Notes on...

[arpeejay]

Just because I'm tired of writing new stories doesn't mean I'm tired of writing completely. It occurs to me that one way I can entertain myself is to re-read what I've written (I started shortly after coming out in the summer of 1993) and see if I can recall what I was thinking at the time! :-)

Chances are some comments will duplicate what I've posted previously. I'll keep it all here so it doesn't take up too much oxygen!

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

The Adventures of Rex

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...es-of-rex.html

An Ogre in Albion

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...in-albion.html

Rex was one of the first stories I ever posted on the Internet, sometime in the months after I came out / started living my life as a gay man (July 1993.) It isn't the very first; that honor, if it's the right word, probably goes to Alaska or On the Bus (more about those two later.)

And, yes, anyone who has ever read Jack Chalker's River Gods series knows that Rex is a direct ripoff, albeit with name changes (Throckmorton for Ruddygore, Huxtable for Sugasto, etc.) and a couple of significant twists, namely:

(1) The main character is gay;

(2) He's transformed into a different kind of hero!

Some other things you will notice about Rex:

* No sex! At that point I hadn't a clue regarding how to write a sex scene, mostly because I'd had so little myself (I didn't get it on with guys until a couple of weeks after I came out to all and sundry!)

* It just kinda sorta ends at a nice "what comes next point..." -- and then doesn't start up again until Ogre shows up many, many, many years later.

That abrupt pause was, uh, well, sorta kind of a function of the way I wrote then, namely in bed with a pad and pen. I'd get to a certain point and, uh, well, after that I would sorta kinda lose interest.

Eventually I figured out that it was more fun to read other people's stuff than my own, at least with that particular aim in mind. Consequently, over the years, I got better at actually finishing what I started.

Still plenty left to do, of course, including tying some loose pieces with respect to Ogre.

Oh, and a last word:

Many thanks to Wbhulk for many years of nagging on this topic. There's nothing like having the hottest musclebear in California urging you on!

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

There's a lot to be said for re-reading one's stories, especially after many, many years. For example:

Alaska

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...er/alaska.html

I remembered that Alaska was written very early after coming out, that very first summer. I remembered, too, that one of the characters, Chad, found his origins in my very first online gay crush. That Chad worked in PR or Alumni Development or Sports Administration for some big Ivy school in the Northeast. In about 24 hours of increasingly overheated e-mail exchanges, he dispelled three of the principal assumptions that for 10 years had allowed me to ignore the fact I needed to lead my life as a gay man, the three being:

(1) There was no one else in the world who was interested in the same thing I was (namely, big muscular men, preferably ones with lots of fur!);

(2) That if another man of that variety did exist, I'd never be able to find him;

(3) Last but not least, if I ever DID find such a man, he'd have no interest in me whatsoever.

My Chad dispelled all those illusions and in so doing made me realize I did, in fact, have to come out, I did, in fact, have to figure out how to lead my life as a gay man.

And, no, naturally, I never met him. Never came close, for that matter, and in some ways probably scared the daylights out of him by being as intensely interested in him as I was. (Oh, well, as they say: Live and learn!)

What I'd forgotten, though:

The other character in the story, Bernard, was in fact based on a counselor I went to see in my early 20s when I was still trying to figure out how to deal with, well, everything. He was hot as the dickens, late 20s, 6'2, 195 lbs. with a 31 inch waist, bearded, thick curly black fur on his chest. He nailed it when he said:

"Richard, I think you want to be fucking huge, enough to make Arnold look like a stick," and then blew it by adding, "and you want to be fucking your girlfriend's lights out."

In reality, I wanted to be fucking HIS lights out but I wasn't willing to own up to that. In fact, I think it's probably safe to say that nearly 30 years later I'm actually sharing that thought for the first time.

Writing is cool, huh?

xoxo

Richard

[Mad Dog]

Neat stories, even better that they're true. :3

Maybe one day you can write a story about a poor closeted teen whose meeting with a counselor goes very, very right. :3

[arpeejay]

On the Bus

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...n-the-bus.html

On the Bus was written about the same time as Alaska and, like Alaska, was based on my fantasies of "Chad," my Ivy League hottie e-mail pal. The real life Chad had gone solo backpacking / kayaking in Alaska and he had told me stories about his experiences and a track and field athlete in high school and college, including a couple of OTB type adventures.

I was, of course, totally smitten with the real-life Chad, even though I'm pretty sure I never even saw a picture of him (ftp'ing image files in 1993 wasn't the easiest thing to do and then as now I was a tekno dummy); he was an athlete and an outdoorsman and not afraid of doing stuff on his own. Everything I wasn't in other words.

The other noteworthy point about OTB is the introduction of Roger, who, if you haven't figured it out through many stories, is my idealized alter ego: taller than I am, built like a Mack truck, strong as an ox, furry enough to make Tom Selleck (or, later on, Pete Kuzak) jealous, and hung like a horse. Extremely idealized, in other words; I'm not that tall, not so built, not so strong, not so hung, and so-so furry.

At some point I ought to do a "Where's Roger?" story to see just how many times I've invoked his persona! :-)

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

Gym Fantasy

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...m-fantasy.html

This one is actually two stories in one and long ago in a different online venue may actually have been broken out. Like Alaska and On the Bus, it was written in the first weeks and months after I came out.

Both are fantasies about guys I had the hots for at the time (and still do; once smitten, I tend not to let go!)

The first one is about a sexy Asian bodybuilder / brilliant computer scientist who was living in Denver at the time. What, I wondered, if he were living in Atlanta and going to my gym?

As usual, no explicit sex -- at the time I wrote this story, I may not have gotten around to having actual sex with guys!

The second fantasy starts with "Yo, Mike," and is about a guy who, appropriately enough, is / was (I lost track of him many years ago) named Mike. The description of Mike is pretty accurate, although I probably added about 20-30 lbs. more muscle than he really had -- he was ultra ripped! In real life I actually figured out where he lived and went and rang his door bell, got invited in, came on to him, got shown out. How embarrassing even now, 16 years later!

I recounted some of these adventures in soc.motss, the original online forum for GLBT folks, only to receive majorly heavy scoldings from the people who participated in that newsgroup at the time, all of whom had vastly more experience than I did. Very heavy on the "you should have" and "you ought to have known" -- I had no patience for that line of talk then and I still don't. You don't know until you know.

xoxo

Richard

[wolfotehmoon]

|"Richard, I think you want to be fucking huge, enough to make Arnold look like a stick," and then blew it by adding, "and you want to be fucking your girlfriend's lights out."|

That's... amazing. xD Does he still practice? x3

[arpeejay]

Originally Posted by wolfotehmoon

|"Richard, I think you want to be fucking huge, enough to make Arnold look like a stick," and then blew it by adding, "and you want to be fucking your girlfriend's lights out."|

That's... amazing. xD Does he still practice? x3

I think he went into the furniture refinishing business.

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

Graham

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...er/graham.html

Graham was written about the same time as Alaska, On the Bus, and Gym Fantasy, with a difference:

I think by the time I wrote Graham I'd actually, uh, well, you know, done the deed. (And, yeah, my first gay sex was a three-way with two guys from Atlanta's Coming Out Support Group. Go figure!)

The real life Graham was quite amused by the story, which I shared with him, saying:

(1) "Boy, I've got you seriously fooled if you think I'm that big!"

(2) "You give good story!"

(I always thought # 2 was a great compliment!)

I did finally, a few years later, actually meet the real life Graham, who was every bit as hunky as I expected him to be. And he's gotten even bigger and hunkier over the years. He's up to about 240 lbs. now, the total uber-daddy muscle bear! :-)

He's also a sweetheart, who shared with me an important saying that was given to him at a troubled time in his life:

"Accept what is offered..."

My life over the past 16 years has been filled with a large number of twists and turns (not to mention bumps and grinds); the "Accept what is offered" koan always has been a source of solace, support, and encouragement.

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

And then sometimes I write about real life first, then (many years later) turn it into fantasy. For example:

Arthur

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...er/arthur.html

I wrote it about the same time as Alaska and the others and it was real life, not a fantasy, a fairly detailed description of one of my lust objects while I was in college, an incredibly hunky late 20s African American man who was a janitor at the university field house.

To this day he is (in my mind's eye) a sterling example of masculine muscle and beauty.
Men don't get any hotter than Arthur was in his late 20s, which was when I knew him. If I'd been a more adventurous person than I was at the time (or even now), I would have let him know just how interested I was, despite the fact that he was married (at least, I think he was) and "already had a passle of kids."

Such was not the case but memories of that time are never far away and they served as the inspiration for one of my First Time stories, the one about Roger and Henry:

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...-times-06.html

Henry, of course, was Arthur's gay doppelganger, just as Roger was (and always is) my alter ego. Take a hefty dose of If I'd known then and mix with a liberal amount of he was so frickin' hot and you have Roger and Henry.

Arthur ought to be late 50s now. I hope he's still out there lifting and flexing and causing the hot young guys (not that I was one) to get throw wood whenever he pulls off his shirt. Nice to think that he would have turned into a hella hot granddaddy! :-)

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

Sometimes I'm Robert instead of Roger, as in:

Li'l Dude

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko.../lil-dude.html

Of the ones I've written, I think it's the one I like the most. I always wanted a Chris in my life and the one I came up with in this story, well, I really adore him! :-)

xoxo

Richard

[arpeejay]

As I was saying, The Adventures of Rex was a blatant rip-off of Jack Chalker's River World series, albeit one with a distinctly gay twist. It's also the case that on a couple of occasions I've tried my hand at following up other people's stories.

The first was Fantcman's Curious Cats, which you can find at O's site:

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...ious-cats.html

Upon re-reading the original, I can only say:

What the fuck was I thinking?!

It certainly needed no continuation. I imagine it was mostly because I didn't want to let go! At any rate, here's my follow up:

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...us-cats-2.html

Not nearly as good as the original, of course, although I think it suggested a plausible direction for the characters to go. I'm guessing that was still early enough in my posting days that I hadn't had any (or very little) actual experience with guys, although the bar scene is straight out of Burkhart's in Atlanta, circa 1993. :-)

And someone -- Fantcman are you listening? -- needs to follow up / improve on MY follow up. I think Charlie and Todd and Kevin's adventure would be an entertaining story!

Back then, tracking down someone who had posted a story wasn't all that easy to do, otherwise it might have been called "Playing in Fantcman's Garden: Curious Cats Continues."

Ditto, the other story I followed up was Neighbor Kid by Luvsmusl, which I reposted here:

http://www.musclegrowth.org/forum/showthread.php?t=6196

LuvsMusl (dang it all!) fell off the radar for a long time, so long in fact that many of us thought he must have gone on to the Great Muscle Forum in the Sky! I had long hoped for a continuation but despite repeated "Are you out there?" pleas nothing emerged. Finally, I decided to write my own version, which you can find here:

http://www.pridesites.com/omelissoko...hbor-kids.html

It wasn't particularly well-received, mostly because it was so different in tone than LuvsMusl's original; Jamie, the Neighbor Kid, is totally dominant in LuvsMusl's version. In mine, of course, he's more reciprocal in is relationship with Stephen. (Which I'm guessing some people consider an unmasculine way to be; I don't get it but I guess that's the problem!)

I'm hoping someday LuvsMusl will write his own sequel! Won't be the first time we've had multiple efforts at a story line.

Speaking of which, there are a couple of others I'm still desperately hoping will be continued someday, namely, The Vortex and Walkabout, both by that truly hunky mountain of man muscle, Msclbldr! (And both of which you can find in the Archives -- are they posted anywhere else?)

If you haven't read 'em, DO! They push all my buttons. Massive muscle growth, huge dicks, fur for days, and for those of you who like it rough (and it makes me blush but I'm one of 'em!) non-consensual sex and borderline snuff. Whoosh!

So many great stories! And more all the time! You guys rock my world!

xoxo

Richard