The Security Center

[R Chris Cooper]

Deleted
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[ttownlittlebear]

Great story as always

[Generitrans]

It's a nice concept, but I really think the meeting with Adam went way too fast. I mean, Adam tears off his clothes within seconds of meeting our character, before a word of dialogue is spoken between them. What? Why? There's no apparent reason for it at the time, our main character takes suddenly being dumped from a normal day into a porno movie completely in stride, and we aren't even given any explanation later. It really killed my immersion in the story and broke the suspension of disbelief hard.

I'm all for getting to the good stuff, but an instant striptease out of nowhere is jarring as heck. Mind you, now I'm probably going to fantasize for the rest of the day about some random stranger suddenly pulling me off the street or out of the hall for sex for no reason whatsoever. So thanks for that.

[Lucas88]

I like the concept...it PAYS to be nice to people , especially older relations.

[R Chris Cooper]

Originally Posted by Generitrans

It's a nice concept, but I really think the meeting with Adam went way too fast. I mean, Adam tears off his clothes within seconds of meeting our character, before a word of dialogue is spoken between them. What? Why? There's no apparent reason for it at the time, our main character takes suddenly being dumped from a normal day into a porno movie completely in stride, and we aren't even given any explanation later. It really killed my immersion in the story and broke the suspension of disbelief hard.

I'm all for getting to the good stuff, but an instant striptease out of nowhere is jarring as heck. Mind you, now I'm probably going to fantasize for the rest of the day about some random stranger suddenly pulling me off the street or out of the hall for sex for no reason whatsoever. So thanks for that.

Oh please! Adam hasn't had sex for months! He is horny and hot to trot.

I admit that it is a bit abrupt and perhaps there could have been more character development but Adam was working out and the uniform as sleazy as it may have been was there to intimidate and perhaps seduce. Adam did finish his workout before there was real physical contact--i.e. worship. Adam built his body to be worshiped and the narrator was not about to turn down the chance to get his hands all over those huge muscles.

Coop

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by Generitrans

It's a nice concept, but I really think the meeting with Adam went way too fast. I mean, Adam tears off his clothes within seconds of meeting our character, before a word of dialogue is spoken between them. What? Why? There's no apparent reason for it at the time, our main character takes suddenly being dumped from a normal day into a porno movie completely in stride, and we aren't even given any explanation later. It really killed my immersion in the story and broke the suspension of disbelief hard.

I'm all for getting to the good stuff, but an instant striptease out of nowhere is jarring as heck. Mind you, now I'm probably going to fantasize for the rest of the day about some random stranger suddenly pulling me off the street or out of the hall for sex for no reason whatsoever. So thanks for that.

DUDE! You had BOTH hands free to type after you read this?!

Terrific self control!

[philat99]

Great story and, in my opinion, perfect pacing! I loved the "if you want me - my heart anyway" offer from Adam!