How to pick up a Muscle-Monster

[lovetostrut]

You are in the supermarket when suddenly you see a huge, 300 pound Muscle-Monster swaggering down the aisle and showing off every bulging inch of his exploding, pumped-up physique. He catches you checking him out and then stops. What's your best line to pick him up?


1. Do you talk to mortals?

2. I need sand kicked in my face.

3. I have enough oil at home for both of us.

4. My apartment has lots of big mirrors.

5. Are those muscles good for anything?

6. I'm a SUCKER for feats of strength.

7. ??????

[arpeejay]

I like # 3 but then I've never succeeded in picking up even a little muscle monster, much less a huge one, so feel free to disregard my input!

xoxo

Richard

[CelticMuscle]

Originally Posted by lovetostrut

You are in the supermarket when suddenly you see a huge, 300 pound Muscle-Monster swaggering down the aisle and showing off every bulging inch of his exploding, pumped-up physique. He catches you checking him out and then stops. What's your best line to pick him up?

I would say the following: "Do excuse me, but would you be so kind as to breath in please, I am having trouble passing you with my trolley"

[Mike120Mike120]

Hello, my name is (insert name here). How are you doing?



I think the simple direct approach alwasys works. Although asking if he knows what isle the fresh beef is on could work.

[hulkoutlvr]

I would probably say, "Your body is like a Visa Card. It's everywhere I want to be."

or perhaps: "If I take two taxis and a bus, is there any chance of getting on your good side?"

[TheMM]

Originally Posted by hulkoutlvr

I would probably say, "Your body is like a Visa Card. It's everywhere I want to be."

or perhaps: "If I take two taxis and a bus, is there any chance of getting on your good side?"

I gotta remember that first one! That's certainly one to remember (even if it's a bit cheesy).

As for the 2nd one, I'll give it points on changing a "yo mama" joke to a compliment.

[Eager Muscle]

Hey, Sprout!

[chocomus]

If i dared to speech i'd say: Wow dude! Amazing!

[tarmangani]

Usually these guys have spent a lot of time getting their bodies to where they are so "Damn, you're big!" or "You're huge!" would probably be the most appreciated. If it looks like they've got a sense of humor, you could always try, "Gee, it's a shame the way you've let yourself go." Whatever the opening line, be ready to talk about them. Their motivation. How long they've been training. What's their training routine like. Remember, these guys didn't work that hard to go unnoticed.

[hoosierlifter]

There's one guy at my gym that I've made that comment to tarmangani. I said "wow, you've really let yourself go haven't you?". At first he looked at me puzzled then laughed. He's smaller than he was when I first met him as a junior in college, he was HUGE then. Now he's still big, but more defined and definitely hot.

[musclehabilles]

The best thing to do would be to ignore him and go about your business. Any attempt at communication will be ignored or disdained. Muscular guys care only about themselves and maybe others like them.

Your best action would be to ignore him... then watch wistfully as he walks away.

Yes, I'm a bitter fat loser, before you say anything about me. I tried to contact a guy for a while, and I find he's been ignoring me on purpose because I don't look like him or his friends. I've tried working out to no avail.

I give up.

[abbraxis]

Well, I could never say anything to him cause my brain would deflate... but I like number 1 the best. I doubt I could muster up the courage to say it, but it would probably be the first thing to pop into my mind after "uhhhh, uhhhhh... wow..."

Plus, I wouldn't want to have sex with him. I would just wanna watch him pick up heavy things without a shirt on ...

[Excelsior]

Originally Posted by musclehabilles

The best thing to do would be to ignore him and go about your business. Any attempt at communication will be ignored or disdained. Muscular guys care only about themselves and maybe others like them.

Your best action would be to ignore him... then watch wistfully as he walks away.

Yes, I'm a bitter fat loser, before you say anything about me. I tried to contact a guy for a while, and I find he's been ignoring me on purpose because I don't look like him or his friends. I've tried working out to no avail.

I give up.

My god, your like Calvin Kavanagh...
Would you like your ego stroked now or later...

BTW: I've been rejected plenty of times, and I haven't let that set me back at all. I truly feel sorry for you if you would be unable to take a stab at talking. A well, I couldn't give a flying fuck what you think anyway.

[Lifter73]

Originally Posted by musclehabilles

The best thing to do would be to ignore him and go about your business. Any attempt at communication will be ignored or disdained. Muscular guys care only about themselves and maybe others like them.

Your best action would be to ignore him... then watch wistfully as he walks away.

Yes, I'm a bitter fat loser, before you say anything about me. I tried to contact a guy for a while, and I find he's been ignoring me on purpose because I don't look like him or his friends. I've tried working out to no avail.

I give up.

I can ONLY imagine what this guy is like in public, or when he tries to associate with others, especially muscular guys. His attitude and body must communicate loads of insecurity and bitterness. And whether someone is muscular or not, why would someone even want to meet or associate with someone like that? And he wonders why the guy he is pursuing is giving him the brush off?

Hey, a long time ago I figured out that guys with muscles are just that.....people that just happen to live in big muscular bodies (like me).

I'll talk to people and I will give you the time of day as long as you don't come off as a jerk, or have an attitude, come off like a blabbering fool or salivating like a mad dog (and do not even try to keep me engaged during my gym time...yes, you will be ignored!) . Just be yourself, show some respect, decorum, common sense and PLEASE no stupid or sleazy come-ons.

In short, muscle guys want respect and need love too!

D

[7leecker]

where'd you find the arugula?

[musclehabilles]

I would like to apologize for my earlier tirade.

I've been under some stress, and that fellow I mentioned got under my skin. So, in my anger, I vented here, which was a bad choice: bad-mouthing muscular guys in a forum that celebrates muscular guys. Yeah, real genius there.

I'm sorry.

Now, before you think I'm going on the defensive, I'd like to say that I'm not a complete waste of protoplasm (only mostly).

While I will admit I am overweight, I've been told I'm not that bad looking. (If I could figure out how to get an Avatar, I'd post a face pic to reveal myself; I'm told I clean up nicely.) Though, I know I still need a lot of work to look good.

As for my personality, I'm not completely inept (only mostly). My years of low self-esteem have left me very shy, so rarely do I talk to anyone, even what few friends I have managed to find have learned to cope with my solitary behavior. I'm still in the process of overcoming this. The only reason why I can be this verbose on-line is that contact can be anonymous. Also, communication is important here.

There, I've said what I wanted to say.

I'm sorry if I upset or angered anyone with my ranting.

PS: Who is Calvin Kavanagh? My searches indicate he is a model of some sort?

[Excelsior]

Originally Posted by musclehabilles

I would like to apologize for my earlier tirade.

I've been under some stress, and that fellow I mentioned got under my skin. So, in my anger, I vented here, which was a bad choice: bad-mouthing muscular guys in a forum that celebrates muscular guys. Yeah, real genius there.

I'm sorry.

Now, before you think I'm going on the defensive, I'd like to say that I'm not a complete waste of protoplasm (only mostly).

While I will admit I am overweight, I've been told I'm not that bad looking. (If I could figure out how to get an Avatar, I'd post a face pic to reveal myself; I'm told I clean up nicely.) Though, I know I still need a lot of work to look good.

As for my personality, I'm not completely inept (only mostly). My years of low self-esteem have left me very shy, so rarely do I talk to anyone, even what few friends I have managed to find have learned to cope with my solitary behavior. I'm still in the process of overcoming this. The only reason why I can be this verbose on-line is that contact can be anonymous. Also, communication is important here.

There, I've said what I wanted to say.

I'm sorry if I upset or angered anyone with my ranting.

PS: Who is Calvin Kavanagh? My searches indicate he is a model of some sort?

Hehe, it's cool with me.

I would like to say though that Calvin Kavanaugh is a fictional character from the TV show called Stargate Atlantis. If write a lot of fanfiction detailing relationships between the characters John Sheppard and Rodney Mckay. Kavanaugh is always a pompous, arrogant, stuck-up, annoying, rude and abrasive egotistical moron, and he sometimes the nemesis.

Enough of my Wikipedia-esque moment...

Waste of Protoplasm???
Technically it should be Cytoplasm, unless your a single celled organism, then typing would be a challenge.

[musclehabilles]

Ah, cytoplasm.

Heh. The way I act, I might as well be a single-cell organism.

[hulkoutlvr]

Hey, don't feel so bad,

I'm not a muscle guy either. I'm short (5'4) and a little rounder (159) than probably most muscle guys are looking for, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be friends with them. I like 'running with the big boys'. I've found most of them pretty approachable. The key is to be at ease with yourself. I'll never take Mr Olympia, no doubt, but each of us has our own unique abilities and things that make us special. I happen to be an award winning playwright, with over a dozen of my plays having won prizes and been performed at performing arts centers all over my region. Writing is sort of my version of the gym. Behind the typewriter is where I get that orgasmic feeling that must come with good pump. And while I feel there's much to be said for a great set of pecs and seam busting biceps, I can honestly say I wouldn't trade what God gave me as far as my abilities for anything I could get in a gym. I'm me, and I'm ok with that. I hope you can find that someday too.

[boobuddy12345]

[COLOR=blue]"...excuse me, but I'm gay and I'm hot for you in a really big way...could we meet outside after shopping so you can beat me to an inch of my life?"[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#0000ff]I would not pursue anyone in a grocery store....real trouble.[/COLOR]

[GrowWithMeBro]

I'm not huge (yet), but I'm pretty sure I'm bigger than a lot of you guys.

No cheesy pick-up lines and no, "wow, you're big" comments if a guy is SUPER big.

Big guys (and those of us focused on getting big) care about ONE THING - getting bigger. And how do we grow? Training, food, and rest. If you're a little guy, you can't help with training or rest, but you can help with food.

Offer to buy us a meal or make us dinner. We can always eat.

But do try to be cool about asking - be friendly and confident. And don't expect to get laid just because you buy (or make) dinner.

[hulkoutlvr]

Most of the bodybuilders I know already know they have hot bodies, so a line concerning their physique might come off as boring. And believe it or not a lot of them would like to be complimented for something internal for a change. More than once I have started a conversation by saying, "I really admire the kind of discipline and determination you must have to achieve what you have with your body". Discipline and determination are admirable internal qualities. Granted, they are tied to the body, but still it's a way of giving them an original compliment without sounding like you want to get into their pants.

[Freaker!!]

The best line is body language. Walk by and tentatively flex your whole upper bodymass then hit a modest double biceps looking away and look at your right biceps. If you're huge, which we all are, admire his biceps before eye contact and then nod up and down slowly and SMILE. Another trick is to wear lose thin cotton track pants and let your cock go erect to the point it becomes obvious your aroused.

[EQQUS]

"say... where do you buy y your clothes? Im always having trouble getting larger sizes"

[bigglutes]

Smile. Raise up you right thumb. Look him in the eyes and
say hiya future Mr. Olympia ! give it some emotion.
If he does not know what you just said then you do not want to know him any way! LOL
I have said this before to several bodybuilders in public and only one had to think and ask me "can you repeat yourself". Then on the third time he got what I was saying.
It always helps to smile, speak with your eyes and eyebrows, to give a whitty good hearted comment, to some one else.
What do you guys say?

[Freaker!!]

There's no point buying a suit. It only looks like you have ridiculously padded shoulders, when of course underneath is solid muscle that no-one can believe. So they tend to think you're just a poser, all show and no substance. So I've found a shop that sells stretch lycra tank tops and 1940's pleated trousers. I need lots of pleats so the trousers can cope with the massive amounts of movement as my muscles reshape when I sit down. My arse tends to split them open from top to bottom at the rear and when that happens when I'm squatting in trousers - sometimes when I get to gym I'm too hyped up and eager to squat - the surprise appearance of my tight muscular pucker can make men standing behind me faint. Sitting also seems to swell my thighs and it has the same effect. Regular trousers burst at the sides with a deafening crack! So I gave up enen trying to fit into regular pants. Beside the waist lines became ridiculously wide. All this fuss started after I hit 220 lbs and went from getting a PUMP where it was like going beyond the pain barrier, to getting a PUMP and finding it felt orgasmic. That's when I really started to grow. But when I found lifting maximum weights and each rep became a mini orgasm I soon found I needed these special clothes. My body exploded in just 1 month! Then I found this shop that has XXXXL strech lycra tops that I could fit into, though the sholders were tight. The good part is the way they can stretch a lot so they fit with room to grow some more before they become too small. But the standard XXXXL exta-strech-tank-tops don't do much to emphasis my increasingly narrowing waist. But if you buy 5 of more pairs they'l taylor them for no charge. They need to be taylored to fit me beacuse where they fit over my of my Pecs the fabric is stretched, just as it is where it covers the 3 distinct and prominent heads of my deltoids that men want to suck and lick all the time. But without a small adjustment these XXXXXL tank tops can't follow the countours of my Pecs enough and they end up hanging down like a curtain before they reach my nipples because they're so down-turned. But some men like the curtain look. They say they like the way it makes my waist into a mystery not knowing just how waspish my waist is. Or could be. When I invite them to lift the veil it is usually too muchto find what's awaiting them underneath and what happens next if they don't immediately faint.

[Freaker!!]

He stops and looks down at the bottom shelf. But he doesn't move and soon you realise there's nothing there worth staring at. You keep watching and he reaches out and takes something small of the middle shelf and his head turns ever so slightly towards you and you know he's checking you out checking him out. So you approach his side of the isle pretending to be checking out a nearby item. You put it back and then pick up the same item as he's got. You then say, "I can see how fit you are".