telling others about your muscle fetish

[dodoria21]

So outside of this place, are there others in your life who you've shared your love of muscle with?

I wanted to talk about this because I have one friend now that I've told. Here's the story:

I have a friend (let's call him Bob) who I've known now for 8 years. We used to live together in an apartment near college with other friends. He was in the closet while we lived together, but I knew back then he was gay. Since I have this muscle fetish, there were many pictures and videos on my computer which showed muscle. I was always careful to keep all this concealed since at that time my fetish still was a source of great awkwardness for me. I guess along the way I left something open on my computer and Bob saw it.

Fast forward a few years. We aren't living in that apartment anymore and our lives have basically started a new chapter. Bob came out to everyone, which was great for him. About eight months ago, Bob sent me an IM and basically confronted me about what he had seen on my computer. He was convinced that I was in the closet and he wanted to help me accept that. I admit at the time I was fairly confused myself. I still hadn't fully explored this site, so I was still at odds with my fetish and figuring out what it all means, so I became pretty desperate in explaining that I was NOT in the closet. I suppose in ways I was speaking to myself as much as Bob in that I brought up instances where I was very much attracted to some girl and pursued her. Of course nothing convinced him, and I really wasn't very convincing because truth be told, I didn't know. After awhile Bob sort of gave up but told me he would always be there for me to talk to.

So of course since that time I started posting here more and opening up to everyone, and I've come to understand my fetish, and I also get that it's perfectly normal to be a straight man and have these kind of interests.

So last night I decided to talk to Bob about all this since he did see things on my computer once and came to me about it. I felt I owed him an explanation. I don't think he really understood though. He basically feels if I'm attracted to muscle, I'm attracted to guys. He was also kind of drunk, and when he gets like that, he takes over the conversation and I could barely get a word in edgewise. I did say I suppose I have bi tendencies in that I wouldn't mind a guy who's into muscle like I am worshiping me, and that just fueled his stance I guess. He almost was to the point where he was forcing his attraction to guys onto me. He was practically pleading with me to try doing something with a guy and that it would be so great. At one point he even said to go to his place and try it out on him... Thankfully he quickly noted that that was inappropriate. It seemed whenever I stated again that I do have this fetish, but for all other purposes I'm attracted to women he would just say "oy" or something as if he felt he wasn't getting through to me. The fact was I wasn't getting through to him. He tried creating scenarios that I could find myself in and asked if I'd enjoy them. Any answer I gave didn't seem to matter. It basically ended with him saying "*sigh*" and then going to bed, as if he gave up for now. So I guess he is still pretty convinced I'm in the closet. I'd like to catch him at a time when he's not drunk so that he's not so pushy and tell him to just shut up and listen for a bit. We're part of the same close circle of friends from college so we're always bound to hang out when we all get together, so I'd really like for this not to damage our friendship, but I am not a fan of him impressing his views onto me like it's going to change my mind. he apologized this morning and I told him to feel free and ask me other questions about this, but then I don't know if he got what "this" even is, so I guess we'll see what comes of it.


Anyone else have experiences with sharing your muscle likes with others? Good or bad experiences? Any advice about it would be great, but mostly I just wanted to share this with the forum since this is my only outlet on these kind of things.

[dominicrue]

It sounds like to me that your friend is having trouble seeing beyond his own experiences. Our fetish (especially for straight guys) isn't black and white gay or straight like your friend is trying to make it. I'm assuming your love for muscle stems for a want to grow huge yourself. You don't get off on other guys, you get off on yourself. that's a totally different mind set than finding other guys hot. and when it comes down to it, it's a fantasy. in reality you want to be with a women. sure you want to be huge and with women but that doesn't make you gay.

[niko777]

I never told anybody around me about my fetish. I feel they wouldn't understand how a straight guy can have a muscle fetish, lol... Once, when I was a teenager, I was in my room on my computer and watching muscle guys pictures, imagining it was me, and I had forgotten to lock the door. My dad just opened and saw me, looking at muscular guys pictures. He was like "WTF?!?!" and I told him I was studying anatomy for my drawings (which was not a lie, by the way, hahaha, even if my drawings were not extraordinary) and he accepted that. And from that day, he never entered my room without knocking and waiting my answer, lol. And we never talked about what happenned.

So yeah, it's my little secret. It sucks that your friend doesn't seem like a great listener! He's clearly pushing his way of thinking on you. I think that if you come to him and explain him simply and clearly (when he's not drunk), he'll understand you. Maybe. Lol. Me, however, I don't see how people around me could understand. They are all like super regular people with regular lives and desires, lol. My 18 years old brother even got married like 2 months ago! So I'm pretty much like the black sheep with my fetish... damn.

[raven79]

I have to comment on this. I am not straight, but I totally understand the dilemma that these guys deal with. The fact that you look at muscle guys bodies may actually stem from the fact that you aspire to look like them, not have sex with them. Deep down, you want to physically feel strong, confident, look good, have big arms, a large chest, a set of abs, have great legs, nice calves, etc. (Wow, this is going in fantasy territory for me! He he! )

The problem is, do you have the willpower to actually attempt such a feat? The majority of guys don't, but there is that small percentage that eventually says yes and they do it. (Examples: Lorenzo Becker, Aaron Clark, Brian Irmiter, Mahmoud Al-Durrah (Durrah1986))

Those four guys literally started out with no muscles whatsoever and just willed themselves to succeed in jaw-dropping ways. Durrah's inspiration was Dragon Ball Z because he was a massive anime lover when he was a teenager. (If you haven't seen him, go visit him on YouTube. You won't regret it. He is phenomenally beautiful and is a great human being.)

[dodoria21]

Yes i am like the other straight guys here in that i look at muscular guys but its mostly out of a desire to look like them. I do have my growth fantasies so i will picture guys going through forced muscle growth. Recently i have begun getting serious about working out so i am on my way to making my fantasies come true. I guess for bob he has seen what he saw on my computer and just doesnt think a straight guy would have that on his computer. There were times in my life where i almost tried being gay in ways by watching a porn video or something, but of course that wasnt arousing. I will try explaining it again to bob but if he keeps up with telling me all i have to do is try being with a guy then i'll have to just tell him this isnt something we can talk about.

[Mdlftr]

I've commented on this string before. It is helpful to have this place to talk about wanting to be muscular and admiring other guys who are muscular without being made to feel as if you either are gay or should be. There has been a lot of attention paid in the last 30 years about how tough women and girls have it and how they have to compete in a world ruled by men and so and so on.

Nowadays, all professions are open to women, more women are in college than men, numerically, and professional schools are full of women candidates. Is it any wonder that men are looking for their maie identity? Big, bulging strong muscles are one definite marker of maleness. That is definitely a source of the appeal.

"Becoming a man" is something that all societies have addressed and had stages or rules for. Going to war, getting a job, starting a family, being responsible, being a problem solver, being good at sports or at least being a member of the team, etc. etc. Now that these are no longer the exclusive domain of men, we have to find something that helps to define us.

Wanting and having and working to build big, strong muscles is one of those male markers on a very basic level.

Yes, I think it is that simple as to the appeal of big muscles.

Mdlftr

[raven79]

Mdlftr, you have such a sexy mind! One of the most attractive muscles we have is the brain. (If you consider it a muscle! )

[DarkM]

Originally Posted by raven79

I have to comment on this. I am not straight, but I totally understand the dilemma that these guys deal with. The fact that you look at muscle guys bodies may actually stem from the fact that you aspire to look like them, not have sex with them. Deep down, you want to physically feel strong, confident, look good, have big arms, a large chest, a set of abs, have great legs, nice calves, etc. (Wow, this is going in fantasy territory for me! He he! )

The problem is, do you have the willpower to actually attempt such a feat? The majority of guys don't, but there is that small percentage that eventually says yes and they do it. (Examples: Lorenzo Becker, Aaron Clark, Brian Irmiter, Mahmoud Al-Durrah (Durrah1986))

Those four guys literally started out with no muscles whatsoever and just willed themselves to succeed in jaw-dropping ways. Durrah's inspiration was Dragon Ball Z because he was a massive anime lover when he was a teenager. (If you haven't seen him, go visit him on YouTube. You won't regret it. He is phenomenally beautiful and is a great human being.)

I completely agree with you Raven. I guess its a matter of people closing their minds to the fact that this world is filled with many different people that make up a huge spectrum, if you will, of personalities. What I mean is there are more varieties of personalities in conjunction with sexual preference than most people think. I just assume it easier for people to just accept the stereotypes and then they don't have to think about it anymore. When they encounter a person who is not what they expect them to be or doesn't fit into a category of know territory then they fill in the blanks as best they can.

If the men out there whom wish to be bodybuilder work to reach that goal or just admire those who have, the confusion of others is just part of that lifestyle. Can you be strong enough to overcome that? Nothing is easy, but self confidence is the first step to a better you.

[EQQUS]

why dont you just show bob this thread or invite him to come to the site? he might like it or he mmight come to understand more about straight guys who love muscle

(I can only talk by myself an myself is GAY! so I can only guess)

[Shahrazad2]

Originally Posted by dominicrue

It sounds like to me that your friend is having trouble seeing beyond his own experiences. Our fetish (especially for straight guys) isn't black and white gay or straight like your friend is trying to make it. I'm assuming your love for muscle stems for a want to grow huge yourself. You don't get off on other guys, you get off on yourself. that's a totally different mind set than finding other guys hot. and when it comes down to it, it's a fantasy. in reality you want to be with a women. sure you want to be huge and with women but that doesn't make you gay.

I think I should point out that no sexuality, fetishes included, is black and white. With bisexuality, transgendered (actually, that brings up a point... are there any female-to-male bodybuilders?), gay guys who swear they'd do Kylie, straight women who make out with each other to attract guys, bromances, and asexuality, each person has his or her own point in the sexual spectrum.

[rippedspongebob]

I guess I'm more like Bob than I am like you.

A powerful muscular physique on a man is definitely a main tenet of masculinity. And a man being attracted to another man is gay. I just don't know how else to say it.

"But I like women!"

Do you? What if a huge bodybuilder presented himself as a man but was born a female (ftm transgender, post-op)? What if a bodybuilder was a woman who liked only to penetrate you with a strap-on? What if a really muscular powerlifter gal told you that she considers herself female but has opted against surgical reassignment and kept her cock and balls, and that makes her all the more muscular and powerful? What if your significant other wasn't strictly male or female?but born male and liked guys like you?and considered to be queer, but was everything that turned you on... what would that make you? What if you were dating a biological woman, but she was so pumped up with muscle and testosterone and steroids that she had an adam's apple and hair everywhere and an enlarged clitoris and deep voice and dominated you in every way, making you her b*tch? What if you marry a woman that you love but find that you are only sexually satisfied if you are having a 3-way with a muscular jock?

Not to mention questions about whether or not this idea that "but! i like women!" was implanted by society. We've all been programmed with certain ideas:

• there are two genders
• men look like this, women look like that
• men should be with women
• if you don't like women, you're gay
• if you're a man who likes men, you're gay
• being gay is terrible
• you should marry a woman
• you should have kids
• you should make your family/friends/work/church happy

And these are sometimes so subtle and so subconscious, merely guiding us even if we may openly feel the exact opposite to be true and are otherwise totally progressive, intelligent people. These things shape our behaviors and accumulate in our psyche.

I just think that some of the ideas that are purported in the social arenas of this forum are harmful because as fellow muscle-fetishists we *are* so supportive. I think it would be helpful for some to read this thread?perhaps they will feel more confident when they affirm that they are heterosexual but just like muscle. But for MANY more others, it is helping them rationalize themselves back into the trap of being closeted and in denial. How many more weeks, months, or years will reading these things set them back in their delusions?

We all know there can be an INCREDIBLE disconnect between fetish and reality. Some people take an entire lifetime to admit to themselves that they have a fetish and accept it for what it is, let alone telling others or acting it out in reality. I think that is incredibly sad, and it frustrates me to see a potential here for closeted gay and bisexual men to keep themselves in denial by rationalizing away the meaning of their fetishization of muscular men. Not only for their sake, but for the women (and families) that they hurt by denying the truth.

I don't think everyone who likes muscle (on men, or on women) is necessarily gay or bisexual, but I do think the vast, vast majority are. And they will read this and undoubtedly some will say things like "but anal sex is so gross!" or "in my fantasies there are no penises!" etc. That is internalized homophobia and social behavior-shaping for you... but just ask yourself if there are bouncy boobies and voluptuous vulvas spread open with your tongue in your fantasies before you scream that you love the ladyparts. And hopefully, SOME of you won't spend another 5 years in the closet.

[suma]

The only place i'm truly comfortable talking about my fetish is places like this, chat rooms, and forums with like-minded people.

All thru my life, whether within straight or gay circles I could never truly reveal my deep love for muscles. Never understood why I felt this way, other people are totally ok with announcing their love for big boobs, blonds, red heads, or other ethnic groups, guys with moustaches, even guys that like fat chicks.
But for me, the idea of liking muscle and lots of it was so embarassing and I just couldn't let people know that.

at its worst, not now tho, I had been with a very muscular guy or two, and I wouldn't really tell him how I loved his muscles so much.

[arpeejay]

People know that I'm interested in bodybuilding. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm hot for muscles. All you have to do is peruse my Facebook page to figure that out (should take about 5 minutes.)

That said, I don't usually talk about the extent to which I'm muscle-obsessed. In my case, it definitely IS a fetish, ergo sexual, and I'm not inclined to talk about my innermost sexual desires unless I'm in bed with someone (or in a venue where that sort of discourse is normal, e.g., a chat room.) Even with partners it can be hard to discuss, although it's certainly gotten easier over the years.

Suma's comments certainly hit home inasmuch as I did feel that way (i.e., "so embarassing and I just couldn't let people know that") for most of my life; it wasn't until after I came out (at age 35) that I was willing to broach the subject and then rather tentatively. Of course, most gay guys are apt to say, "you like big muscles? Wow! Who doesn't?!" So it that regard it's easier.

I will say it was extremely cool, especially through the Forum and the various venues that preceded it, that there were other people just as muscle-obsessed (and that our shared obsession comes in many different flavors.) It's not weird, abnormal, or unnatural, no more so than a fascination with big boobs, big butts, or big dicks.

Hope this helps!

xoxo

Richard

[rosco]

So well said suma and arpeejay - the inner desire to appreciate muscle is difficult to explain to others, but well understood by like-minded people. That's why this site is so much appreciated. I for one hope we can continue to share our fetish - keeps those amazing bodies coming!

[raven79]

On here, being open about your muscle obsession is appreciated and understood. Everyone on here is in the same camp and you realize that you are not alone.

A lot of the guys joining this forum lately are the ones that we used to just talk about. These guys actually are the muscle fantasies and are looking for the worshippers, which is quite exciting. I won't name them, but I think a few of them know who they are.

[anpuZA]

Me? I'm not shy about telling others I like muscle. In fact some of the straight guys
I know sometimes flex off / do stuff to show off - knowing full well I appreciate it- and some of them have actually "skirted" an encounter by getting me to "semi-worship" their physiques. And at least one of them got a hard on from it so I guess 1 out of 5 isn't a bad number for muscular guys having a muscle fetish...

^^

[dodoria21]

Originally Posted by rippedspongebob

stuff

It's been awhile since I started this topic. You do make good points, and I am sure your right that the vast majority rationalizes themselves into social traps. However, asserting that one is just rationalizing is also a form of a social trap. The social trap I see is the need to label everything as gay straight or bi, and therein lies the trap for straight guys like me who enjoy muscle. We enjoy muscle so we must be at least bi right? I prefer saying that everyone has their things that turn them on and that's that. No further analysis needed. The only thing required is for them to accept who they are and love themselves.

Truthfully, the things you described that may turn me on. Like bodybuilders who went from female to male, and all of that really weirds me out. And that's not me being afraid to admit anything. It's genuinely not for me. I find nothing attractive about any of the scenarios you described. That's just me. I find muscle a turn on because of what it represents. Power. Domination. Being an alpha. I will say that a muscular guy is attractive due to the power he has and his willingness to use it in whatever endeavors. I crave it for myself, therefore I workout and build my own muscle so I can have that power. Yes, if me building muscle turns on a guy, that turns me on, because I think it's one thing to attract a female, but being able to attract another guy is a huge display of alpha dominance.

Not going to go into detail, but I explored whether me liking muscle made me bi or not. I wanted to experiment just so I could gain clarity of mind. While turning a guy on and having him be physically and basically sexually into my muscles was hot, whenever it turned truly sexual I was turned off. It wasn't out of fear o letting myself feel some truth about myself. I just didn't find it sexually attractive. Now, let me exert dominance over a woman, and I'm gonna wanna take her and do all sorts of dirty things to her. What can I say? This is me. Yes, an ideal woman for me will most likely be one who gets very turned on by big muscles so that she can fully satisfy my need to feel muscular and powerful. But I don't need or want some relationship with a muscular guy to satisfy any deeper cravings. I'll continue to find a muscular man attractive in ways, but the simple truth is I remain fully sexually attracted to females. Not muscular females. Not females who changed into male bodybuilders. Not bodybuilders who feel female. Just give me a pretty brunette with nice curves who loves to have me flex for her and I'll be a happy man.

Whatever else others wish to analyze about that is fine. I know myself now. And I like myself. And that's all I need in order to move forward in life.

[arpeejay]

Oh, yeah, that part!

I really didn't know whether I was gay or just hopelessly addicted to (and aroused by) the idea of being a big muscle guy. It wasn't wanting to have sex with one, it was wanting to be one.

I ended up getting married to a woman and a year later, yeah, I knew. I was gay. The "tapes" (as I called them, referring to the mental imagery that came to me during arousal) didn't go away. And, yes, I figured it out eventually (but it took a long time.)

Glad you've figured it out, Do! It's a good thing!

All the best & xoxo...

Richard

[Stoneman]

I don't like to tell others about my fetish due to my failure to have grown any big muscles myself. Exposing your desires like that is exposing a very sensitive area for people to jab at.

If I had actually succeeded in developing a man's body by now I imagine I would be quite open about my interest in big men. As it is, it's just humiliating. ("Oh, you want a bigger guy to take care of you?")

[suma]

Originally Posted by dodoria21

...

T Power. Domination. Being an alpha... Yes, if me building muscle turns on a guy, that turns me on, because I think it's one thing to attract a female, but being able to attract another guy is a huge display of alpha dominance.

Just give me a pretty brunette with nice curves who loves to have me flex for her and I'll be a happy man.

dodoria, this is so HOT, you got me sweating!
why aren't all straight men like you LOL
wouldn't mind at all being a voyeur when you have sex with your woman.

[charliepanayi]

I have only ever told my best friend - he is not into muscle himself, but does have his own fetishes, so he understands it. I wouldn't tell anyone else though.

[Rarity]

It's a fetish, so you don't tell anyone who's not your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. Fetishes are ultimately something that stays behind closed doors or within a very small circle. Topics like this can occur in real life, and fetishes are basically ANYTHING, so people would understand. Muscle fetish - as in, wanting to be with a bigger guy with muscles - is probably very common. After all, muscles are a masculine trait. Now depending on the LEVEL of the muscle fetish, well, that may or may not be cause to never bring it up.

What I wanna know is, how many musclemen have a muscle fetish?

I also don't believe there's such a thing as a "straight" man, so any man having a muscle fetish is totally okay too since you aren't full-on-gay if you happen to like muscles. They can like muscles a lot, but maybe they prefer women more since women have, you know, vajayjays. They also have boobs, and erryone appreciates a good rack~

[musclegrowthdm]

My opinion is that it is a fantasy and a fetish. Everyone can tell their close friends or even their friends about such things. Gay men discuss leather and bondage over coffee, and I have been known to do the same with Muscle Growth (MG). I don't tell everyone, and I'm not an idiot (my personal opinion of course). I know how to guard myself against persecution. I think I've done a pretty damn good job of that.

I make sure I don't post my own personal crap on the web in a public domain, but in private discussions I'm more open. I have rules for my videos which keeps my confidentiality... and others... secure.

I think that if you take steps to guard yourself you can build yourself into a corner, and I don't want to do that. I'm safe, but I want to live my life. I don't want to feel fearful or anxious about something I LOVE.. literally LOVE. I don't feel that is healthy for me. I totally understand and empathize with the other stories from the others here. It isn't the most open fetish out there. In fact, I would say we are the minority in regards to the fetish world. I would like to change that, but as someone just recently told me, Rome wasn't built in a day.

[Aielyn]

Originally Posted by rippedspongebob

I guess I'm more like Bob than I am like you.

A powerful muscular physique on a man is definitely a main tenet of masculinity. And a man being attracted to another man is gay. I just don't know how else to say it.

"But I like women!"

Do you? ....

Once people realise that there are all sorts of people with all sorts of variations, the whole "straight vs gay vs bi" thing will go away entirely. People are too constrained by the labels.

Take me, for instance. I've recently realised something interesting about myself - I'm a straight guy who wouldn't have any problem with "gay" (that is, anal) sex with another guy, so long as I was the "bottom". How am I straight? Because the other guy doesn't turn me on at all - the part that interests me is the stimulation part.

When I visualise myself in such a situation, the other guy doesn't matter much - in fact, substitute it with a generic woman (no details) with a strap-on, and it has the same effect. On the other hand, I do visualise myself as being hot, muscular, etc. And when I see a strong, muscular guy, I'm not turned on... until I imagine myself as that strong, muscular guy.

Having said that, vaginal sex appeals strongly to me, and I have a very distinct mental image of what I seek in a woman - small and perky breasts, just enough fat to make them soft and feminine, independent, plus many other, minor factors (both physical and mental). Women that fit that description turn me on, even without any specific imagination.

The standard terms just aren't adequate for describing me. Even the more recent portmanteaus and other terms are inadequate. And I think that most people would try to pigeonhole me as either gay, straight, or bi, based on that description, mostly because society likes to pigeonhole, rather than recognising that vast spectrum of variations that can occur. Categorisation into "fetishes" has the same issue - it's just a way to pigeonhole, rather than recognising people individually.

And the flipside of that problem is that people tend to try to conform to the pigeonhole they've been put into, even though it's usually not a perfect fit, and oftentimes it's not a suitable fit at all. Don't let yourself be pigeonholed, find your own identity in all senses, through introspection, and don't let anyone else try to tell you what you are. The key, though, is the introspection - without truly looking within, and understanding yourself, you cannot escape the pigeonholes and, to stretch the metaphor, fly freely.

To be entirely honest, I think about 95% of people are "in the closet" in one way or another, thanks to the tendency of people to pigeonhole.