

I wanted to question him further, but at that moment, rehearsal was beginning.

?Nice to meet you,? he said as he flashed a cherubic grin at me. I could do no more than smile back.

I chuckled inwardly. JP was only a little kid who was just happy to finally be out of middle school. But a small part of me felt differently.



Matt began to feel different once he left JP?s room. He felt stronger, more ready ? though for what he couldn?t guess. It was as if JP, even in his unresponsive state, gave him strength. He finally allowed everyone else to approach him. He took their words, their hugs.

He almost didn?t the see the doctor come into the waiting area, asking for JP?s parents to follow him. Matt was talking quietly with Nick as he saw them go out of the corner of his eye.

Then, he heard the shriek?

Mrs. Maloney was doubled over, her husband cradling her in his arms?and that?s when Matt knew what doctor had said.



JP was gone.

[luvyalots]

CHAPTER 60: The End of the Beginning

That night, Matt couldn?t sleep.

He stood in his boxers, just staring at his empty bed. At the sheets still crumpled up from the last time he slept in it. That had been two nights ago. He had slept with JP the last night?in his bed?

A lump grew in Matt?s throat, a pain in his stomach. He?d never be able to sleep with his boyfriend again. Never be able to hold him in his arms, never be able to feel his cock slide into his ass. The bed that stood before him would never hold another body besides his. This was where he and JP had first had sex, where Matt had given himself up to the boy he loved. Where they worshipped each other?s muscles, gently fondling each other at night. Where they lay together countless times, limbs intertwined, bodies pressed against one another, dreaming about the days they would always be together.

Matt sighed and closed his eyes. Those dreams would never come true.

He went downstairs to the darkened kitchen. His mom had already gone up to bed and the leftover pizza they had ordered earlier that evening was in the freezer, wrapped in tin foil. The last time she had to do that was when Matt was 14. Never since then had he been unable to finish the rest of the pie?but he simply couldn?t eat.

When he got home from the hospital, he barely spoke to his mom. He didn?t have to tell her what happened. She could read it in his face. And she knew it wasn?t worth trying to get him to talk about it. She needed to give him time, give him space.

Silently, Matt got a glass of water and drank it. He still wasn?t hungry and wondered if he ever would be again. Catching his reflection in the kitchen window above the sink, he looked at his body. JP had always said that he should be proud of his body, the way his broad shoulders tapered dramatically down to his tiny waist, how his abs flexed when he breathed. JP would trace his fingers along Matt?s back muscles, the ridges in his thighs, admiring them.

Matt closed his eyes again, imagining the touch of his boyfriend on his shoulders, massaging his traps like he always used to do after crew practices back in high school. He let a tear escape his eye and roll down his cheek, dropping into the half-empty glass of water. He watched it dissipate, disappear. He wished he could disappear.

His eyes were heavy ? he was tired ? but he couldn?t sleep in his own bed upstairs. It felt foreign to him, uninviting. Without JP, he wouldn?t be able to sleep there, he knew. Instead, he put the glass on the kitchen counter and walked into the den, sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. Maybe the basketball tournament was still on to get his mind off everything?as if that would help. He?d probably spot some basketball player ? or cheerleader or pep band member ? who looked vaguely like JP and lose it again.

Why did this have to happen, Matt thought. Taking the afghan his grandmother had knitted years ago, he wrapped himself in it ? only his feet stuck out the other end ? and lay down. Eventually, he fell asleep, the lost voice of JP singing through his head.



?You slept down here?? his mom asked softly, bringing him out of his dreams. Matt slowly opened his eyes to see daylight streaming in through the windows. His mom was standing above him, a concerned look on her face.

?Yeah,? he answered hoarsely. His eyes were puffy and the afghan was wet where it had been over his face. He had being crying in his sleep. As he sat up ? his muscles feeling stiff and achy ? he glanced back up at his mom. No doubt he looked a wreck. But her expression only asked if he was ready to talk. He mentally told her no.

?I?m making scrambled eggs,? she said instead. ?You want some?? Her voice was soft, silky, the way it was whenever she wanted to say something else.

?No,? Matt muttered, ?just toast.? He wasn?t sure he?d be able to swallow anything else. Painfully, he stood up and numbly folded the afghan, admiring the stitching. I wonder how long it took grandma to make this, he wondered. As he staggered into the kitchen, his mom looked up at him and smiled.

?Those boxers look good on you,? she commented. ?They bring out your shoulders.? Matt didn?t even bother to glare at her. What she said sounded ridiculous, but he knew what she was trying to do. As she put two slices of bread into the toaster oven, she leaned with her hip against the counter. Matt sat down at the table, waiting for her to speak.

?I know you were planning to go back to school today,? she finally said. ?But if you want, you can stay home a little longer.? She didn?t mention his boyfriend?s name, but Matt knew that?s who she was thinking about. He laid his head against his fist, his elbow on the table. He hadn?t even thought about going back to school. The long drive alone to Ohio, plus the feeling he?d get when he walked back into his dorm ? seeing the bed where he and JP had slept together so many times ? would be too much.

But then again, delving back into everything ? practicing, studying, working out ? might make it easier for him, especially since he?d be far from Virginia, where it all had started.

?I don?t know??



?Sorry I?m late, babe,? Nick told Erin as he embraced her gently, tenderly kissing her on the lips. He had spotted his girlfriend from down the hall already talking with Billy, Kim and Ian before class and immediately went over to her.

?Hey,? she replied, squeezing him a little tighter than she normally did when they greeted each other. Nick looked into Erin?s eyes; they were still dazed. It had been two days since her brother?s death, but it might as well have been two minutes. The flag in front of the high school was at half-mast, there was a makeshift memorial outside the wrestling room and a cloud still hung over the whole student body. Not everyone there had known JP personally ? he had graduated two years before ? but he was a legend and someone well loved throughout the entire community.

?You obviously haven?t shaved in a few days, Nick,? Billy remarked, attempting to keep the conversation light. ?What are you, trying to grow a full beard?? Nick grinned, blushing slightly at his friend?s comment.

?I like it,? Erin said quietly, lightly grazing her fingers across the ever-thickening layer of stubble that covered her boyfriend?s cheek.

?Howya doin??? Kim asked simply, though everyone knew what she was talking about. It had been the only subject on everyone?s lips for the past couple of days.

?Ok, I guess,? Erin answered sullenly. She wrapped her arm around Nick?s trim waist, letting her hip fit more snugly against the top of his thigh, her nose nestled close to his traps.

?Imagine what Matt Andersson is going through right now,? Kim went on, biting her lip.

?Chrissy said he?s taking it pretty hard,? Nick explained, stealing another glance at his girlfriend to make sure she was ok. He could see in her eyes as she looked at him that it hadn?t fully hit her yet. She was used to JP not being home, away at college. And he was worried she would suddenly break down at any moment. Instead, she gave a weak smile.

?If I know him, he?ll be ok,? she assured them. That smile, as subtle as it was, made Nick feel a little better.

?Didn?t you used to have a crush on him?? Kim suddenly asked in a valiant attempt to make that smile a little broader. Nick made a weird face and looked down at his girlfriend.

?Who? Matt?? he said, nearly on the verge of laughter. Erin nodded.

?It was before I met you, of course,? she informed him, a hint of the old twinkle creeping back into her eyes.

?Yeah,? Kim continued, ?you were head over heels for him. Kept saying how dreamy he was and all.? She smirked, knowing that Erin was somehow temporarily forgetting about her brother. ?Well, he is kinda dreamy??

?Hey!? Billy jumped in comically. Kim giggled and nudged her head against her own boyfriend?s bulbous pecs. Nick finally looked up from Erin and that?s when he realized that Ian hadn?t said a word the whole time he had been there.

?Ian,? he thrust his chin at him, ?you?re quiet today, dude.? Ian just shrugged his heavy shoulders, twitching the corner of his mouth. There was definitely something on his mind.

?I gotta start getting to class,? Kim spoke up, adjusting the strap of her backpack. ?Walk me?? he asked Billy. The big kid grinned wide.

?Of course,? he said. ?Catch you guys at lunch,? he added to the others. Kim reached across to Erin and gave her a hug.

?Call me later,? she whispered, loudly enough so that only Nick could overhear. His heart warmed at the looks the two girls exchanged. It was nice to seem them almost best friends again. The whole incident with Luke was only a memory now?and Erin couldn?t really blame Kim anyway. With that, she and Billy turned and headed down the hall, Kim?s slender body nearly hidden behind her boyfriend?s massive, protective arm, his other arm swaying heavily angled away from his side.

?I should go, too,? Ian muttered, latching his backpack across his chest.

?Ian, hold on a second,? Nick stopped him, giving him a flash of his eyes. He gently held Erin?s face and gazed into her. ?I?ll see you later,? he whispered. She read his thoughts and gave him one last smile. She kissed him once more before hurrying off.

?Sorry,? he apologized to Ian as he turned back to his best friend.

?Nah, it?s alright,? Ian replied, walking with Nick toward their first-period classes, the crowds moving around their large bulks. For a few seconds, not a word passed between the two.

?You ok?? Nick finally asked. Ian shot a glance up at him and let out a smirk.

?Yeah, I?m fine,? he answered. ?Of course I?m ok.? Nick stopped in the middle of the hall, Ian stopping alongside him.

?Ian,? he began, ?I know we?ve both changed a lot since we were little, but I can still read you, man.? Ian sighed and looked down at the floor for a moment. ?What?s wrong??

?I?ve just been wonderin??? he started. ?I mean, I don?t?? He closed his eyes as he tried to find the words. ?Why did this have to happen to someone like JP?? he said at last. ?Why couldn?t it happen to someone?like me?? Nick looked over at him with tender eyes, his mind searching for thoughts.

?Ian,? he sighed, ?whatever shit you did in the past, it?s behind you. What you did to fix it was brave, whether you realize it or not?? It wasn?t much, but it seemed to help appease Ian?s mind a bit; he eked out the tiniest of smiles.

?How do you do that?? he said, shaking his head. ?Stay so cool and calm all the time?? Nick shrugged just as the bell rang.

?Seeya later,? he quickly told Ian.

?You, too.? Nick watched him go for a second before jogging toward his class. If only Ian knew what was really going through his mind. After all that had happened in the last few years ? Erin?s near-rape, falling in love with Brandon, coming out to the football team, JP?s sudden death, not to mention all the normal stresses of a high school student-athlete ? some people probably expected Nick to have had a mental breakdown by now. But he had somehow stayed strong through all of it. In his head, however, he felt it weighing down on him greatly?like an overloaded bar of weights. He could feel it deep inside of him, in the pit of his stomach. He was just as affected by it as everyone else?

Nick sat down in his Honors English class, his mind full of thoughts. Through years of playing sports ? football and wrestling ? he had learned to keep his head, his concentration. That?s what made him successful in the first place. Nothing ever seemed to bother him on the field or on the wrestling mat. He even calmed his teammates down from time to time.

It was something he had learned from JP himself.

Just thinking of his former mentor, Nick felt a churning in his stomach. His bones tingled as he closed his eyes, hoping this feeling would pass. No, he had kept his head for this long?he couldn?t lose it now. But all he could see in his mind was the face of JP, peering at him, those deep blue eyes gazing down at him proudly. Slowly, he raised his hand, his fingers trembling.

?Mr. Angelakis,? the teacher recognized him.

?Can I go to the bathroom?? he asked feebly. The teacher looked at him oddly and finally nodded his head.

?Just make sure you go before class next time,? he warned, but Nick hadn?t heard him. He was already out in the hall, jogging ? no, running ? toward the bathrooms. As soon as he burst through the door, the dam broke and Nick began sobbing uncontrollably. He leaned against the wall, his huge chest heaving, his face soaking wet with tears. It had finally happened. Three years of emotion, topped off with the loss of JP, was released right there on the bathroom floor.



Brandon unclipped his backpack, plopping it down next to the front door as soon as he got home, and went into the kitchen. His dad was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

?When did you get home?? Brandon asked him, heading to the pantry for a power bar.

?Just a little while ago,? he answered. ?How was school??

?Fine,? Brandon replied vaguely. That?s when he noticed the headline of the local section:

Memorial Service for Local Sports Hero Planned

It was talking about JP Maloney. Brandon closed his eyes; that was all anyone in school had been talking about the last few days. Frankly, he didn?t know how he should feel. He never really knew JP that much, but everyone else was saddened by his death?and in a way, it made Brandon feel sad. It reminded him of his mother for some reason.

?Did you know this kid?? his dad asked, looking out at him from behind the paper. ?JP.? Brandon blinked, a little surprised at the question.

?Not really,? he said. ?I met him a few times. That?s all.?

?It?s a shame,? his dad went on. ?He was apparently an amazing athlete. Big-10 Champion, made semifinals at NCAAs??

?Nick idolized him quite a lot,? Brandon interrupted. ?JP was the one who got him into wrestling.? His father gazed up at him; he could feel his soft eyes trying to peer into his mind.

?I bet you wish you could do something about it,? he said quietly. Brandon looked down at him, the power bar only half-eaten in his hand.

?I don?t know,? he answered. ?He meant a lot to Nick. He was Erin?s brother.? His dad was right; he wanted to do something. But he didn?t know what?or how.

?I know you care about your friends, Brandon,? his father continued. The two met glances again and Brandon?s mouth fell open slightly as he realized what he was thinking.

?You?re not talking about?? he breathed, ??using the money from the settlement to??

?Brandon, they?re your friends?and there?s plenty of?? His dad paused, flexing his jaw. Brandon could tell there were a lot of thoughts floating around in his head. ?It?s up to you,? he simply concluded.

Just then, the phone rang and his dad got up to answer it. ?Hello??oh, he?s right here?? He hand the receiver to Brandon. ?It?s Greg.? Feeling his heart begin to beat faster, Brandon took it, afraid to even look at his father. He knew he was still a little uncomfortable with his son having a boyfriend, especially someone like Greg.

?Hey,? Brandon said, trying not to sound too taken.

?Hey,? Greg answered back on the other end. ?I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight.? Brandon?s stomach flipped. He was about to say yes, but then he caught his dad out the corner of his eye, looking up at him curiously.

?I need to ask my dad first,? he explained to his boyfriend. Brandon?s father didn?t know how sexually active he and Greg were; he wasn?t sure he even wanted him to know. It might?ve been a little too much information for him.

?Sure,? Greg replied ? Brandon could almost picture him grinning. ?I understand.? Brandon covered the mouthpiece.

?Dad, can I go over to Greg?s for dinner??

?Of course,? his dad answered immediately ? almost too immediately. He didn?t even look up from the newspaper. Brandon hesitated before turning back to the phone. It was obvious his dad was just pretending that Greg was another one of Brandon?s teammates ? a wrestler perhaps ? someone who he just hung around with.

?He said yes,? Brandon told Greg with a smile.



About an hour later, Brandon knocked on the Hazelton?s front door. A bookish, though still pretty, girl opened it. She looked at him blankly for a split second before grinning wildly.

?You must be Brandon, Greg?s boyfriend,? she said sweetly, her eyes looking him over quickly. Brandon laughed inside.

?You must be Kelly,? he responded back, his southern Indiana twang sneaking back into his voice. So this was Greg?s big sister, home from Villanova for Spring Break. Greg always rolled his eyes whenever he mentioned her and he could see why. She seemed on the eccentric side. She wore a homemade T-shirt that read, ?I don?t look as stupid as I am.?

?Greg never told me you were a hunk,? she commented, biting her lip as she let him in. Brandon grinned, as she not so subtly checked out his ass.

?He did tell you that I play quarterback,? he replied with a glint in his eyes. Kelly giggled.

?And he?s my quarterback,? Greg spoke up as he walked into the foyer. Brandon nearly lost it when he saw his boyfriend. His long hair hanging seductively in front of his eyes, his taut body filling the tight T he wore, the sleeves just covering his shoulders. ?Hey, B,? he said dreamily.

?Yo,? Brandon returned, not realizing how stupid he must have sounded.

?Alright,? Kelly said. ?Mom said dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes, so?? she arched her eyebrows comically, ??do whatever you wanna do.? And with that, she turned on her heels and went back into the kitchen. Brandon laughed.

?You weren?t kidding when you said your sister was weird,? he said as he followed his boyfriend up the stairs to his bedroom.

?Where do you think I get it from?? Greg smirked, pulling Brandon into the room and closing the door. Instantly, the two boys began kissing, their hands wildly groping each other?s bodies. Brandon felt the hardness of Greg?s ripped muscles under his fingers as their tongues gently wrestled together inside their mouths. Brandon fell backward onto the bed, Greg straddling his hips.

?Yeah,? he breathed as Greg brushed his fingers through Brandon?s hair. The two parted so that Greg could take his shirt off; Brandon watched in awe as his boyfriend?s muscles stretched and flexed as the shirt slipped over his head. He immediately grabbed hold of his torso, his thumbs settling in between his abs, right near his belly button. Greg bent down again and they resumed kissing, Greg?s hard cock pressed against Brandon?s through their jeans. Then, his hands began wandering up Brandon?s shirt. Suddenly, Brandon pushed away. ?Greg, stop for a second??

?What?? Greg rolled off of him and onto the bed. ?What?s wrong?? He looked at him with wide eyes, his lips ? still wet from kissing ? opened slightly.

?I can?t do this right now,? Brandon replied remorsefully. ?Not today?? Greg gazed at him fondly, a look of concern on his face.

?JP and his boyfriend, right?? he guessed, lying down on his side, his abs crunching as he did. Brandon turned his head to look at him.

?Every time I think of them,? he began, ?I think of us.? He moved his body closer to Greg?s, lowering his head to that his face was at the level of his boyfriend?s chest. He caressed the deep, shredded trough between his pecs, his middle finger gliding over the single birthmark above his right nipple. ?I don?t know what I?d do if you?if you?? He couldn?t say it; he couldn?t even think it. Greg placed his hand on Brandon?s shoulder, his biceps pressed gently against the side of his head.

?Don?t even think about that, Brandon,? he answered quietly, brushing his fingers across his forehead and staring him directly into his eyes. ?We have our whole lives ahead of us.? Brandon felt every muscle in his body relax as he lay in Greg?s arms. ?I love you,? he whispered.

?I love you, too,? Brandon replied.



?You ready, Matthew?? Matt?s mom asked as they pulled into the high school parking lot. It was the night of JP?s memorial service and as Matt saw the gymnasium?s structure looming ahead of him through the windshield, he fell silent. ?Matthew?? she said again, but he didn?t answer her.

He silently gazed at the place where he had so many times seen his late boyfriend participate in the sport he loved, where he watched him dominate his competition time and time again, always strong, never backing down. Matt wished he had that strength now.

Suddenly, he broke down into tears, his head hung low, his chin against his chest. He cried openly, uncontrollably. He couldn?t do this; he couldn?t go on.

?Matthew?? his mom repeated.

?I can?t do this,? he sobbed. He couldn?t look at her; he could no longer look at anything. The world meant nothing to him now.

?Of course you can,? his mom said, her hand firmly gripping his shoulder ? he could almost feel her strength seeping out of it, trying to enter into him. ?Everyone you know will be in there?Chrissy, Ryan, Ben.?

?No,? Matt interrupted her, ?I can?t live without him.? He finally ventured a glance at his mother who peered at him sympathetically, her eyes soft?yet sturdy at the same time. They looked at each other for a long moment, the only sound coming from Matt?s unsteady breathing. The noises of the people outside were muffled.

?Matthew,? his mom finally began, ?I understand how lost you must feel.? Matt flashed her a skeptical look, but she wasn?t finished. ?When you first started high school, I was a little afraid for you,? she went on. ?You didn?t really know who you were or where you fit in.? Her eyes drifted out the window, toward the school building. ?But when you met JP, you changed?whether you believe it or not. You became more sure of yourself, more sure of where you were going.?

?Yeah, but?? He was going to say that his rock ? JP ? was gone, but she wouldn?t let him say it.

?Matthew,? she said, returning her eyes to his again, ?you might think you got your strength from JP?but you had it all along. You just needed someone to bring it out.? Matt blinked as his mom?s words sunk in. ?God forbid, if JP were in your situation,? she continued, ?do you think he would just give up??

Tears still flowed from Matt?s eyes, but he knew his mom was right. JP would never give up on anything; he was a fighter. He needed to somehow summon the strength that was supposedly inside him somewhere. But how, he didn?t know?and he knew his mom couldn?t tell him. He?d have to figure it out on his own.

?You ready?? she asked again. After a few seconds hesitation, Matt nodded and the two climbed out of the car and toward the gym entrance. The overwhelming awe that hit him whenever he walked into the cavernous hall had a new meaning for him this time around. Instead of the usual buzz of a wrestling match, it was still. Almost no one was smiling?and those few that did hold smiles were fleeting. Matt felt too paralyzed to move, but he forced himself to. He had to. He had to prove that he could move on?by himself.

The whole town was there, nearly the entire school ? some of whom had probably never been in the gym except for mandatory pep rallies. Everyone looked at him as he made his way to his seat. Very few people noticed him when he went here; it made him feel uncomfortable that they all were noticing him now. A small stage was set up at center court, JP?s Ohio State wrestling photo displayed prominently surrounded by flowers. A microphone stood in front of it, the concert band to one side, the choir to the other. Mr. Levi, the band director, made a subtle gesture to him as he saw him, recognizing him. Matt didn?t wave back.

There were speeches by several people ? the principal, Coach Graves ? but Matt didn?t listen to any of them. He kept staring at the photo of his boyfriend smiling back at him and he fought back more tears. Finally, Ryan walked up to the microphone, his bulky body looking abnormally stiff in his suit. He cleared his throat before beginning to speak; the entire gym was so quiet you could hear the sound of the air conditioning system kicking in.

?Some of you knew my brother as a great athlete,? Ryan began, his voice booming, ?others as a great student, but for those of us who were closest to him, he meant a lot more than those things.? Matt could have sworn Ryan had glanced at him; he looked down at his shoes.

?It may be hard to believe now, but when JP was a kid, he was a skinny, little thing.? There were a few chuckles scattered through the audience. Even Ryan allowed himself to let out a tiny smirk before continuing. ?Back than, I wasn?t exactly in the in-crowd?but he followed me around wherever I went. He would look up at me with those deep, blue eyes.? A twinge of emotion crept into Ryan?s normally stoic voice and Matt directed his attention to him again. ?I always used to think it was just because I was his big brother. But years later, when I was in the hospital, JP came to visit me?and he looked down at me this time with those same blue eyes?and I realized the kind of person he really was.? Ryan paused, twitching his jaw, his hands gripping both sides of the podium as if he needed to keep himself from falling over.

?No matter who you were,? he went on, ?whether you were the most popular jock in school or an outsider, JP treated you the same?with respect.? His voice grew shakier as it echoed off the walls. He glanced down at the floor. ?Whenever you talked to him, you walked away feeling stronger, wanting to be a better person. I don?t know how he did it, but he had that power.? Matt picked out Erin and Greg sitting with the rest of the choir, tears running down Erin?s face, Greg?s head hung low in an attempt to keep his composure.

?Winston Churchill once said, ?This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.? JP himself may no longer be with us, but he?s still very much here.

?A lot of people talk about his legacy. But to me?? Ryan stopped, biting his lip; his eyes were beginning to well up. His voice was shaking noticeably now, but he kept going. ??to me, his legacy is more than just records and a few wrestling titles. All you have to do is look into the faces of the wrestlers who have followed in his footsteps, in the eyes of those who knew him, and see the kind of inspiration he has left behind.

?I don?t just hope and pray, I know that this is just the end of the beginning?thank you.?

As soon as Ryan was finished, the choir stood up and the band began to play. Nick came to the front of the stage and began singing:

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up...to more than I can be.*

As Nick?s song rose to a climax, the choir backing him up, Matt watched him in amazement. It was as if JP was singing to him somehow ? his words ringing out loud and clear, comforting him, making him feel stronger ? and he realized what Ryan had been talking about.

JP wasn?t really gone; he was still there.


?Goddamn boy, where did you learn to sing like that?? Coach Palmer shook his head after the memorial service. Nick blushed and shrugged his huge shoulders.

?Yeah, Nick,? Matt?s mom echoed, ?that was truly beautiful.? Matt couldn?t help but gaze at his boyfriend?s former prot?g? in awe. He was like JP in almost every way ? the boy who had once been a skinny, simply energetic kid was now a fully-grown, super muscular athlete. His giant biceps bulged as he shook Palmer?s hand.

?Awesome job, dude!? Ian came up behind him, his eyes filled with the same fire that was in Matt?s. It seemed everyone walked away feeling better. There were plenty of smiles and even laughter in the sports lobby. ?Hey, Coach,? he said reverently.

?Mr. Antoncelli,? Palmer returned. He paused as Ian bit his lip. ?You know,? the man continued, ?Andre Jackson is graduating this year. We?ll have a spot open at running back.? Ian gazed up at him, his mouth open slightly. ?Would you be interested??

?Uh,? Ian answered, not sure how to respond. ?I?ll definitely think about it. Thanks, Coach.?

?Matt,? Matt heard a voice behind him. He turned around to see Ben standing there.

?Hey, Ben,? he said, hugging his college roommate. Ben had taken the Greyhound to Virginia when he heard about the memorial service. ?It was nice of you to come.? Ben shrugged.

?You?re my roommate, man,? he replied. ?I felt like I needed to be here for you.?

?You?ve been there for me a lot,? Matt remarked, smiling fully for the first time in days. The two hugged again. Ben was so good to him, it almost made him cry.

?So, we?ve missed you at school. You coming back?? Ben asked. Matt chuckled.

?Yeah,? he answered, his voice suddenly more bold. ?Yeah, I am.?



EPILOGUE: Six Years Later

?You got the wine?? Matt asked Ben as he pulled his car to a stop in front of Ryan?s house. He looked up at it, impressed. It was a nice house in a nice part of Fairfax County. He and Ashley were really doing well.

?Yeah, I got it right here,? Ben answered, picking the bottle up from the floor of the passenger?s seat. Matt felt his roommate?s eyes on him as he sat there staring out the window. ?What you thinking?? Ben wondered aloud.

?I haven?t been back in this area in a while,? he replied softly.

?How does it feel?? Ben asked. Matt grinned to himself and looked down at the steering wheel.

?Good,? he said simply, though he made it obvious to Ben that there was more behind his reply. The two boys had moved in together after graduation, though of course they weren?t in a relationship. And neither wanted to be. Ben knew Matt was hesitant in dating again, even six years after JP?s death, and he never had any intention of replacing the boy he loved. Instead, he was there whenever Matt needed him.

Matt had moved on. He and Ben had opened up a music studio in Columbus, Ohio ? Matt taught trumpet lessons, Ben taught voice and several of their friends from college taught other things. But every now and then, he would become sullen and withdrawn. And that?s when Ben knew he was thinking about JP, about what could have been. He let Matt cry on his shoulder when he needed to, let him voice his thoughts when he wanted to.

?Let?s go,? Matt finally said, opening his door. They made their way around the house to the backyard where the barbeque was already in full swing. It wasn?t hard to pick out Nick and Billy ? they were by far the two biggest guys there. And clinging to their arms were their girlfriends, Erin and Kim.

?Matt Andersson,? Nick beamed when he saw him coming toward the party.

?Nick, how ya doin??? Matt greeted him, clasping hands like they did in the old days. Nick?s forearms were immensely thick and were covered in a network of veins. He was as huge as ever, hovering near 300 pounds of mostly muscle, but he still had those devastating good looks ? dimples and all ? though with longer hair and a goatee.

?Holy shit, man!? Billy Freeman burst out, stretching a massive arm around Matt?s shoulders. Matt felt himself being thrust into the boy?s gigantic chest in an enthusiastic half-hug. ?I haven?t seen you in ages!? As big as Nick was, Billy was even bigger?as always. His biceps were nearly the size of Matt?s entire upper body and he towered over him like a giant. But he also hadn?t lost his boyish appearance; his eyes still sparkled brightly whenever he smiled.

?I guess I should offer my congratulations to both of you,? Matt grinned, craning his neck up at the two behemoths. ?You?re NFL players now!? Nick and Billy had led the Central High School Spartans to two more state championships and after college ? Northwestern and Maryland, respectively ? they had entered the draft. Nick blushed at the comment.

?Yeah, the Jets are gonna kick butt this season,? he smirked, his piercing hazel eyes shimmering radiantly.

?Please,? Billy retorted mockingly. ?It?s all about Detroit.? All of them chuckled heartily. The boys obviously had been keeping the banter up all day. The greetings and hugs continued around the group and then Matt noticed the ring on Kim?s finger.

?Oh, my God!? he gasped, staring at it. Kim glanced down at her hand and grew flush, wiggling her fingers under the weight of the rock.

?Billy popped the question the day he came home from the NFL combine,? she explained, nudging her head closer against her fianc??s chest. ?We?re getting married next May.?

?Yeah,? Erin spoke up, looking up at Nick, ?but we?re tying the knot in early March.? Matt looked over at her. She was still an absolute knockout! But she somehow looked even more beautiful now. Her golden brown hair hung luxuriously over her shoulders and across her perfectly formed breasts. And her body was just as firm and strong-looking as it had been back in high school. She had gone to Florida State on a basketball scholarship and was now teaching phys ed.

?Well, congratulations on that, too!? Matt said, nearly overwhelmed by all this news. ?A lot?s been happening lately.? Then, Nick grinned.

?But that?s not all,? he crooned, moving his hand down to his girlfriend?s stomach. Matt?s mouth dropped open.

?Holy crap!? he shouted. ?You?re??

?Yep,? she replied, ?we?re pregnant.? She shrugged her shoulders as Nick gently wrapped his arms around her body. ?Twins,? she continued, ?boys.?

?Oh, brother,? Matt commented, rolling his eyes comically, ?someone call a sports agent.? Everyone laughed, no doubt imagining what kind of athletes any offspring of Nick and Erin could become. Suddenly, the distant roar of a motorcycle engine diverted their attention.

?That would be Brandon and Greg,? Nick announced. And sure enough, the two boyfriends soon made their way to the backyard, their motorcycle jackets slung over their arms. They too hadn?t aged much. Brandon still had his boy-next-door looks and his immaculate body, his muscles filling his designer clothes with perfection. Matt remembered reading that although he had won the Heisman Trophy as quarterback at USC, he had declared that he wouldn?t enter the draft. Naturally, this caused quite a stir in the sports world, but he said he wanted to spend his time quietly with Greg. Of course, his days as a college football star wouldn?t leave him alone completely.

?Sorry we?re late,? Greg apologized once Erin took their jackets. ?Brandon was on the phone with the Komen Foundation about some event he?s supposed to be at next week.?

?That?s alright,? Nick replied. ?How?s business going??

?Great,? Brandon answered. ?We?re thinking of opening up another gym in Burbank.? Matt was informed that he and Greg had opened a chain of gym and health centers in the LA area. They had apparently become very successful; they were millionaires. ?And Greg just got into medical school at UCLA,? he added, making Greg blush. Greg was probably the one that had changed the most. He had trimmed his long hair and seemed to have filled out a little bit, but he still gazed at Brandon with the same brown eyes. The two boys were so in love and that made Matt?s heart twinge slightly.

?Brandon?s become quite the philanthropist,? Nick said, beaming at his best friend. ?Did you pass by the high school on your way here??

?Oh, yeah!? Matt recalled, having seen the construction with mild shock. ?We checked it out. The JP Maloney Athletic Wing?? His stomach did a flip as he said it. A new addition named after his boyfriend; it seemed so surreal.

?Yep,? Nick grinned. ?And guess who made an anonymous multi-million dollar contribution to the project.? He glanced over at Brandon who only shrugged.

?Well, you remember what Ryan said about legacy,? he muttered. ?JP meant a lot to all of us.? Brandon peered over at Matt and smiled. Matt felt tears coming to his eyes again and bit his lip. Even after his death, JP was affecting everyone he had known.

?Hey, Matt!? Ryan suddenly called over to him, a barbeque apron tied around his still-large frame. ?I was wondering where you were,? he joked, ?standing behind these two mountains.? They shook hands before Ryan motioned him closer to the patio where a whole host of people was congregated, most of them unknown to Matt. He said goodbye to the others and followed his boyfriend?s brother.

?So, how?s it going?? he asked.

?Good,? Ryan nodded. ?I just got made a partner in the modeling agency and we?re thinking of branching out. Ashley?s been working at a clinic in Fairfax?? He smiled, his eyes shining as he brushed his fingers through his hair. Matt was immediately reminded of when JP used to do that. ??and the little one?s getting ready to start first grade.?

?Shit, first grade already?? Matt blurted with some shock.

?Yeah, he?s growing up fast.? There was a glint in Ryan?s eye as he talked about his son. He was obviously proud of him. ?He?s right over there actually,? he said, searching the backyard. ?Hey, little guy,? he called, ?get over here.? Immediately, the cutest six-year-old with black hair and a stocky build came tearing across the lawn as fast as his sturdy, little legs could carry him. He jumped into his father?s arms with an impressive leap. ?Oof,? Ryan exhaled. ?Jeez, you?re getting big!?

?Yeah, Daddy,? the boy giggled infectiously.

?There?s someone I want you to meet,? Ryan said to him. The boy swung his head around to look at Matt, cocking his head curiously. ?This is Matt. He was a good friend of your uncle.?

?You mean, the one I was named after,? he exclaimed in awe.

?Yep,? Ryan replied. The kid grinned broadly and held out his hand toward Matt.

?Hi, Matt,? he said. ?My name?s JP.? Matt looked into his deep, blue eyes and smiled back at him warmly.

?Hi, JP,? he answered.



*from ?You Raise Me Up,? lyrics by Brendan Graham

[diegodominica]

Originally Posted by luvyalots

CHAPTER 60: The End of the Beginning

That night, Matt couldn?t sleep.

He stood in his boxers, just staring at his empty bed. At the sheets still crumpled up from the last time he slept in it. That had been two nights ago. He had slept with JP the last night?in his bed?

A lump grew in Matt?s throat, a pain in his stomach. He?d never be able to sleep with his boyfriend again. Never be able to hold him in his arms, never be able to feel his cock slide into his ass. The bed that stood before him would never hold another body besides his. This was where he and JP had first had sex, where Matt had given himself up to the boy he loved. Where they worshipped each other?s muscles, gently fondling each other at night. Where they lay together countless times, limbs intertwined, bodies pressed against one another, dreaming about the days they would always be together.

Matt sighed and closed his eyes. Those dreams would never come true.

He went downstairs to the darkened kitchen. His mom had already gone up to bed and the leftover pizza they had ordered earlier that evening was in the freezer, wrapped in tin foil. The last time she had to do that was when Matt was 14. Never since then had he been unable to finish the rest of the pie?but he simply couldn?t eat.

When he got home from the hospital, he barely spoke to his mom. He didn?t have to tell her what happened. She could read it in his face. And she knew it wasn?t worth trying to get him to talk about it. She needed to give him time, give him space.

Silently, Matt got a glass of water and drank it. He still wasn?t hungry and wondered if he ever would be again. Catching his reflection in the kitchen window above the sink, he looked at his body. JP had always said that he should be proud of his body, the way his broad shoulders tapered dramatically down to his tiny waist, how his abs flexed when he breathed. JP would trace his fingers along Matt?s back muscles, the ridges in his thighs, admiring them.

Matt closed his eyes again, imagining the touch of his boyfriend on his shoulders, massaging his traps like he always used to do after crew practices back in high school. He let a tear escape his eye and roll down his cheek, dropping into the half-empty glass of water. He watched it dissipate, disappear. He wished he could disappear.

His eyes were heavy ? he was tired ? but he couldn?t sleep in his own bed upstairs. It felt foreign to him, uninviting. Without JP, he wouldn?t be able to sleep there, he knew. Instead, he put the glass on the kitchen counter and walked into the den, sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. Maybe the basketball tournament was still on to get his mind off everything?as if that would help. He?d probably spot some basketball player ? or cheerleader or pep band member ? who looked vaguely like JP and lose it again.

Why did this have to happen, Matt thought. Taking the afghan his grandmother had knitted years ago, he wrapped himself in it ? only his feet stuck out the other end ? and lay down. Eventually, he fell asleep, the lost voice of JP singing through his head.



?You slept down here?? his mom asked softly, bringing him out of his dreams. Matt slowly opened his eyes to see daylight streaming in through the windows. His mom was standing above him, a concerned look on her face.

?Yeah,? he answered hoarsely. His eyes were puffy and the afghan was wet where it had been over his face. He had being crying in his sleep. As he sat up ? his muscles feeling stiff and achy ? he glanced back up at his mom. No doubt he looked a wreck. But her expression only asked if he was ready to talk. He mentally told her no.

?I?m making scrambled eggs,? she said instead. ?You want some?? Her voice was soft, silky, the way it was whenever she wanted to say something else.

?No,? Matt muttered, ?just toast.? He wasn?t sure he?d be able to swallow anything else. Painfully, he stood up and numbly folded the afghan, admiring the stitching. I wonder how long it took grandma to make this, he wondered. As he staggered into the kitchen, his mom looked up at him and smiled.

?Those boxers look good on you,? she commented. ?They bring out your shoulders.? Matt didn?t even bother to glare at her. What she said sounded ridiculous, but he knew what she was trying to do. As she put two slices of bread into the toaster oven, she leaned with her hip against the counter. Matt sat down at the table, waiting for her to speak.

?I know you were planning to go back to school today,? she finally said. ?But if you want, you can stay home a little longer.? She didn?t mention his boyfriend?s name, but Matt knew that?s who she was thinking about. He laid his head against his fist, his elbow on the table. He hadn?t even thought about going back to school. The long drive alone to Ohio, plus the feeling he?d get when he walked back into his dorm ? seeing the bed where he and JP had slept together so many times ? would be too much.

But then again, delving back into everything ? practicing, studying, working out ? might make it easier for him, especially since he?d be far from Virginia, where it all had started.

?I don?t know??



?Sorry I?m late, babe,? Nick told Erin as he embraced her gently, tenderly kissing her on the lips. He had spotted his girlfriend from down the hall already talking with Billy, Kim and Ian before class and immediately went over to her.

?Hey,? she replied, squeezing him a little tighter than she normally did when they greeted each other. Nick looked into Erin?s eyes; they were still dazed. It had been two days since her brother?s death, but it might as well have been two minutes. The flag in front of the high school was at half-mast, there was a makeshift memorial outside the wrestling room and a cloud still hung over the whole student body. Not everyone there had known JP personally ? he had graduated two years before ? but he was a legend and someone well loved throughout the entire community.

?You obviously haven?t shaved in a few days, Nick,? Billy remarked, attempting to keep the conversation light. ?What are you, trying to grow a full beard?? Nick grinned, blushing slightly at his friend?s comment.

?I like it,? Erin said quietly, lightly grazing her fingers across the ever-thickening layer of stubble that covered her boyfriend?s cheek.

?Howya doin??? Kim asked simply, though everyone knew what she was talking about. It had been the only subject on everyone?s lips for the past couple of days.

?Ok, I guess,? Erin answered sullenly. She wrapped her arm around Nick?s trim waist, letting her hip fit more snugly against the top of his thigh, her nose nestled close to his traps.

?Imagine what Matt Andersson is going through right now,? Kim went on, biting her lip.

?Chrissy said he?s taking it pretty hard,? Nick explained, stealing another glance at his girlfriend to make sure she was ok. He could see in her eyes as she looked at him that it hadn?t fully hit her yet. She was used to JP not being home, away at college. And he was worried she would suddenly break down at any moment. Instead, she gave a weak smile.

?If I know him, he?ll be ok,? she assured them. That smile, as subtle as it was, made Nick feel a little better.

?Didn?t you used to have a crush on him?? Kim suddenly asked in a valiant attempt to make that smile a little broader. Nick made a weird face and looked down at his girlfriend.

?Who? Matt?? he said, nearly on the verge of laughter. Erin nodded.

?It was before I met you, of course,? she informed him, a hint of the old twinkle creeping back into her eyes.

?Yeah,? Kim continued, ?you were head over heels for him. Kept saying how dreamy he was and all.? She smirked, knowing that Erin was somehow temporarily forgetting about her brother. ?Well, he is kinda dreamy??

?Hey!? Billy jumped in comically. Kim giggled and nudged her head against her own boyfriend?s bulbous pecs. Nick finally looked up from Erin and that?s when he realized that Ian hadn?t said a word the whole time he had been there.

?Ian,? he thrust his chin at him, ?you?re quiet today, dude.? Ian just shrugged his heavy shoulders, twitching the corner of his mouth. There was definitely something on his mind.

?I gotta start getting to class,? Kim spoke up, adjusting the strap of her backpack. ?Walk me?? he asked Billy. The big kid grinned wide.

?Of course,? he said. ?Catch you guys at lunch,? he added to the others. Kim reached across to Erin and gave her a hug.

?Call me later,? she whispered, loudly enough so that only Nick could overhear. His heart warmed at the looks the two girls exchanged. It was nice to seem them almost best friends again. The whole incident with Luke was only a memory now?and Erin couldn?t really blame Kim anyway. With that, she and Billy turned and headed down the hall, Kim?s slender body nearly hidden behind her boyfriend?s massive, protective arm, his other arm swaying heavily angled away from his side.

?I should go, too,? Ian muttered, latching his backpack across his chest.

?Ian, hold on a second,? Nick stopped him, giving him a flash of his eyes. He gently held Erin?s face and gazed into her. ?I?ll see you later,? he whispered. She read his thoughts and gave him one last smile. She kissed him once more before hurrying off.

?Sorry,? he apologized to Ian as he turned back to his best friend.

?Nah, it?s alright,? Ian replied, walking with Nick toward their first-period classes, the crowds moving around their large bulks. For a few seconds, not a word passed between the two.

?You ok?? Nick finally asked. Ian shot a glance up at him and let out a smirk.

?Yeah, I?m fine,? he answered. ?Of course I?m ok.? Nick stopped in the middle of the hall, Ian stopping alongside him.

?Ian,? he began, ?I know we?ve both changed a lot since we were little, but I can still read you, man.? Ian sighed and looked down at the floor for a moment. ?What?s wrong??

?I?ve just been wonderin??? he started. ?I mean, I don?t?? He closed his eyes as he tried to find the words. ?Why did this have to happen to someone like JP?? he said at last. ?Why couldn?t it happen to someone?like me?? Nick looked over at him with tender eyes, his mind searching for thoughts.

?Ian,? he sighed, ?whatever shit you did in the past, it?s behind you. What you did to fix it was brave, whether you realize it or not?? It wasn?t much, but it seemed to help appease Ian?s mind a bit; he eked out the tiniest of smiles.

?How do you do that?? he said, shaking his head. ?Stay so cool and calm all the time?? Nick shrugged just as the bell rang.

?Seeya later,? he quickly told Ian.

?You, too.? Nick watched him go for a second before jogging toward his class. If only Ian knew what was really going through his mind. After all that had happened in the last few years ? Erin?s near-rape, falling in love with Brandon, coming out to the football team, JP?s sudden death, not to mention all the normal stresses of a high school student-athlete ? some people probably expected Nick to have had a mental breakdown by now. But he had somehow stayed strong through all of it. In his head, however, he felt it weighing down on him greatly?like an overloaded bar of weights. He could feel it deep inside of him, in the pit of his stomach. He was just as affected by it as everyone else?

Nick sat down in his Honors English class, his mind full of thoughts. Through years of playing sports ? football and wrestling ? he had learned to keep his head, his concentration. That?s what made him successful in the first place. Nothing ever seemed to bother him on the field or on the wrestling mat. He even calmed his teammates down from time to time.

It was something he had learned from JP himself.

Just thinking of his former mentor, Nick felt a churning in his stomach. His bones tingled as he closed his eyes, hoping this feeling would pass. No, he had kept his head for this long?he couldn?t lose it now. But all he could see in his mind was the face of JP, peering at him, those deep blue eyes gazing down at him proudly. Slowly, he raised his hand, his fingers trembling.

?Mr. Angelakis,? the teacher recognized him.

?Can I go to the bathroom?? he asked feebly. The teacher looked at him oddly and finally nodded his head.

?Just make sure you go before class next time,? he warned, but Nick hadn?t heard him. He was already out in the hall, jogging ? no, running ? toward the bathrooms. As soon as he burst through the door, the dam broke and Nick began sobbing uncontrollably. He leaned against the wall, his huge chest heaving, his face soaking wet with tears. It had finally happened. Three years of emotion, topped off with the loss of JP, was released right there on the bathroom floor.



Brandon unclipped his backpack, plopping it down next to the front door as soon as he got home, and went into the kitchen. His dad was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

?When did you get home?? Brandon asked him, heading to the pantry for a power bar.

?Just a little while ago,? he answered. ?How was school??

?Fine,? Brandon replied vaguely. That?s when he noticed the headline of the local section:

Memorial Service for Local Sports Hero Planned

It was talking about JP Maloney. Brandon closed his eyes; that was all anyone in school had been talking about the last few days. Frankly, he didn?t know how he should feel. He never really knew JP that much, but everyone else was saddened by his death?and in a way, it made Brandon feel sad. It reminded him of his mother for some reason.

?Did you know this kid?? his dad asked, looking out at him from behind the paper. ?JP.? Brandon blinked, a little surprised at the question.

?Not really,? he said. ?I met him a few times. That?s all.?

?It?s a shame,? his dad went on. ?He was apparently an amazing athlete. Big-10 Champion, made semifinals at NCAAs??

?Nick idolized him quite a lot,? Brandon interrupted. ?JP was the one who got him into wrestling.? His father gazed up at him; he could feel his soft eyes trying to peer into his mind.

?I bet you wish you could do something about it,? he said quietly. Brandon looked down at him, the power bar only half-eaten in his hand.

?I don?t know,? he answered. ?He meant a lot to Nick. He was Erin?s brother.? His dad was right; he wanted to do something. But he didn?t know what?or how.

?I know you care about your friends, Brandon,? his father continued. The two met glances again and Brandon?s mouth fell open slightly as he realized what he was thinking.

?You?re not talking about?? he breathed, ??using the money from the settlement to??

?Brandon, they?re your friends?and there?s plenty of?? His dad paused, flexing his jaw. Brandon could tell there were a lot of thoughts floating around in his head. ?It?s up to you,? he simply concluded.

Just then, the phone rang and his dad got up to answer it. ?Hello??oh, he?s right here?? He hand the receiver to Brandon. ?It?s Greg.? Feeling his heart begin to beat faster, Brandon took it, afraid to even look at his father. He knew he was still a little uncomfortable with his son having a boyfriend, especially someone like Greg.

?Hey,? Brandon said, trying not to sound too taken.

?Hey,? Greg answered back on the other end. ?I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight.? Brandon?s stomach flipped. He was about to say yes, but then he caught his dad out the corner of his eye, looking up at him curiously.

?I need to ask my dad first,? he explained to his boyfriend. Brandon?s father didn?t know how sexually active he and Greg were; he wasn?t sure he even wanted him to know. It might?ve been a little too much information for him.

?Sure,? Greg replied ? Brandon could almost picture him grinning. ?I understand.? Brandon covered the mouthpiece.

?Dad, can I go over to Greg?s for dinner??

?Of course,? his dad answered immediately ? almost too immediately. He didn?t even look up from the newspaper. Brandon hesitated before turning back to the phone. It was obvious his dad was just pretending that Greg was another one of Brandon?s teammates ? a wrestler perhaps ? someone who he just hung around with.

?He said yes,? Brandon told Greg with a smile.



About an hour later, Brandon knocked on the Hazelton?s front door. A bookish, though still pretty, girl opened it. She looked at him blankly for a split second before grinning wildly.

?You must be Brandon, Greg?s boyfriend,? she said sweetly, her eyes looking him over quickly. Brandon laughed inside.

?You must be Kelly,? he responded back, his southern Indiana twang sneaking back into his voice. So this was Greg?s big sister, home from Villanova for Spring Break. Greg always rolled his eyes whenever he mentioned her and he could see why. She seemed on the eccentric side. She wore a homemade T-shirt that read, ?I don?t look as stupid as I am.?

?Greg never told me you were a hunk,? she commented, biting her lip as she let him in. Brandon grinned, as she not so subtly checked out his ass.

?He did tell you that I play quarterback,? he replied with a glint in his eyes. Kelly giggled.

?And he?s my quarterback,? Greg spoke up as he walked into the foyer. Brandon nearly lost it when he saw his boyfriend. His long hair hanging seductively in front of his eyes, his taut body filling the tight T he wore, the sleeves just covering his shoulders. ?Hey, B,? he said dreamily.

?Yo,? Brandon returned, not realizing how stupid he must have sounded.

?Alright,? Kelly said. ?Mom said dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes, so?? she arched her eyebrows comically, ??do whatever you wanna do.? And with that, she turned on her heels and went back into the kitchen. Brandon laughed.

?You weren?t kidding when you said your sister was weird,? he said as he followed his boyfriend up the stairs to his bedroom.

?Where do you think I get it from?? Greg smirked, pulling Brandon into the room and closing the door. Instantly, the two boys began kissing, their hands wildly groping each other?s bodies. Brandon felt the hardness of Greg?s ripped muscles under his fingers as their tongues gently wrestled together inside their mouths. Brandon fell backward onto the bed, Greg straddling his hips.

?Yeah,? he breathed as Greg brushed his fingers through Brandon?s hair. The two parted so that Greg could take his shirt off; Brandon watched in awe as his boyfriend?s muscles stretched and flexed as the shirt slipped over his head. He immediately grabbed hold of his torso, his thumbs settling in between his abs, right near his belly button. Greg bent down again and they resumed kissing, Greg?s hard cock pressed against Brandon?s through their jeans. Then, his hands began wandering up Brandon?s shirt. Suddenly, Brandon pushed away. ?Greg, stop for a second??

?What?? Greg rolled off of him and onto the bed. ?What?s wrong?? He looked at him with wide eyes, his lips ? still wet from kissing ? opened slightly.

?I can?t do this right now,? Brandon replied remorsefully. ?Not today?? Greg gazed at him fondly, a look of concern on his face.

?JP and his boyfriend, right?? he guessed, lying down on his side, his abs crunching as he did. Brandon turned his head to look at him.

?Every time I think of them,? he began, ?I think of us.? He moved his body closer to Greg?s, lowering his head to that his face was at the level of his boyfriend?s chest. He caressed the deep, shredded trough between his pecs, his middle finger gliding over the single birthmark above his right nipple. ?I don?t know what I?d do if you?if you?? He couldn?t say it; he couldn?t even think it. Greg placed his hand on Brandon?s shoulder, his biceps pressed gently against the side of his head.

?Don?t even think about that, Brandon,? he answered quietly, brushing his fingers across his forehead and staring him directly into his eyes. ?We have our whole lives ahead of us.? Brandon felt every muscle in his body relax as he lay in Greg?s arms. ?I love you,? he whispered.

?I love you, too,? Brandon replied.



?You ready, Matthew?? Matt?s mom asked as they pulled into the high school parking lot. It was the night of JP?s memorial service and as Matt saw the gymnasium?s structure looming ahead of him through the windshield, he fell silent. ?Matthew?? she said again, but he didn?t answer her.

He silently gazed at the place where he had so many times seen his late boyfriend participate in the sport he loved, where he watched him dominate his competition time and time again, always strong, never backing down. Matt wished he had that strength now.

Suddenly, he broke down into tears, his head hung low, his chin against his chest. He cried openly, uncontrollably. He couldn?t do this; he couldn?t go on.

?Matthew?? his mom repeated.

?I can?t do this,? he sobbed. He couldn?t look at her; he could no longer look at anything. The world meant nothing to him now.

?Of course you can,? his mom said, her hand firmly gripping his shoulder ? he could almost feel her strength seeping out of it, trying to enter into him. ?Everyone you know will be in there?Chrissy, Ryan, Ben.?

?No,? Matt interrupted her, ?I can?t live without him.? He finally ventured a glance at his mother who peered at him sympathetically, her eyes soft?yet sturdy at the same time. They looked at each other for a long moment, the only sound coming from Matt?s unsteady breathing. The noises of the people outside were muffled.

?Matthew,? his mom finally began, ?I understand how lost you must feel.? Matt flashed her a skeptical look, but she wasn?t finished. ?When you first started high school, I was a little afraid for you,? she went on. ?You didn?t really know who you were or where you fit in.? Her eyes drifted out the window, toward the school building. ?But when you met JP, you changed?whether you believe it or not. You became more sure of yourself, more sure of where you were going.?

?Yeah, but?? He was going to say that his rock ? JP ? was gone, but she wouldn?t let him say it.

?Matthew,? she said, returning her eyes to his again, ?you might think you got your strength from JP?but you had it all along. You just needed someone to bring it out.? Matt blinked as his mom?s words sunk in. ?God forbid, if JP were in your situation,? she continued, ?do you think he would just give up??

Tears still flowed from Matt?s eyes, but he knew his mom was right. JP would never give up on anything; he was a fighter. He needed to somehow summon the strength that was supposedly inside him somewhere. But how, he didn?t know?and he knew his mom couldn?t tell him. He?d have to figure it out on his own.

?You ready?? she asked again. After a few seconds hesitation, Matt nodded and the two climbed out of the car and toward the gym entrance. The overwhelming awe that hit him whenever he walked into the cavernous hall had a new meaning for him this time around. Instead of the usual buzz of a wrestling match, it was still. Almost no one was smiling?and those few that did hold smiles were fleeting. Matt felt too paralyzed to move, but he forced himself to. He had to. He had to prove that he could move on?by himself.

The whole town was there, nearly the entire school ? some of whom had probably never been in the gym except for mandatory pep rallies. Everyone looked at him as he made his way to his seat. Very few people noticed him when he went here; it made him feel uncomfortable that they all were noticing him now. A small stage was set up at center court, JP?s Ohio State wrestling photo displayed prominently surrounded by flowers. A microphone stood in front of it, the concert band to one side, the choir to the other. Mr. Levi, the band director, made a subtle gesture to him as he saw him, recognizing him. Matt didn?t wave back.

There were speeches by several people ? the principal, Coach Graves ? but Matt didn?t listen to any of them. He kept staring at the photo of his boyfriend smiling back at him and he fought back more tears. Finally, Ryan walked up to the microphone, his bulky body looking abnormally stiff in his suit. He cleared his throat before beginning to speak; the entire gym was so quiet you could hear the sound of the air conditioning system kicking in.

?Some of you knew my brother as a great athlete,? Ryan began, his voice booming, ?others as a great student, but for those of us who were closest to him, he meant a lot more than those things.? Matt could have sworn Ryan had glanced at him; he looked down at his shoes.

?It may be hard to believe now, but when JP was a kid, he was a skinny, little thing.? There were a few chuckles scattered through the audience. Even Ryan allowed himself to let out a tiny smirk before continuing. ?Back than, I wasn?t exactly in the in-crowd?but he followed me around wherever I went. He would look up at me with those deep, blue eyes.? A twinge of emotion crept into Ryan?s normally stoic voice and Matt directed his attention to him again. ?I always used to think it was just because I was his big brother. But years later, when I was in the hospital, JP came to visit me?and he looked down at me this time with those same blue eyes?and I realized the kind of person he really was.? Ryan paused, twitching his jaw, his hands gripping both sides of the podium as if he needed to keep himself from falling over.

?No matter who you were,? he went on, ?whether you were the most popular jock in school or an outsider, JP treated you the same?with respect.? His voice grew shakier as it echoed off the walls. He glanced down at the floor. ?Whenever you talked to him, you walked away feeling stronger, wanting to be a better person. I don?t know how he did it, but he had that power.? Matt picked out Erin and Greg sitting with the rest of the choir, tears running down Erin?s face, Greg?s head hung low in an attempt to keep his composure.

?Winston Churchill once said, ?This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end, but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.? JP himself may no longer be with us, but he?s still very much here.

?A lot of people talk about his legacy. But to me?? Ryan stopped, biting his lip; his eyes were beginning to well up. His voice was shaking noticeably now, but he kept going. ??to me, his legacy is more than just records and a few wrestling titles. All you have to do is look into the faces of the wrestlers who have followed in his footsteps, in the eyes of those who knew him, and see the kind of inspiration he has left behind.

?I don?t just hope and pray, I know that this is just the end of the beginning?thank you.?

As soon as Ryan was finished, the choir stood up and the band began to play. Nick came to the front of the stage and began singing:

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up...to more than I can be.*

As Nick?s song rose to a climax, the choir backing him up, Matt watched him in amazement. It was as if JP was singing to him somehow ? his words ringing out loud and clear, comforting him, making him feel stronger ? and he realized what Ryan had been talking about.

JP wasn?t really gone; he was still there.


?Goddamn boy, where did you learn to sing like that?? Coach Palmer shook his head after the memorial service. Nick blushed and shrugged his huge shoulders.

?Yeah, Nick,? Matt?s mom echoed, ?that was truly beautiful.? Matt couldn?t help but gaze at his boyfriend?s former prot?g? in awe. He was like JP in almost every way ? the boy who had once been a skinny, simply energetic kid was now a fully-grown, super muscular athlete. His giant biceps bulged as he shook Palmer?s hand.

?Awesome job, dude!? Ian came up behind him, his eyes filled with the same fire that was in Matt?s. It seemed everyone walked away feeling better. There were plenty of smiles and even laughter in the sports lobby. ?Hey, Coach,? he said reverently.

?Mr. Antoncelli,? Palmer returned. He paused as Ian bit his lip. ?You know,? the man continued, ?Andre Jackson is graduating this year. We?ll have a spot open at running back.? Ian gazed up at him, his mouth open slightly. ?Would you be interested??

?Uh,? Ian answered, not sure how to respond. ?I?ll definitely think about it. Thanks, Coach.?

?Matt,? Matt heard a voice behind him. He turned around to see Ben standing there.

?Hey, Ben,? he said, hugging his college roommate. Ben had taken the Greyhound to Virginia when he heard about the memorial service. ?It was nice of you to come.? Ben shrugged.

?You?re my roommate, man,? he replied. ?I felt like I needed to be here for you.?

?You?ve been there for me a lot,? Matt remarked, smiling fully for the first time in days. The two hugged again. Ben was so good to him, it almost made him cry.

?So, we?ve missed you at school. You coming back?? Ben asked. Matt chuckled.

?Yeah,? he answered, his voice suddenly more bold. ?Yeah, I am.?



EPILOGUE: Six Years Later

?You got the wine?? Matt asked Ben as he pulled his car to a stop in front of Ryan?s house. He looked up at it, impressed. It was a nice house in a nice part of Fairfax County. He and Ashley were really doing well.

?Yeah, I got it right here,? Ben answered, picking the bottle up from the floor of the passenger?s seat. Matt felt his roommate?s eyes on him as he sat there staring out the window. ?What you thinking?? Ben wondered aloud.

?I haven?t been back in this area in a while,? he replied softly.

?How does it feel?? Ben asked. Matt grinned to himself and looked down at the steering wheel.

?Good,? he said simply, though he made it obvious to Ben that there was more behind his reply. The two boys had moved in together after graduation, though of course they weren?t in a relationship. And neither wanted to be. Ben knew Matt was hesitant in dating again, even six years after JP?s death, and he never had any intention of replacing the boy he loved. Instead, he was there whenever Matt needed him.

Matt had moved on. He and Ben had opened up a music studio in Columbus, Ohio ? Matt taught trumpet lessons, Ben taught voice and several of their friends from college taught other things. But every now and then, he would become sullen and withdrawn. And that?s when Ben knew he was thinking about JP, about what could have been. He let Matt cry on his shoulder when he needed to, let him voice his thoughts when he wanted to.

?Let?s go,? Matt finally said, opening his door. They made their way around the house to the backyard where the barbeque was already in full swing. It wasn?t hard to pick out Nick and Billy ? they were by far the two biggest guys there. And clinging to their arms were their girlfriends, Erin and Kim.

?Matt Andersson,? Nick beamed when he saw him coming toward the party.

?Nick, how ya doin??? Matt greeted him, clasping hands like they did in the old days. Nick?s forearms were immensely thick and were covered in a network of veins. He was as huge as ever, hovering near 300 pounds of mostly muscle, but he still had those devastating good looks ? dimples and all ? though with longer hair and a goatee.

?Holy shit, man!? Billy Freeman burst out, stretching a massive arm around Matt?s shoulders. Matt felt himself being thrust into the boy?s gigantic chest in an enthusiastic half-hug. ?I haven?t seen you in ages!? As big as Nick was, Billy was even bigger?as always. His biceps were nearly the size of Matt?s entire upper body and he towered over him like a giant. But he also hadn?t lost his boyish appearance; his eyes still sparkled brightly whenever he smiled.

?I guess I should offer my congratulations to both of you,? Matt grinned, craning his neck up at the two behemoths. ?You?re NFL players now!? Nick and Billy had led the Central High School Spartans to two more state championships and after college ? Northwestern and Maryland, respectively ? they had entered the draft. Nick blushed at the comment.

?Yeah, the Jets are gonna kick butt this season,? he smirked, his piercing hazel eyes shimmering radiantly.

?Please,? Billy retorted mockingly. ?It?s all about Detroit.? All of them chuckled heartily. The boys obviously had been keeping the banter up all day. The greetings and hugs continued around the group and then Matt noticed the ring on Kim?s finger.

?Oh, my God!? he gasped, staring at it. Kim glanced down at her hand and grew flush, wiggling her fingers under the weight of the rock.

?Billy popped the question the day he came home from the NFL combine,? she explained, nudging her head closer against her fianc??s chest. ?We?re getting married next May.?

?Yeah,? Erin spoke up, looking up at Nick, ?but we?re tying the knot in early March.? Matt looked over at her. She was still an absolute knockout! But she somehow looked even more beautiful now. Her golden brown hair hung luxuriously over her shoulders and across her perfectly formed breasts. And her body was just as firm and strong-looking as it had been back in high school. She had gone to Florida State on a basketball scholarship and was now teaching phys ed.

?Well, congratulations on that, too!? Matt said, nearly overwhelmed by all this news. ?A lot?s been happening lately.? Then, Nick grinned.

?But that?s not all,? he crooned, moving his hand down to his girlfriend?s stomach. Matt?s mouth dropped open.

?Holy crap!? he shouted. ?You?re??

?Yep,? she replied, ?we?re pregnant.? She shrugged her shoulders as Nick gently wrapped his arms around her body. ?Twins,? she continued, ?boys.?

?Oh, brother,? Matt commented, rolling his eyes comically, ?someone call a sports agent.? Everyone laughed, no doubt imagining what kind of athletes any offspring of Nick and Erin could become. Suddenly, the distant roar of a motorcycle engine diverted their attention.

?That would be Brandon and Greg,? Nick announced. And sure enough, the two boyfriends soon made their way to the backyard, their motorcycle jackets slung over their arms. They too hadn?t aged much. Brandon still had his boy-next-door looks and his immaculate body, his muscles filling his designer clothes with perfection. Matt remembered reading that although he had won the Heisman Trophy as quarterback at USC, he had declared that he wouldn?t enter the draft. Naturally, this caused quite a stir in the sports world, but he said he wanted to spend his time quietly with Greg. Of course, his days as a college football star wouldn?t leave him alone completely.

?Sorry we?re late,? Greg apologized once Erin took their jackets. ?Brandon was on the phone with the Komen Foundation about some event he?s supposed to be at next week.?

?That?s alright,? Nick replied. ?How?s business going??

?Great,? Brandon answered. ?We?re thinking of opening up another gym in Burbank.? Matt was informed that he and Greg had opened a chain of gym and health centers in the LA area. They had apparently become very successful; they were millionaires. ?And Greg just got into medical school at UCLA,? he added, making Greg blush. Greg was probably the one that had changed the most. He had trimmed his long hair and seemed to have filled out a little bit, but he still gazed at Brandon with the same brown eyes. The two boys were so in love and that made Matt?s heart twinge slightly.

?Brandon?s become quite the philanthropist,? Nick said, beaming at his best friend. ?Did you pass by the high school on your way here??

?Oh, yeah!? Matt recalled, having seen the construction with mild shock. ?We checked it out. The JP Maloney Athletic Wing?? His stomach did a flip as he said it. A new addition named after his boyfriend; it seemed so surreal.

?Yep,? Nick grinned. ?And guess who made an anonymous multi-million dollar contribution to the project.? He glanced over at Brandon who only shrugged.

?Well, you remember what Ryan said about legacy,? he muttered. ?JP meant a lot to all of us.? Brandon peered over at Matt and smiled. Matt felt tears coming to his eyes again and bit his lip. Even after his death, JP was affecting everyone he had known.

?Hey, Matt!? Ryan suddenly called over to him, a barbeque apron tied around his still-large frame. ?I was wondering where you were,? he joked, ?standing behind these two mountains.? They shook hands before Ryan motioned him closer to the patio where a whole host of people was congregated, most of them unknown to Matt. He said goodbye to the others and followed his boyfriend?s brother.

?So, how?s it going?? he asked.

?Good,? Ryan nodded. ?I just got made a partner in the modeling agency and we?re thinking of branching out. Ashley?s been working at a clinic in Fairfax?? He smiled, his eyes shining as he brushed his fingers through his hair. Matt was immediately reminded of when JP used to do that. ??and the little one?s getting ready to start first grade.?

?Shit, first grade already?? Matt blurted with some shock.

?Yeah, he?s growing up fast.? There was a glint in Ryan?s eye as he talked about his son. He was obviously proud of him. ?He?s right over there actually,? he said, searching the backyard. ?Hey, little guy,? he called, ?get over here.? Immediately, the cutest six-year-old with black hair and a stocky build came tearing across the lawn as fast as his sturdy, little legs could carry him. He jumped into his father?s arms with an impressive leap. ?Oof,? Ryan exhaled. ?Jeez, you?re getting big!?

?Yeah, Daddy,? the boy giggled infectiously.

?There?s someone I want you to meet,? Ryan said to him. The boy swung his head around to look at Matt, cocking his head curiously. ?This is Matt. He was a good friend of your uncle.?

?You mean, the one I was named after,? he exclaimed in awe.

?Yep,? Ryan replied. The kid grinned broadly and held out his hand toward Matt.

?Hi, Matt,? he said. ?My name?s JP.? Matt looked into his deep, blue eyes and smiled back at him warmly.

?Hi, JP,? he answered.



*from ?You Raise Me Up,? lyrics by Brendan Graham

I've never replied before but this caught me so much by surprise. Such a sudden end. I just wanted to thank you for what has been the best story I've ever read on the internet. You have created truly memorable characters that many have come to care about through the past couple of years.

Thanks so much. I will look forward to other engaging works from you.

[arpeejay]

Some appropriate lines:

In time, every sad thing
will become happy.
The sad ending is only because
the author stops telling the story.
It goes on.
It is just untold.

(From http://www.domani.net/richard/memorial.html)

You told JP's story, which is more than most of us get. I know he thanks you -- and so do we.

Much love...

Richard

[njscalz]

I rarely reply to stories, but I must tell you that this one from start to finish has been great although I wish there had been a happier ending and JP not killed off. Now somehow.....I just have to get Paul Carrak's voice on "The Living Years" to stop playing in my head. There is a lesson to be learned from this ending... don't ever be afraid to tell those you care about how important they are to you because it does truly matter

[mrX]

Wow. Just wow.

I've never had the nerve to comment on a story before, but I had to say something here.

That ending makes me very sad, but technically in a good way. I hated reading that JP died because you did a god job getting me to care about these characters. Good people like that deserve long and happy lives; unfortunately, that doesn't always happen, and I like that you didn't pull any punches here.

[martinp13]

Damn you for doing 'it', but both stories were awesome. Nice ending with little JP.

[bulkinupbig]

Luvyalots,
Thank you for writing and carefully crafting a story that thoroughly engaged me as a reader.
Thank you also for showcasing:
- how fragile life is
- how important drive, determination and discipline are
- how essential friends, family, parents and children are to our development (muscular, sexual, other.)
You have a gift.
Please continue to share that gift.
Bulkinupbig

[fillups44]

WOW what a beautifully written story. Truly in a class by itself on this site and elsewhere. The ending is sudden but it completely works. Thanks so much!! Reading through this work in its entirety was a great experience. I think you've evolved somewhat as a writer throughout as well but the whole thing does feel very well crafted.

Just terrific!!

[Braun1]

It has already been said, but I'll add another.... WOW.

Thank you so much for a fantastic story. It is well written. Well thought out. Real. I don't know higher accolades to give, but would if I were articulate enough to think of them. It is the first and only story on this board to make me shed tears. You created characters so real, that we all fell in love with them.

All I can really say is Thank You!!!

Jeff

Aka Braun1

PS.... Yes, I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories, but you should take a well deserved and earned break. Big Bear Hugs!!

[b.spencer]

Thanks for the all the wonderful times luvyalots. JP was the first muscle fiction story that caught my imagination all those years ago. (Yes, I remember reading the first chapter a long time ago on another now defunct story board.) I've enjoyed every chapter of JP and Nick since. In a weird kind of way, it feels like an old friend is gone.

Thanks for giving us a lot of fun and reminding us how special every moment of life is. I looking forward to more stories from your pen.

Brad

[chocomus]

I feel weird.
Angry, because of JP's death.
Sad, because of JP's death.
Conforted, because of JP's "End and reborn"

Your way of writting is supreme. Genesis's chapter nearly made me cry, so much like reality...

You made us feel hot, glad, sad, angry and much more whenever you wanted in just one story. And that's not easy, dude.

It's been entertaining, I really enjoied reading it. Thanks.


Sugoi

[mlbjock]

I have to say that this was such an incrediblly moving story. I felt like Matt when I read that JP had died, and little JP definitely made me smile.

Thank you so much for all your heart and energy.

-- Shawn

[Mdlftr]

"...He will not swell the route,
of men who wore their honours out
Of those whom renown outran,
the name that died before the man....

To an athlete dying young
A.E. Houseman

[bulknola]

Wow . . . I have been thinking how to respond for like an hour.

Unexpected, moving, and satisfying. Its sad . . . no more JP, no more weekly updates. You really should start writing for night-time drama or something. Now that I looked back, Matt and JP were just so tangible and human . . . in fact nearly all of the characters were. This has been a joy to come home and read each Monday for so long . . . .

I keep trying to put into words the emotion I'm feeling after reading this and I just can't . . . .

If you ever decide to compile this into a file, I'd pay for a copy. Thanks for writing.

[Bazorba]

I have put the JP part into a PDF format, and I could do the same with the Nick part, but it takes an awful long time, something which is in short supply for me these days.

[luvyalots]

First of all, I want to thank you all for your support and comments. I too am in a bit of withdrawal, not having written anything in the last week or so. Though of course, I'm relieved it was completed just as my life is beginning to get busier.

The death of JP was something I knew was going to happen from the beginning and when the inadvertant discussion of killing off a character came up about a month ago, I got a little worried. That's the reason why I posted the last two chapters at the same time, so that you could see the entire end.

Most of the characters I've written about are based (some very loosely) on real people I know from high school, college or drum corps or amalgamations of two or even three people. I think that's why I've been able to keep them more real-based.

JP is based loosely on my best friend from high school who was in the band and on the wrestling team. Though he never was the living god that JP becomes, his personality is very much the same. The personal thing for me is that I was in love with him, despite him being straight. I came out to him after high school, but never expressed my true feelings to him. In a way, this whole story started because of that. Some of you psychology people out there will probably go to town as to why I decided to let him die in the story. In reality, JP died to make Matt stronger and more independent.

Therefore, Matt (as I may have stated before) is very loosely based on me. Sorry, guys, I don't really look like him. He's physically the guy I wanted to look like.

Nick is actually a variation of JP, grown out of a supporting character from the oringinal story, though an element of a boyfriend I had is in the later chapters.

Ian and Billy are actually loose representations of kids I knew growing up, or at least at the beginning of Nick's Story. They kinda took on lives of their own once the characters began to grow.

Ryan and Erin are based on my best friend's older brother and younger sister. His brother was on the football and wrestling teams, though he wasn't really the cocky jock Ryan is originally portrayed. And his sister is quite the female specimen, quite popular with the guys in her class.

Greg is based on two people - a kid I knew on my block who had long blond hair that I absolutely loved...and a color guard guy in drum corps who had that dancer's body Greg has.

Brandon is (don't laugh) loosely based on a combination of Brady Quinn and a quarterback of my high school football team.

JP and Matt's parents are characatures of my parents and my friend's parents. Yeah, my parents are very much like Matt's parents. And in fact, even though I wrote the scene where Matt comes out to his mom before I came out to my mom in real life, her reaction was strikingly similar.

Ashley is based on, believe it or not, my cousin. Chrissy and Hunter are based on friends from high school band. Dave, Ben and Kevin (the various college roommates) are based on real people I knew in college. And many of the football and wrestling teammates are based on real people I knew in high school.

The only characters that were 100% original were Travis and Brionna.

Don't expect to see any new stories from me any time soon. I'm definitely taking a break. I have a few ideas, but I'd like to flesh them out first.

Well, enough of my rambling. Thanks again to all of you for reading my story.

[tagsnola]

I just finished reading "JP" in .pdf format furnished to me by Bazorba. Although JP did not die in the .pdf file Bazorba sent to me, I always thought he would die. Matt kept saying "this is too perfect." That told me that it must be too good to be true, at least from the POV of the writer. I should've guessed that wench, Briona, would get into JP's skivvies but I guess I figured JP would be too strong to let that happen. I figured Travis would wind up offing JP. I've not read the account of JP's deat. The last I read was at the end of Bazorba's .pdf where JP was going to go to Ohio state to be as close as he could be to Matt. I look forward to reading Nick's story and to seeing how everything turns out. I'm sorry, but not surprised, that JP wound up dying. Something just told me all along that would happen. But even as I supposed he would die young, I guess I find myself wondering how he and Matt might've grown old together. I hope, however JP winds up dying, that he and Matt at least got to say "goodbye" to each other and say anything that might've been left unsaid theretofor. "JP" was a really great read. I only wish *I* could write like that.
TagsNOLA

Originally Posted by luvyalots

First of all, I want to thank you all for your support and comments. I too am in a bit of withdrawal, not having written anything in the last week or so. Though of course, I'm relieved it was completed just as my life is beginning to get busier.

The death of JP was something I knew was going to happen from the beginning and when the inadvertant discussion of killing off a character came up about a month ago, I got a little worried. That's the reason why I posted the last two chapters at the same time, so that you could see the entire end.

Most of the characters I've written about are based (some very loosely) on real people I know from high school, college or drum corps or amalgamations of two or even three people. I think that's why I've been able to keep them more real-based.

JP is based loosely on my best friend from high school who was in the band and on the wrestling team. Though he never was the living god that JP becomes, his personality is very much the same. The personal thing for me is that I was in love with him, despite him being straight. I came out to him after high school, but never expressed my true feelings to him. In a way, this whole story started because of that. Some of you psychology people out there will probably go to town as to why I decided to let him die in the story. In reality, JP died to make Matt stronger and more independent.

Therefore, Matt (as I may have stated before) is very loosely based on me. Sorry, guys, I don't really look like him. He's physically the guy I wanted to look like.

Nick is actually a variation of JP, grown out of a supporting character from the oringinal story, though an element of a boyfriend I had is in the later chapters.

Ian and Billy are actually loose representations of kids I knew growing up, or at least at the beginning of Nick's Story. They kinda took on lives of their own once the characters began to grow.

Ryan and Erin are based on my best friend's older brother and younger sister. His brother was on the football and wrestling teams, though he wasn't really the cocky jock Ryan is originally portrayed. And his sister is quite the female specimen, quite popular with the guys in her class.

Greg is based on two people - a kid I knew on my block who had long blond hair that I absolutely loved...and a color guard guy in drum corps who had that dancer's body Greg has.

Brandon is (don't laugh) loosely based on a combination of Brady Quinn and a quarterback of my high school football team.

JP and Matt's parents are characatures of my parents and my friend's parents. Yeah, my parents are very much like Matt's parents. And in fact, even though I wrote the scene where Matt comes out to his mom before I came out to my mom in real life, her reaction was strikingly similar.

Ashley is based on, believe it or not, my cousin. Chrissy and Hunter are based on friends from high school band. Dave, Ben and Kevin (the various college roommates) are based on real people I knew in college. And many of the football and wrestling teammates are based on real people I knew in high school.

The only characters that were 100% original were Travis and Brionna.

Don't expect to see any new stories from me any time soon. I'm definitely taking a break. I have a few ideas, but I'd like to flesh them out first.

Well, enough of my rambling. Thanks again to all of you for reading my story.

[tagsnola]

I finished, "Nick" and, even though I'd known what was coming, having stumbled across the ending as I was searching through the thread, reading it at the end of the "JP / Nick" epic I felt like I'd been run over by a Mac truck. It took me awhile to pull myself together before I could even write this. I'm not really sure of what to say aside from the fact that it was some of the best fiction I have ever read. I guess any good writer's work will be at least in part a reflection of his or her own experiences. You've certainly breathed life into your characters in this story and made me as a reader care about them. I could go on and on with superlatives, but I guess to anyone who hasn't read the "JP" and "Nick" stories, I would say "do yourself a favor and read them!"
TagsNOLA

[timaa]

Wow, I've only just discovered this forum, and have spent the last 2 weeks reading through 'JP' and 'Nick'. I feel a little special to be able to read the whole lot in one go, rather than over many weeks as many of your would have.
I have to say, best story I've read.

I cried all the way through the last chapter, but as much as I didn't want JP to die, you did a great job of making it worthwhile to keep reading. I think you finished the story really well, sometimes a completely happy ending can be a little unrealistic and unrewarding.
I feel like someone I know well has gone forever.
Thanks so much for your great work!

[Braun1]

It is a rare thing to become emotionally involved with characters in a fictional story, but this series is the exception to many rules. I've rarely as thoroughly enjoyed a story as much as I have this tale. It seems far to little to say but,

Thank You

Bear Hugs

[hexdog3f8h]

I just re-read this and I kinda wonder what happened to Ian 6 years later. It seems like he just disappeared before the epilogue. I'm kinda curious if you had any plans for Ian in that section?

[dickasauras]

That's a good question. What happened to Ian?

[funboy]

Make fun of me if you will. I cried. Thank you.