When People Stare

[bulkybud]

Tried to delete this, it seems to be the wrong kind of message for this forum, but the forum won't let me.

I was basically saying that I was being stared at in a grocery store when I showed up in a tank top after a great tricep workout. Two of the young male employees were staring at my arms and whispering and I felt a bit uncomfortable.

Lots of people read it, but no one responded, so I was guessing that it was the wrong kind of thread for this forum and tried, unsuccessfully, to delete it.

Sorry about the confusion,

Bulkybud.

[Mdlftr]

Hey Bulkybud,
I don't think mentioning an experience where people notice your build is at all inappropriate here -- hey, it IS a "Muscle growth forum" after all!

I had a good experience myself recently. I was at a family reunion for my wife's family, when her nephew, who's in his mid 30s, saw me and said, "Hey, you've been working out!"

Felt good, especially since I was wearing a fairly concealing short sleeved shirt at the time! Surely is motivating to hit the gym again!

Mdlftr - loving the muscle growth!

[bulkybud]

Thanks, Mdlftr!

Why I posted it was that somehow this was not the wonderful experience I had envisioned- it was a little creepy. Not sure why.

Maybe it was because they were strangers, most of the comments I'd gotten were from friends and family. Perhaps I'm not quite comfortable with the change from being the fat guy no one noticed to have enough muscle to get attention.

This experience just wasn't all that I expected.

Bulkybud.

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by bulkybud

Thanks, Mdlftr!

Why I posted it was that somehow this was not the wonderful experience I had envisioned- it was a little creepy. Not sure why.

Maybe it was because they were strangers, most of the comments I'd gotten were from friends and family. Perhaps I'm not quite comfortable with the change from being the fat guy no one noticed to have enough muscle to get attention.

This experience just wasn't all that I expected.

Bulkybud.

Bulkybud,
You have a point. Maybe the really uncomfortable aspect of this was that you did not know what they were actually saying. You could tell that they were talking about you, but you did not know what they said. In a circumstance like that, anyone's imagination could easily run to conjuring all sorts of comments, from "Man, he's jacked!" to "Look at that dweeb - who does he think he's kidding!"

Go with "Man, he's jacked!" After all, that's what the family and friends are saying - to your face, and they know you "before" and "after" as a point of comparison. Maybe next time the onlookers will be brave enough to actually comment to you directly. After all, how many of us have seen a really impressive dude or girl and said to our bud nearby, "Whoa, man! Check THAT out!" Very seldom are people then going to come over and go, "Hey, dude, my friend here and I were just checking you out and we noticed that you're JACKED!" Most people would think to themselves: "..and this is the part where the big dude takes out my front teeth!"

Enjoy the props!

~ and KEEP lifting!

Mdlftr

[SouthernSuitor]

Also, some of us are shy in our admiration. I'd love to work up the courage to walk up to a fellow and say, "Sir, it's wonderful to see somebody taking such great care of their body. You look stunning." Unfortunately, I live in a part of the country where it's still not quite safe for one guy to complement another so frankly. That, and men in general tend not to be frank.

The message I get here is that "ordinary" guys like me need to be either discreet or polite. If all you can say is "DUDE, that dude is JACKED ZOMG BBQ" etc., then perhaps it's best to keep quiet about your admiration. On the other hand, if you find yourself taken with the sight of someone who works out, a well-placed complement is never in poor taste. In either situation, a little respect goes a long way.

I think, BulkyBud, that you need to be proud of living the dream. If there are some guys who are too rude or insecure to complement you correctly, that's their problem. I am pretty sure there were some gals and guys in that store who were very, very happy that you opted for the tanktop, even if they didn't let you know.

[Cryptic]

As a guy who's recently gotten 'big' (still not big enough), I've had the same experiences. There's not many people around where I live that take care of themselves, and even fewer try to get to a competitive level with their physiques. I can tell you, the staring does creep you out a bit at first because you're just not used to the attention. But keep this in mind: most people don't have the dedication and discipline to develop their bodies beyond the "norm". (around my town, most don't have the dedication and discipline to even keep the "nom") By developing your physique, you're going to stand out. That's why most of us bodybuilders do what we do - because not everyone can and will.

If it makes things seem better, I was recently on a cross country trip and passed through several airports. I had the stares, but I also had people who came up to me and were very complementary. A couple were convinced that I was a football player, i guess for the NFL or something. Generally, people stare because they don't know what to do - they're nervous because muscle intimidates some people. You're nervous because the attention is all new, you're not used to standing out, and strangers are taking notice of you. The two perspectives combine into an uncomfortable situation for you and them. When I see "stare-ers", I usually just flash a kind smile, and head on my way. Let the attention and the fact you're getting it just push you harder in the gym!

[arpeejay]

As usual:

Stats, dammit, stats!

Pix, dammit, pix!

xoxo

Richard

[bulkybud]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts on this!


Done a little reflecting on it and came up with few conclusions:


1. I?m certainly going to keep working out- especially now when I?m making some real gains for once. I?m breaking personal bests in almost all of my lifts and I?m sticking with it! So I'm going to have to deal with this issue as it's only going to get worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint).

2. Mdlftr hit a sensitive spot, ?What if they think I?m a dweeb?? Well, then that?s what they think and I?m not going to worry about it. (However, my pride is such that I noticed two other guys in the store wearing tank tops and they didn?t cause a stare or a comment.)

3. SouthernSuitor had a point. Next time I see someone who has a good physique I?m going to try to compliment them on their hard work. I?ve spent most of my life being the ?stare-er? and a little while as the ?stare-ee? has been very educational. There is still this huge bodybuilder at my gym and it?s hard not to stare at 20??+ guns. (I have chatted with him- nice guy.)

4. And I?m going to follow Cryptic?s advice- smile and head on my way.

Bulkybud

[Mdlftr]

...this afternoon I was working out at my gym. Sunday, mid to late afternoon, late July --1. there are not a lot of people in the gym to start with. 2. Most of them are just ordinary people, neither "WHOA" or "AUGGH, my Eyes!". 3. There were a handful of people who stood out, mostly because we were more "built" than everyone else, and we had the chest-waist taper going, as well as the trim waist and decent arms. 4. For purposes of this story, I will modestly include myself in this group, in large part to efforts of my trainer. There were two other guys: a short asian guy, late 20s, thick, wearing a black tank top, which nicely set off his arms and chest. He was about 5'6", maybe 140# or so. There was me, 6'3" and 206#, tall, broad shouldered, wearing a white sleeveless workout shirt from Underarmour which looks GREAT on me and makes me look pretty decent, and an African American guy, mid to late 30s, about 6'1" or so, HYOOGE arms, decent pecs, nice v-taper and overall "built". I've seen him in there before, benching some serious iron.


We all three passed each other at one point in the gym. We make brief eye contact. The African American guy gives me the scan, up and down the torso, checking me out. He and the asian guy see each other, smile in that way that people who see each other in the gym a lot do, and moved on.

Checked, assessed, sorted and acknowledged. No words were exchanged during any of this.

That's Sunday afternoon at the gym!

[msllover]

Wow you felt uncomfortable w/ them talking about you and staring? To be honest bud, I'd probably be doing the same thing. :P

[bulkybud]

Today:

Sitting pounding a protein shake in the changing room of the gym and this guy I see there from time to time comes in to use the scale. We get to talking and I mention that I've only lost 10 lbs in two years.

He says, "But you've gained a lot of muscle. You weren't this big a year ago."

THAT was very cool and gets me inspired to keep lifting.

So I'm guessing that the difference is that in this case I knew what was being said about me and at the store the other day I didn't and it bugged me.

My conclusion? Grow a thicker skin and move on. I'm happy with what's happening to me and that's the important part.

From 'Rocky Horror'...

Janet: "I don't like a man with too many muscles."

Frank-n-furter: "Well, I didn't make him for YOU!"

Bulkybud

[monstermusclebe]

Though it isn't true that muscle weighs more than fat ( 5 lbs of fat = 5 lbs of muscle ), it IS true that muscle is more dense than fat. So the same weight in muscle will have you look thinner or leaner than the same weight in fat.

Muscle density is 1.06 g/ml and fat density is (about) 0.9 g/ml. Thus, one liter of muscle would weight 1.06 kg and one liter of fat would weight 0.9 kg. In other words, muscle is about 18% more dense than fat. Muscle also needs significantly more energy than fat i.e. you need to eat more to maintain the same amount of weight, lb for lb between muscle and fat.

Here's a picture of 5 lbs of fat vs. 5 lbs of muscle:

http://www.longevityclubs.com/PHOTOS...s_muscle_2.jpg

So if you weigh the same as you used to, or 10 lbs less, but have more muscle, you will look leaner.

[bulkybud]

Originally Posted by monstermusclebe

... So if you weigh the same as you used to, or 10 lbs less, but have more muscle, you will look leaner.

That is true. I've had to go up a shirt size to XXL but the waist of most of my jeans are loose.

Family has said that my bulk has moved from my waist up to my shoulders.

That's why I love tank tops- they show off the upper body and hide the waist.

Bulkybud

[Ragetiger]

I'm still shy about tanktops, it's my gut that destracts most. Seems that I got a view stares not too long ago, was in my gym attire at the mall. I gave a short snort as I passed by the food court. You could hear them shuffling back, sounds echo pretty badly in there.

[bulkybud]

Originally Posted by Ragetiger

I'm still shy about tanktops, it's my gut that destracts most.

DARK colored tank tops- black or navy blue. I get the best comments when I'm wearing those. People see the traps, pecs, delts, and arms and the waist just isn't noticed.

I said that I am going to start losing fat and I was suggested to have a half pound loss of body weight per week as a goal.

At that rate I'll be seeing my abs somewhere in 2013.

Bulkybud.

[stronguns]

Originally Posted by bulkybud

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts on this!


Done a little reflecting on it and came up with few conclusions:


1. I?m certainly going to keep working out- especially now when I?m making some real gains for once. I?m breaking personal bests in almost all of my lifts and I?m sticking with it! So I'm going to have to deal with this issue as it's only going to get worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint).

2. Mdlftr hit a sensitive spot, ?What if they think I?m a dweeb?? Well, then that?s what they think and I?m not going to worry about it. (However, my pride is such that I noticed two other guys in the store wearing tank tops and they didn?t cause a stare or a comment.)

3. SouthernSuitor had a point. Next time I see someone who has a good physique I?m going to try to compliment them on their hard work. I?ve spent most of my life being the ?stare-er? and a little while as the ?stare-ee? has been very educational. There is still this huge bodybuilder at my gym and it?s hard not to stare at 20??+ guns. (I have chatted with him- nice guy.)

4. And I?m going to follow Cryptic?s advice- smile and head on my way.

Bulkybud

I love the stares. I mow my lawn with my shirt off using a self-propelled push mower with the self propelled feature turned off. Makes it harder to push. After an hour I'm really pumped and the muscle in my chest, back and arms really showing the definition and veins. Amazing how many times a car will slow or stop and I see them watching...

[Ragetiger]

Originally Posted by bulkybud

DARK colored tank tops- black or navy blue. I get the best comments when I'm wearing those. People see the traps, pecs, delts, and arms and the waist just isn't noticed.

I said that I am going to start losing fat and I was suggested to have a half pound loss of body weight per week as a goal.

At that rate I'll be seeing my abs somewhere in 2013.

Bulkybud.

Hopefully I can find some I like, heavy cotton don't work for me. If I can get it as a lightweight polyester it should be perfect. That's what most of my muscle shirts are made with.

[Mdlftr]

Originally Posted by Ragetiger

Hopefully I can find some I like, heavy cotton don't work for me. If I can get it as a lightweight polyester it should be perfect. That's what most of my muscle shirts are made with.

UnderArmour is great -- it wicks away moisture/sweat, comes in a variety of colors, and is very flattering!

I agree about the dark colors for the tanktops or sleeveless shirts. The dark color showcases your traps, delts, tris and bis -- very flattering!

Also, some tan at this summer time of year helps also!

Mdlftr

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by stronguns

I love the stares. I mow my lawn with my shirt off using a self-propelled push mower with the self propelled feature turned off. Makes it harder to push. After an hour I'm really pumped and the muscle in my chest, back and arms really showing the definition and veins. Amazing how many times a car will slow or stop and I see them watching...

I would love to drive through your neighborhood and stare, too! Great visual

[dodoria21]

i've had a couple stares so far, but those were people I knew. I'm not really sure how I'd react to strangers staring. I used to be crazy self-conscious whenever I was out in public, no matter what I wore. Winter was great cuz I could wear big, loose clothes that hid everything.

I too still have a gut that I want gone, but my arms and shoulders have really taken off since I started working out, so I've taken to wearing tank tops more often that show it off. I've gotten comments from family, especially while I work out. And a few times I decided to venture to the store or somewhere wearing the tank. I didn't really try to notice if anyone stared, but I think I would really get into it if I noticed people staring. It's funny because I know how self-conscious I was, but I guess that's just dropping away now and I don't really care. The muscle is there now and can be seen, so why not show it off?

Now, say if someone stares, then follows... that would be creepy

[Ragetiger]

Originally Posted by Mdlftr

UnderArmour is great -- it wicks away moisture/sweat, comes in a variety of colors, and is very flattering!

I agree about the dark colors for the tanktops or sleeveless shirts. The dark color showcases your traps, delts, tris and bis -- very flattering!

Also, some tan at this summer time of year helps also!

Mdlftr

Only problem I have with underarmour is the cost, most places love to charge 20-30 dollars for some. I do the cheap thing and pick up champion and allstar from target and walmart. Might be cheaper but the ones I do have been holding well against my frame. They are dryfit so they behave the same way.

Might have to brave it one day and wear a stretch muscle shirt. That's gonna give me some stares and looks.

[WhoDunIt]

I get a few stares fro time to time, usually it's kids that just stare at me (not sure why for them though), some adults that although I have been cruised a couple times in one night...awkwardly, it was at a interstate/tollway "oasis" (rest area with a few fast food places) while eating dinner with my folks and sister, I was kinda flattered, but it was awkward feeling being with family and all.

[bigun]

So far the best comment I've had was from my father, "Son, if you get any bigger, I'll have to hitch a plow to you." I like it when people stare, I know that they are silently affirming my hugeness.

[SWMassMan]

Originally Posted by Ragetiger

Only problem I have with underarmour is the cost, most places love to charge 20-30 dollars for some. I do the cheap thing and pick up champion and allstar from target and walmart. Might be cheaper but the ones I do have been holding well against my frame. They are dryfit so they behave the same way.

Might have to brave it one day and wear a stretch muscle shirt. That's gonna give me some stares and looks.

Try the Goodwill or a local thrift store...I've never paid more than 5 bucks or so for underarmour at one of these. Ross, TJMaxx, and Marshalls also has it new for around half price or less.

[bulkybud]

Was working yesterday afternoon at a friend's house and in this weather all the of the men had their shirts off and pretty soon I joined them.

The host's wife came out to tell us dinner was almost ready and when I was talking to her I watched her eyes meet mine, then look down at my pecs, then up to my eyes, then down to the pecs... up and down, up and down.

So when her eyes dropped again I did a pec flex and her eyes snapped up to my face in surprise and I laughed and made a joke and we both smiled.

I think I'm pretty much over the staring issue.

Bulkybud.

[1bigwoof]

Originally Posted by bulkybud

Was working yesterday afternoon at a friend's house and in this weather all the of the men had their shirts off and pretty soon I joined them.

The host's wife came out to tell us dinner was almost ready and when I was talking to her I watched her eyes meet mine, then look down at my pecs, then up to my eyes, then down to the pecs... up and down, up and down.

So when her eyes dropped again I did a pec flex and her eyes snapped up to my face in surprise and I laughed and made a joke and we both smiled.

I think I'm pretty much over the staring issue.

Bulkybud.

SWEET POST! Congrats, Bulkybud.

[arpeejay]

Originally Posted by bulkybud

I think I'm pretty much over the staring issue.

Bulkybud.

Good! Now post some pix! :-)

xoxo

Richard