The T’Poxsod

[deadpool8111]

Michael is a loving husband and father. Mike, 40, is in good shape weighing at 200 pounds at 6’1” with jet black hair and brown eyes. He is a cop and a homophobe due to growing up in a Christian and republican household. Mike got offered a job as a sheriff in a small town and accepted it. His family didn’t like it being so sudden but it did help that they get a free house and a pay raise out of it. Marie, Mike’s wife, wasn’t too affected because she is a traveling nurse meaning she goes anywhere in the country that needs nurses. She can be gone months at a time. Charlie, the oldest son 18, was the most upset because he would be leaving all his friends. He took most after his dad, having black hair and brown eyes at 6’0” weighing 180 pounds of lean muscle. Jacob and Joseph, the twins 17, weren’t too upset as they make friends really fast and as long as they have each other, they are fine. They were the opposite of their dad, more like their mother, at 5’10 weighing 170 with blonde hair and blue eyes.


Week later- New House


“I think it’s time to christen this house” Mike said as he undressed to his boxers revealing his muscular hairless torso.

“No, I’m not in the mood” Marie said.

“But it’s been a week” Mike pleaded.

“No means no” Marie said.

“Fine” Mike said as he went to bed.


Morning- Sheriff’s Station Mike’s First Day of Work


“Hey, you must be the new sheriff, the names Alex”

“Mike, you must be one of my deputies”

“Correct” Alex said.

“So where’s the other one?”

“He usually comes in late”

“Well that’s going to change”

“What are you going to do? Spank him?” Alex said in a sexy voice.

“What no” Mike said.

“Too bad, you would make a good daddy” Jeff teased while feeling Mike’s pecs.

“Get off of me. Listen, I don’t mind gays unless they hit on me. So in this station, we will only act professionally. I will pray for you” Mike said.

“Yes sir” Alex and a new voice said.

Mike turned around and said “You must be Jeff”

“Yes I am”

The phone rang and Mike picked it up and then looked at his deputies “I need to go, are you two okay here” Mike said as he hung up the phone.

“Yes we will be” Alex said as Mike left the station

“So shall we?” Jeff said.

“Of course” Alex said as he took off his shirt.

Jeff and Alex and started to make out and Jeff started to kiss/lick Alex’s broad chest. Jeff then found his way to Alex’s bulge; he pulled down the pants to free the 9 inch cock. Both of them not wearing any underwear.

“Oh that’s it Jeff. Too bad the new sheriff is straight unlike the last one” Alex moaned as Jeff sucked on his cock, “Now”

Jeff stood up as Alex took off his remaining clothes. They kissed as Alex lies down on the Sheriff’s desk. Then Jeff pulled down his pants, freeing his 10 inch cock. He started to fuck Alex continuing the tradition to pound Alex at least twice a day. Alex moaned like he usually does but they have been going at this for three years so they didn’t need to communicate. They just know each other. After 10 minutes of fucking, Jeff pulled out and they exploded all over Alex’s torso.

“I love you” Alex said.

“I love you too” Jeff said as they kissed.


The High School


“Well see you guys later” Charlie said as he left for class.

“Too bad that we don’t have the same classes until lunch” Jacob said.

“Yeah well see you at lunch, off to gym class” Joseph said.

Joseph went to the locker-room to change and when he was shirtless a voice said, “Nice bod”.

Joseph turned around seeing a fit man his age with silver streaks in his black hair “Umm thanks?”

“Troy Smith, I’ve been sick all week. May I touch?”

“I guess” Joseph said as Troy touched Joseph’s abs.

Joseph got a whiff of something and was turned on. He didn’t think he was gay but he did stuff with his twin once in a while but lately his dad was cracking down on masturbating so they didn’t do anything lately.” Troy then moved his hands to Joseph’s bulge.

“What are you doing?” Joseph said.

“Feeling up your package, It seem like you have a nice dick” Troy said as pulled down Joseph’s shorts and briefs down and put the hard 8 inch cock into his mouth.

“Oh yeah” Joseph moaned.

Joseph could tell that Troy does this often as he sucks on his cock. Not long after, Joseph exploded into Troy’s mouth, “Wow you were pretty good”.

“Thanks, would you return the favor?” Troy said

“But the coach” Joseph said.

“I don’t think he be a problem” Troy winked as he pulled down his pants and Joseph got down on his knees.


Mike’s House- Night


“You know we still have to christen this house” Mike said getting in bed.

“I’m still not feeling it honey, I’m sorry” Marie said.

“Is it me?” Mike said.

“No it’s me, with this move and going to New York City tomorrow for a month; I’m just tired and need rest” Marie said.

“I understand. Good night and love you”

“Love you too” Marie as they went to bed.

Meanwhile, Jacob was asleep but Joseph was up, jacking of, thinking about Troy.

Jacob heard some moans and woke up, “Joseph what are doing?”

“Jacking off, don’t worry about dad. Come here and play”

Jacob smelled something and was rock hard now. He went over to Joseph’s bed and they got into 69 position.


The High School-Coach’s office- 3 Sexless Weeks Later


“You wanted to see me coach” Charlie said.

“Yes Charlie, I need you to get a physical”

“Didn’t you get my papers?”

“No. They got lost. Luckily I’m also a doctor owning the local clinic. We can do one right now, I have all the equipment here.”

“I’m not sure, it doesn’t seem professional” Charlie said.

“Come on, I don’t bite. Besides if we waited to set up an appointment, you won’t be able to play the next game and we need you”

“Umm okay, only because the team needs me” Charlie said taking off everything except his jockstrap.

They went through all the regular physical stuff but Charlie thought it was weird that coach was touching him more than a usual physical. It was now time what Charlie dreaded the most, when they have to check the penis. Charlie got a whiff of something and when the coach was checking Charlie’s cock, Charlie’s worst nightmare happen, he got an erection. He closed his eyes in embarrassment but then he felt something wet on his 11 inch dick. He opened his eyes and saw his coach sucking him off.

“Oh coach don’t stop” Charlie moaned.

After 5 minutes, Charlie exploded into the coach’s mouth.

“Coach that was the first blowjob I ever had”

“Wait, you telling me that a strapping, good looking, star athlete with an 11 inch dick is a virgin?” the coach said.

“Unfortunately”

“Well we can’t have that, wait until you feel this” coach said as pushed Charlie onto his desk.

He grabbed his lube and took out his big 12 inch cock and lubed it up, “Just relax son, it will hurt at first but soon you will feel pleasure”

The coach then inserted his manhood into Charlie and started to fuck him. Charlie did as he was told and soon he was enjoying it.


Later at night


At 3:00 am Mike was woken up by some moans. He got up quickly in nothing but his boxers. He followed the noises and was surprised that it was coming from Charlie’s room and it was cracked open a little. He took a peek inside and was shocked at the site, his good son, Charlie, was fucking Joseph while Joseph sucking Jacob’s cock. He was about to shout at them but he took a whiff of something in the air and felt something move. He looked down and saw that a huge bulge was forming in his boxers. He took another whiff and his cock was completely hard. He slammed the door and his sons stopped. Mike smiled and pulled down his boxers releasing his 12 inch cock. He walked towards them and mounted Joseph as he commanded Jacob to continue what he was doing and Charlie to fuck him. Little did they know, Marie came home early and saw them having sex and was gone in a flash.

“Oh I so needed this” Mike yelled.

“Dad I didn’t imagine you liking anal sex let alone being gay” Charlie said.

“I’m not gay but your Mom and I are sometimes into kinky sex. This is a one-time thing guys, your mom and I didn’t do it in a while and I couldn’t stand it anymore and needed to release all this pent up sexual energy before I go crazy.” Mike said continuing to fuck his son.

They were doing this for another 10 minutes and Charlie was so turned on that he didn’t warn his dad that he was about to cum. Mike felt something warm exploded in his ass and immediately stopped. He was about to yell but instead collapsed on the ground.

“DAD!!!” The three of them yelled as they rushed to his side but was shocked what was happening to him.

Black hair started to sprout throughout his torso. His body started to release pheromones and his sons goat a whiff of it and started to jack off. Mike’s muscles then started to swell up and was getting taller. After a minute, the boys exploded, covering their dad in cum. Mike was now 6’5” weighing 250 pounds of pure muscle. His once hairless torso and clean shaven face was now covered in thick black hairs and thick stubble. His balls were now the size of tennis balls that hangs about half way of his new10 inch soft cock.

“Finally, the perfect host” Mike said.

“Perfect Host?” Charlie said.

“Yes my son. Thirty years ago our species, the T’Poxsod, came here to take over this world but in order to that, we must find the perfect host, the alpha so that he can awaken us. You see, in order to survive we must bond with a host. If it is a male host, we show them how pleasurable having sex with men is. They then make a subconscious decision to accept or deny us and if they accept, we go into hibernation since the bonding process it tiring. We survive on the cum that the host produces or from other men. If it is a female host or the male denies us, we die but the corpse releases a chemical, a failsafe, that makes them forget if they see us having sex.”

“Our dad would never accept that, he’s the straightest guy I know” Charlie said.

“Oh on the contrary, I always struggled with my true sexuality son but the T’Poxsod freed me from my struggle. So throughout the years we have been infecting everyone in this town with pheromones so that they would have sex with us so we can affect new hosts. The pheromones have a stronger effect in males if they don’t have sex in a while or are going through puberty; waiting until we find the perfect host” Mike said.

“Give us back our dad” Jacob and Joseph said.

“I’m hurt guys; I’m still your father. The bonding process is irreversible and besides who would want to get rid of the powers that the T’Poxsod gives us: increased muscle, strength, durability, and stamina of varying degrees depending on the type I choose to make you. In addition, each awakening gets at least gets one unique power, the perfect host gets three. Now enough of my babble and let me awaken you my sons.” Mike said grabbing Charlie and bending him over to fuck him.

As Mike started to fuck his eldest son, Jacob and Joseph bolted to the door, but Mike stopped them “Let me demonstrate my first unique power, pheromone control”

Mike used his power and the twins started to make out. After five minutes, Mike exploded into his son and he started to transform. He then went up to the twins and pushed them to their knees and they started to suck on Mike’s erect 15 inch cock and low hanging balls. By the time Charlie was finishing his transformation, Mike came again as Jacob and Joseph licked the cum off. They too started to transform and Mike looked at his new son; Charlie was now 6’2” weighing at 220 pounds. He was also hairy but not as much as his father. His balls were the size of tennis balls with a soft 8 inch cock.

“Thanks alpha for the making me a royal, a beta” Charlie said.

“Please son, I’m still your father, and you should still address me as such” Mike commanded.

“Yes father” Charlie said.

“Now feed on the cum that is on my hairy body, son” Mike said as Charlie licked his hairy muscle daddy clean. When he was done, Mike continued, “Let’s see how your brothers are doing”

As they turn, they found the new muscle twinks making out again. They are now 6’0” and 200 pounds, hairless with a six inch soft cock.

“Ahem” Mike said.

Immediately the twins stopped and stood up “Sorry my alpha”

“As I just got done telling Charlie, please still call me father or dad” Mike commanded.

“Yes daddy” the said in unison.

“Now rest my children, tomorrow we will start the invasion” Mike said as he walked out and fell asleep on his bed naked.


The morning- A motel outside of the town


Marie was in disbelief. Did they always have sex when she was gone? Not knowing what to do, she called her brother, Thomas.

“Hey sis, what’s up?”

“Not good Tommy, not good” Marie said.

“What happen?” Thomas said.

“It’s Mike, he’s gay and it’s bad; he brainwashed the kids too” Marie said.

“What do you mean?” Thomas said

“I saw Mike having incest with our kids”

“He did what? Does he know that you are back” Thomas said.

“No”

“Good, I’m coming down with our little brother, the private investigator to take down that son of a bitch”


The Sheriff’s Office- Day later


“Hey Alex, what is your wildest fantasy?” Mike said but Alex didn’t see the new Mike as only the awaken can see their true form unless they will it otherwise.

“What? Is that supposed to be funny, I thought we are supposed to work professionally” Alex said angrily.

“Screw what I said earlier we all guys here, I won’t judge” Mike said using his second unique power, knowing a man’s fantasy.

“Well, okay, my fantasy is stupid but it is having the sheriff, who is a muscle daddy in leather, fucking me doggy style.”

“Then today will be your lucky day” Mike said as he undid the illusion revealing his new look.

Mike was in his normal sheriff clothes but as soon the illusion was gone, he ripped off his clothes leaving himself in nothing but a leather harness connected to a cock ring with pierced nipples. Alex was speechless as he already exploded once just by looking at the hairy beast standing in front of him but was instantly hard a second time. Mike came up to him pushed Alex onto the sheriff’s desk. Mike, using his strength ripped a hole in Alex’s pants revealing his asshole. He then started to eat Alex’s ass and found that it was already stretched. Mike then proceeded to fuck Alex without any lube.

“Oh yeah, fuck me Mike” Alex yelled.

“What do we have here” an excited voice said.

Mike turned around and saw Jeff stroking his 10 inch cock fully clothed.

“It’s about time. Come here and kiss me” Mike said.

They both kissed as Mike continued to fuck Alex. Evan, Thomas and Marie’s little brother took some pictures of them having sex and left quickly. Little did Evan know, Mike noticed him right away. After 5 more minutes of fucking and making out, Mike exploded two streams into Alex as he took it out and Jeff immediately took the cock into his mouth to swallow his favorite food, cum. Then they collapsed on the floor, convulsing as the transformation started to happen, with Mike smiling.

Jeff and Alex clothes started to expand and started to rip revealing a newly hairy torso. Soon their clothes were completely shredded but they didn’t care. Jeff was now 6’2” weighing at 240 pounds while Alex was now 6’1” at 230 pounds.

“It’s about time alpha, I always wanted to be an Omega, the warrior” Jeff said.

“My alpha, did you notice that someone was taking pictures?” Alex said.

“Yes I did, he is my younger son-in-law and best friend, Evan which means that my Marie knows I have been having sex with men. Now, my omegas help me find this man, my oldest son-in-law, Thomas. I will take care of Evan.” Mike said as he handed him a picture of Thomas.


The Motel


“I can’t believe it” Marie said weeping as Evan showed them the pictures.

“That son of a bitch” Thomas said, “I’m going to kill him”

Thomas grabbed his car keys and left, Evan didn’t know what to do.

“Go follow your brother and make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone” Marie said

Thomas was speeding so to keep up with him, Evan was speeding too. Unfortunately the police sirens went off and Evan had to pull over. He waited patiently until the cop knocked on the window. Evan pulled down the window and saw that the officer was very hairy with nipple rings, wearing a leather vest with crotch less chaps showing his massive cock.

“Why it’s good to see you Evan” Mike said.

“Hey b-buddy, how’s it going” Evan said nervously as he got out of the car.

“I know why you are here”

“What happen to you bro” Evan said.

“Oh this, I can give you this body” Mike said flexing.

“What makes you think I would like to have that body” Evan said.

“Oh give me a break, Evan, How long have we known each? Thirty years? I’ve always known deep down that you had a crush on me ever since you saw me. Oh also I found some muscle fitness magazines underneath your bed. Let me make your fantasy come true, you and me together” Mike said smiling.

Mike ripped Evan’s clothes off leaving nothing but his boxer briefs. They kissed and Evan immediately gave in without Mike using any pheromones. As they kissed, Mike lifted him up and set him in down on the hood of Evan’s rental car.

“As you know I grew up in a very homophobic household. Ever since I was little, I buried my gay thoughts so much that I convinced myself that I was straight. Later they manifested in the form of me receiving anal sex with your sis fucking me with a strap on. After the first time I saw you when I was 15, I subconsciously made the decision to go out with her so I can be closer to you. We became so close that you were my best man at the wedding. Recently, somebody showed me my true self and made me realize that you are my soul mate, my equal.” Mike said and he kissed him.

Evan thought he was in a dream but then he then felt something entering in his ass, “Oh yes Michael, don’t stop, harder. I love you”

Mike obeyed his soul mate and after five more minutes of ecstasy, Mike emptied into Evan to begin the transformation. After it was complete, Evan was truly Mike’s equal. They are the same height, weight, hair amount etc. The only difference is their faces and their hair color, Evan’s being dark blonde contrasting Mike’s black hair.

“That was amazing, thank you for making me your equal Mike” Evan smirked standing up as they kissed.

Mike broke from the kiss and said “Please fuck me Evan”.

“My pleasure” Evan said as they got into position and shoved his new 15 inch cock into his lover.


The Church


Marie decided to go see the local priest during confessional hours.

“What is my child” the priest said.

“Father I don’t know what to do. My husband has sinned and I don’t know what to do about it” Marie said.

“My child, why don’t you talk to him, maybe you can show him the light” the priest said.

“You think so?” Marie said.

“Yes my child. You can find him at the bar; he was just here an hour ago. Now go and god bless you” the priest said.

Marie exited the box, happily. 'Maybe he came here for to be forgiven his evil thoughts and we can be a family again' she thought. Marie then passed a tall muscular man, no more than 17 years old, going into the confessional.

“What is it my child” the priest said to the guy.

“I need cum. Long live the Alphas” the guy said.

“Then I will give it to you Troy. Long live the Alphas” the priest said.

The wall between them moved revealing that the priest was naked and Troy started to suck the priest’s cock.


The Bar


Mike and Evan, both wearing the same leather vest outfit, went into the bar as they got a call from Jeff that Thomas was there. Mike locked the entrance and pointed to the patrons signaling to get ready for a “party”.

“Hey there big brother” Evan said.

“Hey Ev- What the hell happened to you” Thomas said.

“Mike happened” Evan said.

“What” Thomas said confused as some patrons grabbed him. The patrons suddenly grew bigger, “What the-”

“You see unawakened people can’t see our true form unless we will it” Mike said, “Evan and I have been talking and we are thinking that you should be the first delta, basically a cock and cum slut”

The patrons took Thomas to the pool table and laid him on his back holding him down as Evan came up to him stoking his cock.

“Little brother please don’t let them do this to me” Thomas pleaded.

“Sorry big brother but this is payback for all the time you made fun of me. Don’t worry bro, soon you will be loving this” Evan said as he shoved his monster tool into his big brother.

Thomas cried out it pain but Evan released his pheromones to help him relax. In 5 more minutes, Evan exploded into Thomas and he started to shake. Soon, Thomas was awaken, he was now 6’4” weighing at 240 pounds and hairy.

Meanwhile, Marie found that the bar was closed with the shades down but she could hear loud noises coming from the inside. She saw a note on the door saying that the backdoor was opened. She then went to the back and as she opened the door, she saw that there were musclemen fucking someone on the pool table. She quickly closed the door and was about to bolt but were stopped by Jeff and Alex.

“Let me pass” Marie said.

“Sorry but the alphas wants to see you” Jeff said grabbing her as Alex then opened the door and went inside.

“My alphas, the bitch is here” Alex said.

“Don’t you call her that, she will be the first mother. But I will keep my word that you two can suck the alpha’s cock, Evan” Mike said.

“Thank you alpha” Jeff and Alex said in unison going to Evan.

“EVAN, no” Marie yelled.

“Don’t worry sis, mothers are treated very well” Evan said as Jeff and Alex started to suck on Evan’s cock and balls.

“Why” Marie said.

“There’s no why, I just found my true self. Just like your brothers” Mike said as he stepped aside revealing Thomas getting double fucked with three cocks in his mouth as he gives two people hand jobs while someone was feeding off of him.

“TOMMY”

“Tommy can’t hear you, he’s totally into it and his mind is only saying two things, cock and cum. You see he is now a delta meaning that cocks and cum was all he can think of unless I make him a delta prime. After my people have been awakened they can only survive on cum. The more we aged, the more and more cum we need and we can’t conquer a planet with having sex all the time just to feed. The delta’s job is to produce special cum that can fill us up and then we can have sex for pleasure. Back on our home planet, we had a lot deltas and a weak army but as technology got more advance we found a way to have less deltas but it was too late and we destroyed the planet. So we spread out throughout the galaxy to survive.” Mike said.

“What will you do with him?” Marie said.

“Usually, we hook up the delta’s body to a machine that keeps him nice and hard. We put a tube on his cock so when he cums, the cum gets bottled up to be used later. Delta’s are usually opened for the public to please but since he’s family and I’m forgiving, I will make him a delta prime meaning that he would still have his mind and he would be the alphas’ sex butler. Now Jeff and Alex take her to the facility” Evan said.

“What are you going to do to me” Marie said as is being dragged by Jeff and Alex.

“You will be like a Queen, doing and getting anything you want as long you stay in your nice room. Your only job is to breed with us.” Mike said as Marie was dragged off in disbelief.


Author's Note:
Thank you for reading my story. Please give me some feedback. If you would like me to continue this story please tell me ideas or what you would you like to see. Also if you have any ideas for stories please tell me and I MIGHT write them free of charge.
Thanks

[howardbeatman]

"a homophobe due to growing up in a Christian and republican household" - you are an insulting bigot - the phrase isn't even said by a character in the story, it's in your own author's voice!

[nnnrg]

Interesting story. I read it first on NCMC. It fits the theme there, "cursed males".

Downsides first:

I don't really like the mistreatment of the guy's wife - for them to get married at all, they had to be friends to some degree, or at least compatible. I didn't find the justification of 'marrying the sister to be close to the brother' at all realistic.

That's the 'downside' of this particular alien though, and I understand the horror aspect. My suspicion was that she was actually secretly lesbian or that her 'traveling nurse' profession also meant that she was cheating on him in other places, but as shown, that's clearly not the case. As written, she's simply a strong, self-determined woman who has traditional (and unfortunate) prejudices. As a result she ends up not only being confined and raped, but by multiple people instead of one person. Joy. At least it (so far) is off-screen and implied rather than shown.

Incidentally, using pheromones to force sex is the same as rape drugs. It's toying with the boundaries of consent. Not that it's out of keeping for this kind of story, just be aware of the subtext and what you're writing.

Structural: There were some grammar errors, mostly as stuff spell-check doesn't find, and some glitches in the timing and punctuation. I'll cite some of those:

Thomas cried out it pain <= Spellcheck doesn't say that 'it' is supposed to be 'is' but it should be. Later in the paragraph:
Soon, Thomas was awaken, he was now <= was awake or was awakened, followed by a period or semicolon. If a period, then capital H on He. I saw a few other instances of temporal inconsistency and odd flow, which could be due to an incomplete edit pass. Since one of them is in the dialogue (Mike to his sons) I ignored it because people don't always speak perfectly grammatical English.

Delta’s are usually opened <= The apostrophe. Why is it there? Apostrophe appears only as an alternate quotation mark, a sometime way to mark an accent or other sounds that aren't normally marked, to indicate a contraction, or to indicate a possessive. Possessives are irregular, and the apostrophe is optional for names or nouns that normally end in 's'. You catch this MOST places, so I'm going to put it down to a typo.

“You see unawakened people can’t see our true form unless we will it” Mike said, “Evan and I have been talking and we are thinking that you should be the first delta, basically a cock and cum slut” <= There should be a comma after the You see. There should be a comma after the we will it. There should be a period after Mike said. There should be a period after cum slut.

This is one instance of a general problem that is scattered, not uniformly, through the story. Basically, if the stuff between quotes is spoken in some fashion, the verb phrase identifying the speaker should be separated from the speech by a comma, in most cases. Normally, punctuation goes inside the quotes, for reasons that come down to aesthetics. Examples:

"Hi there," Jim said.
"How," Joe said, "do you do?"
"Who are you people?" Jerry asked.
John answered, "Your best nightmare."
"I don't believe this," Jerry said. "You're all naked!"

And of course, with two-person dialogue and clearly differentiated voice it isn't necessary to include the name of the speakers, after initial setup. However, please don't forget punctuation, and use the exclamation point sparingly, but do use it where appropriate, i.e. "TOMMY" could have been "TOMMY!" or "Tommy!" but the word by itself without a period, comma, or exclamation is naked.


“What will you do with him?” Marie said. <= Thank you for using 'said' instead of more florid substitute words through this story. However in this case, 'asked' would be appropriate too, and maybe a bit more so.

Since you use the Greek letter designations as titles, it might be appropriate to capitalize them. Style choice, but more traditional.

Story critique: The powers. Why? How? What powers the changes, where does the extra mass come from, since this is presented as science fictiony? These are aliens, but there seems to be more 'magic' than 'alien' to the powers. Why should their physical form be invisible to unchanged? What about animals? What about cameras? Note: You don't have to answer these in the story, or even mention them, but you should at least have the answers for your own reference, and it shows in the writing when you do know how it works.

Oh yeah: he is my younger son-in-law <= Brother in law. 'son in law' would be 'stepson'.

The GOOD stuff.

I liked the 'scene change' markers, good idea.

As a 'cursed men' story it works fine, but as a muscle growth story, it leaves out a lot of detail. At least describe the bodies with a bit more detail, but it was interesting, and without too much detail the sex was OK.

The spread of the 'contagion' was explained well - the town already HAD this alien presence, but latent, so the very fast spread was pretty much expected. Not much word on what happened to the women in town, other than Marie.

The aliens' biological trap - yeah, they require specific food, but if they ultimately feed on the deltas, then the deltas should be eating regular food in larger amounts, to provide the actual material. (This, and the disappearance of women without explanation, is one of my few issues with the "Transform" series, too, but AKA suggests obliquely that there is an 'energy field' of some sort that those guys tap into, and he deliberately ignores females and parents who would otherwise complicate the story, so I hand-wave it as a sort of unconscious mind-control.)

It looks like your aliens have an inverse-insect sort of setup, with one female per Alpha who makes a bunch of babies, and a hive-structure in general.
This is a definite drawback if they plan to take over the planet; they're going to run into the same limits and diminishing returns they were originally subject to.
If you DO decide to do a follow-on, it might be interesting to see how the aliens are changed by their inhabiting humans - it's a two-way thing. Maybe they'll have to change the size of their "family units" or their social structure, maybe the 'no brain' deltas would be limited to people who wanted to become that, or who had harmed others so were being punished, and maybe the social/physical rank should become changeable over time.
And since it's muscle-growth - the deltas, since they feed everyone, could become really freaky muscle, almost immobile; a bit more detail about what the other ranks do, and figure out something (transgender switches?) to do about females with out turning them into rape-prisoners, if you could please. (And give them muscle too. It's hot.)

[nnnrg]

Originally Posted by howardbeatman

"a homophobe due to growing up in a Christian and republican household" - you are an insulting bigot - the phrase isn't even said by a character in the story, it's in your own author's voice!

Howard, sadly, I have to point out that this isn't a completely unreasonable impression, because the Grand Old Party has become (at least from the leadership and among the people who attended the national convention) a huge collection of bigoted fundamentalists who tend not to think when a stereotype can be waved around instead.

In my home state, you have to be a member of either the Democratic or Republican party to have any real effect on elections, because Independents (not aligned with a party) are not permitted to vote in primary elections.

I joined the Republican party in the early 90s to be able to push back against the "Citizens Alliance" - renamed from "Christian Alliance" - who were pretty much steeple-jacking the state at the time.

Though those particular jerks were eventually pushed aside, their influence on the party never did go away. So, while it bothered me that he used those two terms to explain the problem, it wasn't something I could reject outright as unlikely. (Yes, I'm a Christian, and Episcopalian specifically.)

[deadpool8111]

Thank you for the feedback!! As you can probably tell, I'm new at writing this kind of stuff. In order to get better, I finally had the courage to post it online to get feedback. I knew going in that I would have a lot of grammar errors (that is my Achilles’ heel).

[deadpool8111]

Originally Posted by howardbeatman

"a homophobe due to growing up in a Christian and republican household" - you are an insulting bigot - the phrase isn't even said by a character in the story, it's in your own author's voice!

I'm sorry that I offended you or anybody else. Unfortunately I live in a very republican county that almost all of them are Christians too. Each one of them that I personally know are very against gays. In the future if I wanted to have a homophobic person, what should I say? Just say that he or she is homophobic and leave it as that?

[Darmani]

I like this. It has the feel of something you could play with alot. Ah "stubble" not beard? Just nitpicking, you have set up for a variety of looks, styles, characters, and so on. You even explain the prepared tendency for everyone to be so gay porny. They've been spreading and subtle already and now are activating.

As with all such gay world/club fantasy stories handling the women right is iffy. I don't have a major objection but you do use the pheremones for auto-sex as to seduction or just sexual intensity. Like with the transformation.

This is a story with lots of raw enthusiasm and I'd love more or to see it refined. You even give the lady and arc and what to do, and her fate, as well as that of her brother is intense as well.

Maybe they could use the cum or whatever mind-alteration and so on happens to get her compliance or just alter her so she's.. well okay with this, but admittedly I can understand that being a little "not want to go there" but its just as "convenient" to me when its a more mixed family the men never share or play as it is the women just sort of vanish. Its kinda key and point of the story he's this hot straight dude and as I hate dead parents...

I would, if I may, suggest something. Show a little more of the breaking away. christening the bedroom scenes are sexy or build it up. But at least insert an element, they've been together for a long time, and just settle for a back or a foot rub you can then parallel it with the son's seduction or the deputies' play. but that's IF you want to refine something. And .. argh forgive the backseat writing.

The scenes and scenario and set up and characters are basic simple and enticing. You use the powers and set up well along with the pheremones and the illusion power. Heck you had a blonde I liked and a variation of bodies and transformations. Just some more finesse at description, more set up at seduction, which I think will come with practice and it will be inspired AND perfectly executed.

[nnnrg]

Originally Posted by deadpool8111

I'm sorry that I offended you or anybody else. Unfortunately I live in a very republican county that almost all of them are Christians too. Each one of them that I personally know are very against gays. In the future if I wanted to have a homophobic person, what should I say? Just say that he or she is homophobic and leave it as that?

You now know one Christian who happens to be Republican (even though the party has increasingly little connection other than historical continuity to what the Republicans were originally, so they consider me a RINO) and who is not a homophobe.

It's only important to mention the background if you plan to use it. If he's going to be changed such that his politics change, or that his religion changes, or that his religion changes him, enlightening him from bis bigotry, then mention it.
If it's not, then it's not only unnecessary, but distracting and opens you to accusations of using your author's voice to create a strawman argument.

You can still say the same thing without naming names: He is a cop and a homophobe due to growing up in a fundamentalist and socially conservative household.

Even then, the "due to" is probably unnecessary. It's better to use the story to explain it: membership in a Catholic church and having had very anti-gay priests in the past, as shown in the wife's POV.

[jts]

Great story! Can't wait for the next part!

[deadpool8111]

Again, thank you for the comments!!! Sometime, probably soon, I'm going to revised and make the story longer so if you want to see anything please tell me!

[funboy]

I hear you and appreciate what you are saying. However, it's his story and his relevance in life. As I have learned over time - though painfully obstinate (on my part) - if you don't like the way it is written, move on. Howardbeatman is wrong. Obviously the statement had meaning for deadpool8111.

Although I found the story to be somewhat simplistic in its constructs, it was nonetheless an enjoyable read and I hope deadpool8111 continues.

Originally Posted by nnnrg

You now know one Christian who happens to be Republican (even though the party has increasingly little connection other than historical continuity to what the Republicans were originally, so they consider me a RINO) and who is not a homophobe.

It's only important to mention the background if you plan to use it. If he's going to be changed such that his politics change, or that his religion changes, or that his religion changes him, enlightening him from bis bigotry, then mention it.
If it's not, then it's not only unnecessary, but distracting and opens you to accusations of using your author's voice to create a strawman argument.

You can still say the same thing without naming names: He is a cop and a homophobe due to growing up in a fundamentalist and socially conservative household.

Even then, the "due to" is probably unnecessary. It's better to use the story to explain it: membership in a Catholic church and having had very anti-gay priests in the past, as shown in the wife's POV.

[nnnrg]

Funboy, that's good advice, but remember that he asked for feedback (given above, and so far nobody has told me that I'm giving bad feedback to writers) and then advice about how to write it without offending. That's what I provided. We also had more detailed discussions in private message. If he hadn't wanted advice he wouldn't have asked for it.

I am trying to keep my feedback relevant to writing and style and not so much to content, but one aspect of writing is that it's easy to mistakenly write in our cultural biases, prejudices, and attitudes in ways that can be offensive, or just counter to the quality of the story. It's better to be aware of them and to use them intentionally and to own that we wrote them on purpose.

Here's an example: AKA doesn't write women into his stories, except by oblique reference, because as a writer, he doesn't really want to deal directly with the effects of Transform on women or families in general. As a result he explicitly and deliberately leaves them out, knowing that it will in some respects make the stories weaker as stories, but will also make them stronger as "male muscle growth transformation" stories because there's no distraction from the purity of the concept.

Incorporating women and families in his stories to a greater degree would mean he would have to deal with concepts like forced straight-to-gay, the destruction of women's lives, the destruction of love and family, and that's not what his stories are about. So he avoids the minefield by driving WAY around it.

It's the fact of it being his choice that makes his stories hang together well, but if you poke at them with logic the reality checks sometimes bounce. That's fine, because it's not realistic anyway and the stories are all still quite hot

So, I'm trying to make my advice to any writer be, "write what you want to write about, know what you're choosing to write about, and examine your assumptions and tropes to make sure you're not muddying your story. And learn how to spell, punctuate, and lay out the story cleanly."

[liang1]

Hot story! always loved stories involving alien species using human as hosts to breed/reproduce and turn them into huge muscular warriors/monsters with huge cocks and balls. Could you do a scene where their hybrid sperm is analyzed and how potent, virile and superior their seeds are compared to normal humans' and how Mike the alpha and others breed with their queen and how the off springs grow in the womb and how muscular/superior they are once born and mature.

[jts]

Great story. These are my favorite type of stories, when growth is passed on through semen to another. Keep up the series or write more like it! Thanks