Story Broad

[Canus]

I wanted to start a story about a foreign student who gets roomed with a jock at a University in the US. I am not a native speaker and this would be my first story so I wanted to post the first few paragraphs so others could see if they take offense against my errors in spelling, grammar etc. or if you find them acceptable enough to be posted in the story section.

The story doesn't have a real title yet, but for the time being it is called 'Broad'.

Thank you for reading,

canus



BROAD

I wake up, woken by the sound of a muffled voice belonging to the intercom on flight 101 Amsterdam - San Francisco. While I try to loosen my stiff neck I remember try to remember why I am on this flight.

On my first day at the University I wanted to do something different. I didn't want to be the kind of student who walked around all the usual classes and getting his degree 4 years later. So in my first year two things happened. I started to draw at the Royal Academy of Arts (a way to keep my skills without attending or paying the Academy itself) and I accidentally stubbled into the wrong room while look for my ancient chinese philosophers class. I accidently opened the wrong door (it wouldn't be my last time) and the speaker invited me in (and what els could I do). There where few students (6 in total) and 3 speakers. They talked about going abroad opening your mind to new ideas and with the correct scholarship it wouldn't cost that much extra. 'But they didn't tell you about the uncomfortable way of getting there', I thought while the flight-attendant gave me my breakfast. I opened the window and the light of a new day flooded in?

After filling in a CUSTOMS DECLARATION, an IMMIGRATION FORM and a VISA WAIVER (I already had a visa?), walking through customs and getting on the correct bus I slowly fell back to sleep only to wake when the bus finally arrived at Berkeley. 'How lucky was I to get a scholarship not based on my academic grades, but because I could draw' I thought when the bus passed through the campus gate?

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by Canus

I wanted to start a story about a foreign student who gets roomed with a jock at a University in the US. I am not a native speaker and this would be my first story so I wanted to post the first few paragraphs so others could see if they take offense against my errors in spelling, grammar etc. or if you find them acceptable enough to be posted in the story section.

The story doesn't have a real title yet, but for the time being it is called 'Broad'.

Thank you for reading,

canus

Not at all, myself being a native English speaker can easily change what's wrong (which isn't much actually)

BROAD

I wake up, woken by the sound of a muffled voice belonging to the intercom on flight 101 Amsterdam - San Francisco. While I try to loosen my stiff neck I try to remember why I am on this flight.

On my first day at the University I wanted to do something different. I didn't want to be the kind of student who walked around all the usual classes and getting his degree 4 years later. So in my first year two things happened.

I started to draw at the Royal Academy of Arts (a way to keep my skills without attending or paying the Academy itself) and I accidentally stumbled into the wrong room while look for my ancient chinese philosophers class. I accidently opened the wrong door (it wouldn't be my last time) and the speaker invited me in (and what else could I do).

There where few students (6 in total) and 3 speakers. They talked about going abroad opening your mind to new ideas and with the correct scholarship it wouldn't cost that much extra. 'But they didn't tell you about the uncomfortable way of getting there', I thought while the flight-attendant gave me my breakfast. I opened the window and the light of a new day flooded in?

After filling in a CUSTOMS DECLARATION, an IMMIGRATION FORM and a VISA WAIVER (I already had a visa?), walking through customs and getting on the correct bus I slowly fell back to sleep only to wake when the bus finally arrived at Berkeley. 'How lucky was I to get a scholarship not based on my academic grades, but because I could draw' I thought when the bus passed through the campus gate?

[Londonboy]

Canus,
Great beginning. The errors were few and CelticMuscle did a great job of correcting the issues. You should definitely continue the story and post. We're here to help if you need it. Thanks for posting.
Londonboy

[Canus]

CelticMucle thank you for correcting my mistake.
Londonboy thank you for the encouragement.

I will start translating some more tomorrow (it is a holiday here) and maybe someone can look at it here, before I post it in the appropriate forum.

Thanks again to both of you.