magic and muscles8 (redone)

[chimera0010]

lets try this again.....
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The gang rode in the limo. They didnt know where Kyle was going to strike. They had no idea what he was going to do, but they knew he was up to something big. Momo sat in the back, sipping on a cup that was half her size, Trey looked over at Jadis and got his answer from just a look. "Yes she is from a different reality, passed through a toon world one day out of boredom and she tagged along coming back. She appears human but still has her toony antics." THey look over watching her, she seems to innocent yet inside that body is a world of chaos and goofyness waiting to coming out.

Trey and chris just looked at Momo, affraid of what she may do next, but get over it since she is just a living cartoon. Chris however was flexing, admiring his new body changes. He was not bloated full of muscle, but he was not his normal self. Just enough to remain strong. He flexed his biceps, making them sell up to 32 inches. He smiled, and seen Trey eclipsing him. He grumbled at all this magic mess, its cheating when magic and potions make you bigger. Then again, he remembered the nightmare KYle put him through, its not something worth repeating if he had so self control.
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KYle landed on the roof of the skyscrapper in the center of town. For what he was planning he needed to be high up with lots of view. He read over the papers, and seen that in order to get what heneeds, he needed people. He was going to attain his eternal fresh appearence and eternal life. Simple enough, he digs through his bag and pulls out a long silver flute. THis may be cliche but its going to be fun. Since he cant kill the town with lust and hedonism, he is going to do it the old fashioned way, sacrafice. He removes his silver mask and purses his decayed lips to the mouthe peice. He exhales, breathing wind through the flute as it plays its infernal music. The melodies seem innocen until the spell kicks in, carrying it lyrics through satellite.

The music carries on the wind, spreading out to the city. He focuses the melody, he focuses on all the jocks still left in the city. He taps into their minds, making them horny, wanting to party, even where to party. He continues to play his song, pulling them to the roof of the skycrapper like the pied piper. They dance through the streets, partying and all. Some ignoring their families, some ignoring their girlfriends, other just shut out everything completely except the music. They are drawn to it, as if its the only thing left that matters in life.

The limop gets stopped, like many cars, they are caught in the flow of people flooding the streets. Jadis rolls down his window and hears a pipping sounds. He rolls up the window and gets the idea of whats happening. He cant tell where the music is coming from but he knows a quick fix to save those in the car. Momo's ears twith, and she puts down her soda, and starts digging under the car seat for her equipment.


Jadis has the car come to a stop, and he puts ear plugs into Trey and Chris' ears. He explains that the music seems to affect the muscle heads of the town and where they end up going is where kyle is. They put in the ear plugs, they dont know what to expect from kyle but jadis suspects that he has gotten alot stronger in the past few hours since hs is running off of wrath at the moment. They get out and follow the music, moving their way through the crowds to the center. Momo ran along the tops of the cars, dawning a pink neko ninja outfit. She was moving faster than all of them, scouting ahead. Being so lite and small is not such a bad thing in times like this.
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Kyle looks over the roof top, his eyes changing to that of a hawk. He looks down, seeing the quartet of heros coming. "Four idiots, one villain, typical story...." he looks at his watch and smiles. "This is the part where the climax hits and an epic battle inssues. Best not dissapoint..."He growls and looks around for something to use. He eyes the gargoyles on a near by church and points at them. The eyes glow red as a red vapor enters their body. The stone grinds and crunches and soon the statues begin to fly and attack. They look up, seeing the stone demons flying right for them. Jadis tells them to go on ahead, he will handle the statues. He holds out his staff and starts chanting, the air swirling around him and the head of his staff glowing a brilliant bright light.

"Well thats one down, now what to do with the rest...." He knows momo is not of this world since no 12 year old girl has bright blue hair these days. He smiles and zaps an electronic store she just ran passed. "Well lets see.....its about 7 o'clock, guess my favorite show is on..."She stops and turns, her eyes widen and glisten as a black haired ninja with pale skin emerge from the store. It seems kyle cloned orochimaru from naruto and brought the cartoon ninja into this world."As it was once said by pegasus in yugioh....only a toon can kill a toon...."Kyle then looks for the other two.


Trey and Chris keep moving. They get to the building by blending in with the crowd, when multi colored smoke begins to rise. This was caused when Kyle blew his enchanting breath into the ventelation system. Trey covers his mouth, his skin turning black as his demonic form emerges to shield him. Chris fell prey to it, he fell to the ground, rubbing his groin as his sex drive takes over. Trey runs up the stairs, moving fast since the elevator has been shut off. Chris gets bombbarded by horny young jocks, whomalso got hit by the phermoane dust. He takes advantage of this and swallows a brown pill jadis gave him.
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"Here take this..."Jadis hands Chris a brown pill. Chris looks at his and puts it in his pocket. Jadis explains that it is a muscle pill. It works like the brown smoke used on trey but it wont cloud his mind. Chris nods and walks out the store to the limo.
--
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Kyle goes back to work, mixing together various powders and chemicals together. He adds alot of water swirling it about in a round jar. He lays the jar down and begins drawing on the ground with chalk. He moves his head, smelling Trey coming up. But trey smells different. "Well well, as usual the hero always comes to save the day." He touches the buidling and whispers. The building cracks and shakes, becoming alive as a large metal arm bashes trey through the wall. Trey throws out his hand, swinging on meaty tentacles as he sticks to the side of a near by building. He looks at his reflection and gets this bad idea of how this resembles spider man 3 he saw in theaters.

KYle goes back to mixing as the building's side shapes into a strange beast, growing arms, a head, and many eyes. KYle smiles, "Guess playing devil may cry 2 was worth the money after all...Lets see if Trey and out gun Dante..."He goes back to work, since every one is busy he finsihed the seal on the floor and gets out of the way as the horny teenagers begin to pile ono the roof. He smiles and slides on his mask, reading over the parchment. He plays his music some more, having those jocks work on the seal while he skims over the pages for the remaining procedures.

Kyle-"In the heart of the city, in the highest point of the populace..."He looks around at the sky scrapper. "There will be a day of darkness, that shall take place in worship of the flesh, and a sacrafice of blood and fire...."He looks at the jocks gathered in the seal. He places the parchment on the floor and pulls out his flute. He begins to play his music, causing the jocks to party and worship each other's muscles.

He plays his music waiting for the right moment.....
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Jadis begins to chant some more, why attack when he can let some dumb familiars do the work. The gargoyles slam into Jadis, hitting his barrier and shattering. The beasts back off and swoop around him, some more shatter in finding the paremeter of the barrier. They keep their distance now, waiting for him to attack. Jadis sighs, guess they carry basic animal instinct. He drops the barrier and folds his arms.

The gargoyles fly in, only to be destoryed by a wave of electricity. The statues shatter and pile in the streets. Jadis lowers his staff and begins pushing through the crowd again, they slowed since they are trying to push their way into the scycraper. He looks around trying to find Momo, but only hears the battle. He looks up, seeing black and pink streaks in the air. He continues to move, trusting momo will catch up and help save the day.
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Momo zips from building to building, using her ninja-to to parry orochimaru's sword. She seen the tv shows, she knows what to expect. He is a copy of the saneen, so thats already hard. ON top of that she has no ninjitsu like that tv show. She cant make shadow clones, or teleport like that. However, she did play 82 hours of kind of fighters 2006. She decides to think how mai shiranui did this. She smiles.

Shge zips around, bouncing from object to object so that orochimaru is forced to chase her. She stops and moves at the last second when the sword misses her. She grabs him by the neck and slams him into the fire hydrant, busting it free and spraying orochimaru with water. His body wrtihes as his elecrical built body shorts out, and he dissapears. Momo puts away her ninja swords. "Nice playing with you cartoon man, but you have no brains. Shame, kyle gave you a body and power, but you lacked a ninja's intelligence, just kill kill kill...." She sighs and goes back to running along the cars and people's head to get to the building.
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Chris pushes the guys off of him, his muscles bulging and inflating slowly. Its not powerful enough to make him as big as trey, but its enough to get him free of the orgy that is insued. He knows this smell, he fights his lust and makes his way up the stairs. He notices the building is warped now and its moving on its own. He hangs onto the railing, climbing up where he can while hoping nothing else can get to him. The people below him, some dead from the rubble, just move about like a sea of bodies.

He is so glad he took those cliffhanger lessons a few months ago. Those lessons came in handy as he used the swinging elevator cables to climb to the top. He climbs up more, then sees the metal beast of the side of the building and gets wide eyed. He continues tomove, hoping trey can defend himself against that thing. He regains his grip and continues climbing to the top. If it was not for that pill, his body would have given out fromt he stein by now, guess magic has some uses after all.
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Trey looks at the thing and decides, well if spider man can do it so can he. He whips out his hand, webs slinging from side to side, and pulls up, avoiding the arm and landing on the head. He begins to pound away at the face, and jumps inside the mouth. He flexes using his strength he pushes up with his body and dislocates the jaw from the mouth. He web slings around, avoding the hands and the spikes on th ebody until he lands on top of the head again. He works around the spikes and makes it to the back of he neck.

He has no way of breaking the neck the old fashioned way, and he doubts the beast will hold still long enough for him to push the head from the body. He ducks under a hand raching for him and sees a metal sheet that seems to connect the head to the neck. He reaches down and sarts to pull. His arm bulges and swells as he pulls, his chest following the same. He pulls harder, causing his legs to swell from flexing and pulls some more. The metal peice pulls lose, causing the head to roll off. He web slings to the top of the building watching the beast fall apart and leave a gaping hole in the side of the building.
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Kyle drops a dead body, its throat slit and drained of some blood. KYle places it on the edge of the seal with the other bodies. The seal now has a ring of bodies, each one dead and viscerated from claws and fangs. KYle completed the first half of the ritual and the sacraficial offering is prepared and ready. He holds his flute and steps into the center of the seal.

He begins to chant, causing the seal to glow red. The bodies burn and evaporate, the offering accepted. His skin regenerates, regaining life and begins to glow. HIs eyes begin to look normal instead of pure white. He smiles, his face becoming beautiful once more. His hair becoming long and smooth again. He rubs his hands feeling life in them again. He looks around, seeing he finished just in time.

Jadis, Momo, Trey, and Chris. They faught to get here, only to see they where too late to save the poor souls. More still ready for feeding and sacrefice. But not plan a is in effect. Since he has his body back to full strength, he can simply exterminate them instead of using them as food or fuel. They ready for the end game, to save the city from a meniacle magician out for revenge.

[sexiscriptor]

Definitely better now that it's "redone"; still (and I'd meant to lend some constructive criticism on this before, sorry...), the storytelling itself has somewhat broken down. It's very much an issue of "Show don't tell," in that instead of, for example, "showing" us Chris's growth you just "tell" us he did which is much less interesting/exciting for us as readers--we want images and details and descriptions with our plot. And this is where it becomes tricky, of course: on the flipside it's very easy to get bogged down in description and details while letting the plot languish. So you have to balance it, maintain the pace of the storytelling while keeping the storytelling interesting with details, images, and so forth....
again, this is hardly an easy concept to pin down; I still fail terribly at it now and then myself, haha, and really only realize it when I read over it and realize either that I'm flying through a scene without grounding it in any images or description or that I've spent several pages describing only a few seconds worth of action, haha....

Nevertheless, as I said, I think this version of the chapter works better than the way it was originally posted; this time it's a completed action, a full scene (the struggle from the streets below to the rooftop above) with a bit of suspense (kyle's been restored--but now what could he be planning??) so that even if the storytelling isn't quite so great at least enough is happening to, sort of.., compensate, y'know?
Well, I'm rambling so i'll stop; still enjoying the story, and I'd suspected as much about Momo (Did you name her after the character from Breath Of Fire III, perchance? ) but i'm glad you explained it anyway; looking forward to more of this story--and hopefully more growth too
~Palmer

[chimera0010]

well i been trying. hehe i mean i wanna see this end but i seem to have lost my inspiration for the story. it started off nice and hot but in the end i ended up going the way of spider man. sad i know. i am not used to muscle growth even though i read tons of it.

as for momo, i felt the story needed distraction, hence why i added some help for trey. jadis is just a magician who plays a small part of the story. momo was named so because i was playing xenosaga 3 at the time and some how i ended up mixing the mgs story with xenosaga a little. as for the action scene, its the only thing i could think of for 4 characters. again i do apologize since i am not very imaginative on muscle growth, more like some growth and alot more action. i also apologize for the lack of sex, since really my brain has been on things other than muscles and sex at the moment.

as for kyle. not sure if you noticed but he has not gained muscle, more like beauty and power. he is a villain as we all see who seems to hate jocks. the reason i am sure you read is simple. he was a thin brainiak who wanted to be the bottom in the relationship and never could find a guy who would want him. he had chris but he became a snob and blew kyle off. many of the studs in the town did the same thing, so he wants them to suffer in similiar ways to how he suffered, or snuff them out by giving them too much of a good thing.

the whole undead psycho mage was inspired by a mix of the ladies from batman combined with some hocus pocus sort of like the horror movie tamera. which is where chris comes in, he is supposed to appeal to whats left of the human inside kyle's heart. Trey however became a freakish byproduct of kyle's magic and so he is labled the "super hero". however as i said i hit a rough spot since every mgs story i read for the most part mostly was a following pattern.....start normal, grow large, make out with hot guy, fuck fuck fuck, grow larger, screw some more, and end with cuddling. much like a muscle growth porn movie. i was simply trying to step outside of the box.