striking up a conversation with a muscledude

[musclesed]

i just posted a reply in muscle sightings about seeing a huge dude in target.
has anyone been approached or has anyone approaced a muscular guy just to talk?

would it be appropriate to say something like, "hey, nice arms... how do you work 'em"
or "what type of routine do you use for your arm/chest etc. workout?"

just wondering... thought i would see if anyone has ever been approached or approached anyone, and how it worked out.

thanks!

[dallasmsl]

If the guy doesn't even give you eye contact, well, admire from afar. If he at least gives you eye contact, relax, and then say what ever comes natural to you.

I remember once at the office there was a new toner delivery guy. He was BUILT. I remember walking past him and I said, "Great arms!" He smiled and said, "You too!" we started talking about bodybuilding and such but, unfortunately, he was straight. I saw him at a 24 hour fitness a few years later. Still a great build but married.

[UKBeefy]

I wonder what opening lines work without sounding salacious. Is a "looking good there" or a "looking big - very impressive body u got there" or is it best to concentrate on a particular bodypart - perhaps arms as they are easier to talk about/show off.

I always hate the "do u workout?" type questions so would not want to ask that. Perhaps a "how long u been lifting" or "have you thought of competing" may be better.

Would be good if there were some real experiences on here of what people actually said to big guys and what got a good response eg a flex or a continuing conversation.

[dallasmsl]

Hi UK. Great question. First, don't be so shy. Whether you are a flaming queen (no insults intended) or another aspiring bodybuilder, all of the bodybuilders I've met will accept compliments to their physique with great enthusiasm. Just don't try to grab their chest or arms without being given permission to first! But on the whole, a guy works out to build his body and help his ego. So, when some stranger comes by and says, "Great arms" or "Are you a bodybuilder" trust me, their world just melts.

Please don't ever ask, "Do you workout?" Gawd I hate that question. I always want to reply with, "No, I was born with these muscles."

[Minotaur]

Originally Posted by musclesed

just wondering... thought i would see if anyone has ever been approached or approached anyone, and how it worked out.

thanks!

I've done it three times, and it turned out to be a pleasant conversation...

1. I worked part time in the men's dept. of Macy*s aka Gaycy*s. I saw a big muscular guy shopping. He was wearing just a white T shirt and slacks. He was picking out some slacks and shirts, etc. I kept moving from area to area to follow him, but discreetly. When he was done and was ready to pay, I made sure I was at the register. I simply asked him "where do you work out?" He told me and we chatted about it. Then his girlfriend came along and gave me the evil eye.

2. A huge muscle guy that worked in Homo Depot. He was shaved bald, cleanshaven face and huge arms. I needed some lumber cut (that wasn't the only wood I had) which he did. Again, I just asked "so where do you work out?" He told me, we chatted for a few and parted.

3. In the diner one day, a short but very muscled bald and cleanshaven guy was sitting at the counter. As he was finishing up I asked "so where do you work out?" (is this a line, or what!? ). He told me he just bought a house and works out at home. I gave him a free pass to my gym and said that if he ever wanted to try it, feel free. We shook hands, introduced ourselves and went on our ways.

[Minotaur]

Originally Posted by dallasmsl

Hi UK. Great question. First, don't be so shy. Whether you are a flaming queen (no insults intended) or another aspiring bodybuilder, all of the bodybuilders I've met will accept compliments to their physique with great enthusiasm. Just don't try to grab their chest or arms without being given permission to first! But on the whole, a guy works out to build his body and help his ego. So, when some stranger comes by and says, "Great arms" or "Are you a bodybuilder" trust me, their world just melts.

Please don't ever ask, "Do you workout?" Gawd I hate that question. I always want to reply with, "No, I was born with these muscles."

Yeah, if you show that you know what you're talking about wrt muscle and working out, and you recognize the guy's physique and hard work, it's greatly appreciated. He'll be your friend for life.

[Marco_ukmus]

Originally Posted by dallasmsl

Please don't ever ask, "Do you workout?" Gawd I hate that question. I always want to reply with, "No, I was born with these muscles."

I so agree. Why do people ask that daft question. I guess its just a starting point to a conversation, but like you say, you can tell if someone works out or not, so therefore one should ask a more sensible question to spark a conversation, I mean, you already know they workout... so why not start the conversation with something you want to know...

Marc

[newmus]

i don't know if this counts but occasionally i talk to the biggest guy at my gym. but i'm so shy i don't even know his name and haven't even shaken his hand. oddly enough, our first conversation started when i asked him something like, "what does that (exercise) do?"
i would like to get to really know him (or any of the biggest guys there), at least as well as i know my co-workers, any suggestions? he is pretty friendly and vocal, especially when he grunts (quick, pass the vapors!). a real ego boost for me though, is the complements he has paid me personally and when i over heard him talking about me to someone.
and since i'm on the subject, he is black, about 5'8" - 5'-11", moderately handsome 250lbs or so, and his arms are at least 21". he has a nice chest and back (which isn't flat like the other big guys) and for some reason he hides his legs behind track pants, but don't worry, they seem to fill them out.

[Gastrocnemius]

Originally Posted by Marco_ukmus

I so agree. Why do people ask that daft question. I guess its just a starting point to a conversation, but like you say, you can tell if someone works out or not, so therefore one should ask a more sensible question to spark a conversation, I mean, you already know they workout... so why not start the conversation with something you want to know...

Marc

Opinionator <on>

I would guess that when someone asks that question, it's probably someone who doesn't exercise, and doesn't know what exercising can achieve... or, like you said, just an entry point to a conversation.

I think a complimentary statement is generally a better starting point than a question one already knows the answer to, but I would assume they're basically admiring what you've achieved.

It would be easy to say something like, 'Yes, I work out at <insert gym>. Thanks for noticing! Do you work out <echo his terminology>"...

Probably just a shy (?) guy who finally mustered the mental strength to say SOMETHING... Why not make him feel like a hero instead of a goof. I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes of meatheads being jerks... And who doesn't like getting complimented?

[brent]

How about, "Where do you work out?" I've had that used on me, and it started the conversation off well.

[UKBeefy]

Yeh that sounds like a better one Brent. I always think being asked the "do you workout?" question makes me feel annoyed rather than engaged. I tend to interpret it as people not really noticing that you are built and discounting your end result as if it could happen by accident. It should be obvious.

I know for those of us progressing along it is both a massive fillip to have someone notice your build but it can easily appear as if nobody has noticed or does not equate it with being remarkable enough.

What would be interesting is whether anyone has got someone to pose a bit or perhaps take off their shirt etc? If so what were the openers to get that beyond the usual gym discussions?

[biguglymofo]

The important thing to remember is....these guys are human, and they usually dig the attention....it's part of why they work on getting big, and a lot of them still see themselves as small, so a simple complement usually makes their day. Asking if they're on gear is taboo, but telling them they're huge, or asking them about training, etc....all okay. Some of the nicest guys I've met are huge, including my partner.

[muscle_mastah]

I agree with biguglymofo. It's a lot more accepting than I thought it would be. I mentioned it to this guy at the gym a few weeks back. About my height, extremely cut (<8%) and huge delts and traps. He appreciated the comment, lamented about losing strength while he was cutting but was doing it for the summer.

[Mdlftr]

I find that making a comment appropriate to the situation, in a non-threatening way, is a good opener. You can get some surprisingly positive responses!

For example, I was working out at my gym at a time about an hour later than I usually do. (I'm usually gone by this time). I saw a guy, very tall and VERY big. Short blond hair (almost a crew cut or something even shorter, like a "baldy sour") and small wire frame glasses, with a snug fitting tank top and shorts. I noticed him and continued my workout. It just so happened that we were both doing chest that day, so I had a good opportunity to observe him inbetween my own sets.

As I finished, I saw him near me about to do behind the neck db triceps presses. I had just done my own sets, so I was near his location in the short chair. He had seen me working out also, and had seen that I was focused on my own workout: no staring, no hanging around bsing with other people. I was about to leave for the morning, when I thought to myself, "what the hell?" and went over and asked him, "Excuse me, but I just had to ask -- how BIG are you?"

He was very friendly. He told me [6'4", 240#] and I mentioned that he reminded me of some of the big guys I'd seen around at a pro bbing show I'd attended. He was REALLY interested. He started asking me how I thought he compared, and if I thought he was ready for competition, size-wize! After a brief conversation, I thanked him and left for the locker room.

A few minutes later, I was standing there drying off my shower and putting on my shorts, when the same guy walks in, obviously looking for me. I looked up, a bit apprehensively, since I couldn't imagine what he wanted. He walked over and stood next to me, and started flexing for me, wearing his tank top and shorts, and asked me again how I thought he stacked up against the competitors I'd seen and whether or not I thought he should compete, or whether he should gain another ten pounds or so! I sort of stammered out that I thought he was pretty damn competitive right now, and that I was sure he'd cream the competition.

It was cool and sort of awkward and intimidating at the same time. I am within an inch of his height, but give him (at the time) 35#, easy. He made me feel quite small! I was impressed as hell with his build, but was totally clueless as to where to go from there. I'm NOT interested in any kind of fooling around. I WOULD love to workout with someone like that with his experience and results, but I didn't have the nerve to voice that , "So you wanna workout sometime?!"


Anyway, give it a shot! These guys can be quite friendly, and once they know you work out and are interested in bbing yourself, it's a good topic!

Mdlftr

P.s. [I'm sure to get sh*t from 6'5" Stache Dude about the fact that this guy was blond! ]

[6-5 stachedude]

Ah-haaaaaa!!!

[CelticMuscle]

I recently started chatting to a 225lb 21 year old from Gettysburg, and I started like this:

Me: Good afternoon,how are you?
Muscle Friend: I'm fine
Me: That's good to hear. How's the training going then?
Muscle Friend: doing great, making good gains
Me: May I ask what your best lifts are?
Muscle Friend: bench 535, squat 725 deadlift 685 barbell curl 285
Me: Goodness, and a 300lb bicep curl just for good measure!
Muscle Friend: only 285 for now, have to break 300 yet lol

and then started to chat about his other muscle interests. I think the main thing is that you have to show a genuine interest in what the other person does and just be polite

[UKBeefy]

285 on a barbell curl????? does that sound unbelievable to you? that is like 50kg each end....am I the only one that thinks that is way to much for a 21 yr old? Or are we talking a one off powerlifting type rep?

[ethernet_jock]

uhhh yeah... 285 is pretty un-real. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who can do that but to me... that's about like a "final goal".

of course... a 500-something-lb bench is equally un-real to me.

[powervoice]

I had a nice experience IN NYC a few weeks ago. As I left my hotel , there was a tall, African American bellman stationed at the entrance, hailing cabs and assisting guests with luggage. He was incredibly well-defined, but not huge (about 6', maybe 215-220). Here's where he stood out from the crowd; he was wearing well-fitting black trousers and a black 'muscle fit' t-shirt and has ENORMOUS upper arms. I watched him heft and load baggage into several cabs; his bi's and tri's exploding and splitting into relief with every movement. When it came time for him to assist me, I simply said, "I just have to tell you, your upper arms are incredible." He turned out to be very charming, and certainly appreciated the comment. He thanked me and joked, saying "Oh, yeah, they're all silicone..." while flexing a left arm that he claimed to be 19 inches. I had no reason to doubt him.

A side scene developed. As he flexed and showed off, a party of 8 or 10 20-something young women squealed and shrilled their approval. A couple of them even ran over and felt him up.

Very fun.

[newmus]

Originally Posted by powervoice

I had a nice experience IN NYC a few weeks ago. As I left my hotel , there was a tall, African American bellman stationed at the entrance, hailing cabs and assisting guests with luggage. He was incredibly well-defined, but not huge (about 6', maybe 215-220). Here's where he stood out from the crowd; he was wearing well-fitting black trousers and a black 'muscle fit' t-shirt and has ENORMOUS upper arms. I watched him heft and load baggage into several cabs; his bi's and tri's exploding and splitting into relief with every movement. When it came time for him to assist me, I simply said, "I just have to tell you, your upper arms are incredible." He turned out to be very charming, and certainly appreciated the comment. He thanked me and joked, saying "Oh, yeah, they're all silicone..." while flexing a left arm that he claimed to be 19 inches. I had no reason to doubt him.

A side scene developed. As he flexed and showed off, a party of 8 or 10 20-something young women squealed and shrilled their approval. A couple of them even ran over and felt him up.

Very fun.

obviously this story is fake. NYC cabs stopping for a black man?!?!

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by newmus

obviously this story is fake. NYC cabs stopping for a black man?!?!

Well, he IS the bellman, so they probably DID stop! Most NYC Bellmen I've seen look NOTHING like this, however!

Maybe a little wishful thinking???



Mdlftr

[powervoice]

Well, he might not have been a bellman, but he certainly was employed by the hotel.. At any rate, those football sized arms, he could call himself whatever he likes, I'd guess.

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by CelticMuscle

I recently started chatting to a 225lb 21 year old from Gettysburg, and I started like this:

Me: Good afternoon,how are you?
Muscle Friend: I'm fine
Me: That's good to hear. How's the training going then?
Muscle Friend: doing great, making good gains
Me: May I ask what your best lifts are?
Muscle Friend: bench 535, squat 725 deadlift 685 barbell curl 285
Me: Goodness, and a 300lb bicep curl just for good measure!
Muscle Friend: only 285 for now, have to break 300 yet lol

and then started to chat about his other muscle interests. I think the main thing is that you have to show a genuine interest in what the other person does and just be polite

The bar weighs 45lbs, therefore the weights are 120lbs on each side and he manages 4 reps at the moment. Will increase the weight to 300 when he can manage 10

[UKBeefy]

But Celtic I've never seen anyone curl 50kg each side anywhere. Especially a 21 yr old. Am I the only one here that simply does not believe that. We are talking barbell curls are we not?

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by UKBeefy

But Celtic I've never seen anyone curl 50kg each side anywhere. Especially a 21 yr old. Am I the only one here that simply does not believe that. We are talking barbell curls are we not?

That's right (even he admits that 285lb dumbell curls would be a Herculean effort!)

[UKBeefy]

Well then I simply do not believe that a 21 yr old is barbell curling what alot of guys can't squat.

I have found on certain site (this site excluded) that there seem to be alot of fantasy merchants where the conversation starts something like

Me : Hi
Them : Hi Hows it going?
Me : You workout?
Them : Yeh am 5ft8 245 50c, 34w 19a aged 20...
Me : How long you been working out
Them : about 6 months
Me : do you have any pics of urself
Them : Yeh (and they send a pic of a minor pro that u know is not them) or they say no I don't have pics (.....yeh right and nobody has ever taken a pic of u)
Me: Goodbye....

Celtic I really do not believe that your young correspondent is telling the truth. Unless he has pics or is someone u could corroborate some other way then I tend to assume they are making it up if they are too young or too big or both.

[dallasmsl]

I remember once receiving a pic from a flight attendant of "himself". I immediately recognized it as Eddie Robinson sailing on the water on a lake. I told him, "That's Eddie Robinson!" He said, "No! That's me!" I just laughed.

But the real funny and CLASSIC phoney pic episode I had was when a guy in Houston and I exchanged pics on AOL. He went first. I laughed out loud when I opened the pic and discovered it was ME! I told him, "That's ME!" and he immediately signed off. I saw him later online and he told me he had a body very much like mine and didn't have a pic of his own so he was using mine. LOL. Too funny.

[not2bright]

I never thought I'd gather enough courage to start up a conversation with a stranger at the gym, but now that I have finally broken through, I have to agree that it was a good experience. The recipient was genuinely flattered, and was happy to answer my questions and give advice. What I remember most was that afterwards, he returned to his workout with a heightened sense of intensity. Think Tom Hanks in "Big," walking into work the morning after he "did it."

Well, okay maybe not THAT bad, but you get the idea.

I ended up making a few friends at the gym, too. One of them introduced me to an aspiring bodybuilder who was getting ready for his first show. Through a bizarre turn of events, he ended up asking me to take some pre-contest pictures and measurements for him. I remember watching him peel his shirt off as I thought to myself, "This is the biggest, most built guy I've ever seen!"

The only problem was, I said it out loud! I must have turned 10 shades of red, but he thought it was funny. He graciously accepted my pseudo-compliment, and said that this was "just the beginning."

[RyBearATL]

"...how do I tell them that I have no internal dialogue? Oh, I guess I just did."

LOL.

-R

[dallasmsl]

Originally Posted by not2bright

I remember watching him peel his shirt off as I thought to myself, "This is the biggest, most built guy I've ever seen!"

The only problem was, I said it out loud! I must have turned 10 shades of red, but he thought it was funny. He graciously accepted my pseudo-compliment, and said that this was "just the beginning."

Sounds like he liked what you said! I know it helps to have friends who are supportive and say positive things to you when you are training for a contest (or just training to get big).

[MuscleAvatar]

Originally Posted by Minotaur

Yeah, if you show that you know what you're talking about wrt muscle and working out, and you recognize the guy's physique and hard work, it's greatly appreciated. He'll be your friend for life.

I wish I could have said something to that dude at Baja Fresh....