My work in progress

[powaqqatsi]

I am currently about 220 lbs, 5'11" with (for reference purposes) 16.5" arms. I have been bodybuilding (non-competitive, hobbyist) for almost 20 years - about 10 of those years with a lot of focus and some degree of seriousness. Trouble is that I've also been drinking nearly every night of that time. With the help of my therapist, I am now ready to accept the fact that this has had an impact on my life and, for the purposes of this thread, my body. I know that under all the booze bloat is a fit body (no way to guess what it will look like) and I'm curious to see what all of my hard work has accomplished as well as to see the damage that I've done get undone.

If there is an interest, and if people can resist the very understandable temptation to focus on the habit end of this, I'd like to document my process here. I can't promise that it will be pretty all the time or that I will be able to give you some sort of great payoff or outcome. But it's occurred to me that a very effective way to beat these self-destructive patterns that I have is to use vanity - something that I've never really allowed myself to be in touch with.

Anyways, I'm rambling now but if there's an interest in seeing this I'll continue - probably work up the courage to post a picture later today. If not, no worries.

Thanks.

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

Anyways, I'm rambling now but if there's an interest in seeing this I'll continue - probably work up the courage to post a picture later today. If not, no worries. Thanks.

You ramble on to your heart's content, I am sure that several people will be interested to hear now you get on with your personal challenges.

[GoliathCA]

Good for you! In my twenties and thirties I had a tendency to over indulge also, especially social events and weekends. Now in my forties, more moderate drinker, occasional beer or glass of wine. Eventhough, I've been mostly active, now I feel I'm in the best physical shape of my life. Keep up the great work!

[powaqqatsi]

So I wanted to wait until I had a few days under of not drinking under my belt - so to speak - before continuing this thread. I've now gone 9 days without a drop of booze and I feel like I'm making excellent progress there. So let's start (or re-start) with some quick stats:

As of 4/9/2011
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 208 (goal 209) lbs.
BF%: 18 (goal 10)
Waist: 39.25 inches
Chest: 43.6
Arms: 16.25
Forearms: 12.75
Shoulders: 50.75
Hips: 41.5
Thighs: 24.6
Calves: 16.6
Neck: 15.8

I'm hoping to get all of the "good" measurements up by a few inches each while cutting down to be able to see abs. I'm currently lifting as heavy as I can with proper form 4 afternoons a week, doing yoga once weekly, and doing cardio 20-45 minutes in the morning most weekdays (school work allowing).

Once I get my BF% down a few more points I'll feel more comfortable posting a picture.

[powaqqatsi]

Took a bodfat measurement this morning of 16.8% so as sort of teased, I'd like to post a picture*. I'll post further measurements later this week. As I tighten up, I'm realizing just how good of shape I am probably in under the remaining 5-10% BF that I hope to lose. Which makes sense, I work out like a beast and I've been breaking personal records right and left. New sense of motivation, I guess. Lol I think we'll know that my self esteem has been repaired if I start soliciting you all for sponsorship.

As far as the drinking goes, I made it really easily through two weeks - which my therapist and I have taken to mean that it was probably just a habit I fell into and less of an actual addiction. But as I re-introduce it in my life as a social thing only time will tell.

(* any suggestions for a good, anonymous picture-posting site that I can use?)

[powaqqatsi]

* Found one:

http://img864.imageshack.us/img864/5...0425at1032.jpg

[martinp13]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

* Found one:

http://img864.imageshack.us/img864/5...0425at1032.jpg

Imageshack says picture link is "forbidden"?

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by martinp13

Imageshack says picture link is "forbidden"?

Lol fuck. Ok, let's try this:

http://stashbox.org/1105658/Photo%20...at%2010.32.jpg

[martinp13]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

Lol fuck. Ok, let's try this:

http://stashbox.org/1105658/Photo%20...at%2010.32.jpg

ROFL, that one worked... BIG time.

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by martinp13

ROFL, that one worked... BIG time.

lol I'll take that as a compliment.

If anyone feels icky from a straight guy trying to use gay dudes' support to motivate him please do speak up. Otherwise I'll stop feeling any sense of shame about this right now.

[1bigwoof]

You look like you are well on your way. The muscle is there and it looks like your efforts in the gym are paying off. Stay away from the booze, keep lifting & eating, and get proper sleep. Your frame looks like a good one on which to build some serious muscle. Good luck!

[martinp13]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

lol I'll take that as a compliment.

If anyone feels icky from a straight guy trying to use gay dudes' support to motivate him please do speak up. Otherwise I'll stop feeling any sense of shame about this right now.

Definitely meant as a compliment. Your sexuality is irrelevant... unless you don't want gay guys supporting you.

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by martinp13

Definitely meant as a compliment. Your sexuality is irrelevant... unless you don't want gay guys supporting you.

I agree with the irrelevance. But being in the minority I wasn't sure if it needed to be addressed or not. Having thought more about it: not.

[msllover]

DAMN holy shit dude, very nice. And, um, may I humbly point out: nice package. But yeah, the muscle foundation is there. And no we don't care about your sexuality. You do have the right to tell us (or me) if we go to far, no point in being uber uncomfortable.

Yeah, u'll catch some ladies w/ that mass for sure.

*wipes up drool*

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by msllover

DAMN holy shit dude, very nice. And, um, may I humbly point out: nice package. But yeah, the muscle foundation is there. And no we don't care about your sexuality. You do have the right to tell us (or me) if we go to far, no point in being uber uncomfortable.

Yeah, u'll catch some ladies w/ that mass for sure.

*wipes up drool*

lol thanks, man. Yeah, I'm pretty much comfortable with whatever. So no point in walking on eggshells either.

[powaqqatsi]

Latest Picture. Taken today.

http://stashbox.org/1108183/Photo%20...at%2014.13.jpg

I haven't been as committed as I'd like to going to the gym and keeping a meticulous diet (I'll give myself a solid B- for the past 5 days) but I've also been preparing for 4 concerts. Progress is progress, though, and I'm satisfied with how things are coming along.

[msllover]

Nice! And the larger areolas are nice, as your pecs develop and grow they will be the perfect size and should really help frame your whole chest area. Traps look very good and arms look AWESOME!

*sigh*

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by msllover

Nice! And the larger areolas are nice, as your pecs develop and grow they will be the perfect size and should really help frame your whole chest area. Traps look very good and arms look AWESOME!

*sigh*

Thank you. Yeah, I'm really working on my chest lately. Finally figured out how to target it and it seems to be catching up quickly.

[1bigwoof]

I agree with msllover--if you look this good at a "B- effort", imagine how awesome you're gonna look with an "A effort!" Thanks for the update.

[msllover]

*giggles* 1bigwoof agrees with me? *melts like a popscile in July*

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by 1bigwoof

I agree with msllover--if you look this good at a "B- effort", imagine how awesome you're gonna look with an "A effort!" Thanks for the update.

Yeah, that's exactly my mental sticking point. I've been working out like crazy for years but was never really allowing myself to see the improvements and now I'm at this weird place where I can see it but still need to make the leap to actually identifying with it. In my head, I'm still the slightly chubby kid I was in high school. So making the A effort, in a lot of ways, is something that that part of me still thinks of as the work of another person. I'm slowly bridging this gap, but it still exists.

This is all shit I'm working on and I don't really need this to turn into group therapy I'm just giving some insight into what's going on under the surface.

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

This is all shit I'm working on and I don't really need this to turn into group therapy I'm just giving some insight into what's going on under the surface.

No worries, big guy...I don't want to get on my soapbox but the forum is good for support and encouragement when it's wanted. In the meantime, keep on keepin' on.

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by msllover

*giggles* 1bigwoof agrees with me? *melts like a popscile in July*

You are kind....you've got a great perspective. I'm sure your encouragement is welcomed by those working hard on their bods.

[Brahma]

Originally Posted by 1bigwoof

You are kind....you've got a great perspective. I'm sure your encouragement is welcomed by those working hard on their bods.

Oh, his encouragement will be greatly appreciated when I come out of my shell and start showing progress pics.

[msllover]

I bet I could make a profit just by selling meds that reduce drooling. I'd have plenty of customers on this site

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by Brahma

Oh, his encouragement will be greatly appreciated when I come out of my shell and start showing progress pics.

Make it happen, big man!!

[Brahma]

Originally Posted by 1bigwoof

Make it happen, big man!!

I am, good sir. As hard and safe as I can.

[powaqqatsi]

Nothing much new to report but I found a picture on bodybuilding.com that I can say is exactly my goal:

http://img231.imageshack.us/i/1275817290676.jpg/

[powaqqatsi]

Just a quick update:

The drinking thing is less and less of an issue. In fact, it has been the opinion of multiple people with knowledge on the subject that what I've been doing is self-medicating for some sort of brain chemistry problem that makes it hard to get my head to "shut up" at night. I just assumed everyone was like this. Anyways, lots of research and preliminary tests point in the direction of ADHD and it makes absolute sense. This is actually very good news and I'm doing what I can to manage it before I'm able to get an official diagnosis.

After having looked more into the disorder, I'm learning to tap into an element of it that allows us to hyperfocus. It's sort of a contradictory thing but when we're able to focus it can be really, really intense. Now every time I work out I try to get into a zone where all that matters is the goal of beating my max, feeling my muscle expand to new levels of size, and concentrating down to even a group of fibers. It's a really surreal experience. I've been doing this for about two weeks and the results - while not terribly visible - are nearly staggering. Bodyfat is down to 16.9% while my biceps are up to 17 inches (up an inch in a month). I plan to be down to 15% and 18 inches by the end of August.

Latest: http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...704at1031.jpg/

It's turning out that so much of the problem was simply that I didn't know that my brain was not normal. I honestly never felt like I'd be able to reach any goals but this is giving me a totally new outlook. I can't even tell you how crippled and stunted my self-confidence has been and it's just starting to pick up.

Thanks for the encouragement. I expect this thread to get very interesting rather soon. Success is getting to be rather addictive and it seems to build itself exponentially. I just wish I had a job that gave me enough hours to buy more stupid protein, etc. I'm currently borrowing money to pay rent. I don't know if this is a solicitation for help or not but if there's someone out there looking to give it I can use it for about a month.

All in all, though, this is a good transitional period and I'll get through it - and closer to my goal - regardless.

[powaqqatsi]

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...18at10582.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...18at10572.jpg/

Two pics from this morning.

I've decided that my Omron bodyfat monitor is a piece of shit so I'm no longer going by that. Current stats:

Weight: 202
Waist: 36
Chest: 44.9
Arms: 17
Forearms: 13
Shoulders: 53
Hips: 40
Thighs: 24
Calves: 16.3
Neck: 15.75

All the numbers are going in the right direction. Unfortunately, my arms have hit a plateau but they have historically responded very well to anything I ask of them and my chest is finally getting to where I want it so as long as they don't go down I'll give them a few more weeks before I declare war and start pushing them to 18" (my short-term goal). I want to eventually push them to 20" but I'm honestly not sure if that can be done without chemical assistance - something I'm not afraid of doing but see no need to until I hit that natural wall on all fronts.

As I progress I'm thinking more and more that I do want to take this as far as I can. With or without steroids. I'm at least 4 months away from getting to the point where that's something I'm in a place, mentally, financially, and physically to think about. Once school starts again I plan on getting a full physical to see if my system can potentially handle that onslaught. Still, that's a while off and I have a lot of room to grow naturally. My genetics seem to want to play along.

Deeper update: I do indeed have ADHD. The doc has me on ritalin but I've decided to only take it when I need an extra push in focus. So long homework assignments, writing music scores (I'm a non-traditional composer) for my portfolio, longer concerts...things that I'd like to be able to do but usually feel like I'm in a cage halfway through.

[WhoDunIt]

You're doing great, just keep it up!

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...18at10582.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...18at10572.jpg/

Both pics are quite impressive but the V-shape in the second one is FANTASTIC. It almost made me overlook the bulging traps and huge shoulders. Well done.

You are wise to wait on additional supplements. Give your system some time to adjust to what the doc is giving you already. Best wishes for continued success!

[powaqqatsi]

Thanks to both of you.

[msllover]

I'm confused. In progress or nearing perfection?

[powaqqatsi]

Originally Posted by msllover

I'm confused. In progress or nearing perfection?

That is really sweet, but definitely in progress.

[powaqqatsi]

Not much new to report but bodyfat is at 16.2%. Weight is staying about the same, which is better than I anticipated. I suspect that will be harder to keep up as the bodyfat numbers get closer to single digits. I'll post full stats tomorrow or Wednesday. Meanwhile, here's a pic I was inspired to take after a shower:

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...125428162.jpg/

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by powaqqatsi

Not much new to report but bodyfat is at 16.2%. Weight is staying about the same, which is better than I anticipated. I suspect that will be harder to keep up as the bodyfat numbers get closer to single digits. I'll post full stats tomorrow or Wednesday. Meanwhile, here's a pic I was inspired to take after a shower:

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...125428162.jpg/

WOW! That will inspire me, too...thanks for the pic!

[powaqqatsi]

Latest stats:

Weight - 205 (as of 2 days ago, the rest just taken)
BF - 15.9%
Waist - 36
Chest - 44.5
Arms - 16.5
Forearms - 13.25
Shoulders - 51
Hips - 41
Thighs - 24.5
Calves - 16.5
Neck - 16

Overall, numbers are going in the right directions. A few losses in inches in places I don't like seeing them but I'm assuming that's due to fat loss so I'll take it. I'm working on getting my chest up to match my back as far as size and density. It's taken years, but I've finally figured out how to hit it without my shoulders taking over and I'm already seeing really fast progress. Give it another couple of months.

Still hoping to hit single digits with bodyfat % and that could realistically happen by the end of the year. After that, I want to bulk up to whatever my frame can naturally support while staying under 12% bodyfat.

Latest pics. Included legs this time.

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...113001264.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...730at1123.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...730at1124.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...30at11242.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images...730at1125.jpg/

[1bigwoof]

Man, you are looking really good. Super thick but lean, too. Don't get too caught up on the numbers. Legs look proportional to the rest of you. All looks good. Can't wait for more growth...keep it up!

[powaqqatsi]

Thanks. Yeah, the numbers aren't terribly important, just ways of staying honest and in perspective. I think I'm being fairly objective, though, when I say that my chest is somewhat lagging.