A friend needed in London

[Garfield11]

I'm 31 and beginning to wonder if I might be gay. I need a sensible person to talk to as I have no idea where to turn to for advice on this and would like to be certain myself before I spring this on my friends.

Steve.

[newmus]

i can only assume that there is some attraction to men, but are you sexually attracted to women? have you ever had sex with a woman? do you ever fantasize about women? if you answer to any of those questions is yes then you are probably not gay, bi-sexual maybe, but not gay. if your answer is no you may be gay or even asexual.

[Garfield11]

I've never had sex period. I've seen my dad's second long term relationship go sour and had a female work collegue try and get me sacked on the grounds of sexual harrassment. I've never really been interested in women but now I feel no attraction to them. I find myself looking at big burly guys.

[newmus]

Originally Posted by Garfield11

I've never had sex period. I've seen my dad's second long term relationship go sour and had a female work collegue try and get me sacked on the grounds of sexual harrassment. I've never really been interested in women but now I feel no attraction to them. I find myself looking at big burly guys.

hmm lets see, you've never had sex - that answers no questions, but posses many including the topic of this thread. your dad's situation that is interesting that you bring that up. it kinda seems random, but i know it's not so that must mean that "sour" is an underexageration. the coworker: now did you sexually harass her (even inadvertently)? or was she just being a bitch because she doesn't like you for some reason? have you ever been attracted to her or given her reason to believe that you were? now you say that you never were interested in women BUT now there is NO attraction. this last sentence and your previous experiences (which are not enough but maybe there is more you didn't disclose) imply that there was at one time a limited attraction to women. if that is the case then i wouldn't say that you are gay but bisexual with a same gender preference.
one more thing, it is possible that your friends have already come to the conclusion that you gay depending on how well the know you and how much they know about you.

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by Garfield11

I've never had sex period. I've seen my dad's second long term relationship go sour and had a female work collegue try and get me sacked on the grounds of sexual harrassment. I've never really been interested in women but now I feel no attraction to them. I find myself looking at big burly guys.

This scenario doesn't necessarily mean anything except that you are young and gaining life experience. I did not have sex until my 20s. I waited because I had strong religious convictions that dictate that sex should be reserved for procreation. In addition, I had read dozens of stories about people whose academic achievements and careers were either derailed or short circuited because they had sex early, got someone pregnant and had to live with the consequences.

Flash forward to today: Thanks to 30 years of "make money at all costs, and screw any sort of social safety net", the work place is more hostile and unforgiving than ever. People will use any technique to get ahead or score an advantage. If that means crying "sexual harassment" to remove a competitor, so be it.

The whole gay/straight thing is now as much of a political hot potato as anything else. Advocates on both sides are interested in whipping up the rhetoric to promote their point of view. To that end, everyone MUST be instantly classifed as "gay" or "straight" solely based on one action or one (or more) errant thoughts. Maybe someone likes muscles because they themselves feel powerless and yearn for the power and control that muscles represent. Maybe they're not interested in women because they fear the loss of control. Case in point: Elizabeth I of Great Britain never married -- historians (and arm chair psychologists) conclude it was NOT because she wasn't interested in men. It was because the political realities of the day meant that a singe "virgin queen" was more powerful and autonomous than a married queen with a consort.

Point being, most things only make sense in context. Don't sweat the labels and don't be in rush to apply one to yourself.

Mdlftr.

[paarke]

I'm not in London but I'm in the UK if you want someone to chat to. Feel free to send me a pm on here and we can get in touch if you'd like to.

[cutlerfan]

I would be more than willing to talk man. I only accepted being gay at 41. I wasn't in denial..I just never realized it as I never had sex. I'm still a virgin but I'm okay with that. If you want to talk, leave me a private message here and I can give you my yahoo messenger ID. Cutlerfan

[zs2284]

I'm in my twenties in London...pm me if you'd like to talk mate