The intimidation factor

[chimewolf]

I just started going to my local gym and I feel royaly intimidated every time I go in and it's making me not go as much as I should.
I am looking for tips for how to not feel so intimidated every time I go.
Here are my factors for how much intimidation I feel:

How too many people are there, (the amount differs every day, not weekly but daily. bigger influence), the more people the more I want to leave.

The fact I am the only overweight guy there, (as far as I can see every guy except me are either really fit or skinny tooth picks, including the newer members)

ALL the old ladies (80+) check me out, remarks and looks (creepy)

Any tips to combat this gym intimidation.

-CW

No, I do not have a workout partner.
No, the gym is not open past 9PM and it opens at 5AM, lots of people at both times.

[arpeejay]

Everyone starts somewhere; the really big built guys were all overweight once. All the old ladies are thinking, "me oh my, he's a handsome young man!" All the skinny guys are thinking, "man, I wish I could get that big!"

Be there, be consistent, ask for advice (do they have a trainer?), work on your diet, make sure you do cardio. You will improve, you will advance, and people will grin at you, knowing what a good job you're doing.

xoxo

Richard

[chimewolf]

Now to deal with the large group of people phobia.

[anglekindle]

I usually feel intimidated too. It helps if you find a time where its not so crowded.

[inflated]

Before you even go to the gym, have a workout put together so you can go there with a purpose. If you workout out with a purpose, as much intensity as you can handle, and pay attention to how each exercise feels, you will forget that anyone else is even in the gym. Wear the work out clothes that you think you look best in it will make you feel better about self image. People will not look down on you if you are working hard in the gym.

[chimewolf]

Originally Posted by anglekindle

I usually feel intimidated too. It helps if you find a time where its not so crowded.

I have no clue when that would be, there is always a lot of people there.

[AS2000]

A lot of crowding depends on the gym you're at. January is always crowded, and February too. Back in January, I started going later (8pm) so I wouldn't have to hunt for equipment. Now that it's back down, I'm still going at that time, because it works. And on the weekends, my gym is pretty empty. (Not the case everywhere though. You mentioned that yours is crowded early and late. Maybe noon? Some are better then.)

Looking at it on a more fundamental level though, I'm going to agree with inflated. I go when it's less crowded so I can pretty much do my workout in the order I want, instead of having to constantly adjust for what equipment is available. But in there, I don't really pay much attention to other people, except to note if they're occupying equipment or not. I focus on my workout, focusing my attention on form and trying to lift just a little more. In between sets, I take pretty short rests (30-60 sec usually) and focus on counting down, breathing, maybe some minor stretching/movement so I don't tighten up, etc. I don't have much time to notice anyone else. (And if the old ladies are saying stuff about me, I don't care.)

Ultimately, you're doing this for yourself, not for the other people at the gym. I'd say focus on your own workout. Concentrate hard on working your body, every moment of the exercise. In between, focus on your breathing, count the seconds till you start up again, whatever. Think about what you're there to do - it's not to gain unsolicited opinions (whether spoken or not.) You're there to work your own body, period.

(And yeah, I know it's easy to say all this, even to yourself, and then have all that logic go away later. Emotions can be irrational, and hard to control. But I do think that if you really focus on your workout, you'll have less problems stemming from what other people may think. (And to add to that, most people aren't paying attention to you, they're paying attention to their own workouts. And those that are paying attention to you, instead of what they should be paying attention to, do you really care what they think?))

[Mdlftr]

Chimewolf,

I have to agree with what a lot of people have said here. The intimidation you are feeling is all in your own mind. We all have those feelings. Some people seem to be "better" at covering it up, but we all deal with it. It's human nature to psyche yourself out, especially when you are either relatively new at an activity or are not sure you are "doing it right".

I went back to my regular gym last weekend for the first time in over 3 months, and found it packed with people. I have been working out with a trainer for the last nine months, and have found it wonderful for at least three reasons: 1. I KNOW I'm doing it right, because I have an expert pushing me through correct form and to ever higher limits of effort, 2. I can SEE bulges where I never had it before: shoulders, upper chest and upper arms, forearms, thighs and 3. I have the confidence that I've not had before that the effort I am putting forth in bodybuilding is working, and is having a noticable difference in my strength, health and appearance!

Back to the gym: as a result of the above self-knowledge, I didn't care what everyone else was doing, since I was there for MY workout. Sure, I scoped out any eye candy (must have been "low calorie" day - no sugar! ) but I knew I was there for my workout, which would have an effect on me!

Good luck on this long road,


Mdlftr

[BBMikeNJ]

It's hard to believe that you've found a gym that is almost always crowded, yet no one is overweight, and it's full of 80+yo women who openly ogle you. Maybe you should find a new gym!
Seriously though, Mdlftr is right. Focus more on your own workout. Almost everyone is intimidated when they start out, and it's too easy to use that as another reason not to go to the gym. Try going at the same time each day, and eventually you might get used to seeing the same people, and it won't seem quite so overwhelming.

[mmfan2]

Do you WANT the body you have always dreamed of? The intimidation you feel is in your own head and you just have to take a few breaths and relax and stay in that gym.

I found the worst part is when I am unsure with the equipment and worried about the technique ... "other people must surely be thinking I'm an idiot"

I used to worry about that a lot (still do sometimes) ... but every single person in that gym is there to work out and probably wishes you all the best (as they want success too!)

I guess regular work outs are a series of challenges: working up the courage to go, working up the commitment to go regularly, finding the money to go, having the work ethic to work yourself hard, the concentration to do the exercises right, and overcoming shyness to look awkward in front of others.

Think about the fact you've gone to all that effort to pay and be there, so sticking with it with other people in the room is a minor challenge.

Good luck ... and remember ... everyone else in the gym is more concerned about themselves than you!

Having said that, if your gym is stupidly overcrowded, find a better gym.

[hulkoutlvr]

I know exactly where you guys who feel defeated are. I used to lift weights with my friend who was a bodybuilder. I would have been way too intimidated to go into the gym myself with all of the huge and hot guys there, but when Jason was with me, I always felt like I was "in with the big boys", even though all of them but him looked down on me. After he died three years ago, I joined a different gym, hoping as much to escape his memory as anything else. I just couldn't get back into after he passed away. The stares and snickers of the big guys got to me. So now, what lifting I do, is at home. I have another bb friend now who is overseeing a new program for me, done with home equipment. I'm very self conscious because of being short and having multiple scars from surgeries. I just can't take muscle guys laughing and staring. So I train at home.

[inflated]

Find a gym where the people are friendly and helpful. You might not find that at the big megagyms, but a local gym is usually friendly and helpful. Most people are too into their own workout to make fun of those who can't lift as much as they do. Lose yourself in your workouts and you will progress and you won't have time to care what others think.

[hecad84]

I suffer from not only the intimidation factor, but also from the embarrassment factor. Not only am I intimidated by those better than I am, but I'm also too embarrassed about my looks and about my lifting ability to allow anyone to see me working out. I KNOW this sounds, and IS stupid, but I do feel like I don't belong in a gym until I'm better than I am now.

My response was to purchase some home equipment, and as I progress, I then look into ways to keep improving at home. For example, when my squats and bench press got to where I felt unsafe doing them unaided, I puchased a Smith machine.

Working out at home does have its drawbacks, though. For me, I find it hard at times to keep my focus and motivation. And being at home means that there is always other things around tempting you to spend time with them instead.

I've got a program that calls for a year of home workouts, and then moving to a gym to keep on gaining with access to various machines and serious weight. I'm still in the at-home phase, and I'm still no where near mentally ready to let others see me, but I guess we'll see how time goes.

[hypnokip]

When I started going to the gym 3 years ago, I was VERY self-concious... I felt everyone was staring at me... watching my form and laughing... seeing the tiny weights I was using and feeling superior to me... etc.

After a while, I realized that no one was really even paying attention to me. Everyone was friendly when I needed help. And, the biggest guys in the gym are often so focussed on their own bodies and the attention THEY are drawing, that you're not the focus there

Just keep going. Dont be afraid to read the instructions on the machines. Get a trainer -- he'll help you use the machines/weights youre afraid to use, and he'll help you make sure your form is spot-on. You'll get over the "everyone's staring at me" thing... it'll take a few months, but once youre used to the gym, the discomfort will disappear. Promise

[eiweiss]

Even IF they were talking about you... what then? Does that break your bones? Cut your ligaments? Nope. Not at all. Your ability to work out / do cardio stays the same. So get a pair of good ear-plugs with some decent music (then you don't hear them), focus on the weights / machine (so you don't see them) and build your own world in the gym. People only talk when there's a change. And since you're new... you're a change. Stick to it, ignore them and do your stuff. This situation will be even more common when you're growing bigger

[DaBigGuy1]

Good thread.....

After reading this posting, it made me think of my beginnings in the gym. I was painfully skinny (and whether it is skinny or fat, the feeling of intimidation is the same) and after contemplating and contemplating for many years, I decided to join a gym in my late 20's. Now get this. I joined the gym, and it took me at least three weeks to get the courage to even go into the gym! And I can remember one instance going to my new gym and pulling into the parking lot, and as I was getting out of my car this small car pulls up in front of the gym, and this MASSIVE bodybuilder shoehorns himself out of his car and goes into the gym. I automatically get back into my car and go home! LOL! Then on day, I said to myself that I MUST get over this and get into the gym...this is what I wanted, to build myself up! And if I did not have the courage to do it, I might as well cancel my membership and just go home, become a couch potato and get on with life.

So, I went into the gym, checked in at the front desk, grabbed a 20 pound cambered barbell and went all the way to the back of the gym, out of sight and just did my little pumping exercise. Little by little, it got easier. I also did my research, learned what I needed to learn, and yes, at one point got with a personal trainer just to learn the ropes a bit. After a while it juts became second nature to get to the gym and it became a comfortable "fit". I'm sure one of the main things was to learn to "focus" on me and only me. Yes, there are people there...hell, there are people everywhere! BUT, when in the gym, the weights are my focus..it is the weights that I am at odds with. People's opinions simply do not matter..in fact I came to find out that people who are really serious about their workouts really do not concern themselves with looking around or eyeing others....like me, they are there to train and to BUILD! Got people looking at you? Great, they can look all they want, just don't touch! LOL! My thought is if they are not paying my bills or going to bed with me, they are not my concern. Don't get me wrong, I'm polite and courteous, I put my weights back and follow gym etiquette, but I am definitely not there to socialize.

Fast forawrd to today, where the skinny 120 pound me has given way to the 255 pound me and I traded in my 9 inch arms for 20 inchers. It has taken some time, but it was well worth the journey. And yes, we all had to start somewhere, and yes you have to take that first step.


Here is my before/after picture...



So, just focus on your task at hand and forget all else, believe me, it is worth it!


Ron III----III

[GunMetalGrey88]

well for me i guess its a little of muscle envy and hatred, i want to work out get big, but in my mind im the big fat guy trying to slim down and everyones out to get me, and i try to keep focused but i feel the eyes and see the eyes of girls look my way and look away guilty like. why i bother because they will want to be banged by me one day thus i say fuck it im there to change and get bigger

[Eager Muscle]

Lots of sound advice in this thread. My two cents, for what it's worth, and I'm hoping I'm not missing the mark...

Yes, a gym is more intimidating when it's crowded and people are competing for resources. The vibe I'm also getting is that some of the intimidation factor may be working out amongst one's fitter peers, say at one's college gym or local Y. I mean, who wants to compete with that nasty jock from high school P.E. for an available bench?

If you feel that the mental hurdle is more problematic than the physical one, and have the desire, option, finances, wherewithal, etc. to join a less crowded gym with fewer people you may know so that you're less self-conscious, why not pursue it? If you have to take a crosstown bus, so be it - if that's what it would take to get you to the gym. And remember, odds are that a lot of bodybuilders and other muscleheads who appear very intimidating in the gym are really very nice, smart and happy to help anyone who asks their advice - so long as it's not asked during their workouts when they're trying to focus! Give some of those scary dudes some credit, yo?

Again, hope I'm making a good point for some.



[COLOR="Red"]"Most people who think they're nice - aren't."
- Eager Muscle[/COLOR]

[strongman2006]

Over 12 years ago, I took a weight training course in my first year of university and going into the gym with the football players there was quite intimidating to say the least. (BTW, I was 175 lbs. when this all began.) The thing to remember here is that you're not alone is this struggle. But, more importantly, don't let the big veteran gym heads occupy your mind when you're there to get fit. Everyone knows that they have a duty to do their workouts and get out of there. Those who hang out in the gym and just comment on those "newbies", or others who are not as "big" as they are, simply exhibits their insecurities. Take comfort in knowing that you're doing something about your health.

...And if you need a spotter, let me know.

All the best!