APOLLYON -- some "novel" discussion

Absman420 · #1 May 17th, 2007, 02:58 AM

I just had the opportunity to read my own novella, "Apollyon," over at "O's" site -- he's been finding and posting most of my musclegrowth stories over there. Here's a link to chapter one if you've never read it:

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...ollyon-01.html

It's twenty-six chapters long, so it's quite a bite, but worth the effort, I think. Personally, I hadn't read it in a couple of years, so it was fun to indulge again -- I'd forgotten some of the details of the plot.

Anyway, interested to know if anyone's read it, and what your feelings are about it. Now that I can look at it and read it without any emotional attachment to it, I "see" some of the criticism that has been leveled at it before. (Not that I necessarily agree with it.)

Let me know, please.

arpeejay · #2 May 17th, 2007, 03:20 AM

Read it?! It's part of the canon, darlin', you know that.

xoxo

Richard

dan25 · #3 May 17th, 2007, 08:28 AM

I've been a fan of all of your work,this to me is a shining example of great writing.I can re-read it again and again and pick up new nuances that I missed before,it is simply excellent. Great job!---looking forward to new work--anything on the horizon??

otkuman2003 · #4 May 17th, 2007, 08:55 AM

read it a while back... to me it started off slow and didnt exactly pick up and get interesting until around the mid teen chapters. It had an awesome end though, so it was well worth the read.

Mad Dog · #5 May 17th, 2007, 11:01 AM

I think it takes a while before it gets really interesting.

Absman420 · #6 May 17th, 2007, 11:08 AM

I agree that it started off slow. That is all me -- I am the KING of exposition. I actually spend a lot of time thinking about back-story and I want everyone to know it! lol

I approached this as a novel and I wonder if it gets going so late precisely because of that. The action builds slowly but surely and delivers a worthy climax. Although, the most criticism I received was about the ending, so I'm glad to read that you like it. I like it, too -- Strong gets his fantasy fulfilled.

Although I think Woody really gets the shaft.

growinmuscl · #7 May 17th, 2007, 12:59 PM

LOVE(D) it!

Norsejock · #8 May 17th, 2007, 07:07 PM

Hey Absman-

I re-read this one a few months back and was blown away. Maybe it's a chicken or egg thing, but I was surprised at how much of it was a part of who I am.

Now whether this story affected me as I came out or what I don't know.

Particularly in the wrestling scene between Prince (my favorite character) and Strong, I saw strong parts of how I approach sex. I really do get off on the dominance of being the bigger man, being the top, taking charge and giving that bottom what he wants. Massive turn-on man.

I love the exposition that you provide in your stories. Getting to know these characters before they grow or get in these situations makes the eventual growth that much more intense.

As for the ending, I actually didn't mind that Strong didn't get away. You were certainly hinting that he might not get away and you certainly made us WANT for him to get away, but I thought it was an intense way for the story to end.

Now, the epilogue wasn't my favorite...Strong kinda seemed like a dick in that part and not the man we had come to trust as the narrator. But, again, it was in keeping with the story ... so I can't fault you as a writer. I just fantasize more about a gentle giant with a cocky side rather than an out n out cocky bitch like strong became.

So even though it didn't end up in my fantasy realm, the story makes sense and the characters are real within this hot hot universe.

So well done, I say, and I would follow wherever you lead.

Mdlftr · #9 May 17th, 2007, 08:26 PM

I like the exposition, since it's the set up to these stories that helps to prepare the reader for the experience, and get him anticipating the events.

To the extent that the developments in the story alternately satisfy and surprise the reader, by meeting and challenging his expectations, while keeping his interest, that is a sign of creative, gripping writing.

While I liked the muscle growth, and enjoyed the exposition, I hated the ultimate fate of the narrator. It seemed such a waste to have someone be set up to accomplish so much, then have them end up as a slave under the control of others. It really diminished all of his accomplishments and made them seem pointless.

The device of the unknowing protagonist as narrator, while interesting, exposed the naivete of the character, and showed his lack of growth as a character. He was easily led by his desires, and by others, and was a passive participant in his own life. His desires ensnared him and led to his destruction.

To my way of thinking, part of the reason a man wants to become big and strong is because he is trying to overcome his environment. The idea of a man doing all that work, and accomplishing so much, only to become a slave for hire is a major distortion of the whole process.

I want to read a story where someone succeeds and rises above his circumstances, in spite of the backstage machinations of others. While it was well written, and had some interesting plot twists and turns, it ultimately ended on a sad note, in this reader's opinion. The uplifting possibilities inherent in muscle growth and personal development were distorted into becoming mere props for sexual slavery, which made the whole exercise meaningless.

If I were grading this, I'd give it an "B-" for style, format, exposition and flow, and a "C-" for the conclusion.

JohnNewEngland · #10 May 18th, 2007, 11:38 PM

Hey Absman,

I'm a lurker, but have always loved your writing. Your stories, for me, reek of masculinity and power; they're completely uncontrived and don't ever try to be more than they are - just beefy, raw explorations into the essence of being a man and the infinite possibilities of how that could be expanded. Your writing style is brutish and sexy and honest and the characters leap off the page and into my imagination. It's a treat for me to read whatever you write. For my money, you're the best writer on this site.

Cheers,

John

michaelv2 · #11 May 19th, 2007, 10:00 AM

It's a great story - I enjoyed the exposition and the slow revealing of the mysterious purpose behind Apollyon Gym. It doesn't really bother me that Strong never managed to escape the gym or his "programming". He never would have acheived his heart's desire without the gym, and in the end, what he wants and what the gym wants him to be are one and same. Many of your stories explore the idea of the apparent over-riding of "free will" by a "villain" only to discover a deeper desire and will beneath, and it is always intensely erotic to me. Thanks for sharing!

Regards,

Michael

Absman420 · #12 May 19th, 2007, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michaelv2

He never would have acheived his heart's desire without the gym, and in the end, what he wants and what the gym wants him to be are one and same.

Right -- EXACTLY! Strong's fantasy was fulfilled. Whether that led to a happy ending or not is up for interpretation, but Strong got what he wanted. I admit, the bit with the editor was a little too much -- I would probably just edit it out completely now -- but I think the ending works.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

I hated the ultimate fate of the narrator. It seemed such a waste... I want to read a story where someone succeeds and rises above his circumstances, in spite of the backstage machinations of others.

Okay... except that's not a mind-control story, which is what APOLLYON is ultimately. I understand and appreciate what you'd like to see, but I think that would deliver a VERY different story from the one presented.