Muscle & Masculinity: Does it intimidate you?

I have seen people make posts about joining gyms or being around bodybuilders and feeling uneasy or intimidated. I think this is a subject that should be discussed because there are MANY a muscle guy who has been approached by gym management to be told that they intimidate customers...even though they are just doing their normal day to day gym routines.

Usually intimidation has nothing to do with the muscle guys and more to do with ourselves and personl thoughts and issues.

So, why does muscle intimidate? Men, women, kids...they all get intimidated by big men. Do you think its from some kind of genetic fear we have of what is strong or can do damage, like the laws of the jungle or something?

What do you think?

[Mad Dog]

I think you hit the nail on the head. Anything that could potentially cause great physical harm to yourself is gonna have some intimidation built in. Of course, you can grow to enjoy the intimidation...

[Stoneman]

Here's why I'm afraid of them.

Either they will stop in the gym to tell me I'm doing my exercises wrong, which is sometimes helpful, but sometimes not when it's stuff like don't squat below parallel, which is not necessarily helpful. They'll even stick a bench below my butt so I can't squat even to parallel. So I get scared that they're gonna correct me.

But more often it's more of a sexual intimidation. I feel bad because I want them/want to look like them. And the gym just becomes incredibly awkward for me.

I like to go to the gym when nobody's there.

[Atlas]

Same as Stoneman... exactly the same... without the 'correction' thing :/

[nj.]

In the beginning, I was too shy to go to a gym at all--

-- then the only competition I felt were the guys my size. Who, mostly, quit or moved away (or both) within a year.

The bigger guys never bothered me; they sometimes have useful advice, at other times I wonder how they got so big with such lousy form.

It's the older men that are a nuisance! The "I've been at this gym for 40 years--and it doesn't show--so I know exactly what you need to do, and I will continue to inform you about it"

But you know, after suffering through that a couple of times you learn how to say fuck off in a polite manner.


So no, all in all, I'm a bit too much of a Napoleon nowadays to be intimidated by anyone (who isn't actively threatening to harm me...). They're only human after all.

[steve7680768]

I recently join a gym but having problem with what to eat.. Can you please tell me what sort of food required with gym...

[Mdlftr]

Re: "Big Guys" and why they are intimidating (or can be)

Because they are big, they can act as if they can just come up and either 1. demand a machine or weight or ask "are you done with that" and expect to get it, based on their intimidating appearance, or, 2. Physically get in your way and expect you to conform to them.

A case of #2 happened to me recently. I was in a discount store that was at closing time. I did not know the hours of operation, having never been there before. I was walking down the aisles, looking at the stuff, when this big security guard (around my height 6'2 or 6'3" but [probably 40 pounds heavier with muscle and younger than me by about 15 years) comes up to me and gives me the, "Sir, we're closing now. You have to leave."

I said, "Fine, just let me turn the corner of the aisle here and I'll walk back."
I was at the very end of the aisle which he was blocking. He repeats, "Sir, you have to turn around."

"I will, but I want to go around the corner."
"You have to turn around" He moves to block me with his body. At that point, I realize a few things: 1. He was bigger than me, and I wasn't going to get around him without some sort of physical resistance. 2. He was an off-duty cop, wearing a police warm up jacket, which I had not noticed before (in my state retailers can hire off duty cops, who can wear their uniforms). 3. We were different races, which, frankly and honestly, probably had something to do with his attitude, since he wasn't making anyone else turn around in the other aisles.

I looked him in the eye, and calmly said to him,
"This is a power trip for you, isn't it? I realize this is probably the best job you can get, and this is your big rush. Fine, I'll turn around." And I turned around and walked back down the aisle, taking my sweet time. He calls behind me, "Thank you, sir!"

I'm sure he had his jollies all night. While it pissed me off, the bigger picture is, some people are just a-holes, they enjoy throwing around what limited power they have, and the best thing you can do is leave the situation without making it worse, and move on.

Be a mature adult, in other words!

Mdlifter...sorry dude Im not sure what your experience has to do with this topic . If the store was closing and security asked you to walk to a certain location, that is what you are suppose to do...PERIOD. But nope, instead you are going to TELL him where you are going to walk and how you are going to get there.

For all you know management of that store could have instructed him to move out the customers ASAP or to direct the customers to a certain location. Or maybe something else was going on in the store such movmement of money or stock that you were not suppose to see and he was told to have customers move to the front immediately.

Have you thought of that?

Hmmm so your response was to tell him where you are going to move to all the while in the back of your mind being jealous that he was bigger than you...so you give him a bit of "back talk" on top of that?

See what big guys have to deal with?


Brilliant.

[Mdlftr]

ricphoenix,
Thank you for your comments. I will admit that I did not consider that the security guard had specific orders from management of the store about clearing aisles. What I DID notice is that he was only in my aisle, targeting one person, as opposed to all the surrounding aisles, which had multiple people in them. It was the disparate treatment that p'ssed me off.

As far as being "jealous" of him ....uh, no. While I said he was younger and more muscular than me, he also had the usual "big guy" ...uh, let's call it "thick skin" of blubber over top. I definitely am not "jealous" of that.

I also find the characterization of "back talk" as inaccurate. I wasn't "talking back" - I was accurately characterizing some bozo who wasn't doing a good job of "NOT antagonizing the customers". You can tell people that the store is closing and get them out without antagonizing them. See Walt Disney World as a good example of crowd control.

Mdlftr

[chuckiebear]

Mdlftr - Thanks on behalf of all of us "less than big" guys who have ever been belligerently fucked with by a power-tripping, XXXL bully. You called him on his shit, and the only reply he could use under the circumstances was his sarcastic "Thank you, sir"!. Almost worth the trouble, just to hear a big man call you "SIR", especially one in uniform! You showed balls of steel. "Never let the bastards see you sweat."

[bigbob111]

My present gym is going fine, no problems at all!

But the two previous ones I have been a member of had a few trouble makers in them too. One certain insufferable wanker came in complete with peroxied ponytail and gilted jewelry and then told me to spot for him without so much as an introduction or a hello. And least he had the manners to make eye contact and say thankyou afterwards, but seriously im not in the mood that sort EVER.

One other big oaf made himself unwelcome by knocking people towles of equipment during their rests, and came into confrontation with me a couple of times with his bad attitude. First I was standing in front of a barbell rack, then he barged in and said "you wanna get out of my fuckin way?" I took on step to the left and got ready to drop the weight on his forehead, then he just picked up something else and walked to the other side of the room as if nothing happened.

The very next day, I was warming up with stretching and he just sneered and said "you better watch yourself when your doin that". What makes this really pathetic was that i was only a teenager at the time, so obviously nearly a decade latter an attitude adjustment for him is in order if he tries that again.

[BIGJOEY]

I think people are both inpressed with size and power they are also afraid of it at the same time. This could come from school days and dealing with the bully at school who for the most part is usually bigger. As for the gym well for me since i am a decent size i have issues with those who think they are know it alls or the guys who do exercises wrong. Having owned a personal training company in the past i can tell you it drives me nuts. For the most part never say anything unless the exercise is so weird i have to inquire where they learned it. If you have a issue with some big guy trying to intimadate you just remind them you also pay to use the gym and it doesn't have their name one it ( unless they own it) The big bbers i know are usually very respectful. Its the wannbe's that for the most part create the problems.

Originally Posted by bigbob111

My present gym is going fine, no problems at all!

But the two previous ones I have been a member of had a few trouble makers in them too. One certain insufferable wanker came in complete with peroxied ponytail and gilted jewelry and then told me to spot for him without so much as an introduction or a hello. And least he had the manners to make eye contact and say thankyou afterwards, but seriously im not in the mood that sort EVER.

One other big oaf made himself unwelcome by knocking people towles of equipment during their rests, and came into confrontation with me a couple of times with his bad attitude. First I was standing in front of a barbell rack, then he barged in and said "you wanna get out of my fuckin way?" I took on step to the left and got ready to drop the weight on his forehead, then he just picked up something else and walked to the other side of the room as if nothing happened.

The very next day, I was warming up with stretching and he just sneered and said "you better watch yourself when your doin that". What makes this really pathetic was that i was only a teenager at the time, so obviously nearly a decade latter an attitude adjustment for him is in order if he tries that again.

Well to play devils advocate....is it possible that you WERE in the way standing in front of the dumbell rack? How could he grab his weights that he needed if you are standing there? (I have had this happen at the end of a set when I have 70 kg dumb bells in each hand and someone stands where i need to put them while talking or on a mobile phone or looking at themselves in the mirror...Im out of breath, exhausted and I dont have time to say anything other than "watch yourself" or "lookout" Im sure that made me the evil bully).

Next, he told you to watch yourself....is it possible you were one of the millions of teens in the gym doing stretches and exercises WRONG ? People tend to get their back up when someone corrects their form...thats why if you notice most big guys wont say "anything" about someones poor technique or offer ANY advice for fear of being labelled the GYM BULLY.

I am sure there are some big guys out there that are bullys but I would bet its the same quantity as for average guys/girls. It sounds like alot of this has to do with our own self image because honestly I have never seen truly big guys go around and terrorize the gym or school yard etc...

Originally Posted by chuckiebear

Mdlftr - Thanks on behalf of all of us "less than big" guys who have ever been belligerently fucked with by a power-tripping, XXXL bully. You called him on his shit, and the only reply he could use under the circumstances was his sarcastic "Thank you, sir"!. Almost worth the trouble, just to hear a big man call you "SIR", especially one in uniform! You showed balls of steel. "Never let the bastards see you sweat."

Belligerent? The security person asked him to go a different direction and called him sir from the very beginning and thats belligerent?

He was not being sarcastic with his "thank you sir" because he called him "sir" BEFORE there was any conflict and continued to call him "sir" regardless of the attitude given back.

This kind of reminds me of when I see police, bouncers or teachers try to give instructions to the public, only to be cursed out, disrespected or told off.

I bet the big guy went home and said....geezus I had a hell of a day, I respectfully asked a guy to walk down the aisle cause the store was closing and all I got back was nasty attitude, eyeballed and told off. Damn there is always one that has to have things their way.

[growingbigger]

^ ^ ^ I can understand both points of view on this. There are men in those professions who really are just trying to do their job, and then there are men who really do try to intimidate on purpose. I've seen both. In Mdlftr's case, IMO there really was no reason for the guy not to let him just go forward around the corner and go back up. Maybe it just happened to be that chance encounter that they met in this manner, but I don't think the guard had to act so rigidly. I feel that the guy only said "sir" because he knew he'd get in trouble if he didn't.

On another note personally, I'm finding it very odd that people now find ME intimidating since years ago, I only weighed a measly 130 lbs. It really throws me off sometimes. I'm still intimidated by muscle and masculinity myself, even when the other guy isn't quite as big as me. I guess I seem to always think of myself as that scrawny 130 lb guy.

[growingbigger]

I'll add that I get the same thing that Stoneman said as well.

But more often it's more of a sexual intimidation. I feel bad because I want them/want to look like them.

[Stoneman]

haha that's so IRONIC, GB!

[growingbigger]

Lol, I know! I guess it's hard to get out of the mindset, you know? I had been one of the thin skinny guys for so long, it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I'm not skinny anymore.

[WhoDunIt]

Originally Posted by growingbigger

Lol, I know! I guess it's hard to get out of the mindset, you know? I had been one of the thin skinny guys for so long, it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I'm not skinny anymore.

Same here, I'm still a fat guy...but I still can't really believe how big I've become!

[Mubypoeby]

If you are carrying a lot of fat then your testosterone level will be naturally low. Not always sure if this is the health of the less-fatness or the extra muscle you got getting rid of the fat but better safe than sorry.Dont lose weight too fastWhen you put your body into starvation mode by dropping weight too quickly then your body will think that the problem is permanent and will stop you from storing testosterone. Kind of like the opposite of the flight or fight response.

[Big Jake]

Originally Posted by growingbigger

I'll add that I get the same thing that Stoneman said as well.

Same story here man.

[MuscleBoy23]

Wow you guys - I'm so sorry that you've all for the most part seem to have gym experiences that make or have made you at one point feel uncomfortable. At my gym, and I'm hesitant to "rank" people because most people, including me, don't like being ranked, so it's not my place to make anybody feel uncomfortable - but, I'd say that out of the 100 or so regulars that I have come to know (not personally, but seeing the same people every day, 5-7 times a week, for years does serve to develop some level of rapport, even just with body language), I am in the top 5 to 10 in total size - I am 242 lbs - but there are plenty of smaller dudes, not only shorter than I am, but weigh less, who are much more toned, so they may appear more fitness-model-muscular than I do. I have a little tummy, and my few problem areas here and there. I've never in all my life, even when I was just starting out with weights many years ago, been approached by somebody and offered unsolicited advice by them. I don't know how I'd take to that - I'd probably be offended. I've also been told I look very cold, or at best, aloof, so that might be why people generally don't approach me anyways. I've had my few guys come up to me randomly to ask me for advice, which I am very very gracious about because if anybody takes the time to pay any attention to me, I'm always grateful - but yeah, I have to say I think I'd probably be P.O'ed if somebody just threw some advice at me without my asking. It wouldn't even be anger coming from a place of "I am fine at this , how dare you insinuate otherwise," but moreso even from a place of "how dare you assume because this is all you have, some myopic unilateral desire to bodybuild, that we all share your interest." I mean, I'm a person of many facets, many various interests. I am just as interested in science as I am in ancient greek and roman texts as I am in meteorology as I am in politics as I am in tennis as I am in bodybuilding - I'm sorry that I spread myself thin sometimes and don't have 100% of my efforts going into just one thing. I think it's awfully presumptious when a meathead just assumes because they value something, everybody else does too. About the security guard thing - I have mixed opinions on that and it's a topic I always have to tread lightly. I used to work as a part-time security guard in college and for a cpl years after, for extra money. Let me tell you - the job is only 10% security - the other 90% is navigating the treacherous terrain of people's egos, and in many ways, I took way more abuse than anybody on the receiving end of a security guard encounter. First off let me be clear - we are given very specific orders that don't awlays make sense, even to us. For example, I worked an outdoor concert in Chicago several years ago. I was told, by 3 superiors, very specifically not to allow any liquor to leave out of one gate, but none of the others. I was also told that certain bottles had to be thrown out but not others. I didn't really have time to question "why?" and it wasn't my place - 3 supervisors told me the same thing. So when I went ahead and stopped certain bottles but not others, leaving through certain gates and not others, I got SO much attitude thrown back in my face, and things are hurtful. People feel like they're being attacked because I'm 242 lbs and my biceps are as big as softballs and the shirt looked painted on, so because I spend time exercising, and because i'm telling somebody what they can and can't do, people who are often times very drunk due to the nature of the events I worked, suddenly I was just a moron, or a gym rat, or an ape, I got "do you know who I am?" thrown into my face so many times. I mean, I never said anything back but I was very tempted on more than one occasion to say "I'm sorry you're an overweight, balding man in his 30s who peaked in high school, with a mid-level management job with few prospects for significant promotion, and I'm in my early 20s, gay, and your girlfriend/wife eyeballing me over there would STILL rather fuck me than you, and as for how stupid I am, I graduated from a prestigious university and am starting medical school at the end of this summer," but I just kept repeating my orders to them because in the end, some people need to feel good about themselves - if they get there by belitting people, so be it. But please, next time you want to belittle somebody please do a thorough background check, it might be somebody who's just doing the job to help out a friend/brother-in-law as I was, for some extra summer cash - and they might not even understand the orders they were told to enforce. I think sometimes we as people tend to extrapolate how we FEEL the world views us, or how we feel about ourselves, and project that onto people in tense situations and assume that is how they must view us, and we end up getting worked up over nothing, and reacting defensively when we needn't.

[gregsashinsky]

No not really. I'm a guy and I have a a twin brother who is is like 5 inches taller than me and bigger and i have a cousin my age who is also bigger and i can take them both down. Size, and size of muscles mean nothing.

[tautomer4314]

You know, with something like this, the old saying "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" comes to mind, and explains this. It is up to the individual if they are willing and able to push past their fears and reservations.

Really, break it down into simple concepts: are you going to be harmed at the gym by another person? No (if you would be, find another gym, obviously). It might feel a bit embarassing, but that will not begin to go away until you actually get in there and DO what you need to do. You must face your fears to get past them. Ask yourself, do you really want to build muscle and get in shape, and do you want to do it for yourself? If not, chances are is you are not ready yet.

I know many of us here have sexual interests in muscle, and being around other built guys. I have this as well. Let me tell you, I have only been going to a gym for a week now and that was a reservation I had. Guess what; it's not an issue. Yes I will look at some guys and think "daaaaaaaamn" and start to feel my nether regions wake up a bit. Honeslty though, I am so focused on my own work out that it goes away, and I don't get obsessive. If I find myself doing so, then I ignore it, and force past it. I have been afraid to go to a gym for years now. I had to get past some personal issues first. Nevertheless, now that I am in it, it's not even slightly daunting.

Honestly, you just have to do it, that's it! Force yourself, really want what you want, and it gets easier with time. Face your fears.

[zilcher]

This is an evolutionary thing.

Up until the 60's, human beings did not get massive. There were no steroids in common use, so people were pretty big, but not huge, and there were not many natural freaks.

Today, there are many huge people due to the proliferation of bodybuilding drugs. Our brain has "never" (never in an evolutionary time spectrum) seen men with 280 pound bodies and 6% bodyfat.

At the gym, there are many roided guys, not necessarily 280, but some of them get well into the 200's, and our brains just can't handle this "new" size.

This also explains the abundance of muscle sites. We are fascinated, obsessed even, and scared of the power that comes with such massive muscles, relative to what humans have been in the past.

[brent]

Generally, I've seen the opposite: the big guys at my gym are very gracious. The small/beginner guys have no concept of gym etiquette, or even manors. Just because you are half my size, it does NOT give you the right to shove my clothes on the wet floor! Just because I'm stronger & the weights seem lighter to me, does NOT mean I want to clean up your weights. I ain't yo mama!