Big outside, but small... inside?

[niko777]

Hi guys,

If you follow my progress on my thread, you know that I'm 5'11, weight 220 pounds with a 44.5" chest and 17.5" cold biceps. I guess we could say I'm not a small guy.

I work in a warehouse and I got recently transfered to a sector where I didn't work before, so I work with people I don't really now. So today, I was minding my own business when I saw a guy in front of me calling another worker and searching for him. The guy he was searching was behind me, and when he replied, they both started laughing. I was like "wtf?" Then, the first guy said to the second "No wonder I couldn't see you, you were hidden by the big guy in front of you!" while looking at me. Thinking he was talking about someone else, I looked behind me. There was nobody. They were both amazed by the fact that I'm tall and wide enough to completely hide the second worker, who is not a small guy either.

That was a cool experience. However, because of my reaction (I thought they were talking about someone else), I realized that I was a big guy with a small guy inside. Even now, I think I don't see myself as big as I really am, or as big as others see me. I know that there are big guys on this forum, so I would like to know some things. When did you really started feeling big? Are there others like me who still feel small? Do you have tricks to fully embody your big size without feeling arrogant? I hope what I wrote makes some sense... lol.

Take care,

Niko777

[Rarity]

My friend is the same way, you get used to your old self and you don't get that you're currently different. It's why some people become bulimic or anorexic since they see themselves as fat, or why an ex-chubby person still shies away from the pool even though they've become fit. Perception is one's reality, as some might say.

Eventually you'll get over it, just don't become one of those guys who try to flex subtly every chance they get. That kinda... Makes them look like tools.

[niko777]

Yeah, I think I got used to my old self. Seriously, I look at my 17.5" cold biceps, and I don't find them big at all, even if people keep telling me that I'm big. It's like they would need to be 20" at least for me to be satisfied. Same for my chest, or pretty much every part of me.

Don't worry, there is no chance for me to become a tool, hahaha. I hate those guys and their attitude.

I'm jealous of some people that are smaller, but that are confident about what they have. I'm bigger and yet I feel smaller. I hope that one day I can be proud of my physique and have a mentality that fits it, without being a tool, that is, hahaha.

[Brahma]

I'm getting bigger (just a couple inches shy from your arm size, actually), but I still feel like I'm the same size as I started. Silly, isn't it?

[niko777]

I don't think it's silly, Brahma, I feel the same way. Actually, I measure myself pretty often because I have to be sure my arms, chest and legs are big, since I don't find them big when I look at them... :S

[Aleutrius]

I know exactly what you mean, niko.

[Brahma]

Originally Posted by niko777

I don't think it's silly, Brahma, I feel the same way. Actually, I measure myself pretty often because I have to be sure my arms, chest and legs are big, since I don't find them big when I look at them... :S

I've been warned about not playing the numbers game, because if you don't get the gains quick enough, it might mess with your head. Heh.

So I'm waiting until September for most of my measurements (crazy, I know), but I'm going to have to make sure my "lagging" arm is catching up with the other one. Half an inch difference is a pain in the arse.

[niko777]

Half an inch of difference between your biceps? My right bicep is always .25" smaller than my left one, even if I work the separately, lol. It's stronger than my left, however. I don't think it's ever gonna change for me, but you could probably lower the difference by working them individually, if you're not already doing it. I can give you my "special arms routine" I do, if you want.

[Brahma]

Originally Posted by niko777

Half an inch of difference between your biceps? My right bicep is always .25" smaller than my left one, even if I work the separately, lol. It's stronger than my left, however. I don't think it's ever gonna change for me, but you could probably lower the difference by working them individually, if you're not already doing it. I can give you my "special arms routine" I do, if you want.

Right now I focus on doing drop sets once a week on the left arm. Here's hoping it does the trick.

[niko777]

I think you should treat them the same way, and not do some special exercises with your left arm. I mean, it's normal to have sides that are bigger or smaller. My left hand is about half an inch longer than my right! Plus, if you do your regular arm workout + drops sets with just your left arm, you might be overworking your left arm. But I could be wrong. After all, I'm no expert. Here is the routine I do with dumbbells and bodyweight only:

1) 3 sets of 21's with low weight (25 pounds dumbbells) in superset with 3 sets of bench dips (40-55 reps, depending on how I feel)

2) 2 sets of 12 of hammer curls with heavier weight (45 pounds dumbbells or more) in superset with 2 sets seated triceps extensions using of of the dumbbells I used for hammer curls

3) 2 sets of front hammer curls with the same weight as with the other hammer curls in superset with 2 sets of 12 individual triceps extensions using the same weight as the 21's.

4) If I have some energy left (I always do), I do what I feel like doing: concentration curls, wrist curls, zottman curls, more hammer curls, more dips, etc. I know I have to stop when I feel sick. Hahaha.

I do that routine twice a week, on tuesday and on saturday. I up the weight when I feel like it. I think lifting weights really is about feeling your muscles and listening to your instincts. I you want, try my routine and tell me if it worked for you!

Take care,

Niko777

[raven79]

Guys, it's actually pretty natural to feel this way. Once we go through a large chunk of our lives as a particular type of person, we just get used to it even though our bodies change physically. Ten years ago, I was slightly obese and thought I looked like crap. Fast forward to now and I still feel the same way about my body even though I only weigh about 155-160 lbs. The mind doesn't always progress with the changes in our bodies so it becomes a difficult transition. Niko, you sound like a pretty amazing guy to me. There is nothing hotter to me than a guy with a great body and can maintain a sense of self-confidence.

[niko777]

Thanks, Raven79, I really appreciate your comment. Congratulations, by the way, for your weight loss!

Knowing that other people feel the way I do is kinda reassuring, hahaha. You know what? Aside from my growth objectives, I'll have another objective for the weeks to come: be proud of the man I am, and work hard to become a better me. That's all.

Anyways, take care guys,

Niko777

[Frankly]

great posts niko. And nope, you aren't alone. I get told every once in a while that my arms are big, or someone calls me big guy, but i don't feel like it. I feel like im a medium sized guy and am still far from being a big guy. I think its hard to see oneself as you really are, but at the same time, if you know you are built, a fat head and cockiness are typically soon to follow, which for me is one of the biggest turn offs. I dont mind feeling small, it makes me want to keep growing and pushes me harder to keep hitting the weights.

[1bigwoof]

I also really have enjoyed this thread, niko. I, too, can identify with the way you feel. I graduated from college as a rail-thin 140 pounder who barely knew what a weight room was. I'm about 230 now but at time still see the skinny guy in the mirror.

One of my great "ah-ha moments" was training with an old workout partner (who used to be much stronger than I was). I was easily tossing 2x the weights he was in the gym. I was amazed and he was speechless. We went to the locker room afterwards and took off our shirts. I absolutely dwarfed him. The light finally came on.

Even now, I still have lingering doubts but seeing pics of decently-built friends and me together help remind me of how far I've come. I still try to keep a good head on my shoulders and enjoy helping others grow, too.

Keep it up, niko!

[monstermusclebe]

There are some basic psychological / brain-based reasons why we tend to see ourselves as other than we are in the present moment.

The primary one that stands out is the nature of the reptilian/ancient portions of our brains, which are believed to have very little understanding as to the nature of time. That is to say, it is thought that our most basic instinctual fight/flight/freeze/fuck reactions live in these areas, and that these areas also do not see time as ticking by, nor does it see the nature of our lives as they change.

Instead, the reptile part of us combines all of our past experiences into a single overriding set of beliefs ~ though our beliefs here lives on a more instinctual/emotive level, and are often not ruled by our thought processes. Instead, our thoughts can instead become ruled by these basic systems, which are built for survival on the most basic of levels. These basal instinctual beliefs are perhaps the source of our ability to deny the truth or to accept change even when it is staring us in the face. It seems to be often activated most when fear is present in our lives to one degree or another. We can also become highly habituated to following its "rule" in our lives ~ long, long after perceived or genuine serious threats to survival have since past.

This is not meant to be a lecture on our brain patterns, but rather to recognize that this basal part of ourselves can "run the show" if we let it... and that there are ways to make changes to it.

These changes tend to be slow, and then often require repetition and ~ gradual ~ repatterning. Mantras and meditations and practices designed to allow us to experience ourselves as we truly are now are what seem to most readily allow for these changes to take place in us. But they take regular discipline.

So if you are someone who thinks of themselves as small, physically, but are now a big guy, it will take time to make the change to the new sense of yourself physically. Consider starting each day by taking a few minutes to witness your body in a full length mirror, naked. Perhaps have a few pictures of yourself, as you used to look, next to it, for comparative purposes... so you can truly see that you are now bigger (or thinner, or whatever) than you once were. Feel this awareness in your muscles, perhaps by stretching and moving your body. Feel its weight, its size. Feel how it now moves differently than it used to, because of this.

Now go into your day, attempting to maintain this awareness while you go about your business. You will of course forget, as anything requiring a quick/instant reaction on your part will re-trigger the reptile, and anything requiring significant thought (the truly human part of the brain) will also distract you from it as well. When you notice you've become distracted, take a minute or so when you can to again feel into the size of your body, and to remember that morning's mirror meditation. Try to maintain this awareness for longer periods of time and/or to remember this new big-body awareness more and more frequently, each day.

If you follow this practice every day for a month, I think you will find yourself walking about the world with a much truer sense of your body's size and the impact it has on the world.

This practice, of course, can be applied to anything we feel needs to be "updated" about ourselves, not just our physical size. It can be a highly useful way of coming to terms with ourselves, boosting our self-acceptance and sense of self worth, etc.

[niko777]

Thanks for your comments, guys! I'll keep it up for sure, 1bigwoof! Monstermusclebe, your comment is very complete, thank you! I'll try your techniques, there is no doubt about it! I think I really need to stop seeing myself as I was before.

[showoff4me]

Originally Posted by niko777

Hi guys,

If you follow my progress on my thread, you know that I'm 5'11, weight 220 pounds with a 44.5" chest and 17.5" cold biceps. I guess we could say I'm not a small guy.

I work in a warehouse and I got recently transfered to a sector where I didn't work before, so I work with people I don't really now. So today, I was minding my own business when I saw a guy in front of me calling another worker and searching for him. The guy he was searching was behind me, and when he replied, they both started laughing. I was like "wtf?" Then, the first guy said to the second "No wonder I couldn't see you, you were hidden by the big guy in front of you!" while looking at me. Thinking he was talking about someone else, I looked behind me. There was nobody. They were both amazed by the fact that I'm tall and wide enough to completely hide the second worker, who is not a small guy either.

That was a cool experience. However, because of my reaction (I thought they were talking about someone else), I realized that I was a big guy with a small guy inside. Even now, I think I don't see myself as big as I really am, or as big as others see me. I know that there are big guys on this forum, so I would like to know some things. When did you really started feeling big? Are there others like me who still feel small? Do you have tricks to fully embody your big size without feeling arrogant? I hope what I wrote makes some sense... lol.

Take care,

Niko777

I think I know what you mean...at 5'11" I was 180 or so 10 years ago. My mom is just over 5'2" and petite--my dad is 6'1" and 170 something. I am 225-230 now, but when I was working out at Anytime Fitness on the road one late night (I was there solo--nobody else in the gym but me), I saw this big guy out of the corner of my eye heading for the water fountain the same time I was. I slowed my pace to let him go first--and saw that he was doing the same--and wearing the same color tank top. Durr--okay, it was me. I am a shy guy and certainly no alpha male. And also pretty clueless, so it isn't that much of a surprise when the same thing happened a few months later. When people refer to me as "big guy" I assume I didn't hear correctly, or that they meant someone else.

[raven79]

Showoff, that is actually kind of funny that you slowed down and figured out it was you. Strange, but funny! You were in the gym by yourself? Hmmm..... ! Did you check yourself out in the mirror?

[TopHeavy]

I've been working out a long time now, but I still find it very difficult to see myself as I really am. At 5' 10" and 210lbs, 48" chest with arms about 18" cold, I know I'm not a small guy, but the way I feel varies a lot. Often when I arrive at the gym, I look in the mirror and think I look like I've never lifted a weight in my life, but by the end of the workout I think I'm looking big. I know that being pumped up does make the muscles bigger, but not *that* much.

I also had an experience where I didn't recognise myself in the mirror for a second. There were two mirrored walls at 90? to each other, so I was looking at a reflection of a reflection of myself out of the corner of my eye, and I thought "that guy's got big arms. I wish mine were like that". It was a good moment when I realised.

[niko777]

Nice mirror experiences, guys! I completely understand what you mean, TopHeavy, when you say "By the end of the workout, I think I'm looking big". It's as if my lifts and my pump are the proof that I have the right to feel big, lol.

Yesterday, I was working and a co-worker came to me to talk. She's a good friend of mine and studying in clothes design, so she has the eye for clothes. It's hot in the warehouse I work in, but we have a kinda of "dressing code", or whatever, so I can't put a wifebeater and shorts, if you see what I mean, so I had a Large unbuttonned shirt with a t-shirt under it. Anyways, she came to me, and was like "Dude, your shirt is not even fitting you!" I asked what she meant and she showed me: she tried to button the shirt at the level of my chest and when she finally succeeded, it was like the button was gonna pop! She then said "Listen, you are big and buff. You should dress like a big guy". I was kinda shy and felt dumb, because I hadn't realized I was too big to button it, since I was wearing it unbottonned. Lol.

So yeah, it was a cool experience, and now I'm gonna buy new clothes, maybe in XL!

Take care guys,

Niko777

[raven79]

TopHeavy, if I saw you in the gym, I would notice you right away because you are really big and thick and actually quite good looking too. (I'm not you though, so I understand your predicament!) We all have that self-conscious way about us don't we?

[TopHeavy]

Thanks, raven.
It's as though the way I feel changes the way I look, rather than the other way around. Weird.