Am I unique in feeling this way?

[hecad84]

Hi guys. I realize that this question is ripe for opening me up to ridicule, but nonetheless, here goes. First, a little background. I am currently 32 years old. I was a fat kid, fat teen, and remained fat during the first half of my 20s. Over the course of three years during the middle of my 20s, I started doing cardio work, and managed to slim down from 275 pounds to 160 pounds. Having always had an interest in bodybuilding, feeling good about what I had accomplished, and egged on by remarks from people about how good I was looking, I started weight lifting. Well unlike my cardio endeavor, which was obviously a success, my weight lifting endeavor was a complete failure. I lifted for 2-1/2 years, followed a routine, watched my diet, kept a journal, used suppliments, and even after a couple years, had nothing to show for it. Oh I had toned up, but had nothing in terms of size. After going no where after that amount of time, I frankly got disgusted and just plain gave up.

So you see, I'm not the typical couch potato who dreams about muscle but does nothing about it. I did try to do something about it, and failed. I still have my muscle fetish and dreams and desires, and I enjoy checking this site for posts every day. But now when I see a picture of some hottie, instead of being turned on and admiring him like I used to, now I find I feel depression and envy. And when I read posts here from people who are having good success, and reporting how they managed to gain 'X' amount of muscle within the past year and how people are now noticing and complimenting them, I hate to say it, but, to be blunt, I find it pissing me off.

I'm not really sure what I think I'm going to accomplish by posting this. If anything, I suspect what I'll hear is people telling me what a lousy wimp I am and to get my ass back in the gym. As if I couldn't figure that out on my own...lol. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm only one who does or has gone through feelings like this.

[Xyggurat]

Originally Posted by hecad84

If anything, I suspect what I'll hear is people telling me what a lousy wimp I am and to get my ass back in the gym. As if I couldn't figure that out on my own...lol. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm only one who does or has gone through feelings like this.

I was going to joke and just post "get your ass back into the gym, you lousy wimp!" But no, really, I think a lot of people feel a little bit of envy when they look at someone with truly gifted genetics in any field in which they want to succeed. It sounds like you really improved your body over the years. Maybe you're not cut out to be a huge muscle monster, but so what? Fit is great in any form.

Since I graduated and started really working out, I've realized that I'd like the more toned option on myself. I'm 5'8, so the tendency has been to look bulky pretty quickly as opposed to having a more aesthetically pleasing physique. Trade ya.

-X-

[falseyedee]

All of our bodies are different and respond differently to training. It sounds like you are a classic "hard gainer". I would encourage you to continue training, but with different expectations. It takes a hard gainer a lot longer to add quality muscle. It can be done, be it takes a lot longer. The fact that you noted that your body had in fact changed, you had toned up, means that your body was responding.

I'd recommend continuing your training for the following reasons:
it's a healthy thing to do,
physical activity improves our mental health and helps fight depression,
you will make gains, however small, if you are consistent,
you will get to know your body better and have a better sense of what it can be/do.

also, try, if you haven't, switching routines every six to nine months. our bodies adapt to training and you have to change it up to keep making gains. there are a ton of different methods and routines and you may find that either the changes help your body respond, or that your body responds better to a different kind of training.

don't be discouraged and be proud of what you have already accomplished. Because you have done something that many others have failed at: lost a huge amount of weight and got into shape! That is nothing to be down on yourself about.

Cheers,
David,
aka: falseyedee

[UKBeefy]

Well I would add a few of my thoughts.

1) Do not believe everything you've read on the net re what people have achieved. In some cases people are lying outright regarding whatever weight they started at or are exagerating where they have got to or (and the most common for the guys who have got big) is how much gear/steroids they've taken. The idea that they've added 30-40lbs of muscle in one year is simply a joke unless gear was involved.

2) Further to the above be sceptical too about all the pics we see on the net of amazing looking guys. I am sure we could all look pretty good if a pro photographer and pro user of photoshop could enhance us all.

3) Try also to get yourself some honest feedback periodically from people who don't see you day to day. I find it is people I see at 6mth or so intervals who are most complimentary. They really notice changes whereas you (your worst critic often) or close friends don't see the changes.

So be realistic, think positive and be mighty sceptical of what you read or see on the net by all these "oh I only did a bit of creatine" monsters....BullS**t....

[RPM]

Definitely not alone.

Though for me, it's more of if people had support. My family hated it and were/are slobs, friends didn't care, everybody just asked "wtf is the point? do something useful" so it's not so much seeing somebody succeed, it's seeing them be supported that makes me want to go on a killing spree. I can't afford trainers or partners and seriously envy kids/former kids who just casually picked up the habit from their parents without a second thought or lifelong struggle.

But to the point of your training, you should realize there's plenty benefits to weight training beyond size. Things like these ... perhaps strength is the most obvious. Ever seen those wiry-skinny guys who go toss hundreds of pounds around the gym and do all those supreme strength feats? Just last week I saw the most average, unimpressive-looking 16 year old kid do something like a 600lb squat. That might be what you're cut out for. Maybe you should look into strength training and work on practicing some of those basic feats.

[newmus]

a couple of years ago i met a guy who had a twig body and he told me about how nothing he did would change his body. so you are not completely alone.

i am going through a similar yet dissimilar experience myself. i'm packing on the size and all but the bigger and better i get the more obvious it becomes that i really will never look as good as the guys in the magazines (i have NO mirror image symetry). at times it honestly makes me think about quitting myself. i don't because i guess my original goals wasn't nessessarily to look like mr. universe but to be strong and healthy (and not bad looking to boot) in my old age.

my advice to you would be to find a good trainer (you'll have to do some research) and change your goal from looking hot to something else like getting stronger. your goal should be longterm so you should see and get used to seeing only small gains in that direction. hope that helps.

[DaBigGuy1]

And your feelings are not unique as I also used to have a not so positive reaction when in the past I would see a huge muscle guy and I was the not-so-muscular guy. I however was on the other end of the spectrum being painfully skinny. However I did not get pissed off at them, I would just have this huge feeling of insecurity. For me it was then I started to train and did all of the wrong things and did not see any significant changes whatsoever. This went on for many many years until one day when I was on the cusp of turning 30 that I said to myself that I either give it one big push and do it right or just give it all up. It was then that I decided to swallow my pride and admit that I did not know it all, and then I met this guy named Donovan. A former Mr. New Jersey, he was the BEST. Taught me what I needed to know, and most importantly he changed my MINDSET! The moment that happened it was then that I realized that I had to do what I needed to do for ME, and no one else. For the big monsters walking around I said "congrats" and more power to them and did not have those feelings anymore as I was now not competing with them, but competing with myself. That made a world of difference.

And yes, the bottom line is to do it for you and your health. And I must tell you a double congrats for losing a massive amount of weight! You have done the best thing you could have done in increasing your lifespan and the quality of your life. Whether you are or become a mmuscle moose or not, you are doing JUST FINE!

Take care and a health 2008 to you!

Ron III---III

[rexx9476]

I can relate to how you feel too. I have been working out hard for 7 years now and while I did lose 45 lbs in the beginning (which was great) and toned up and got in shape, I have a really difficult time putting on size. I'm 6'4" and realize I am probably an ectomorph. I vary my routines, try different things, have tried many supplements, but my body remains within the same 5 lb weight range. You are definitely not alone. I still workout though because it does help me feel better and I have to have surgery on a torn meniscus in my knee in April and my surgeon told me to keep working out because I would have been in much worse condition had I not been working out. It made me realize that while I may not be cut out to be HUGE (though I still would love that) my working out helps me in so many ways.

[chocomus]

Sounds familiar in the slos progress thing. I've been 4 years in the gym and it's now when I'm seeing some results. I kept doing it (even without results) because they gave me credits in my college and because it 's healthy to do some exercise, but i also felt envy and a bit depressed at the rapid growth of others then.

You have to be patience, keep going and don't lose hope. I'm sure you'll eventualy grow.

[MAZIVKAROLY]

Agree in large part with all other replies already posted.
Regrets that you are not achieving gains and goals expected, but be grateful for what you have and pursue the talents that are given to you.

Keep on keepin' on! Always and ALL ways!

[UKBeefy]

Also I presume you've thought about this but for alot of "hard gainers" they really need to shovel the food in day in day out to grow. I've seen some guys eat twice what I am eating to add size. I've been the opposite often and put weight on easily. Still I eat alot.

I would also look at your pre workout and post workout meals. They are critical both to the energy you have to train (for years I'd train when starving say 5-6hours after lunch) and then to rebuild/refuel after.

Perhaps increase your meal size and make sure youre getting your protein.

[UKBeefy]

Also I presume you've thought about this but for alot of "hard gainers" they really need to shovel the food in day in day out to grow. I've seen some guys eat twice what I am eating to add size. I've been the opposite often and put weight on easily. Still I eat alot.

I would also look at your pre workout and post workout meals. They are critical both to the energy you have to train (for years I'd train when starving say 5-6hours after lunch) and then to rebuild/refuel after.

Perhaps increase your meal size and make sure youre getting your protein.

[BBMikeNJ]

Every once in awhile, I'll get a rush of frustration about not being able to get as big as I'd like. Or feel envious as I watch someone like Art Atwood or Branch Warren, or Paco Bautisa as they flex out their massive size. But then I think about what Tony Soprano's mother said to him..."Oh, poor you."
I continue going to the gym, knowing I'll never be Mr O, or Mr USA or even Mr New Jersey...but hope spring eternal, and I keep slugging away at it. I've been going to the same gym for many years, and have noticed that very few guys really change a whole lot.

[Bull]

You are certainly not alone. Like you, I have anything but good genetics for bodybuilding, and have reached a point where I have given up the old dreams of having that kind of physique. And believe me, I've tried everything; and I do mean EVERYTHING. But really, is this different than any other area of life? We all have to play the hand we're dealt. I went through that resentful phase, but now I focus on the gifts I have and enjoy the gifts others have as well. Comparisons never get one anything except jealousy or bitterness.

Train to stay healthy, strong and as attractive as your genetics allow, and then put the bulk of your energy into those areas where you have been blessed. To slightly paraphrase Oscar Hammerstein:

"It's a waste of time to worry over things that you have not.
Be thankful for the things you've got!"

[Notbigenuff]

Originally Posted by hecad84

I'm not really sure what I think I'm going to accomplish by posting this. If anything, I suspect what I'll hear is people telling me what a lousy wimp I am and to get my ass back in the gym. As if I couldn't figure that out on my own...lol. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm only one who does or has gone through feelings like this.

I'm not going to say that you are a "lousy wimp," and I can't really add anything to what everyone else has already said (we all get jealous and discouraged) but I will say...

Get your ass back in the gym!

[polomuscle]

yes i sympathize with your plight... to a point.

it is proven that pretty much anyone can put on muscle, with the right training and diet.

1) take your envy/depression and put it into positive thought.
2) get a trainer if you have to.
3) eat and lift.
4) set realistic goals.
5) if all else fails, juice.

so now you get why guys juice?

look--you have to start loving yourself as you are.

it has nothing to do with how much fat you have,
or how much muscle.

fantasy and reality are never the same...even some roided guys think they are small and are miserable because of it.

love yourself and give yourself love every day.

until you grasp this you will never be happy.

you are already enough!

[wbhunk]

I would add one thing.....I am ASTONISHED by how much weight you were able to drop. Think about that....in just a couple of years, you lost 115 pounds! That, more than anything else, should show that you do have the focus and the work ethic in the gym.

Also, having met you, I can say without reservation that you are a great guy to be around.

[Mdlftr]

Hecad,

Your experience is the norm, rather than the exception. The people who blog about their fantastic results are doing it because their results (however achieved) ARE fantastic, and are NOT the norm.

Bodybuilding, in terms of the ultimate look, ability to put on mass and have aesthetic shape and size is genetic to a large degree.

Example: All the gear, creatine and implants could NEVER make Woody Allen look like Arnold Scharzenneger!

Secondly, the builders in the media (tv, mags, movies) etc. are actually pretty few and far between. When you consider that there are a handful of pros that you hear about, year after year ("Will Cutler improve this year?" "Will Badell move up?" etc. etc.) It's always the same two dozen guys--what does that tell you? Just like seeing a 7'2" bballer is not typical at your local mall, neither is extreme muscle mass, no matter what people say.

The point of all this is PERSPECTIVE. >Note to self: Get some!!<


Now for the "happy talk":
Everyone can do something with their body, and most people do: starve it, over feed it, underexercise it, stress it out and poison it with tobacco, alcohol and fatty foods.

You, on the other hand, are taking control: You are motivated, you have goals and you are implementing them (diet, weight training, vision of what you want to look like) and, most importantly, ACTION. You are Actually DOING something about your goals/dreams.

Yes, dreams are hard to achieve. Yes, results are slow.


BUT: You have seen, and are seeing results. Other people are seeing it and telling you, even if you are not hearing it. More consistency yields results. You are keeping it up. Discouragement and setbacks are NORMAL. Everyone has them. Keep going! Eventually you'll get to a new paradigm of a new you, a new "plateau" for a bigger, more muscular YOU. It won't be Arnold Schwartzenegger, it won't be Jay Cutler, but it'll be a more muscular you.

Imagine you, @ 200+ blubber pounds, standing next to you of today. Pretty impressive, huh?

Memo to self: "Wake up and look in the mirror! >Wowza!< Return to rep, keep cadence......

Mdlftr

[hecad84]

I wanted to thank all of you who responded to my post. I honestly didn't expect to get much of a response, and I certainly didn't expect the replies to be as caring and supportive as they were. I do appreciate it, and I do thank you. Even though I know nothing has changed, it does feel better to know that the muscle enthusiasts here can relate.

I did receive one private message suggesting that I have my testostrone level checked. He said that he had tested low for testostrone, and after his doctor prescribed some for him, it made quite some difference. I have actually had that same thought myself, about going to be tested, because my sexual interest hasn't been what it used to be. While I know that that does naturally diminish with aging, I don't think I should be down to being a once-a-weeker at only age 32.

[mmfan2]

Originally Posted by hecad84

Hi guys. I realize that this question is ripe for opening me up to ridicule, but nonetheless, here goes. First, a little background. I am currently 32 years old. I was a fat kid, fat teen, and remained fat during the first half of my 20s. Over the course of three years during the middle of my 20s, I started doing cardio work, and managed to slim down from 275 pounds to 160 pounds. Having always had an interest in bodybuilding, feeling good about what I had accomplished, and egged on by remarks from people about how good I was looking, I started weight lifting. Well unlike my cardio endeavor, which was obviously a success, my weight lifting endeavor was a complete failure. I lifted for 2-1/2 years, followed a routine, watched my diet, kept a journal, used suppliments, and even after a couple years, had nothing to show for it. Oh I had toned up, but had nothing in terms of size. After going no where after that amount of time, I frankly got disgusted and just plain gave up.

So you see, I'm not the typical couch potato who dreams about muscle but does nothing about it. I did try to do something about it, and failed. I still have my muscle fetish and dreams and desires, and I enjoy checking this site for posts every day. But now when I see a picture of some hottie, instead of being turned on and admiring him like I used to, now I find I feel depression and envy. And when I read posts here from people who are having good success, and reporting how they managed to gain 'X' amount of muscle within the past year and how people are now noticing and complimenting them, I hate to say it, but, to be blunt, I find it pissing me off.

I'm not really sure what I think I'm going to accomplish by posting this. If anything, I suspect what I'll hear is people telling me what a lousy wimp I am and to get my ass back in the gym. As if I couldn't figure that out on my own...lol. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm only one who does or has gone through feelings like this.

Maybe you're just gay (like me).

[hecad84]

"Maybe you're just gay (like me)."

????? Was that last post supposed to make any sense?

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by hecad84

"Maybe you're just gay (like me)."

????? Was that last post supposed to make any sense?

He's just busting you. Don't worry about it.

[If you ever saw the movie, "40 year old Virgin", there's this scene/game where the buddies in the movie are busting each other by thinking up ridiculous scenarios, and then saying to each other, "That's so gay." They don't mean that they actually think the other guy is gay, they're just busting each other. ]

[yobdior]

I think failure to gain, or being a 'hardgainer', is only a problem when we tie too much self-esteem into it. Let me explain. Looking big and muscular is the dream of many, but as with any normal distribution curve, there are a pretty hefty number of people in the general population who will gain next to nothing, in spite of anything else they might do and all the drugs in the world.

Bodybuilding is a pretty anomalous activity in the sense that it's one of the only ones where, for some bizarre reason, we are brainwashed into believeing that we can all achieve the same 'great results' if only we try hard enough, are disciplined enough, have the perfect diet etc. This is utter nonsense. Do we all have equal intellectual capabilities and potentials? Do we all expect to become an Einstein or a Newton? Do we all have the handsome looks of a top model, or the kind of genetics that protect us from various cancers or diseases? Obviously not.

The greatest we can realistically hope for is to be the best that our genetics will allow us to. With bodybuilding, it unfortunately takes quite a few years (usually) before we begin to realise our limitations - perhaps explaining why we still hang on to the belief that 'anything is possible' with the right dedication or knowledge. Yet when it comes to intelligence, for instance, we basically know how smart we are destined to become, or what we will be capable of, within a very short time (once we reach late adolescence, anyway).

So going back to the issue of self-esteem, it would logically be idiocy to attach too much hope on becoming the next Frank McGrath or even a slim featherweight bodybuilder if that happens to be beyond our genetic potential. Comparing ourselves with others to boost our egos and self-worth can provide short-term benefits at best, but if you don't have the genetic predisposition to become the person you aim to be, it will simply provoke long-term envy, anger and misery.

The best bet is to find some other area in which to assess your value as a person, be it as a good son, a good friend, a decent conversationalist, a man who can throw a good party, hell even just because you can organise your wardrobe well. For what it's worth, from someone struggling to achieve this cognitive 'breakthrough' myself in order to value my own worth as a person, I will say it's not an easy thing to do. But long-term, I know I will become a happier person if I can achieve this as would, I imagine, anyone else.

[hecad84]

Yobdior, I want to thank you specificially for your post. I think you managed to put into words very well how I've been feeling. Let me share a little more about my history.

As I stated in my first post that started this thread, I was the fat kid all through school. I was the easy target for name calling, insults, physical attacks, and just plain no one wanting to play with me or be my friend. I remember as a real young kid, coming home from school crying not knowing why people were so mean to me. It took a few years, but by fifth grade, I was able to say "f*** them all, I don't need anybody", and I proceded to go through the rest of my entire school career as a social hermit.

During my mid-20s, I got a job that required a fair amount of walking, and without even trying, my excess weight started dropping off. When I noticed this, and realized how much better I was feeling both mentally and physically, I decided to see how far I could go if I actually did try to loose weight. As stated earlier, the weight loss experiment turned out to be a success.

Two things then happened at the same time. People who knew me were noticing and making positive comments, which of course felt good. But the person who I was closest to also passed away, and for the first time in my life, despite having a loving family and despite never having a social life, I felt lonely.

So at the age of 26, I went out on my first date. I was full of optimism and good-feelings based on the positive remarks people had made. But of course, none of the people I had a date with knew anything about the old me and the improvement I had made. They only knew the me of now. And the me of now, despite how good I was feeling about myself, still wasn't good enough for anyone else. During the course of the next four years, I had maybe two dozen dates, visited the bars and clubs, visited online dating and chat sights, and wasted money buying new clothes that I thought flattered the new me. It didn't matter. By far most of those two dozen dates were people who I only saw once. I can count on one hand the number that made it to a second date, and the most dates I ever had with anyone was six. The bars and clubs were a disaster. I would get ignored all night every night, and all one had to do was look around to realize that no matter how good I was, there were several who were still better. The online thing didn't go so well either. People seemed to like the picture I would use, and then they'd be noticably disappointed in person. I used to have a friend who is my same age and was a former small-time underwear model in his early 20s. He and I went to the clubs/bars together several times. Never as a dating thing, just as a friends carpooling thing. He would tell me the old typical things about how nice of a person I am, the good heart and mind I have. I would tell him that no one comes up to you and says hi because of your heart. He never had a response to that.

By age 30, I had realized that dating, like my muscle building attempt, was another complete failure, and I gave up on it. In just four years, the full of optimism and feeling good about himself person, had become the kid from years before who realized that no one wanted to play with him or be his friend. I spent a year in depression, complete with the suicidal thoughts and whole nine yards, before I finally snapped out of it. It is now two years after I quit dating, and one year after the depression snapped, and I'm glad to be able to honestly say that I'm well on the road to mental recovery. I'm not quite there yet, but just like in my childhood, it took a couple years to fully accept being a social outcast.

[RPM]

Interesting post, thanks for sharing, I know it can't always be easy even in such anonymous places. I think a lot of people can identify with the situation regardless of whether they were fat or couldn't speak well or had some level of social phobia - these things get very complex. So many more people than you would ever expect have similar stories. But we're all great actors when it comes to fitting in - and covering up.

It is true that looks are an incredible percentage of the average first impression, but I don't believe certain aspects of them need be separated from the heart. Hair color, skin color, height, some default physical structure is there to stay, but concepts like discipline, integrity, taking care of what's yours (there's a word for it I can't remember), dedication, and other such "heart" things can often apply to your physical upkeep, y'know, how well you take care of your body. Pop magazines may have distorted these qualities to cartoonish proportions, but a lot of times, such "heart" characteristics are manifest through these aspects of your own physical maintenance, and so people actually can legitimately tell a bit about the heart, or at least somebody's priorities, with a simple glance.

So - I'm largely seconding most of what yabdior said. There's an issue of identity for all aspects of your persona - the employee, the son, the friend - but at the same time, the maintainer of your body is one of those as well. Again, I think I said before, you seem to have made a major improvement in the weight loss category, so once again, just keep in mind there's so much more to good health than muscle size. Heck, some of the strongest or toughest athletes (gymnasts, fighters/martial artists) even decry getting "too big" for optimal performance. There's all kinds of fitness pursuits going around, and what I've found is that if you pursue an activity for the mere enjoyment of it, or for simply staying true to your goal of investing effort in something worthwhile, then by simply focusing on that, all the other things like cosmetics fall into line on their own.

Unless, you're talking about you wish you had different hair or were 6" taller or had a more model-looking face, in which case I might have completely missed your point.

Am I making any sense anymore or am I completely lost? :P

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by hecad84

... and for the first time in my life, despite having a loving family and despite never having a social life, I felt lonely.

So at the age of 26, I went out on my first date.

By age 30, I had realized that dating, like my muscle building attempt, was another complete failure, and I gave up on it. In just four years, the full of optimism and feeling good about himself person, had become the kid from years before who realized that no one wanted to play with him or be his friend. I spent a year in depression, complete with the suicidal thoughts and whole nine yards, before I finally snapped out of it. It is now two years after I quit dating, and one year after the depression snapped, and I'm glad to be able to honestly say that I'm well on the road to mental recovery. I'm not quite there yet, but just like in my childhood, it took a couple years to fully accept being a social outcast.

WHOAH, Whoah, WHOAH!

Hecad84,
Let me reach through cyberspace and slap you upside the head! *Whap!*

Why on earth would you think it's all over for you, dating-wise, at age 32? Dating is a process, an exploration, a progression. NO body "knows" how to date from the get-go! Everyone has "dates from hell"! and dates that don't go anywhere. That's perfectly normal!

Where did you get the idea that everyone walks into "a crowed room, and somehow you know, you know even then, that you have found your true love," etc. etc.

Most people, self included, date for YEARS and meet some real TOADS, before they meet someone they are compatible with or even want to talk to for more than a few minutes. Developing relationships takes time, and a willingness to open yourself up to new experiences. Go and start a conversation with that attractive stranger! S/he's at least as nervous as you are. S/he doesn't know you, either---who knows what kind of baggage they are carrying around?

Hecad84, you need to realize that you have value-- you are determined, (set goals and achieve them, e.g., loosing weight) focused (working out, see long term gain for activity) and have some special attraction that makes you, "YOU". People respond to other people who are engaging, interested in them, and have interesting things to say. Ask open ended questions: what do you do? What's your favorite group? What would you do if you had unlimited amounts of money and unlimited time to do whatever you wanted? The point of all this is to engage people, show them you are interested in them, and you have interesting things to say, yourself.

Don't give up. Persistance wins the day.

Mdlftr

[Eager Muscle]

I was really touched by your forthrightness and please accept my perspective as given with the best of intentions.

First, I agree that it's ridiculous for someone to write themself off at 32. and OBVIOUSLY, if you don't put yourself out there - well nothing ventured, nothing gained. OBVIOUSLY, if a person isn't willing to settle for less than a gorgeous muscleboy or gal they, like ANYONE, are severely limiting their prospects. And obviously, some people meet their life partners when they're not even actively looking, when their guards are down, when they least expect it, at the corner store, yada yada yada.

[COLOR="Red"]But what no one seems to say is that it's also ALL RIGHT to be alone.[/COLOR]

Some people aren't cut out to be actors because they can't handle rejection audition after audition. And some people are just not cut out for the dating scene, or even relationships for that matter. That's either a tough or easy thing to admit to oneself depending on the individual. I know people who by their second divorce (with or without children) realized that they were happier alone because they came to the conclusion that it was EASIER. Didn't matter whether they found Mr. or Ms. "Right" or Mr. or Ms. "Good Enough." Does that mean they're lazy social misfits because they're SOCIALLY programmed (even though not actually hardwired) for marriage, family or at least sex involving actual penetration?

Consider this: Not everyone uses the internet because they have no alternative - a LOT of people prefer chatrooms to "conventional" human contact because it's easier. Let's be honest about musclegrowth sites...don't some of their users by definition PREFER fantasy, the safety of cyber-distance and the convenience of getting off on THEIR schedule to actual relationships and sex with another person? Does not wanting to make a commitment to or be disappointed by a real life flesh and blood human being make those users wrong, selfish, terrible, depressive, psychotic, on the fringe or in dire need of psychiatric help? NO.

Don't resign yourself to a single life, but do try to EMBRACE THAT POSSIBILITY. If it's your choice to stay within your comfort zone it doesn't mean you're a pitiable person - it just means you're doing what's right for you, and only YOU can determine what makes you happy and what's right for you, only YOU can determine your mindset. If you want to be single and give the love you have within yourself to a cat, it's your business and nobody else's. Granted, it's clear that being single and not dating doesn't make you happy, but as human beings we evolve even in our own personal bubbles, meaning you can REDEFINE your notion of happiness if you so choose. In short, don't let what you THINK may be right for you interfere with what you ultimately might KNOW is right for you.

Again, we're programmed to want sex, love and marriage "before it's too late and we're too old" but even if love begins at eighty, you can still be among the many elderly who have outlived their loved ones and friends. In other words, there's a lot to be said for living life to the fullest, you only have one life, but in the end many of us are going to end up alone anyway. It's the lone wolves that are best equipped to deal with that possible eventuality.

A controversial outlook and issues which are not openly discussed, perhaps - but worth considering.


[COLOR="Red"]"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."
- Dorothy Parker [/COLOR]