The Jocks Rule (Part 1: Trent the Jock and the Amulet of Kratos)

[js44]

Author's Note: This is probably the longest and perhaps sickest story I've written (the transformations begin after the row of *******). After the story I'll explain a little more about the writing. As always, all comments and criticism are happily welcomed. Thanks for reading and please feel free to comment!



The Jocks Rule (Part 1: Trent the Jock and the Amulet of Kratos)


You're Trent, you're the star receiver on the high school football team. It's your senior year.

BOOM! You smack your buddy during scrimmage and quickly scoot by him as you break through the defense during practice. Like second nature you turn your nimble and quick legs, maintaining a high speed as you run backwards waiting for Jon, the team quarterback, to pass you the ball. It slides easily into your hands and you make yet another touchdown. Coach blows the whistle during practice calling you all back to the sidelines.

?Damn Trent, you're too good for our defense!? Coach enthusiastically says, glaring at the brutes on the defensive side, ?you boys need to work harder, we got a big game next week. Okay let's call it a day, nice work gents.?

You always enjoyed practice, it was less tense than games and fun to hang out with your buds, plus no need for full-on uniforms today. You slip off your helmet and undo your shoulder pads, leaving you in a cut white t-shirt and your gym shorts. You head over to Jon doing the same, ?nice pass man. I think we're gonna kick ass this season.?

Jon smiles as he pulls his shirt over himself, satisfied with practice for the day. ?Yea man I think so too. We're getting pretty good. Top of our game.? You look at the QB's cut abs and protruding pecs. ?Been working out Johnny boy?? you ask, chuckling. Feeling the need to show off yourself you too casually slip off your shirt, revealing a similarly cut body but with the addition of a deep grooved adonis belt, V extending into your cut abs. Jon laughs, the two of you equally impressed with yourselves.

Senior year and it doesn't seem like life can get much better. You're a complacent and ignorantly happy jock. You're in all honors classes, getting near-straight As, a star football receiver, a great body, a solid if jerky personality...you wouldn't have it any other way. Walking by the cheerleaders you and Jon give the girls a smile. They chuckle and wave back, soaking in your bodies with their eyes. Behind them the guy cheerleaders admire you too, smiling without being too obvious about their own homosexual feelings. ?Which one are you taking tonight?? you ask Jon, the two of you trading around a few of the cheerleaders as sex partners for the last few weekends. ?I think the dudes are into us too,? he answers ignoring you. ?Nothing wrong with that, I know I'm sexy to both.?

The two of you trudge into the football locker room where most of the team is already in place undressing from practice. You and Jon settle onto the bench and pull off your shoes and socks, tossing them in your locker. Clayton, another receiver on the team, walks over in his compression shorts.

?Bet you fellars won't flash yourselves to the cheerleaders outside. They all standing out in the parking lot since the door's still open. Dare ya to walk across the opening bare nude.? You turn around and notice half the team looking at you, wondering if you'll follow through. Alex, a linebacker adds, ?they'll do it, they love getting naked!?

You and Jon smile before together, like clockwork, casually remove your compression shorts, standing back up and casually showing off your cut bodies and obnoxiously large packages.

The two of you walk without towels toward the front door, you in the lead. Turning your head but being careful not to show your package you wave to the ladies down below, guys behind them gawking at your awesome body. To tease further you and Jon decide to turn in uniform, fully showing your naked packages. The girls oogle and blow kisses before the two of you laugh and walk back. ?You owe me, Clayton,? you shout, proud enough not to need any kind of payback for the dare.

?We're fuckin' BEASTS!? Jon shouts as he slaps your ass. You take a shower and throw on your briefs and another pair of clean gym shorts, throw on your shoes and another cut t-shirt. Yes, it's good to be the big, bad jock, you think to yourself smiling. Looking around at your teammates you're reassured in your friendship and kinship with your fellow jocks, too. They may vary in personality and athleticism but together you share the camaraderie of being jocks.

Jon gives you a light shove against the locker as he drops his towel and begins pulling out his clothing. As you watch the naked quarterback get dressed slowly, deliberately strutting himself as long as he can, you wonder if it's your athleticism that brings you and your friends to be so suavely cocky. Four years ago you wouldn't have really cared to be naked, but now it's not only second nature, it's something you thrive on, and you earn a lot of attention and respect for doing so.

?So, which of the ladies are you taking home tonight?? you ask as Jon ties his shoes. ?I fucked a guy last night,? he says casually, not caring if anyone judged him over such a statement. ?One of the cheerleaders?? you ask back, surprised at his blunt answer. ?Yea man, that one junior, Drake? He loved taking it up the butt. Cindy was right there with him. She stepped in as soon as I was done with him. One dude followed by one chick. Probably the craziest thing I've done...? he answers grabbing his backpack. ?Jesus,? you say, astounded, ?what was it like?? ?It was sex!? he answers back cockily, ?it's a place to deposit some sperm and orgasm, that's it. Tonight it'll probably be Cindy and Kendra if I get them both. That Kendra is an elusive fox, makes me want to hunt her down more and more.?

As the two of you leave the locker room and carpool home, you check out the high school that is your domain, your rule of the world. The hot, dry air feels good on a night like tonight. High fiveing fellow jocks on the track team you wind your way to the parking lot and see a group of nerds, also seniors, rolling some dice on the ground as they play their nerdy card game at a nearby picnic table. Most of the time you consider yourself a nice guy, but these dweebs were too much of a fun opportunity to pass up, so you give them a visit.

?What's up duudes?!? you say innocently as they conspicuously put their game away, hiding it. ?Nuthin'...? they murmur, hoping you'll leave them alone. They try not to look at you, intimidated by your presence, but you stand there smiling, and as you notice them look at you, you feel a certain amount of admiration and jealously flow from them, giving you too much pride. Jon drops his duffel bag in front of them and it lands on the table. ?I wanna play a game!? he shouts, walking around the nerds. ?What'll it be, Kevin?? he asks one of the nerds, a smart kid but socially awkward, with a bow cut of blonde hair and tiny specks. ?Nuthin, man, don't you have somewhere to be...?

Jon ignores him. ?Something a little personal,? he suggests, zipping open his bag, ?something called...? he slowly pulls out his dirty jockstrap as he stands right behind Kevin, ?Stuffed face!? Jon slams the jock into Kevin's face as he holds him into a headlock. The four other nerds scatter and run away while the helpless Kevin stays attached to the dirty jock. The kid struggles to no use. You feel bad for him and nod for Jon to let him go, giving the poor nerd a chance to breathe. ?You fuckin animal!? he says, between breaths. ?Fuck yea I'm an animal!? Jon responds laughing.

You grab Kevin's shirt as he tries to leave. ?Where you goin' buddy?? you ask, still asserting yourself while giving a good cop attitude. ?You're gonna be fuckin sorry one of these days,? Kevin said, ?You think you rule over me now, but it won't be long...? he says cryptically. You hold him for a moment longer, ?what do you mean?? you ask more seriously. Jon walks around, yanking off his gym shorts and showing a large boner under his boxers, ?I'll get it outta him,? he says, putting Kevin in another headlock and prying his jeans down to his knees. Jon was never bashful about his bisexual and domineering tendencies but you never knew him to be this savage.

In fear and anger Kevin shouts ?Fuck you! The Zets will have our revenge!? and you shove Jon to set the poor kid down. Holding him in place, you wonder what he means by that term. ?Zets?? Jon gives a look of frustration as he pulls back his gym shorts. Seeing others emerge from the high school you give him a look that you just saved his skin. ?Tomorrow...you'll...be....sorry,? Kevin says, and with that you let Kevin go as he runs away into the forest behind.

?What did he mean by that?? you ask Jon as he drives you back home. ?Fuck if I know, I coulda gotten him to tell you.?

Jon trails off as you think about the word he used, ?Zets.? Trying to find any connection to the Zets, you start to see online accounts of some type of pendant called Zets being used on Greek warriors. Searching through your old history books you find info on the mythology of the ancient Greeks and read about Kratos, the god of strength who carried with him a pendant of Zets. Realizing that the basic info won't be enough for you to understand what Kevin meant you delve deeper into the mythos of Kratos, who he was and what he did. You find that small tribes of the Greek peoples in island settings off the mainland believed that their warriors were not of their land, the land of the mortal, but from a distant plane of existence, one fueled by Kratos, the god. These warriors were immortal, strong, well-respected, and were distinctly identified by the diamond-shaped amulet they had inscribed into their chests. This wasn't simply a tattoo but an actual artifact that seemed to be a part of their bodies, and one that they could hide within their bodies or use on their chests as a weapon.

You go onto read about how the Kratos warriors often ruled the clans on the islands and for many years conquered and ruled neighboring lands using their powers. Reading over the material gets you excited about the prospect of living as one of these men many years ago. ?How incredible...? you think to yourself as you continue reading. The etchings of the men in the textbooks are truly spectacular, and accounts report that they were always naked. ?Sounds like me already,? you joke to yourself as you read over the powers that the warriors held, which seem to embody the control of every aspect of space and time, physics and biology. The entire mythos of Kratos himself was based around these Zets pendants. The pendants may have been extraterrestrial, or extra-universal, in such a way that to what the Greeks seemed as god-like powers were actual alien technology. Powers of some extraterrestrial race.

Forgetting about the mythical and impossible facts that the research alludes to, your mind drifts to what the nerd was talking about when he said ?you'll all be sorry.? ?Maybe he can summon a warrior using one of these amulets,? you think to yourself. ?I need to see if I can find one, if I can summon one myself,? and you sketch a copy of the diamond-shaped amulet to take to school for the next day.



Throughout the day you notice the nerd Kevin give both you and Jon longside and evil glances as he roams the school hallways. On the way to P.E. You even notice him suspiciously looking at you, following you as you walk to the locker room. Knowing something is wrong, you warn your football buddies Jon and Nate to leave school with you and head to the car before practice. ?I want to find that Kevin kid and see what the fuck he's all about,? you suggest. ?Shit yea, let's do it,? Jon agrees, ?we don't have practice till 4 anyway.?

At 3pm you follow Kevin to the locker rooms for the gym, for guys who weren't on any sports teams. You knew it would be empty as no one wants to hang around after school on a Tuesday, and assume that whatever Kevin is up to it's definitely no good. You signal for your buddies to wait and hide behind the staircase as you seal the door and peer at Kevin. He throws his backpack in a locker and quickly looks around before pulling off his shoes and socks. ?That punk's never changed in school before!? Jon notes, making an insulting point to note that the kid never gets naked unlike him or you. ?He's up to something,? Nate concurs, watching the nerd go down to his boxers before pulling out of his backpack two triangular shaped but elaborately carved rocks. Kevin examines them closely, weighing each rock in his hand with respect. ?That's the fuckin amulet,? you whisper, ?we gotta grab him now!?

The three of you quietly and briskly sneak up behind Kevin while still holding the rocks. ?Grab him!? you shout and Jon and Nate enthusiastically grab the nerd in both hands, causing him to drop the rocks. ?Fuck!!? he shouts, ?let go of me motherfuckers!? They back him against the opposite row of lockers and hold him in his place as he kicks and screams. ?HEEELP!? he shouts, but with the locker door sealed and no one in that corridor of the school, you know his pleas are futile.

?I read a little about the Kratos warriors last night,? you say seriously as Kevin continues to struggle. ?I knew that if we didn't come down here and investigate we'd probably regret it.? Trying to read Kevin, you can't tell if you're scaring him as he continues to fight his way out of your buddies' arm locks. ?You know I can't let you do anything that would hurt us. You'd only hurt yourself, and your school...? you try to reason as you want to figure out what this kid was up to. Tired of beating around the bush you ask him directly,

?Did you find a Zets amulet?? the words 'amulet' scare the kid and he freezes. Eyes wide Kevin simply says, ?No? as he stares at you in fear. ?Because if you did,? you answer, ?I can't let you summon some creature to come and hurt me. That wouldn't be very nice would it.?

You take a step back and cross your arms examining the kid. Looking down you see the two triangular rocks on the ground. ?This isn't the amulet is it?? you ask, picking them up and weighing each in your left and right hands. ?These rocks...what are they?? you ask, showing them to Kevin still wrapped by your buddies' arms.

?They're just...just rocks,? Kevin answers, trying to be as innocent as possible. ?Just something for geology class, now let me go!? he pleas. Ignoring him you continue, ?because, if you have the amulet, then I'd like to see it. Is this the amulet?? You hold up the rocks, reading the nerd so easily and surmising that you have the amulet.

Jon chimes in with a sinister smile, ?what is it?? he asks, ?what was this punk trying to do with it?? You answer, not trying to sound like too big of a nerd yourself, ?What he said yesterday struck me a little bit. He said 'we'd be sorry' which a nerd would never say without some sort of help. I thought he might have found something important that he could have used against us. Now I think I might be right...? ?What could this punk have done?? Jon asks. ?Could it...uhh...hurt us??

?I don't think it matters now that I have it,? you say, giving Jon and Nate a small smile. Turning your attention to Kevin, ?I thought the amulet was diamond shaped,? you say, comparing the two rocks. ?That you could summon...?

?Don't do it!? Kevin answers back desperately. ?Man, please don't do it, you won't let me live if you do it...?

?Do what?? You answer, looking back down at the rocks, smiling at the fact that you're finally getting the nerd to talk. Moving them around in your hands you realize putting them side by side turns the two triangles into a diamond. ?Oh shit,? you say, concluding the puzzle, ?this thing is the fucking amulet!? You admire the rocks as you realize what it is. ?What does it do if I put them together?? you ask Kevin.

Kevin is now nearly crying as his desperation overflows. ?I don't know, man...? he says, ?don't do it, please!? Jon gives him a light but tight punch to his gut to get to him talk. ?Answer him, Kevin!? he shouts. ?Argh!? Kevin yelps before answering, ?you...you become one of them, man! But please don't!? ?What do you mean one of them?? anticipating his answer, you start to get excited, ?wait...could it be true?? you think to yourself.

?A warrior! A warrior jeez no...now please don't!? Kevin continues to plea.

Your smile widens at his words. It is true! You can actually become an immortal and almighty being by putting together these rocks! What incredible power. As you slowly start to merge the rocks you begin having visions of these powers, of the muscular and naked splendor that these warriors beheld, of the powers they contained within them and could selfishly use for whatever they felt and desired. You would be the one and only warrior of this time, a newly formed and immortal being for the present world. ?Jesus...? you whisper as lusts and dreams encircle in your thoughts. You wouldn't only become a warrior, you would become the very powers that the god Kratos held within him, and more. You would become pure power.

?Trent,? Nate says, a bit confused and worried himself but still holding Kevin to the locker wall, ?what is that thing??

?It's power,? you answer as the visions clear from your head. ?Powers I'm about to gain.?

?Are you fuckin serious?!? Jon asks in excitement, actually believing you. ?Can I have some too??

?I think so,? you say. ?Dude,? Nate warns, ?watch out, you don't know what that thing can do...?

?Looking back up, reality seeping back in but realizing you're still in possession of the amulet you tell your buddies, ?hold that nerd there. I'm about to become a true god.?

?NOOO! No NOOO!? Kevin shouts again, struggling with all his strength but unable to move against your buddies who pin him against the lockers. Your hands shake in anticipation of the transformation you dream of having. You smile at Kevin and tell him, ?what? did you think you were capable of harnessing these powers? Of abusing them?? you ask him, showing him the rocks. ?What makes you think something like this will be bestowed upon you?! You practically told me, gave away, that you had the potential to gain these powers! But you're too late, you gave away the secret! And anyway you're mistaken, man. These powers weren't created for nerds like you. These powers are for someone like me. A man of masculinity. A man of strength.?

You speak almost channeling the warrior you feel you will become. You lift your shirt and show your six pack. ?Do you have one of these?? you ask him? ?Do you have the dick of a beast? If not then step aside, because I'm taking advantage of the powers of the gods. I am becoming one...? You laugh at the realization of your assertiveness, which you admit to yourself is silly. But who cares?

Knowing that the warriors were bare, and wanting to be in your natural state for the transformation, you pull off your t-shirt and drop it to the ground before kicking off your shoes, triangles held tightly in your palm. Smiling at your buddies, and making it apparent the transformation is about to happen to you, you pull off your socks and slide down your gym shorts, leaving you only in your briefs. Kevin stares at your already cut body with both respect and fear.

The tent in your briefs shows your excitement as Jon and Nate are still confused by what is to happen. But Kevin simply whispers, ?no? in sadness, sad that he didn't get to possess the powers first. ?Shoulda acted a little faster, nerd,? you say condescendingly. You walk close to him to make him particularly uncomfortable and with assertiveness say, ?Now I am going to become what you've always wanted, and you'll never get to have it for yourself.?

You look at the stones again and feel the powers of the warrior. The anticipation becomes too much, too pleasurable. You're body is going to become magnificent. You smile at your buddies as they and you anticipate the changes to come. You can feel the amulet almost speaking its power to you as you clutch it in your hands. ?You boys ready for this?? you ask your friends, glancing back at Kevin with an evil smile, ?fuck yea man!? Jon answers, ?let's fuckin do this!? Nate says nothing but nods his head in approval, hoping nothing catastrophic happens to him. You take a few steps back from Kevin and your buddies, enough for a view for all to see and take in. Turning back around you tell them ?You know what I always say? If you're gonna go all out, mine as well do it right!?


****************************

You slip your fingers under your briefs and feel your hard butt. Slipping your hand to your crotch you position your shrinking boner before casually, slowly push the briefs down to your ankles, bending your knees to get them down your legs before standing back up, showcasing your large and low package as you get completely naked. You pick up the briefs and toss them to Kevin's face as a joke. They slap him and land on the ground.

?Trent...? Nate warns, ?watch out man...you don't know what that thing can do.?

?I know all it can do. And what it will do to me,? you say, staring at the two pieces of rock as you move each one into your right and left hands. ?I just need to put them together.?

?Hurry up, man!? Jon encourages you in eager anticipation, ?let's do this before someone catches you!?

Kevin's screams have subsided to sobs as he accepts the unfortunate fate that you will become the warrior and he will be there only to witness. ?I can feel the powers beckoning me,? you say, arching your arms above your head you slam the stones together and let go. To your amazement the single amulet floats above your head, exudes a bright white light and begins spinning very quickly.

You don't even have time to set your arms down again before the spinning amulet begins spraying bright white electric bolts directly down onto your body, showering you with a wealth of powers your mind had never even comprehended before. ?Argh!? you scream as you bend forward, the powers pushing your body involuntarily as they integrate into you. You look down to see yourself rapidly changing, morphing into a new being. Your upper body immediately expands horizontally and vertically as new layers of muscle grow over your already cut body. Pecs grow out as abs form a complete and deep eight pack. Your back snaps back as your shoulders grow outward, new lines of sinew creating an extreme amount of muscular girth. You examine your biceps through the power-ridden light as they too grow out, new layers building upon themselves. Your forearms start to grow hair as it raises up your biceps, into your pits and over your chest. As a treasure trail grows down onto your waistband you feel your adonis belt grow out too, creating a deep V groove as your ass pushes a pronounced bubble butt, rock hard to match your muscular back. Soon your quads grow out as the hair covers them too, creating thick football like muscles over your legs. You look up at the guys and see them still holding Kevin, but all fascinated by the naked beast being born before them. ?I'm fucking grooowwwwing! YES!!! HAHA!? the muscular powers are too much, you're overcome by the love of the immortal warrior you are becoming. Soon your most powerful growth hits you as you feel your balls pulling into your body to begin their change. As you feel your testicles rid of your old mortal semen and turn it into something more, you notice the electric powers emerging over you give you bright flashes of transformative attractiveness. You begin to feel and read the minds of those around you, and understand that your witnesses can see you changing too under the bright cloud of power, but they see your mortal body become godlike under the powerful lights that cover you.

?Oh YES!!? you shout again as your package begins to weigh down, growing balls matching the growth of your body as your pecker too grows down and becomes large and strong. The sparks of electricity engulfing it only further grows and graces it with the powers of the warrior. As your body begins to finish it's biological and muscular growth the white light begins to darken to a gray, then a black ominous color as it clouds and forms a magnificent and dark energy circle. ?Powers...? you say as your voice deepens, knowing what is to come. The amulet descends into you as the powers it bestows shifts from that of muscular growth to that of actual power. Pure, unbridled, supernatural powers.

You begin to feel the powers of the amulet as it continues descending toward you. You begin to feel the powers as the cloud finds whatever orifice it can integrate itself as it climbs into your newly formed muscular body. You can feel your friends witness your power gaining as they see the outline of your immortal body through the gray cloud light and electrocute with pure power. Soon your mind leaves the confines of human thinking as you begin to understand everything known and ever known about the universe. As the powers integrate into the vessels that have become your new muscular body, you begin to understand what they do and how you can use and manipulate them. You feel the power of transformation, animate and inanimate, come into you, you feel the power of immortality, to survive not just time but injury of every sort. You feel the power of possession as you can take on whatever form you wish to possess whoever, or whatever, you wish. You feel the powers of mind control and reading, of ultimate stamina, of control of all matter from the subatomic level. You feel the power to share your powers or pass them onto others, or to drain mortals own lifeforce to further grow your own energy and power. You take your last needful breath as your lungs morph into a vessel for your powers, you blink your last organic eyes as they turn into the seeing instruments for the ultimate being. You see from and exist in all directions as you feel your body become a vessel for which to exist in this universe.

The amulet itself lodges into your chest as you scream with pleasure ?YEEEESSSS!? you scream as your voice deepens to an immense, masculine pleasure. ?HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!? you laugh as you assert your newly born self. ?I...AM...POOOOWEEEERRRRRR!? you shout as the black cloud of power bestows you with the last of its light, the last of its electric force and seeps into the amulet now engrained into your chest. With a dramatic and loud air, the cloud seeps into your body and leaves you there, a newly transformed and immortal specimen of the most perfect kind.

Still flexing your arms, you lower them and inspect your body. Every inch of it is perfect. You feel the powers within you. The transformation was in fact everything you dreamed and more.

You lift your feet and see a burnt imprint on the concrete below, what was leftover from your formation. You lift your head and smile at the three mortals ahead of you. ?Oh yea this feels good...? you say, smiling as you take two steps towards them. The three of them are not sure whether to be terrified or in awe, you can feel their thoughts racing in their heads as try to figure out what to do, but they're simply stunned and amazed by the beast before them. You feel Kevin come to his senses as he frees himself from his captors' grip, them too in awe to care about Kevin, and begin to run away. ?Where do you think you're going?? you say with a chuckle and, using your mind, you lift his feet off the ground and pull him magically back. He continues to try running but cannot as you drag him back to between your friends, them still inspecting the naked beast before them. ?Stay,? you say, and you bend the locker metal to form handcuffs and lock his hands into the metal. ?Don't move,? you order, forcing his limbs to become too weak to do anything as he helplessly struggles to undo himself.

?Dude,? Jon says taking a step forward, ?what...are you?? ?I am power,? you answer, feeling his awe of you, ?I am the amulet of power, and it is me.? Jon reaches his hand out to touch the amulet, and in doing so he connects to your mind and gets a mortal glimpse as to what it's like to be you. It's too much for him and he grows a large boner under his shorts. ?I want it,? he says, staring at the amulet, ?give me some of your powers, anything, I'll do anything!? he says, removing his t-shirt and kicking off his own shoes.

?Me too!? Nate answers, hypnotized by your beastly body. He steps next to Jon as he removes his gym shorts, showing the excitement under the boxers in the form of a long tent. You know you can transform them into whatever you wish, and you're tempted to feed your power of strength to them. Or you could posses them, or drain them of their own mortal strength.

Still thinking like a mortal, Jon looks back up to you, pleaing with his eyes to do anything to gain a chunk of your power. ?What do I need to do, man?? asking you desperately, ?should I get naked?! Just say it and I'll do it!? Nate adds, ?Whatever it takes man, yea, like Jon said, I'll do anything too. I don't need to be everything you are, just a little bit, man, just a little something.?

?What do we do with him?? you ask your buddies, pointing to the resigned but terrified Kevin, tethered to the lockers behind them. ?Whatever you want, man,? Jon says, distracted by your body. ?What do you want to do?! You're the boss now...?

You think to yourself, 'the big, bad jock finally got what he wants. I can do anything, do I really give the jocks the powers and we rule? Or do I thank the nerd who allowed me to become this god? And bestow my powers unto him?'

You look back to your friends and see their cut and sculpted bodies. These guys worked hard for what they earned, even if they were jerks about it. These guys are capable of being in the state that the powers require, which is unapologetic nudity. These guys are already sculpted and their powers will only further their physique. They can handle the powers better than the nerd, and after receiving the powers they will become prime demi-god servants.

You magically release Kevin's shackles and approach him, keeping him weak so he won't run away again. ?Look at me,? you say, and he raises his head. ?Do you like this body?? you ask. He looks you over and you feel his jealousy and sadness exude. ?What do you fuckin think?? he said. ?Do you want these powers?? you ask, stern as before. ?Fuck you!!? he shouts, spitting on your chest. You laugh. ?That's not the way to treat a god, I could have made you immortal.? You heat your chest to evaporate the spit and turn from him, reshackling him in the process. ?Okay, friends, time to become demi-gods.?

?Alright!? Jon shouts and Nate smiles. ?Let's do this!? You turn back around and face everyone, Kevin now struggling again to escape, ?this kid wasn't respectful of the warrior I am, time to show him who's boss...? ?NOOOO!? Kevin shouts again, but you seal his flesh over his mouth so he cannot speak. ?Take um off boys,? you say, ?let's gain some powers.?

In an equally enthusiastic swoosh, Nate and Jon remove their boxers and kick them to the far side of the room. Their anticipation of the powers they are to gain completely free them from any embarrassment of being nude. ?You're gonna be sorry little dude,? Jon says walking close to Kevin and giving him an evil smile. ?See you in a minute...? Jon walks back over and holds his arms at his side. ?Let's fuckin do this!!?

You dissolve yourself into a dark gray steam, dissolving until your body is no longer made of material and exists purely as a cloud of smoke. Equally controlling two waves of the steam, you work your way toward Jon and Nate, standing and ready for you to integrate your powers into them. You crawl over their bodies and up and over their heads, forcing them to turn around for Kevin to witness their transformations. After covering their bodies you begin crawling into all orifices you can find, climbing into their ears, nose, ass crack and pecker. As you crawl through their bodies you leave chunks of powers to integrate into their cells and transform them into the pure-power essence that now comprises your own essence. You withhold from them powers of possession and their own ability to spread powers, simply giving them immortality and the power to transform into any entity and consume the bodies of mortals. But as you leave your essence you control it to integrate into their cells, forcing their muscles to grow outward and become strong, immortal containers for their powers. Kevin watches in fear as the same muscular transformation that just happened to you now happens to two more jocks who are becoming equal to you in looks and stamina. Jon begins laughing at the transformation as his abs grow into an eight pack, his biceps bulk up and his pecs grow out like cannons. ?Fuck yea!!? he says, finally able to experience the transformation himself. Nate looks down at his blonde-hair covered legs and see them blow out like footballs, quads increasing in size as he gains more hair as he grabs his package for it to contort and grow to match his growing body. Both jocks laugh as they continue transforming in pure-power pleasure. Their backs crack, muscle grows, their asses grow out into a shapely and rounded bubble of steel, hair grows on their chests and down their treasure trail to their newly formed warrior packages. Their transformations become too much as they grab each other's shoulders their dicks begin to grow. ?Ohh!? Nate shouts as pleasure wraps over him. ?It's too much!? Jon smiles in pleasure as his balls pull tightly against his huge, muscular body, transforming his package into something otherworldly. You exit their bodies and form back in smoke that floats above the locker room, watching the men continue to change. ?HAHAHA!? they maniacally laugh as their bodies infuse their powers and their semen changes to their new godly selves. As their transformations end the naked jocks briefly check themselves out before turning their attention to Kevin.

With an evil smile Jon says, ?you're our's now, kid.? Kevin's shackles undo and he's lifted by the naked jocks and thrown onto the floor. Nate grabs Kevin's boxers and rips them in half before using his mind to force the nerds onto all fours on the floor. ?Please don't do this to me!? Kevin shouts as his glasses are kicked off by Jon's foot. The two jocks smile as they begin tugging their massive dicks. ?Time to consume the mortal...? Nate says as the two jocks strattle him on the front and back. ?Take it, nerd.? Jon commands as he shoves his dick in his mouth. Nate does the same from the rear and together, in unison, they begin pumping. ?You feel that?? Jon asks, smiling, ?our seed is going to be a poison to him, as soon as it enters him it'll dissolve him, and his lifeforce will be our's...?

?Fuck yea!? Nate says between gasps, ?I can feel it coming!? ?Yea, heh...? Jon continues, ?me toooo. Oh! Fuck yea...3...2...1....?

Together they blow their loads right into Kevin, he coughs once or twice but the pressure is too much and his body begins intaking the poison. The jocks keep themselves square on him, not moving an inch as they pump him full of their fatal seed. ?Watch him...? Jon whispers as the two jocks look with complete interest on their little lab rat.

Kevin's eyes roll back into his head as the black substance begins dripping from his mouth. His mouth opens as more of Jon's seed, a black oily substance leaks out of it. As his eyes roll into his head, leaving dark gaping holes, Kevin's body begins seizing as it shakes short, fast burst of seizure. His back snaps as it liquifies and he begins losing any hard mass that made up his body. His legs and arms give way to liquid, lifeless flab as his weight drastically reduces to a black liquid. The jocks keep his body propped with their hard cocks as the body's skin begins breaking into deep cuts across his back, ass, arms and legs. Oozing out of his body, it completely begins to breakdown into the same black substance he was injected with, running and dripping over his skin before climbing its way back to its owners. ?Come to daddy...? Nate whispers as the black oil climbs back over his dick and into his pecker. ?Mmm...fuck yea...? Jon whispers as the same happens to him.

As the substance travels back into their bodies, the jock's balls begin growing as it takes in the liquid. Then it spreads throughout their bodies, increasing their muscle mass while giving them new levels of stamina they never before thought possible. ?OH YEA!? They shout together as the last of the body-turned-liquid climbs back into their own massive bodies. The jocks snap their backs back as they feel the last of it climb into them and open their eyes to see all that's left is themselves. ?Oh yea,? Jon says, ?we really are the fucking dominating beasts of our time...?

As the jocks'dicks die back down to flaccid states, you pull your steam back together into your warrior-like body and make yourself known to them again. ?Master,? Jon says, turning to you in his newly formed body, ?you've given us the gift of the immortals, what can we do to serve your will...??

You smile before casually answering, ?you already have, you have begun consuming the human entity. Now we will consume the humans, procreate, and create our own kind to take over and rule this planet once and for all...?


As I said this is probably the longest and sickest story I've done. My favorite part of TF fiction is the transformations themselves, particularly supernatural transformations. I wanted to get really detailed about a man becoming something god-like and all the details of that TF. I also wanted to explore characters, characterizations (though I know they're almost all stereotypes, except for Trent, perhaps) and what people might do if presented with this situation (fantasy). What would a jock do if he got this opportunity? If I were a jock I think I'd use the amulet.
Most of the time my stories involve nerds or just normal guys getting opportunities to transform, but this time I wanted the 'bad guys' to win. The guys who normally are the ones to dominate, to be the ones who would gain the powers and rule. Also, could I write a story where the reader likes the jocks? If told from the jocks' point of view? Would a reader want to be the jock and act on the same things that Trent does? Does that make us like him even though he's an evil guy?
On another note, I sometimes get criticism for the transformed becoming evil or powers to become so intoxicating that they corrupt he who uses them. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this. I guess that's why I decided to include a sex scene too, though it's purpose is to create yet another transformation sequence. And add to the evilness (but is it cool?) of the protagonists.

I sometimes wonder what a scene like this would look like on video, if you could make it using CGI and stuff. That would be pretty cool...

Would you like to see a sequel of some sort? How would you like it to go?

[rododoro3]

This reminds me a bit of Taking the Good (by Clarence591). You said you were into supernatural transformation fiction, so I suggest you check it out, since it's here on these forums.
Onto the story itself: Fantastic. I really like it, especially with the twist.
You make the very valid point that, although the jocks may be jerks, they still toil to keep their bodies into shape. Plus, I like how Trent offered to make Kevin a demigod too, but Kevin insulted him. It grants a sneak peek into the nature of the character, and, same as Trent, I don't think he would have deserved the power.
Thank you for a fun read

[Rarity]

Well. OK. That's one way to murder a guy, I guess. Most certainly not my cup of tea, but tolerable - THANKS JAPAN! ANYWHOZLE! You asked fo' critty-seesum, so youse gonna get it.

The ending felt really weird and seemed like the wrong reaction. If Kevin knew what was going to happen, he would have most certainly taken Trent up on his offer. . . Kevin wanted to have power, after all. Though he was probably looking for revenge rather than joining their ranks. Either way, it seems very improbable for that kind of character to basically ask to be killed. If he was scared and smart, chances are he should know the outcomes - while being scared would drive him to do anything in order to survive. Unless Kevin had a death wish. So either it's a twist executed awkwardly or just the bad plot device of "he did it because I said so instead of using a more realistic action so I could do this to him."

The writing was OK, but at the same time, the CYOC-like format was a bit bothersome to read. Some people like that CYOC-kind of style, but it's also a bit unorthodox. Usually it's best to speak from the character's perspective or pretend it's your own perspective. Paragraphs and dialogue could use a tiny bit reformatting, too. It's usually wise to break up each speaking part into it's own line. It makes it easier to read. It also means you don't have to use "blahblah said..." every line if it's only two people talking.

"FUCK YO COUCH!" I yelled. <- main character

"FUCK YO COUCH!" Trent yelled. <- main character or secondary characters

"FUCK YO COUCH!" You yelled. <- only if you want to put someone into the fantasy


It's an OK story. It is unique so I'm sure there are members who would enjoy what happened. I personally though it was just a tad bit unorganized. I kept finding myself rereading what I already read to see who was talking. It also had some unrealistic character-reactions. Yes, I know "unrealistic" sounds silly when we're talking about fiction. However, that does not mean we should forgo having realistic actions to make characters seem, well, more real. Otherwise they just seem like boring paperdolls with muscles. You mentioned something like that already, so my guess is that was your aim? Dunno. Some people like that for whatever reason, so meh.



Buuuuuuuut that's the magic of criticism. You can read the criticism, then reread your own work to see if it's true or not. You can still write whatever you want, since writing something you love is more important than pleasing others. That doesn't mean you should skip over organization so people can read it easier.

[js44]

Hey thanks to both of you I appreciate the feedback. I'm glad you found it fun, rododoro, and thanks for the criticism, Rarity. A few of your comments got me thinking, figured I'd chime in on a few things:

I'm torn on the murder too. I hadn't done that in a story before except for one time which met with similar criticism. I debated what I would do with the Kevin character. I haven't written any sequels or anything yet, but it got me thinking if the character was actually murdered or not. I suppose because the end might not yet be written, he doesn't necessarily have to be gone. But that particular demise in this scene can be offputting or polarizing.

You're right about Kevin's reaction, it's probably out of place and a plot hole of sorts, filled in haphazardly to get to the next part, which was his demise. I agree with you there. I wonder what would have been a better reaction to lead to the same demise for him in one form or another? Or, maybe that shouldn't have happened to him at all. No matter, what's written is written, I agree with your conclusion.

Using "you" is a new thing for me. When I first drafted it I thought about including as a CYOC-like storyline, but it got too long and detailed for me want to include any "choose your own" choices there. At times I like the "you" but I could see how having Trent narrate the story himself would be a better choice too. Again, that was a pure writing experiment on my part, will probably shy away from that in any future stories.

The dialog paragraphs are a bad formatting choice by me in an attempt to keep the story from being too long, as in: you have to scroll too much. That can probably be edited, I may try to do that.

I think a number of writers in the community might say it's hard to make more complex characters when the meat of the stories here are about the TFs themselves, or other more provocative scenes. That, in a way, can degrade the writing itself, some readers are just looking for the meat of the story anyway. But you present a really good challenge, I think, which is to make really compelling, individualistic and creative characters regardless of the story, whether it be about lovers lifting together or a bully overtaking a jock or a dad possessing a son or any other story that, in itself, is often seen here. Would you mind elaborating on that more? What specifically would you have liked to see?

From a creative, or story sense, what is your cup of tea? I'm curious to know what the community enjoys reading as I think that these "supernatural/alien/superpower" stories are in the minority anyway. But maybe that's not what you were implying.

Thanks again.

[Rarity]

Originally Posted by js44

I'm torn on the murder too. I hadn't done that in a story before except for one time which met with similar criticism. I debated what I would do with the Kevin character. I haven't written any sequels or anything yet, but it got me thinking if the character was actually murdered or not. I suppose because the end might not yet be written, he doesn't necessarily have to be gone. But that particular demise in this scene can be off putting or polarizing.

Murder is OK if done right. If the guy is genuinely a piece of shit, then people will be glad he's dead or put in a fate worse than death (see: The King from Tekuno's story "A Word Out Of Place" or Vincent from my story "A Strange Fate"). At least you can still d several things regarding Kevin.

Disney Ending: He somehow comes back even better than ever and they all become friends. Wait. What?

Funny tweest: Kevin now makes up a small fragment of each of the jocks. So he has partial control over their minds and bodies, which leads to the Jocks having a really bad time.

Tweesty Tweest: Kevin is a part of the jocks, he ruins their bodies completely, and combines them all to reform a new muscular body for himself. Thus trapping them forever within his new body until he decides they have enough. Or they can just be dead.

Ezy Pzy: Guuuuuuuuuuurl, he gonna stay dead.

Those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure there's more outcomes. The death itself is only a tiny bit off putting, describing it however is what takes the cake. Luckily there are some people on this site who love twists just because they're twists - no matter how offputting it may seem. Or there are some who just love torture or snuff. Meh. Whatever floats their goat on a boat in a moat.

Originally Posted by js44

You're right about Kevin's reaction, it's probably out of place and a plot hole of sorts, filled in haphazardly to get to the next part, which was his demise. I agree with you there. I wonder what would have been a better reaction to lead to the same demise for him in one form or another? Or, maybe that shouldn't have happened to him at all. No matter, what's written is written, I agree with your conclusion.

Well you can reach the same conclusion without sacrificing "realism" or any other part of the story. Trent could have just been an asshole by deciding to kill Kevin regardless. Having Trent wanting to do it would be better, because Kevin would be helpless and his reaction would be more warranted since he knew he was dead either way.

Don't worry about it. All plots aren't perfect. This one isn't horrible, but it could use a little dusting. I had to rewrite some of my stories just to come out with a better conclusion. I personally try to shy away from murder since it's easier to keep a character alive than to explain how they came back (if I need them again). Unless, of course, it's a part of the plot for him to die and come back somehow. . . Or stay dead.

Originally Posted by js44

The dialog paragraphs are a bad formatting choice by me in an attempt to keep the story from being too long, as in: you have to scroll too much. That can probably be edited, I may try to do that.

People honestly do not care if a story is long; assuming it has substance in the words. A good number of X's or LondonBoy's stories are pretty lengthy, but people enjoy reading the hell out of those stories. Basically, just deliver the goods in the form of muscle growth, sex, or a character developing event - bam, your story is golden.

I tend to write a lot by accident. As you might see by this post.

Originally Posted by js44

I think a number of writers in the community might say it's hard to make more complex characters when the meat of the stories here are about the TFs themselves, or other more provocative scenes. That, in a way, can degrade the writing itself, some readers are just looking for the meat of the story anyway. But you present a really good challenge, I think, which is to make really compelling, individualistic and creative characters regardless of the story, whether it be about lovers lifting together or a bully overtaking a jock or a dad possessing a son or any other story that, in itself, is often seen here. Would you mind elaborating on that more? What specifically would you have liked to see?

It's not about complex characters, and is actually easier than it seems. People just want characters with some form of personality. It's a character's reaction to something that actually flesh out his/her personality without having to directly do it. I could constantly tell you a guy is nice and timid. Or. . . I can show you through his actions. I could have other characters describe the nice/timid guy from their point of view. Reactions for a character need to be consistent and must take everything THAT particular character knows into consideration. This way, the reader can form their own conclusion regarding that character's personality. The best part is you don't have to type a lot of stuff to describe his personality.

You could start with a stereotype and build from there. You could mention a character's looks in detail and give a small blurb about their personality - but then stay away from mentioning their personality. Basically it's the "you told us, now show us" routine. In short, you get to make a "complex" or realistic person by keeping their personality consistent. It's something I learned with years of roleplaying (well, it was more like continuous stories) for Fire Emblem stuff.

Now Fire Emblem.
Dem games.
Those guys know how to flesh out characters by using only dialogue/actions.
2pro4me2handle

Originally Posted by js44

From a creative, or story sense, what is your cup of tea? I'm curious to know what the community enjoys reading as I think that these "supernatural/alien/superpower" stories are in the minority anyway. But maybe that's not what you were implying.

The part where the abusive jocks get all the power, and then murder the kid they have been oppressing for (what I assume to be) years = not my cup of tea. I am not bothered by it, but at the same time it's just not satisfying to read. If torture/death has a purpose or is warranted, SUUUUUUUUUURE! If it happens to a person who doesn't deserve to be killed, NOPE.AVI. Unless it's for the sake of character development. . . Which usually can't be done if someone is dead for good.

Again, I'm not bothered by it, but I could imagine others would find it unsettling. Or they might enjoy it since it's different. I personally find acidic/toxic semen to be funny as all hell. FREEZE, DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU WITH THIS THING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The description of Kevin being raped and slowly melted from the inside out on the other hand. . . Not so funny.


Supernatural/superpower are actually very common things woven into stories around here.

Supernatural = a guy grows with magic, or stories with ghosts, demons, werewolves, etc.
Superpower = any feat of strength, especially humanly impossible feats
Alien = minority, but still interesting to read about

Anything goes for growth, really. So you eventually learn to love all the flavors of tea. However, there are still some flavors that remain bitter.

[tekuno]

As far as the creepy aspect goes, well, if people don't like it they don't have to read it. You did put a warning up top about it, after all. But since you've actually asked about it: I do find it kind of creepy that, basically, the bad guys win AND basically torture and kill their long-time victim. But what's a bit more disturbing is that this ended with, in essence, "okay, that was fun, so let's go commit genocide" and this is specifically titled as "Part 1". Eeeek!

[rododoro3]

Ahem.
I really dislike challenging peoples' opinions and arguing with them bec-
Who am I kidding? I'm as much of a dick as the next person, provided the next person is a dick.
Is killing Kevin wrong?
For some people, muscle growth > murder.
I recall a cyoc storyline in which a guy managed to evolve his body, then snuck around possessing hot guys, making them gay, and turning them into a hive mind.
This reminds me of quite a few stories, namely "Virus", at A Growing Concern.
I have to agree with Rarity on this one, though. Kevin and Trent's relationship could've been fleshed out better, and the scene in which Kevin turns down the power doesn't make much sense.
It would be much more compelling for readers if Kevin was a sneaky little shit who got what was coming to him. As in, he wasn't a geek himself, he tormented the other geeks, stole stuff, was generally a douchebag (Vincent from A Strange Fate, one of my favorite stories on this site, written by Rarity).

Hmm.
My conclusion is, for this to be a good ending, Trent needs to be nicer, Kevin needs to be meaner.
Of course, not all endings are good. The jocks CAN abuse their power, killing everyone on earth, and becoming towering muscular specimens, all sharing a single mind.

But is that the way YOU want the story to work out?

[Mdlftr]

JS44,

Since you really are interested in feedback on this work as an actual story with commentary on the characters, I'll give you some. I had to think about this, because at first glance, the story is perfectly "adequate."

It has all the usual trophes:

-stereotypic characters - muscled jocks and weak, brainy nerds
-an ancient, mysterious source of power
-muscle growth scenes
-sex, usually gay, but some heterosexual leanings for variety
-A majority of the characters are male, and they have names like "Josh" or "Kevin" or "Brain" - something Anglo-Celtic.
-The big athlete is a blond with blue eyes. He and all his friends are prodigiously endowed and they get lots of sex.

This is all perfectly "adequate." It is what the readers of a muscle growth forum expect, and it delivers. It's o.k. a very respectable effort.

Where it gets interesting:

The expository internal soliloquy where the main character, Trent, shows a bit of introspection while he thinks about this time in his life. He's young, popular, doing well in school, the world is his oyster. He is part of the "in" crowd and he's happy with that. The self review is interesting. The particular details are not.

The death of Kevin. Kevin is a cardboard figure. He is the deus ex machine where our narrator finds out about the amulet of power. His defiance before dying is so lightly drawn that it is almost meaningless. It seems to serve no purpose except to give sustenance and muscle matter to the two subservient jocks. Quandry: then how can Trent grow big without similarly sucking up matter from somewhere? This is an inconsistency in the rules of this story.

What could make this story more interesting:

1. Questions - Does Kevin's death mean anything? Will Kevin's essence or soul come back to influence Trent or his friends?
2. Will there be a price to be paid for becoming a huge, ancient muscle alien? Is there any foreshadowing of this? [Note: right before Kevin died, he could have blurted something out about not wanting the power of the amulet because of the "terrible price" whatever that might be. Consider exploring that aspect of the plot.]
3. Trent seemed to be a pleasant, self-introspective enough person at the beginning of the story. What happens to that? Does he become flat and one-dimensional?
4. Is there any conflict with these characters other than taking over the human race? Why do we care about them?

While thinking about this story of yours, I thought about "A Storm of Swords," which is the 3rd book in the series on which HBO's "Game of Thrones" is based. There are a lot of characters. Most of them are unpleasant, nasty, greedy or boring. The most interesting character is a maimed dwarf, who is funny and smart and doing his best to stay alive. He seems like he might also have some honor and decency, but the jury's still out on that.

Characters make a story, unless the gimmick is something else, like the plot. Since these stories are often fap-fests, the muscle growth, as well as the muscle and sex and seduction scenes are what people are looking for. The stories with character studies, like many of JP71's works, are relatively rare.

These comments are offered in a sincere spirit of answering your request for feedback. Thank you for writing.

Mdlftr

[andromediavirgo]

tbh, think I've seen far less critiques about the termination of a character in a story when the description was far more glorious and graphic. It was interesting and at least it wasn't blood all over the place and what not I suppose.

There's always a choice not to read a story if you don't like the content of the story.

[bulknola]

I thought mdlftr's comment about GoT on HBO was particularly interesting. The dwarf is by far the most interesting character in that series. We dont if its entirely honor, self-preservation, empathy, etc that drives him. I think the primary jock's introspection toward the beginning, coupled with his intellectual curiosity could provide some interesting further angles for development. I also seemed to remember one of his thoughts being, "usually, I am a nice guy, but ..." towards the beginning too.

I guess where I go with this is the guy now has ultimate power ... So now what? If he succumbs that easily then he would seem to be flat or lack will and in my mind it can become a flat plotline after that. If his psyche becomes split because of some retained humanity or he battles with being taken over by the spirit of Kratos and there is struggle, that's more interesting kind of like Louis in Interview with the Vampire. I think things that are interesting are conflict, struggle, and character weaknesses. We don't really know if Trent had any before the amulet and he became one.

The other loophole is if the Zets/Kratos are immortal, why are they not around still? Why does only the amulet survive? Something happened between antiquity and now to cause the amulet to be lost, found, and used again.

Just some thoughts ... I did like how the death scene was hemorrhagic. It's an interesting way, and pretty painful way to go, a la Indiana Jones or Ebola. Is there a point to why you chose that other then the obvious sexual imagery used?

[BigBen]

Hot as fuck. I love these kinds of stories and would have loved to see what would happen if Kevin used the amulet. Can't wait for part II!

[MuscleHintz]

Huh. This story has opened up a lot of really good discussion. I feel like putting in my two cents.

It seems like most of the readers are recognizing the author's independence in writing his story. That is good. A story is always a gift, and should be treated with gratitude even if it defies one's tastes.

The plot definitely takes an incredibly generic introduction (intelligent handsome jock, dumb jock friends, nerds who want power) and turns into something much more interesting and disturbing. You've said that you're really interested in the transformation sequences, which is rather depressing because to be honest I'm very intrigued with how you are going to continue the character development and conflict here over "who's going to become God next?"

God stories are always hard to pull off because there's very little to write about once the character has attained Godhood. He can destroy the world. He can fix all problems. He can torture his enemies or reward his friends. But he can't be an interesting person, because at that point the story has reached its conclusion. The "Part 1" is interesting because it would be very difficult to actually continue this plot without robbing the main character of his power or following through with a generic world take-over. That being said, you CAN pull it off, but it's going to be something very few authors have done. That will only make you even better if you do it!

[Aronymous]

More please !