Connection...scary

[reese654]

I am under the possible misconception that because I like muscular men (but not the really hairy beer gut old guys) I am in love with my father.

I have never made this connection until now, and I am really scared. I do not want to be in love with my father. I am very unsure about this.

I am male.

[mordre_t]

Is your father particularly muscular?

It does not follow that this is necessarily so. If it did, how many straight guys would be in love with their mother?

[wolfotehmoon]

It's not hard to think that some people with this kind of fetish have "daddy issues." Nothing we say is gonna make you feel better, though. It might be better to go to a professional who can help you sort things out without covering up things that might come back to bite you.

[Yachirobi]

Our sexual preferences are often based on our parents but other factors always apply. Some elements of your father will definitely be present in future partners, but that's okay. All of the men in your life when you were growing up play a factor in who you will desire, but that doesn't mean that you desire your father.

I think Wolf is right to suggest that you seek professional help for this if it bothers you a great deal. It could be something else but, whatever it is, you shouldn't let this ruin your relationship with your dad. Lovers come and go but you can't replace a parent.

[Username3]

Don't worry. As long as it's purely a physical attraction, then you'll be okay.
If it's also a mental "love-love" attraction, there might be something strange going on. Even then, it's perfectly fine as long as you don't tell your father.

[reese654]

Here's the deal:

I was browsing pics and I found a few that reminded me of my father. This scared me and turned me off.
This is purely a physical thing.
This led to me believing I was mentally in love with him, which I do not want.
All of this happened very recently.
By the way, I have been obsessing about this for five days now and I have obsessed about stuff in a similar manner in the past. I think I have OCD.

[Mad Dog]

If thinking of your father turns you off, I don't think you have too much to worry about.

[Bull]

If being in love with one's father were a sign of mental illness, 90% of the women in the world would have to be locked up.

[reese654]

Originally Posted by Bull

If being in love with one's father were a sign of mental illness, 90% of the women in the world would have to be locked up.

I'm a guy.
I am pretty sure that I do not want to be in love with my father, I may love him as a father, but not as a lover, which I do not want.

I'm just...scared by these thoughts, is all.

[reese654]

I really want to pursue other guys, but I can't shake this for some reason.

[Stoneman]

It doesn't sound like you're in love with your father. It sounds like you're attracted to men who look like your father.

Those are different things. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[reese654]

sorry to bring this back from the dead, but I am worrying about it again after a long period of not thinking about it.

After some thought, I concluded that I have felt this strange feeling towards a variety of people throughout my life.

Including:
my dad
numerous friends


Am I confusing affection with actual love?

EDIT:
I also notice that when I am pleasuring myself, I sometimes have the image of my dad or my friend flash quickly in my head. I try to disregard it, though, as I find it displeasureful.

[Kyrosan]

First off let me say that I am NOT in any way an expert in this. That having been said, I have found that more often than not when you suppress feelings or "tuck them away" to deal with them later, they have a nasty tendency of fermenting in the back of your mind until they explode out in some manner, be it illness or unconscious "acting out" upon them. If this is an issue that bothers you, seek professional help. Talking to a professional IS NOT A BAD THING! It takes more guts to face your emotions than to hide from them.

Also, as has been mentioned in previous posts, perhaps your father or your friend have certain characteristics that you like, and that may be why they flash across your mind during masturbation, etc. This is not necessarily a bad thing. If you can identify what trait it is about them that you like, then you can imagine that trait on other people. For example, if your father is well-built and happens to have a nice chest, perhaps that is something that you like...it's not your father that you are attracted to...it's his chest. Do a search on the internet and see if you can find a picture of a man that has a similar chest (or whatever trait you find that you like about your father or friend). You'll probably find that after identifying what it is that you were thinking about when the images flash through will help to narrow down the trait that you have an attraction to.

We are all attracted to our friends and family in some way. Without a minimal attraction, we couldn't maintain friendships or family ties. It's that simple. However, an attraction to/for someone is NOT the same as lusting after them, so you also need to define if it's the attraction or an actual lusting for them. I'll bet you find that it's just certain traits about them that you find you like.

Once again though...if you are truly feeling troubled by all of this, definitely talk to a counselor.

[reese654]

That's not even the thing. I'm not physically/sexually attracted to my dad.
I'm just fixated on this weird feeling.

[cutlerfan]

I am also not an expert but thinking of your father during masturbation does not mean you are in love with him. He could simply represent your ideal of manhood which is not surprising because most guys want to be like their adult fathers as kids. Their dad is their first real glimpse into being an adult male so they tend to copy him. He could also represent security if you had a good childhood or something like that.

From what I have read about it and gather from friends who have OCD the thoughts are the disturbing thing so much that they take on a life of their own. It's a spiral of thought. Your mind may say something like ...I think I love my father but I shouldn't..or should I?..I'm nervous so I remember being safe or not safe as a kid, that makes me think of my father...and the cycle goes on and on.

Certain thoughts are associated with other ones we are often unaware of. After my mother died my sister had auditory hallucinations that my mother was yelling at her. A couple pills made them stop so I also suggest seeing a professional because you may be unconsciously avoiding something from your past.

While you feel that you are wrong for feeling what you do about your dad it may be your mind hiding away or disguising something else. Just a thought, a therapist/counselor or other professional will really help you to see what is bugging you and unmask the hidden parts of your mind; if any. I really hope this helps! Peace!

[reese654]

I know how I want to feel, but I can't stop obsessing about this.
Whenever I'm around these people, like my dad or friend, I just get these images in my head and I have a compulsion to shake my head or blink hard. It goes on all day like this.

This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I've obsessed about existential thoughts, apocalyptic scenarios, and even mundane things like object positions or whether my door is unlocked or not.

I have no idea what to do. I want these episodes to stop.

[Zap]

Mind over matter. If a guy looks like your father or someone you know, that doesn't mean you're in love with your father, you're in love with that specific guy. My boyfriend looks like he could be the brother of my cousin. Does that mean I love my cousin or I'm attracted to my cousin? No. Because my cousin isn't my boyfriend.

Though from the sounds of it, you need to see a therapist of sorts to get it sorted out. It's really no big deal from an unbiased stand point, but since you can't shake it, you're going to need outside help. Kind of like how people are afraid of X-harmless-thing and they can't get over it without help.

[nypup2train]

Originally Posted by Zap

Though from the sounds of it, you need to see a therapist of sorts to get it sorted out. It's really no big deal from an unbiased stand point, but since you can't shake it, you're going to need outside help.

Bingo... and also gets to the core of one of the most commonly-held misconceptions regarding counseling/therapy, one that's served to unfairly stigmatize the process and those undergoing it for decades.

Seeing a mental health professional does not imply you suffer from mental illness or that you're "crazy"!!

In fact, I'd even state it less strongly than you did, Zap -- it's not clear that reese654 is "going to need outside help" with the thoughts and feelings he's written about here. Plenty of people succeed in managing issues like these on their own. There are tons of self-help resources and advice available in book form and online, some of which even contain trace amounts of good advice mixed in with all the complete nonsense. Even discussing it on this forum is a form of self-analysis, whether he's aware of it or not. At the very least it's a better approach than not discussing it at all.

Hell, some people never do anything at all, and really do just live out their lives plagued by "harmful" (in terms of the effect on their emotional state and sense of well-being) thoughts. They just keep bottling them up inside and never explore the underlying problems that might, if addressed, give them some relief. That's kind of sad, but it happens -- there's no dire "need" for outside help except in rare cases where the problem could endanger someone's health.

BUT!!! Having said all that...

reese654, while it may be possible to deal with this on your own, through independent research and self-exploration, most people find that extremely difficult. If you're really bothered by these thoughts, and you want to do something to address them and allow yourself to feel better, choosing to seek outside help almost certainly has the best chance of success.

A therapist's job is not to "fix you" (you're not a broken wristwatch!) or to "judge you", but rather to assist and guide you in productively exploring these thoughts. They can also provide some external, unbiased perspective, something that can be extremely beneficial. It shouldn't come as a surprise that we have a hard time being objective when it comes to our own thoughts!

Anyway, good luck, and keep in mind that nobody can decide for you whether the thoughts you're having are "right" or "wrong", "good" or "bad", or whether they're "normal". "Normal" for you is different from "normal" for them, and everyone else has their own "normal" too. And the feelings are only "wrong" to the extent that they're bothering you and interfering with your happiness. They're only "bad" in the sense that you find them upsetting and don't know what to make of them. That's why understanding what's behind the issue is the key to dealing with it.

[anpuZA]

You are a sick, demented and morally dubious individual, who should be locked up with the key thrown away for good measure. Nothing else will safeguard society.

But enough about me, let's focus on you.

Thinking about such things, while masturbating etc. isn't exactly abnormal. Your dad might indeed represent your ideal male figure and it might just be that your mind is trying to supply the correct "symbol" for that particular need. Of course this will impinge on your moral system and cause all kinds of responses, like your arousal level hitting rock bottom and the "guilty" feeling you feel afterwards.

Like the above, my suggestion would be to visit a therapist since you seem to have difficulty controlling it and it is causing you distress. Remember that the mind is a complicated construct and that symbology (imho) plays a big role in our conscious and subconcious. So remain calm, I know that this is especially important with people who have OCD {like me} because once you obsess and stress the whole thing turns into a pot of boiling water that will basically boil over when you expect and need it least.

You are normal and not crazy! But really, go see a therapist, you might be surprised what you learn about yourself!